FINDING PRINCE CHARMING PHOTOCAP: Eat, Gay, Love

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In a shocking development for Finding Prince Charming, calories were ingested! Yes, this week’s installment of Fi-Pri-Char saw Robert taking three different men out to eat — a ghastly turn of events that has NO PLACE on a gay dating show. It was an overdue moment of redemption for the three contenders: Robby, Eric, and Brendon — none of whom have had one-on-one time with their would-be lovah.

The bacchanalia started with Robby, who surely did not enjoy hearing Robert call him “funny.” The Friend Zone seemed imminent, and in an effort to turn around his fortunes, Robby went in for a kiss — not even waiting for Robert to pull off his trademark whisper of “C’mere…” Such a privilege was instead given to Chad, Brandon, and maybe Eric, but to be honest, I really don’t remember anything about Eric’s date except that he hates open relationships, his dad kisses his mom, and his hair looked nice.

Of course, as this is a peek into the gay lifestyle, no embrace of food can be complete without a rigorous workout routine to follow. Robert took the remaining men to a bootcamp experience, and within moment Paul was panting, sweating, and bemoaning the lack of cold towels — the kind his very considerate trainer offers him on a regular basis, apparently. Paul had surprisingly taken over the lead coming into this episode, but this morning exercise fully undid him. Not only did he not smile when being tasked with hideous cardio routines (the horror!), but he refused to sit on the ground (okay, that’s weird) and professed a lack of experience with sit-ups (apparently, a huge turn off for Robert). All of this was a pure disaster for him — after all, the gym is Robert’s church, and anyone who deigns to disrespect it has no place in his life. If he were capable of registering emotion, I’m sure Robert would have been truly outraged.

And so Paul was sent home where he could hopefully enjoy a fine restaurant meal at last. Now there’s only one person left from the Nice Guys volleyball team. You better watch out, Chad…

Photocap after the jump…

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Robby: “So what did you think about tonight’s black tie ceremony, Paul?”
Paul: “Well, I’m struggling to understand why we call it a black tie function when in fact it’s merely a semi-formal event featuring ties that are black.”
“Oh sweeitie, you need to loosen up.”
“I’m very loose. Just the other day I impulsively bought season three of Frasier.

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“Cheers to Danique the Freak!!!! Although, let’s be honest: he never had a chance.”
“Did you see his pimple?”
“Ew.”

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“Good morning!! Anyone awake and emotionally vulnerable yet?”

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“Hey guys, I decided to drop by and make my favorite breakfast: sliced cantaloupe with protein powder.”

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“Robert, tell us about yourself. What sort of music do you like?”
“Hmmm… well, right now I’m really into DJ Credenza Borealis. I just downloaded her new club banger, ‘Ford Fusion.’ So powerful.”

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Robert: “Paul has a hair sticking up. I’m not sure I can connect with that.”

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Paul: “You’ll have to excuse my three uncombed hairs. They usually spring up when I crave a fine restaurant meal.”

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Robert: “Wow, this breakfast looks amazing.”
Justin: “There’s no food on the table.”
Robert: “Precisely.”

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“Wowwww turkey bacon! Who made this?”
“Dillon!”
“NO ONE EAT THE TURKEY BACON.”

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“Has everyone had their three bites? Good. Now we can clean up.”

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“Okay girls, let’s go work off that cantaloupe!”

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Chad: “To prove that I’m not awkward, I’ve decided to corner you in this oversized bassinet.”

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Chad: “We have so much chemistry, as expressed by my arm slung rigidly across your back.”
“Thank you for making your armpit vulnerable.”

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Chad: “I just don’t want to be hurt again. That’s my biggest fear.”
Robert: “Who hurt you?”
“My pet canary. He pecked my finger once. You won’t do that, will you?”

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Robert: “This will get him to shut up.”

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Robert: “Now please stop talking to me.”

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Lance: “You guys – Robert is going to have one of you for an appetizer, one of you for a main, and one of you for a dessert.”
Robert: “Wow. This is such a hard choice. Will we be going to Fresh Corn Grill?”

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“What I would give to enjoy a FINE RESTAURANT MEAL. But listen to me prattling on: I’m a regular NILES CRANE.”

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“Robert may be on a date with someone else, but we’ll always have the color BLUE.”

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“So, Robby, when did you get so FUNNY?”

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“Darling, what ever do you mean?”

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“You know… funny.”

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“Do you mean flamboyant? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

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“You tell me. Literally – I have no idea what that word means.”

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“If I may be so gauche to ask, how was your FINE RESTAURANT MEAL???”

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“DISGUSTING. Everything was lardon-this, butter-poached-that.”

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“Okay, Paul, calm yourself. No reason to be jealous that Robert wasted a FINE RESTAURANT MEAL ON THIS DAPHNE MOON OF A BOOR.”

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“Hello. I’m pretty but boring.”

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“Me too. Thank you for being honest about your lack of personality.”

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Robert: “Sometimes my dad will tell my mom that he loves her.”
Eric: “Sometimes MY dad will kiss my mom.”
Robert: “We have so much in common.”

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“This is nice.”

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“Yeah!”

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[clears throat]

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“So…”

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“Can I go now?”

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“Hey gorgeous!”

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“Hey there! Listen, I don’t mean to be rude, but I have a date coming right now. He’s supposed to be my ‘dessert.’ I know, crazy right?”

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“It’s me! Brandon! I’m your dessert!”

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“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

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“I’ll take my necklace back now, theeenks.”

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Robert: “Thank you for running at the same pace as me. We really do have so much in common.”
Chad: “I love you.”

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“AND KICK AND STRUT AND KICK!!!”

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“Quick question: will there be a very considerate trainer to bring us cold towels? I hate to be such a Roz about it, but daddy’s getting overheated.”

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Robert: “Are you seriously not sitting on the mat?”
Paul: “I just don’t want to mess up these shorts. I plan to wear them later to a FINE RESTAURANT MEAL.”

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“Is this what it feels like to be on the hot volleyball team??”

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“Hold up – I just want to grab a lock of your hair for my scrapbook.”

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Paul: “This is a rather devilish exercise.”
Robert: “Do you not do sit ups?”
Paul: “Not particularly. However, I do engage in a lot of core work. My very considerate trainer has me recite wine varietals until my stomach hurts.”

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Robert: “Put your head down.”
Paul: “I’m sorry Robert, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“Just relax.”
“This is actually the most I’ve relaxed in years.”
“You are literally in the most tense position possible.”
“Really? This feels divine. All that’s missing is a FINE RESTAURANT MEAL.”

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“Paul, I have concerns. You’re in great shape, but you don’t like sit ups. How is that possible? What does this mean? Where do we go from here?”

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“I suppose while you do sit ups, I could lift weights?”

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“DO YOU REALIZE HOW CRAZY THAT SOUNDS?”

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“Not really.”

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“Quick: what’s your favorite color?”

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“Green!”

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“Oh geez. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

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“Paul, you need to stop trying to be so perfect. We’re all flawed. I’m very flawed. Just do a Google search on me. Actually, don’t.”

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“I’m very flawed! Just the other night I paired a pinot noir with a roast squab!”

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“Paul, it’s time to face facts: you were on the ugly volleyball team, and I made a vow to eliminate all of you guys first. So, I’m sorry, but I need to take my tie back.”

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“Well, I’ll always have ‘Frasier’ to keep me company.”

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“Who’s Frasier? Does he work out?”

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Always a bad omen for love when the Eye of Sauron appears.

What did you think about this episode? Did Robert make the correct choice?

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One thought on “FINDING PRINCE CHARMING PHOTOCAP: Eat, Gay, Love

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