BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Knock-Knock-Knockin’ on Devin’s Backdoor


It looks like Devin’s getting set up for the backdoor on Big Brother 16. But let me drop this bombshell: I kind of don’t want him to go. He’s truly awful, but oh so entertaining. I’d rather see Caleb or Jocasta go home before this asshole bro. And wouldn’t that turn everything upside down if that happened? Besides, if Devin winds up on the block with Caleb, the house might be wise to take out a huge target in the cowboy. And if Devin winds up against Jocasta, the house might be wise to… uh… reduce the bow tie presence in the game? Okay, my reasoning is wobbly. I just want to see more crazy histrionics from the big buffoon. But in the meantime, here’s the photocap…

Parmesan cheese: “Oh God. Here comes Devin. He’s gonna try to make an alliance with us.”
Red cup: “Just pretend we’re inanimate.”
Other red cup: “We ARE inanimate.”
Parmesan: “SHHH!”
Green towel: “Hey bro.”
Red cup: “Ugh, GREEN TOWEL. You just RUINED IT.”

Nicole: “I’m so excited! Unforgettable starring Poppy Montgomery is back on the air! SHE NEVER FORGETS!!!”

“Okay, no more stalling, Zach. You can do this. Time to ask Frankie to the prom!”

“I thought I felt a breeze; so I put on my windbreaker. But now I’m not so sure. I’m mad confused, bro.”

“One of y’all stole my bow tie, and I am not happy about it. It was my signature look… that no one cared about.”

Paranormal Beard-tivity.

Devin: “Yo, bro, you gotta put me up or else you’ll be out of the house, and bad news, in the real world, I’m in an alliance with EVERYONE ON THE PLANET.”

Devin: “Here’s what I’m thinking: instead of putting me up, I think you, me, and Donny should start a tribute band called Der Dev Donn-o.”
“I don’t get it.”
“You know, like Bell Biv Devoe.”
“But Donn-o?”
“Creative license, bro. C’mon. That girl is poiiison. We can sing it to Amber because she’s poison, bro. Well, all girls are. Except my baby girl. Oh God, I’m going to cry. I’M GOING TO CRY. BRO, HERE COME THE TEARS.”

Devin: “Maybe we should get the Bomb Squad back together. You know, for old time’s sake.”
“Old times? It fell apart three days ago.”
“Yeah, bro. But I’ve done a lot of growing and a bunch of integritying.”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen, bro. We can call us The Hurt Locker. It’s a play on words because we’re the Bomb Squad, AND I used to be an athlete with a locker. Done. It’s settled. H to the Lock, yo.”

“Is that Amber? Oh shoot — it was just a pillow.”

“I wonder if I should say something to the pillow. She sure is a pretty pill’ah.”

“You know, as I stand here staring at this door jamb, I can’t help but think that Amber probably likes door jambs too. I wonder if I should tell her to come down and look at this door jamb with me.”

With confused bewilderment hanging in the air, the women of the house quietly listen as Derrick recites a passage from The Vagina Monologues.

Hayden: “You guys, why does it smell like rotten eggs in here? That’s funny haha.”

“You guys, I thought it was Fresh Prince of Bel-Air hat day.”

“I just want everyone to know that I will be spending the rest of the summer in my Jabba The Hut pose.”

Hayden: “Seriously though… when is Soul Asylum going to tour again?”

“So, Caleb, we came up with a plan that totally jeopardizes you, but you’ll be too dumb to realize it. Sound good?”

“I don’t know about jeopardy. I prefer Wheel of Fortune.”

“The plan is for me to throw a competition so that Amber will be safe and can continue professing her love to me through silence and running out of the room.”

Christine: “Oh my gosh. I just realized something. We’re totally on TV!”

“Welp, it’s official. This case is larger than the table. Glad I got to the bottom of that.”

“Not nominated? I guess I’ll be backdoored. That’s just what happens when you’re a natural competitor with too much charisma and charm and compassion for single mothers.”

Donny: “I used to think Dumbledore was a door made of dumbells.”

What did you think about Sunday’s episode? Also, follow me on Twitter! #needy

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3 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Knock-Knock-Knockin’ on Devin’s Backdoor

  1. “Yeah, bro. But I’ve done a lot of growing and a bunch of integritying.”

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