BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Zingbot Zingeth

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Ummmmmm… I’m fully aware that by the time I publish this Big Brother photocap, the next episode will have aired already on the East Coast. Oh well. Here’s all that really matters: Zingbot 3000 made its return, and this time, his spawn — Baby Zingbot — made an appearance too. Not going to lie, I was TOTALLY SMITTEN by this adorable baby bot chirping “Zing! Zing!” I am just a big ol’ softy after all. How glorious.

In other news, Wil is an idiot.


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“If the house guests think they can just vote me out Willy Nilly… they’re right. I’m going to brush my hair more.”

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“YEEEHAW!! I wonder if Frank sees that I have a soul patch on mah sideburn too! DAGNABBIT LORD HAVE MERCY!!!”

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“If I don’t find a flat iron soon, I will literally weave a rope with my hair and use it to hang myself. Literally. So pathetic.”

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“Do you ever wonder if potato chips and poker chips are the same thing?”

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“Well SURPRISE, SURPRISE… I’m starting a sentence with SURPRISE, SURPRISE.”

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“Hey Wil, want me to suck the soul from your being??”

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[emits high pitch shriek]

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“Now you’re soulless!!!”

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“Guuurl, these Big Brother kabuki theater obligations are TOO much.”

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“SURPRISE, SURPRISE. My penis is only this big.”

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Zingbot: “Listen guys, I think I left a bolt here last year. Anyone see a bolt?”
Household: “Zingbot! Zingbot!!!! Zing someone!”
“No, seriously, I really need that bolt. I’m having this overheating issue, and it’s really bad for my mainframe.”
“ZING!”
“No, that wasn’t a zing.”
“ZIIIING!!!”
“Guys, please. I just need the bolt and I can go.”
“Hahahhaha, Zingbot, you are TOO funny!”

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Zingbot: “I don’t know. Things haven’t really been the same since my wife left. Been hitting the bottle pretty hard. Did some things I’m not proud of.”
Ian: “Because you’re fat!! ZING!!!”
“Seriously, dude? I’m real vulnerable right now.”
“ZING!!!”
“You’re cold, man. Real cold.”

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“I can’t believe Zingbot said Shane needs to get me a restraining order. I am so mad. And I don’t even know what a restraining order IS!”

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“When I get out of the house, I’m gonna build a FoundationBot. And all she’ll do is put foundation on me once an hour. ZING!! Wait, did I do that right?”

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House Guests: “C’mon Zingbot. Zing someone!!!!”
Zingbot: “Okay, okay. But just this once.”
“Yay!!!”
“Okay… [ahem] JOE. You’re so loud in the Diary Room, even Helen Keller wants you to quiet down! ZIIIIIING!!!!”
House Guests: “Not cool man. What the fuck is wrong with you anyway?”
“I was trying to be funny!”
“Jesus Christ, get some therapy.”
“But…”
“Just leave already.”

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“Zingbot was pretty funny. Also, hi America. I’m on this show too.”

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“Honestly, if Shane doesn’t attach the pipe to the fixture, I am literally going to back him over the head with one of these stools behind me. HE’S RUINING EVERYTHING.”

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“WHOOWEEE!!! THIS LOOKS LIKE THE MACHINE I SERVE MY CRAZY ROCKIN’ FISH STICK AND CANTALOUPE CHEESE SAUCE OUT OF!!! YEEHAW SOULPATCH DAGNABBIT!!!”

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With great fanfare, Nicole Scherzinger makes a surprise appearance.

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“SURPRISE, SURPRISE. We are screwed. Hey, you know what was a good strategy? When I got mad at Janelle over some stupid comment and voted her ass out of this house. That was REAL smart.”

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After having held the same pose for three consecutive weeks in a row, Jenn finally convinces the house guests that she is merely a lawn ornament, not an actual player in the game.

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“I’m aging.”

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“Would anyone terribly mind if I sang some Carly Simon right now?”

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“Wait a second… that wall sconce wasn’t always there, was it?”

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“YEEEHAW!! I’m falling asleep!!! I HOPE MAH SOUL PATCH DON’T TURN INTO NO FREDDY KRUEGER!!! DAGNABBIT IT’S A NIGHTMARE ON CHEF JOE STREET!!!!”

What did you think about this episode?

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6 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Zingbot Zingeth

    • I find myself almost mesmerized by those ears. I’m not sure if it’s because one looks larger than the other or if one is lower than the other or what, but I just can’t look away.

  1. Of course Danielle wouldn’t know what a restraining order is, because she’s just an unassuming, sweet little kindergarten teacher, not a smart nurse or anything.

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