You guys… I think I really like this season of Big Brother so far. I know it’s early, and I know nothing really has happened, but we’ve only had two episodes; so we can’t expect too much. That being said, the potential for scheming feels high. With the four coaches already plotting each other’s demise and their underlings already making sneaky deals, I’m enthused about the direction of this season. Then again, I was really psyched about last year at the outset, only to watch the newbies all fall under the spell of the vets.
Luckily, the new kids this time around can be starstruck, and it will only enhance the game. With the vets playing their own competition and playing the newbies against each other, I’m confident things will get real tense real quickly. The real question is if anyone will betray their team because that will certainly lead to serious DRAMZ.
Anyway, on this second episode, we began to get a clearer view of the characters. Ian, it turns out, is a major oddball. His penchant for roaming the house shirtless is a bit worrisome. I usually like to leave that responsibility to the resident hunk, not the green bean, of the house. Everyone seems to be wary of him and his strange, tiptoeing ways, but if there’s anything we’ve seen in past seasons, it’s the first week pariah becoming the lovable star of the house. Just look at Marcellas or even Janelle (don’t forget that in her first week, she was viewed as a ditzy blonde Playboy type). There still is potential for Ian to strangely win over the house. Buuuuut it may be a longshot.
Meanwhile, Danielle is starting to bug me with her caked on makeup and sweet Southern girl gambit. She’s too nice and charming and has no business being on this cutthroat show. A waste of space.
And then we have Frank, who I thought would be annoying eccentric, what with his big hair. Turns out he seems really cool. I may like him the most of the newbies. Too bad he totally got played by Willie, who finally came out of the Hantz closet. The two guys had brokered a deal for safety, but when Team Britney and Team Janelle joined forces and decided that Frank needed to be nominated, the poor guy got stabbed in the back. Who would have thought that a Hantz would be duplicitous?
Truly the most annoying cast member of the brood is none other than Chef Joe, who not only burns through the house’s ingredients, he burns through my ears with his Diary Room shouting. The guy sounds not unlike Yosemite Sam, but less refined. There’s something truly irritable about players who adopt a whole new persona in the Diary Room — it’s a lack of authenticity mixed with an unflinching desire to endear themselves to America that I find utterly annoying. I was excited when Willie briefly contemplated nominating the rowdy chef, but alas, he instead opted for Kara (Team Dan, Team Boring) and Frank.
As for Ian, he managed to survive the week thanks to Boogie winning the new Coaches Competition (or is it Coach’s Challenge? I don’t remember). The new contest saw all four coaches competing to win immunity for one of their team members, and I for one found it much more engaging than the tired old Have / Have Nots competition. Boogie managed to win the event, securing immunity for Ian, who probably needed the pass more than anyone else in the house. We’ll see how he fares next week though.
Anyway, on to the photocap…
“I just really hope that no one notices that under this makeup I have the face of a 45 year old woman.”
“Sometimes, when I’m alone in the dark, I like to pretend this pillow is a stuffed lamb.”
“This is great research for my book, ‘Dark Nooks I Have Reclined In.'”
“You guys: I think I saw Boogie on To Catch A Predator. No joke.”
“I wonder if anyone knows I’ve been nuzzling my chin on a shag carpet. And by shag carpet, I mean a vagina. And by vagina, I mean a tabby cat.”
“Here’s the thing, Joe. Your soul patch makes you look like a SUPER douche, and this is coming from a guy whose hair was inspired by Carrot Top.”
“Soul patch? I always called it an AWESOME patch. Can’t wait to SHOUT ABOUT IT IN THE DIARY ROOM!!!!!!!”
“I just farted under this duvet. Y’all might want to clear out.”
“Dammit. I can’t believe I’m the only one who dressed up like a road sign today.”
“So… had a chance to masturbate in the hot tub yet?”
“I AM SO SHOCKED AT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR!
“I just realized that I left my 64oz jug of Covergirl foundation at home. I’m so mad I could very meekly frown!”
“And now I shall read a passage by Dr. Maya Angelou.”
Go Big Green?
“Oh my gawd. This room has me dizzier than the time I got drunk on Schlitz in the TJ Maxx parking lot.”
“Well, I guess now is as good as a time as ever to audition for a Cinemax role.”
Joe: “YEEEEEEHAWWWWWW. I’m gonna make slop risotto!”
Danielle: “Be sure to add my secret ingredient: MAKEUP.’
“I BET THAT THE LOUDER I SCREAM, THE MORE AMERICA WILL LOVE ME! AND THEN EVERYONE WILL COME TO MY RESTAURANT! I’LL HAVE THE MOST POPULAR CHILI’S OF ALL TIME!!!”
“Any of y’all got Barbara Streisand stuck in your head too? Because I have been crazy humming Yentl for days now.”
“This ceremony is crazy. But not as crazy as anything I’ve seen as a bassist in an all girl metal group, WHICH I WAS IN.”
Great Moments in Forced Wackiness
“Wait a second. What happened to my face?”
“And how did I get ten years younger?”
“If I’m head of household, I’ll tell you who I’ll never nominate: MAKEUP.”
“America thinks I’m, like, the best, right?”
What did you think about this episode?