Are those croissants I smell? Or just the crusty remnants of a day-old baguette on Kim’s breath? It can only mean one thing: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have gone to Paris! Yes, it’s trip time on RHOBH, and unfortunately for us, you could have found more drama in a Molière play (get it? Because Molière wrote COMEDY. IN FRENCH). The big deal this week was that Kim continued to slur her words and ramble like a sunny homeless lady, and that naturally made everyone think she was drunk again. Inferences were made, questionable jokes cracked, and in the end, Kim wound up crying to her sister in that classic we-shouldn’t-be-laughing-but-we-are way that we’ve come to adore.
Eventually we learned that Kim had taken drugs, but the sort of drugs that keep you sober (seems a bit counter-intuitive, but mmmkay), and in the end, she got a free bag from MAURICE; so all was good. Oh, and Kyle complained to Lisa that she felt there was still tension between them, and Lisa tried her best not to chuck her ass off the Eiffel Tower. C’EST DOMMAGE.
After the jump, check out the photocap!
“Seriously, Yolanda. You can stop doing that now.”
“No, Brandi. This is how we walk in Europe: on our hands!”
“Kyle, I came here to this most romantic bridge to tell you something: I’m leaving you for someone else. Well, a thing really. I’ve fallen madly in love with a padlock.”
Lisa: “Ken, darling, there seems to be a drunk gypsy following us. Do be careful. Oh wait. It’s just Kim.”
Yolanda: “It’s important that we keep an eye out on Kim, ya? I vote that we keep her in my glass refrigerator for sixty days.”
Kyle: “Where is Kim?”
Lisa: “History repeats itself.”
Yolanda: “Hold on girls. I’m just sending my husband a very romantic gift. It’s an animated eCard of a porcupine hugging a dirty boot. Very Dutch.”
Kyle: “Kim??? Are you okay? Where are you?”
Yolanda: “NOW IS THE TIME WHEN WE GO CLOGGING.”
“I knnnow youu alls think I relapsesed, but I’m sober, which is prettttty impressive given that I just drank two bottles of wine. I… I get nervous.”
“Kyle, I’m not drunk. I just don’t understand where we are. I thought we were at the Van Nuys airport, and you know I just LOVE the planes there, but then the power went out, and I was like HEY, where’s m’hairdryer? So then I cleaned the mirrors because they were filthy, and then a candlestick was like bonjour madame welcome to Paris be our guest Disney mermaid Aladdin, and hey I was a big deal in Disneyland. Taylor has a problem.”
“Kim? Kim, why are you pretending like your seat is a harp?”
Yolanda: “I’m excited to cook duck. I actually raise my own ducks in Malibu. It’s very important for a wife to raise ducks. We actually have our own abattoir in the backyard where the kids and I go and slaughter all sorts of animals, including our ducks. Afterwards, we pluck lemons.”
Brandi: “I’m going to pluck a CHERRY, if you know what I mean. I’m talking about vagina hymens. It’s a sexual joke. Because I love talking about FUCKING. Get it??? IT’S SEXUAL.”
“You know who I miss? Paul. Gosh, I love that litigious monkey man.”
“Hahaha. He literally looks like that gorilla from Life of Pi.”
“That was a tiger.”
“Oh who bloody cares. Let’s talk about drunk Kim some more.”
Chef: “And now we let the flavors mix.”
Brandi: “It’s almost like the flavors are FUCKING, right? Hahaha SEX.”
Kyle: “I’ve never eaten duck. Will it taste good?”
Kim: “I once ate Donald Duck. He came up to me and was like ‘Hey, slice me up and put me in your chicken salad.’ So I stabbed him with my knife and then those pink elephants from Dumbo started dancing around, and I was like WEEEE because I was on Splash Mountain, but I didn’t have to escape, like with Witch Mountain. I love mountains. And valleys. And peapods. I… I get nervous.”
“Come play my favorite childhood game from Holland: Capture the Raw Duck Carcas!”
“Hey wait a second. That woman keeps staring at me. And she’s wearing my outfit. This is scary, Kyle. But she’s real pretty. Hey lady, I like your top. All you need is a boutonniere. I mean, I have a boot. And an ear. Hahaha. Hey Kyle, she laughted at my joke. Kyle, KYLE. Meet my new friend Amanda. We’re like twins.”
“Thanks for the bag, Maurice. I’ve already filled it with chicken salad.”
Kim: “Someone should take this Eiffel Tower to the dermatologist. It’s breaking out with bumps all over its skin.”
Kyle: “You hold a grudge Lisa!”
“Darling, I don’t hold a grudge. I just don’t like you!”
What did you think about the episode?