BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Aaryn Refuses To Be Blackballed

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There once was a time when Aaryn was the most hated woman in the Big Brother house, but now it seems the heat is on Howard and Spencer, who continue to pay for having lied to Helen and Elissa two weeks ago. Yes, the legacy of the Moving Company lives on, and it would appear as though the house won’t be happy until this ill-fated men’s alliance is completely eradicated from the face of Big Brother. It makes sense to some degree, but what these people don’t seem to realize is that the Moving Company is so beyond dead and useless that targeting its last members really is just a waste of time and energy. The real power players are Amanda and McCrae (a.k.a. just Amanda), but alas, Aaryn ultimately nominated Howard and Spencer. Nevertheless, the real intrigue came in watching Helen’s allegiance to Elissa crumble. Turns out Elissa is can’t keep a secret to herself (see Episode 1 through present), and Helen has realized that’s bad for her game. No shit sherlock. Can’t wait to see how these people all turn against each other.

In the meantime, here’s the photocap…

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“I can’t believe Aaryn won HOH. This is more exciting than that time when I found that Twizzler bent in the shape of Nick’s arm.”

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Candice: “Howard, have you ever lied to me?”
Howard: “Of course not. I swear on the company I founded, which we all know was Microsoft.”

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“Meep?”

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“I can’t believe someone put this band of flowers on my head. I’m so embarrassed for them, NO OFFENSE SORRRY THANNNKSSS.”

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“I’ve taught Aaryn everything she knows about black people.”

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“McCrae, I’ve been thinking about our future. I’ve decided that we’ll have a summer wedding in Boca Raton with 200 guests, a DJ, and a tent. Afterwards you’ll work for my father, do the groceries, make dinner, and impregnate me with 2.9 kids. We’ll also have a goldfish. Do you agree to all of the terms of this agreement?”

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“I like pizza.”

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“I’ll take that as a yes.”

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“I’m hot for your fart bubbles.”

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“This bath is so nice. It could be a touch warmer though. Probably Howard’s fault. Let’s vote him off.”

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“I’m like obSESSed with wanting to get out of Aaryn’s HOH room, no offense, THAAANKSS FOR ASSSKING.”

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“You guys, Cheez-Its! Exactly what I axed for! Get it, Howard and Candice? I spoke like your people! Hahaha.”

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Howard: “Please don’t.”

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“Because black people say ‘axe’ but white people say ‘ask.’ Hilarious!”

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“Lord give me the strength…”

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“You guys, try one. They’re Michael Richards’ favorite.”

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“Just stop.”

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“I heard that Jane Lynch always forces Cheez-Its on her friends. I should be more like her. Watch out, Howard and Candice. I’m totally going to LYNCH you.”

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“You guys. Please stop looking at my boner and tell me where my glasses are. PLEASE.”

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“So you haven’t seen my glasses?”
Aaryn: “No idea.”

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“It’s just that they’re my favorite glasses. I really don’t want to lose them.”
Aaryn: “I’m sorry, I really can’t help.”

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“I know you’re smart enough to know that if you find my glasses, I’ll not only never vote against you, but I’ll make you a partner at the law firm I started with Superman.”
Aaryn: “Howard, are you lying again?”

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“meep.”

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“I have no idea what Howard was talking to me about. He was all hip-hop this, welfare that. I’m like enough with the Kenny West and Jason Z already.”

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“Hello. I’m Poppy Montgomery. You may recognize me from NOTHING.”

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“Please be sure to watch my new show, whose name escapes me.”
Producer: “Unforgettable!”
“Yes. That.”

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“I’m so honored to be speaking to you all about my new series, Unforgettable. It’s a show about a woman who remembers everything. Please enjoy, whoever you people are.”

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“Hello. Poppy Montgomery here again. Just want to remind you all to tune in to my new CBS show, Unforgettable. There are no blacks or Asians or gays on it; so this group should enjoy that. Cheers!”

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“Hello there. I’m Poppy Montgomery from the hit CBS summer sensation, Unforgettable. I’m here with exciting news: we do have a minority on our cast after all. Her name is Daya, and she’s fabulous. I’m so honored to be a part of this richly diverse entertainment programme, and I do hope you will join us for a spectacular summer of crime and NOT forgotten memories. Thank you, and g’day mate etc.”

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“I’m, like, obSESSED with yoga. I can’t believe this house doesn’t have a yoga studio attached. It’s so stupid, NO OFFENSE THANKKKS.”

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“When I wrap myself in plastic, I feel like I’m Amanda in her ugly one-piece, NO OFFENSE. I just think one-pieces are ugly, THANNNKKS for ASSSKING.”
Amanda: “No one asked.”
“Oh, Amanda, I didn’t see you there. I try not to look in places where I might see a hideous one-piece, no OFFENSE THANKKKS.”

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Aaryn: “I can’t help you, Candice. I’m a minority in this house. I don’t think you even understand what that’s like. A minority!

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Howard: “Would it help if I sang some Rod Stewart right now?”
“No.”

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“Hey, anyone remember me?”

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“Hello, Poppy Montgomery here again from the summer smash, Unforgettable. Just a reminder that I remember everything.”

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“Even me??”

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“Not ringing any bells.”

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“So two plus two equals… thirty six?”

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“As Head of Household, I will pull the first key.”

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“Hello houseguests. I’m Poppy Montgomery from the CBS summer blockbuster, Unforgettable. Just a reminder that as Head of Household, Aaryn will pull the first key. See? I NEVER FORGET.”

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“As I was saying…”

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“Excuse me, but I would like to make a case for myself before the nominations.”

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“You’re not playing, Poppy Montgomery.”

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“I’m not?”

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“No.”

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“I… I must have forgotten… No, this can’t be. I remember everything. Everything.

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“Poppy Montgomery won’t go away. Thankkks but no thankkkks.”

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“Maybe Poppy knows where my glasses are.”

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“Hello there. I hope you’re enjoying a summer of investigations and vivid memories. I’m Poppy Montgomery, and I just want to announce that I do in fact remember where Howard put his glasses. Thank you and good evening.”

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“Aw. I thought Poppy was going to help me.”

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“Now I’ll never find my glasses. I know they’re close. I can practically FEEL them.”

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“Minorities, amiright?”

What did you think about the episode? Did Aaryn nominate the correct people?

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12 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Aaryn Refuses To Be Blackballed

  1. “Hello. I’m Poppy Montgomery. You may recognize me from NOTHING.”

    Best line of this PHOTOCAP, which was excellent as always.

  2. I can’t believe how funny this was. I was literally laughing so hard reading this. You are awesome for writing this li hope to read more from you!

  3. I spit laughed at the Kenny West & Jason Z,
    Keep it up B, your witty photocaps are the reason I watch these shows!

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