THINGS I ATE: Meat Cakes at Beijing Pie House

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Next come a parade of pies and cakes. First is a pork and fennel pie (above, lower-lefthand corner), which is actually more of a pork and dill pie. I say this because there is no fennel but plenty of dill. The men at the table agree that this is the least impressive of the pies. Sly, however, proudly defends the pie all night, informing us that it is not only her favorite, but that the dill should be celebrated. The rest of us are not so sure. The men ultimately conclude that the misnamed pork and fennel pie is more ladylike — the Virginia Slims of meat pies. Sly objects. The meat parade continues.

In the center of the above photo is a glorious Homeland Meat Pie, filled with… homeland meat. We don’t really know what’s in the pie, but we know it’s amazing and should be treasured. Understandably, this leads to a jovial round of Homeland / Claire Danes jokes, which quickly takes the backseat to actual eating. A word to the wise: eat the Homeland Meat Cake sooner rather than later. Over time, the crispy dough softens, and the meat cake loses some of its Homeland glory.

Next, we receive a plate of beef pies (top of photo). These are awesome. The men have man-crushes on it. (Sly continues to trumpet the virtues of the pork and fennel variety). I should note that we all avoided singeing ourselves with scalding liquid thanks to a dull butter knife that the waitstaff gave us to divide up the pies. As a result, all the hot stuff oozed out onto the plates instead of onto our faces. But I digress. The point is that the beef pies are awesome and should be ordered.

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