BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: A Final Solution for Aaryn’s Alliance?

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Still loving Big Brother this season, and I have to say — the giant cast has been an excellent move. More alliances, more egos, and more opportunities for treachery. Take, for instance, the “good” people in the house (a.k.a. Amanda, McCrae, Helen, and Elissa). They’re clearly going to fall apart, especially now that MVP Elissa has failed to nominate Howard for eviction, despite Amanda’s most adamant urgings. Clearly this will lead to a rift, and it’s not going to be pretty. Well, it will be pretty for us. Pretty AWESOME. I don’t know why I just wrote that. I think my brain may be flatlining after spending an hour with these photos.

To the photocap!

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Kaitlin: “Ugh. Who told this loser he could hug me?”

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“And now I have to hug a fat man? Like, why is life so unfair?”

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Kaitlin: “Helen would be so dumb to evict us. We’re America’s sweethearts!”

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Jeremy: “In case you didn’t know, my Cherokee name is Buffalo Who Sits On Beds And Thinks About Having Sex With Other Buffalos Sitting On Nearby Beds.”

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Helen: Sponsored By Cracklin’ Oat Bran.

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Spencer: “Helen, I’m sorry, but I don’t want any Cracklin’ Oat Bran.”

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“You sure?”

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“Positively.”

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“What if I said this was the best Cracklin’ Oat Bran you ever had in your life?”

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“Nope.”

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“Just try it.”

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“I really hate it.”

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“That was really hurtful. You always led me to believe that you loved Cracklin’ Oat Bran.”

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“I’m sorry. I was in a secret Anti-Cracklin’ Oat Bran alliance.”

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“Last chance for Cracklin’ Oat Bran.”

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“Helen.”

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“I trusted you. I trusted your love of Cracklin’ Oat Bran.”

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“Maybe you want to bring this box down to Howard?”

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“He hates it too.”

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“I mean… it’s like I don’t even know these people.”

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“You know what I hate? WOMEN.”

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“Oh my gosh! This is amazing! I’m obSESSed!”
Producer: “Um, it’s just a blank notecard we left in there by accident.”
“ObSESSed.”

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“Does anyone hear the sound of hyenas and depravity? Oh wait, it’s just Aaryn laughing.”

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“Meep?”

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“I just want you to know that I never– HOLY CRAP THERE’S A HAT FLOATING NEXT TO ME!”

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“Howard, the hat is hanging on a tacky globe.”

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“I apologize. The hat comment was purely gameplay. I personally did not think the hat was floating.”

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“Yes, you did, Howard.”

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“I spend my life teaching children that hats can’t float, and so for me to think that a hat was floating is an indefensible position to take. I apologize for that.”

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“But seriously, this hat is floating.”

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“Howard, do you really think the hat is floating? Or are you lying?”

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“I’m lying.”

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“But that’s the last thing I’ll ever lie about!”

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“But just so you know, my family has been locked up in a Romanian prison, and I desperately need to win this game to set them free.”

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“Howard.”

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“A Catalonian prison?”

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“Howard.”

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“They’re lost at FAO Schwartz. I don’t know what to do. I need to win the game!”

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“Literally doesn’t even make sense.”

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“How about I whip out my schlong?”

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“Oh Howard.”

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“I mean…”

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“I never realized how tiny my husband was. MY LIFE IS RUINED.”

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“You make a compelling case, Howard. Welcome back to the fold.”

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“Care for some Cracklin’ Oat Bran?”

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“I’m a tart.”

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“If they get rid of Jeremy, I’ll have to think for myself! And I can’t do that!”

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“This bathroom is a mess. Aren’t the Latinos going to come clean it already? It’s what they love to do.”

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“Expect the unexpected: for instance, I’m really a diner waitress named Flo.”

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“Mommy.”

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“I’m too pretty to go home. And too vapid for life outside this house.”

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Aaryn: “This is stupid. Why can’t we hire those black people from The Help to do this?”

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“Candice is so ghetto. She’s alway basketball this, Jay-Z that. She probably doesn’t even appreciate fine art like this, which we all know is Michelangelo’s Mona Da Vinci.”

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“I want all of yous to know that Nick is looking down on me right now and cheering me on.”
Producer: “He’s still alive.”
“Yes, he is still alive. In my heart. RIP, sweetheart.”

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“Nick, you never told me you got four arms. That’s pretty cool.”

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“CAN YOU BELIEVE NICK HAS FOUR ARMS??? WHAT A MAN!!”

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Jeremy: “I’m going to teach you how to dance.”
Kaitlin: “I don’t know if I can do this. I get performance anxiety in front of mixed produce.”

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“I have decided to use this veto on myself so that I can continue to be awful in this house.”

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“Ugh, I can’t wait for this meeting to be over so I can go back to calling women the c-word.”

What did you think about this episode? Did Kaitlin make the right move?

And remember to vote for me for Best TV Blog (please!) in LA Weekly’s web awards. Polls close today! Do it now!! Or else I’ll cry. http://polls.laweekly.com/polls/law/webawardsfinalists2013/

7 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: A Final Solution for Aaryn’s Alliance?”

  1. The links running down the left side covers your blog so that it is very difficult to read. I have to minimize my screen to see it, but than I need a magnifying glass. Would love to see them removed so I can read your posts. Other than that, I’ve enjoyed your photocaps for the last couple of years. Keep up the good work!

  2. Helen’s crying isn’t even in my top 5 Best BB criers. Get it together Helen – even GinaMarie is doing a better job.

    hb

  3. Thank you so much for removing the link things, and thank you for another hilarious photocap!!!!! Keep up the great work 🙂

  4. Why is AMANDA so bossy now?? Ugh. Everyone thinks she is so funny, but she just GROSSES ME OUT and ANNOYS ME! I can’t believe that McCrae is hitting that…

    Also Kaitlin is the worst. There is nothing I hate more than a cackling sidekick… She is so annoying in the background of every fight on the show.

    Obviously Aaryn can fall off the Earth.

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