BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Will the Mom Squad Survive This Week in One Piece?

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So this has turned into one of THOSE seasons. Big Brother 15 has become one of the single-most frustrating shows on TV this summer, thanks to a cast that seems blindly happy to follow in the path of a fearsome duo. This happens to the best of reality shows — lest we forget Boston Rob and Amber on Survivor: All Stars? — and it’s never fun to watch. Amanda and McCrae have created an illusion of power, and much like the great dictatorships and tyrannies of the past, it could all come crumbling down if the masses realized all that’s required is for them to rise up and say no. Just say no, people.

Instead, we have Aaryn trembling in her cowboy boots, afraid to nominate Amanda. She’d rather just go with the plan instead of shake up the house. I know some people have not appreciated my jokes comparing Aaryn to the Aryan Nation, but she makes it increasingly difficult not to, especially when her main line of defense seems to be “I’m just following orders.”

Anyway, Helen looks royally screwed, but hopefully tonight’s twist will save her. I guess we’ll see…

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“GinaMarie, I just want to say GREAT job. The way you spent the past ten minutes without mentioning Nick was totally impressive. I’m in awe.”
“Gee, thanks. You think Nick saw? I bet he’s watching. LOVE YOU NICK!!!!!”

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Elissa: “I do need a hug, THANNNNKS for ASSSSKING.”
Andy: “Oh dear God. Your yoga grip is breaking my fragile bones!”

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“Andy, I trust you so much, and I don’t know why. I think it’s because you look like a boy version of Harriet from Small Wonder.”

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“Helen, that was the sweetest thing you could have said to me. I’m going to tell Amanda RIGHT NOW.”

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“I adore you Helen, which is why I’m going to make sure Santa gets you something EXTRA nice this year!”

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“I can’t believe how high that ceiling is. It’s, like, too high, NO OFFFENSSE THANKKS FOR ASKING.”

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“Hey, McCrae and I were just about to make out; so could you go to another room? We really want to gross out America in private.”

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McCrae: “Whoa, Amanda, your breath smells like onions and tuna.”
“You’re just going to have to get used to that. Now KISS ME.”
“Okay.”

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“I have a lot of thoughts about things. And I have a lot of things that give me thoughts. It’s so weird. THANNNNKS FOR ASKING.”

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“Watching Amanda and McCrae make out is like watching Heidi Klum putting on a one-piece. Like, it’s just wrong and ugly, NO OFFENSSSSSE THANNNKS.”

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“I get to play in the Veto comp? Perfect timing! I was just about to take a dump on this couch!”

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“What I like about you, Andy, is that you don’t judge me for having a knife in my cereal.”

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“I think it’s GREAT that you have a knife in your cereal. Now excuse me while I tell EVERYONE in the house about this.”

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“It feels great eating this cereal knowing that Andy won’t tell a single person about the knife I’ve put in the bowl.”

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“You know, I really have to congratulate this spoon. It’s doing a great job getting the cereal from the bowl to my mouth. I would be starving without this spoon. I might even be dead. And let’s also give it up for the knife. Most people would question why I’d have a knife in my bowl, but I know it serves a real purpose. It’s playing the best game out of anyone. Really, great job, Knife. You’re the next Janelle.”

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“Hey, this reminds me of the time I found a used condom in the flower beds next to Burlington Coat Factory.”

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“Ugh. I am soaked. I feel like a Cuban who just fell off a raft.”

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“Nick? NICKKKK?? Are you buried alive? I’ll come and save yous!!!”

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Amanda: “I don’t understand why Otev isn’t writing me any letters. Does he think I don’t want a letter? Am I not good enough for a letter? It’s not fair.”

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“I can’t believe I won the Veto. I just pretended that Amanda’s one-piece was chasing me the whole time.”

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“Okay, so Aaryn, I think it’s time you thought for yourself.”

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“You’re right. What should I do?”

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“You need to put Amanda on the block. It’s the most obvious move.”

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“Yeah. I’m sick of her calling the shots! And because of that, I’m going to nominate Spencer!”

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“No. AMANDA.”

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“Ugh. I’m getting sick of this. Aren’t there some noodles to be made or something?”

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“I can’t believe I’m groveling to this idiot.”

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“Okay guys, the water is almost at a boil. Kind of makes me wonder though… why doesn’t anyone ever bring ME to a boil??”

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“I’m so sick of Amanda calling all the shots! I just wish there were a way to get rid of her. Perhaps ‘evict’ her, if you will. If only I had the power to put her on the block and get her out of the house. OH WELL.”

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“SADDDLY I must use this Veto on myself THANKKS. Aaryn, as Head of Household it is now your duty to nominate a replacement, ideally Amana’s one-piece, SORRRY NO OFFENSE THANNKKKS.”

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“Well, back on the block again, and this time in my church clothes.”

What did you think about the episode? Will Amanda and McCrae ever be split up?

9 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Will the Mom Squad Survive This Week in One Piece?”

  1. This is so freakin’ awesome. You have made my night… Where have you been all of my big brother life???

  2. Love your photocaps!

    McCrae: “Whoa, Amanda, your breath smells like onions and tuna.”
    Amanda: “That’s not my breath, McCrae.”

  3. “Ugh. I am soaked. I feel like a Cuban who just fell off a raft”
    “Hey, this reminds me of the time I found a used condom in the flower beds next to Burlington Coat Factory.”
    I hope you have a well paid job writing comedy for someone…..anyone. You are a talented and hilarious writer. I have been following your writing accomplishments for years and you are so consistently funny. Thanks for being so entertaining…..I always look forward to everything you post!

  4. SERIOUSLY disappointed that you have let your episode-by-episode photo recaps of Big Brother go by the wayside for other things. I always found them hilarious and spot-on, and suggested your website to other BB fans. Not any more.

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