BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The One Where They All Do Nasty Things To Yogurt Machines

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As expected, Judd’s reign as Head of Household on Big Brother has started off on a rather dull note. There weren’t any major fights beyond a silly dustup between Aaryn and the lexically challenged GinaMarie, and the only real tension came from whether or not Amanda could go thirty seconds without absolutely insisting that Howard be sent packing. I fear the breasty realtor has tunnel vision with Howard, and her inability to stop obsessing over him could be a problem later on. She’s being too aggressive, and that can only lead to one thing: a mid-season flameout.

Meanwhile, Howard has proven to be so likable and sweet that it’s frustrating to see him on the receiving end of Amanda’s ire. To be fair, he did dig that hole himself with his adorably misguided (ie. stupid) strategizing, but that’s okay. He and Candice are one of the few showmances on Big Brother that I’ve actually been able to stomach; so that earns a lot of points in my book (for now).

In other news, we learned that GinaMarie has no idea how to say the two-syllable word “auburn,” which is only half as embarrassing as her new neologism, compromization. Also, we discovered that Spencer eats froyo like a cat, which would be endearing if we didn’t already know how much of a raging misogynist and homophobe he is. Oh well.

On to the photocap!

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“Sometimes I feel like everything in this house is tilted a little bit to the right, and I just don’t know why.”

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Katilin: “Ugh. Here comes Helen.”
GinaMarie: “Don’t talk to her.”
Aaryn: “You guys, it’s not like she speaks English. She probably just wants to sell us some egg rolls or math lessons.”

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Jessie: “Spencer, I have an announcement to make: I’ve been having a showmance with this t-shirt.”

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Andy: “You guys, it’s Dress-Like-A-Watermelon Day.”

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“I thought it was Dress-Like-A-Homeless-Hippie Day.”

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“Well SOMEBODY told me to dress like I’m in Haight-Ashbury. I blame Howard. Let’s vote him out.”

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“This chocolate ice cream is okay, but vanilla is so much better. Sorry to be a NAZI about it. Just call me Aaryn the Nazi!”

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WAL*MART’s finest work.

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Elissa: “This bed is so comfortable. THANKSSS FER ASKING.”

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GinaMarie: “My favorite color is auburrr… awb… auroraburr… bronnnaaurr…brontosaurus… brownies… brunhilde… how you say it?”
Amanda: “I don’t know. Let’s vote out Howard.”

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“I’m just going to lie here until the day when Nick comes back and makes love to me, WHICH HE WILL DO SINCE HE IS VERY, VERY ATTRACTED TO ME AND MY GENDER.”

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Howard: “What’s a brother gotta do to get a little more space on this mattress?”
Candice: “No.”
“Meep.”

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Aaryn: “Judd, please do not be distracted by my 1992 Cinemax portrayal of a therapist.”

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“You know, I always tell people that I don’t see race and skin color. But now that I have my glasses on, I can finally say THANK GOD YOU ARE WHITE.”

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“Guys, I think we should talk to Judd. He wants to vote out a woman, which is ridiculous when there are still so many black people here to target first.”

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“Ew. Is that a mole? Guess I’ll have to get it removed by my dermatologist, Dr. Jewwy Von Menorah or whatever his name is.”

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“I feel like you girls aren’t taking my ideas seriously. It’s not like I’m some Mexican selling tacos at the bus stop.”

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“It’s not that I’m shooting down your ideas. It’s just that I’m too stupid to undrestand them.”

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GinaMarie: “Listen, let’s not fight. We’re all supposed to be… be…”
Kaitlin: “Friends.”
“Fences. We’re all fences. Around a yard.”
“Not fences. Friends.”
“French. We’re just a bunch of French people. Bonjour oui oui. Caviar croissant!”

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“Is she making fun of me because I’m blonde? Like, my life is so difficult! I feel the sting of discrimination every day!”

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Amanda: “Oh, it’s so FUCKING good! Which reminds me, we should vote out Howard.”

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“Nick told me this was his favorite way to eat froyo, or as he calls it, ‘My boyfriend Thomas.’ He’s such a funny guy. LOVE HIM.”

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“This is just like my first date with Joey DeVeccio behind the Pathmark in Hylan Plaza.”

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“nom nom NICK nom nom”

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“McCrae. MCCRAE. BRING MOMMA HER WATER BOTTLE.”
McCrae: “Yes, ma’am.”
“FASTER!”
McCrae: “eek!”

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“BLECH. This is disgusting. It’s Howard’s fault. Let’s vote him out.”

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Paging the producers of The Bachelor

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“McCrae, don’t throw up! Thankkkkksssss.”

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“Oh my God! This pose — I’m obSESSed. Thankkkss for assssking, H’warddd!”

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“You guys, I named my thumb Helen.”

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“I hate Judd. He’s such a piece of redneck trash…”


♫ ding-ling-ding ding-dada-ding ding-ling ♪

What did you think about this episdode? Did Judd make the right decision?

And in case you missed it, here’s last week’s The TV Clique: Big Brother where we analyzed all of Week 4 of Big Brother. I know I’m pimping it out hard, but I want it to catch on. IS THAT SO WRONG?

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11 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The One Where They All Do Nasty Things To Yogurt Machines

  1. Love it as always! But, don’t be picking on my guy J-U-Double D Judd. I want him to win this thing. As always, you’ve nailed Aryan – I mean Aaryn !

    And, IMHO Howard can go anytime…he is a nothing and his ‘showmance’ with Candice seems more like him just trying to control her voting with Spencer and himself.

  2. Love your blog! I tried to leave a comment on your YouTube channel (TV Clique) but it wouldn’t let me, not sure why.

    I’m obSESSSed with BB thanks to you and Matt and Ronnie! My husband and I have been listening to Watch What Crappens for a few months now – it’s such a bright spot in our week, we listen to it separately at work and then discuss it in the evening, LOL (and text your funny lines back and forth) – and now thanks to you we’ve started watching BB for the first time ever. We can’t get enough of your podcasts/videos! Thanks so much for making us laugh every week!! We just want you to discuss MORE shows – ie. Interior Therapy for a start – you guys are so awesome we could listen all day.

    P.S. Your screen caps are from Global TV – you’re watching Canadian TV??

  3. My favorite house guest even though she has a foul mouth and brain is Ginamarie for completing the cinnamon challenge not once but twice last night. This chick has a super power.

  4. Be, I normally see things eye to eye with you on everything but Howard is just too dumb to be likable.

    Many pea brains can be cute but I’m so turned off by it. But what turns me off most is that he is way too religious (another intrinsic quality of pea brains). I cringe and groan every time he prays.

    In any case, I’m pulling for Judd. Glad he didn’t cave to Amanda and put up Howard.

  5. Thanks so much for your Photo-caps, look forward to them each season, really funny, keep up the god work.

    • meant “good” work”. Howard gives all the “god” one needs on a realty show.

  6. I find it odd that some commenters take offense at remarks made by Aaryn and others (and very rightfully should!), but do not hesitate to spout hate remarks about Howard and his religion. Just saying.

  7. Damn Amanda is repulsive! Why is CBS giving her such a good edit?? She’s worse than AARYN!

    She says offensive things about race, religion, sexual orientation, and jokes about murder and rape. Yet everyone thinks she’s soooo funny… Why? Because she tries way too hard in the DR?! Personally I find Howard and Judd’s DR sessions to be much funnier.

    Can we sue CBS for this bull? They have shown Aaryn’s true colors but have protected Amanda.

    Ugh.

  8. Fantastic stuff. You are so great at finding a hilarious trait with these people and building an entire character around it. Your blog enhances my enjoyment of the show. Thanks.

  9. This was soooooooooo funny!!! The best so far. Thanks for making my day. I’m still crying from laughing so hard.

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