Is it too early to say that Big Brother is back? After two seasons of cast members who just voted with the majority and were afraid to make ripples, we are back with a household of schemers and hot heads. In last night’s episode, we saw a meltdown, an insurrection, and battle of egos. THIS is what we sign up for every season. Fingers crossed that it will only get better, not fizzle out like a shooting star.
Oh, Big Brother – how I love thee.
The most encouraging thing for me about last night’s live eviction was that I truly had no idea who would be voted out. I assumed it would be Frank. After all, he’s strong, likable, and a cornerstone of Boogie’s team. Then again, taking out Kara would put Dan at a major disadvantage with the house. How would it go?
Well, according to the video segments we saw, I was convinced it would be Frank. After all, why else would CBS air Team Janelle and Team Britney agreeing to send home Kara? Clearly, it was misdirection! Ah, but then things got all sorts of screwy. Britney noticed keyholes by the coach’s names, which suggested that they might join the game (please no — I love the coaching. Maybe coaches enter if their team is abolished?). Anyway, Britney shared this with Willie, who then got all paranoid and decided that the non-coaches (the pupils? students? newbies?) all had to play their own game and ignore anything their coaches had to say. Joe brushed this off, Wil made a plea for serenity, and the rest of the gang shared furtive glances.
Meanwhile, i was thrilled. Strategizing? Scheming? Insurrection? It’s felt like a decade since we last saw this on Big Brother. Well, Frank was not too thrilled with this meeting because he felt it had put him in danger (despite Willie’s assurances that he would do whatever he could to keep him in the house). Frank vented his frustration to Joe, who despite being super annoying in the Diary Room, has suddenly impressed me with early indications of being a cunning player. Joe then revealed that Willie had a plan to divide up the votes so as to throw the scent off the (already VERY obvious Janelle-Britney team alliance).
WELL. Dividing votes hardly seemed like Willie was living up to his promise to fight tooth and nail for Frank, and let’s not forget that Willie had already betrayed Frank’s trust by nominating him in the first place. Frank realized that there was no loyalty from Mr. Hantz, and so he began his own smear campaign. He happily declared that Willie had been mocking Wil’s effeminate voice, and then the game of telephone was on. Joe told Wil. Wil told Britney. And Britney told Willie.
However, Britney unwisely told Willie that he was a dead man walking, causing grave panic in the guy. She should have advised him to simply call up Wil and apologize (maybe she did, and that wasn’t aired). Instead, Willie went off on Frank, accusing him of yapping away to the house. At last, happy-go-lucky Frank snapped back and pretty much put Willie in his place, accusing him of being duplicitous and a bully. Somehow, Fruit Loops entered the discussion, and then Mike Boogie upped the ante by mentioning salmon. It was all weird and excellent, but sadly, I thought it might spell curtains for Frank, who has since become my favorite player.
Watching the live vote play out, it seemed as though my suspicions were right. But lo! They were wrong! The players did not necessarily follow party lines and kicked out Kara, which was good because she was boring as hell as a reality star. Frank survived, and we had our first suspenseful vote since who knows when. Even better, we had a classic turnabout in power as Frank then went on to win HOH, which means Willie’s days might be numbered. Or not.
A fantastic first eviction episode, and with Kara and Jodi out, we have two less wallflowers to get in the way. Huzzah!
“Good evening. I’m Julie Chen, and I’m still wearing maternity clothes.”
“Wait a second… is there an old Walkman up in my hair?”
“This week, I’ve decided to wear an oversized deli-counter ticket around my neck.”
“So… who wants to do the Macarena?”
“I think that if I had to choose anyone, my ideal husband would be… MAKEUP.”
“Yo… me and my GRRRL band — all we do is make NOISE!!!! As exemplified by my very quiet presence on this show.”
“Alright, somebody’s been eating my Fruit Loops, and I wanna know who it is.”
Shane: “Damn, I am having the best flashback to a Phish concert ever.”
Joe: “YEEHAW WHY DON’T MY NOSE FIT IN THIS CUP??? OH. THERE’S A CAP ON. DANGNABBIT YEEAHAW SOULPATCH!!!”
“Why don’t nobody like my soulpatch? Yeehaw. Dangnabbit.”
“Wait a second: are you telling me that blimps aren’t just big fish in the sky? Gosh, now I’ve heard everything!”
“Why do I look scary when I wear a cap?”
“YEEEEEHAWWW DANGNABBIT SOULPATCH DING DONG. WILLIE BEEN PLOTTING AGAINST YOU FRANK!”
“Why are you shouting?”
“BECAUSE I’M CRYING INSIDE. DAAAAANGGGGGNABBBITTTT WHOOOWWEEEE SOULPATCH!!!!”
“You guys. I really don’t think you’re taking this seriously. THERE IS A GOLDEN DINOSAUR IN THIS HOUSE WAITING TO EAT US ALL UP, AND HE’S STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!!”
“I really need to jerk off.”
“Hey Willie, thanks for being an asshole.”
“I am not an asshole. You’re the asshole. You don’t even like Fruit Loops.”
“I love Fruit Loops!”
“NO. YOU LIKE LUCKY CHARMS! STOP YAPPING AWAY TO EVERYONE ABOUT MY CEREAL!”
“Sorry, dude. It’s not your cereal. And by the way, Toucan Sam is a mad chill bird, and he would never want to be friends with you.”
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!”
“I don’t have to take anything back!”
“TOUCAN SAM AND I WOULD BE HOMIES, HOMIE!”
“That’s not what he told me.”
“YOU THINK YOU’RE SO CLEVER, GETTING TOUCAN SAM ON YOUR SIDE.”
“For the record, Toucan Sam isn’t a cast member. Also, not real.”
“TOUCAN SAM IS REAL. EVERYONE, DON’T LISTEN TO BOOGIE. DON’T LET HIM CONTROL YOUR GAME.”
“You’re crazy dude.”
“I’M NOT CRAZY. I JUST APPRECIATE A FRUITY DELIGHT IN EVERY BITE.”
“I like salmon.”
“Ian, do you eat Fruit Loops?”
“Willie won’t let me.”
“Totes Dress-Like-Clueless day!!!”
“Oh no. My incontinence.”
“If I had to describe this experience in one word, it would be ‘potato chips.’”
“Hey guys. I’m really looking forward to being voted out and forgotten.”
“Great meeting you. We were so wonderfully forgettable together.”
“Bye Willie. I’ll miss the way you smell like smoke and pickles.”
“Bye, Jojo. I’ll miss your stories of hooking up with employees at RadioShack.”
“Bye Ian. I really enjoyed pretending that I would be friends with you outside of this house.”
Britney: “Okay, seriously, you’ve been hugging people for ten minutes. Please leave.”
“Bye, Wil. You are so much prettier than me.”
“Seriously, bitch, get out of here.”
Janelle: “I think it’s September now. Will you leave already?”
Ashley: “I don’t even know who you are. Why are you hugging me?”
“You know, I thought Dan was a great coach. I mean, he gave me really bad advice and told me to lay low which ultimately led to my demise, but GREAT coach!”
“Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m in Frogger. Not the game… the frog. Like, what was he thinking???”
Epic Hair Showdown
“I’M SO HAPPY I HAVE TO MAKE MY HOMICIDE FACE.”
“I need some Fruit Loops.”
What did you think about the episode?