The Truth About Beverly Beach

Recently on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, fashion magnate and occasional British person Dorit Kemsley launched her new swimwear line, curiously named Beverly Beach by Dorit (né NAVA). It’s a bold new direction for Ms. Kemsley, who has previously lit sartorial circles aflame with such iconic looks as The Golden Bird Poop and Purple Boots Hanging From A Cloud. Now comes Beverly Beach, a brand meant to conjure up visions of a utopian destination – a place where waiters serve champagne in flutes, women cross their legs in PK’s presence, and any passerby can sing “Fever” with Boy George.

Unfortunately for Dorit, Beverly Beach is also the name of the lady who worked at our middle school in the administration department.

Don’t act confused. We ALL had a Beverly Beach growing up. And before we let Dorit take the name and build an empire with it, I felt it was time to honor the real Beverly Beach for all the hard work and dedication she has poured into that job she has had for about 17 years.
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PRESSING QUESTION: Is This Man Smiling or Frowning?


There are many pressing questions in this world: is Carnival Cruise Lines actually run by carnies? Is Carnie Wilson related to Owen and Luke? And does Owen get jealous that it’s called Luke warm and not Owen warm?

I know what you’re saying: “Ben, you are INSIDE MY BRAIN.” Well, you’re welcome. But I’d like to add another puzzling question to the list.

Is the man in the above photo smiling or scowling? It sort of looks like a smile, but it also looks vaguely angry. Maybe he’s “smizing.” I really can’t tell, and I welcome all input on this VERY. PRESSING. ISSUE.

Thank you.

15 Hopeless Places Rihanna May Have Found Love In


Rihanna’s latest ubiquitous hit, “We Found Love,” boasts of finding love in a hopeless place. This has left listeners pondering many questions, chief among them: what sort of hopeless place was Rihanna talking about?

After the jump, a list of potential hopeless locales where Rihanna may have found love against the odds…

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PHOTO: Young Teresa and Joe Gorga Hit The Jersey Shore


Before there was Snooki and The Situation, there were Teresa and Joe Gorga, a feuding brother and sister duo who at one point were very close… and very tan.

I don’t know what’s most impressive: Teresa’s fashion sense (she looks like she got tangled in some sort of leopard-print duct tape dispenser) or her voluminous hair, which cascades down like an overgrown weeping willow dipped in tar. Then there’s the matter of Joe’s oiled up barrel chest. I’ll assume he’s fresh from some Jell-o wrestling under the inflated Coors Light can in the distance. Either way, this is some hot, sticky fun over here.

Props to the lady on the right, who managed to get through this picture relatively unscathed. I’m wondering what she grew up to be. Here’s my guess.

Thanks to Matt Whitfield for the heads up.

Epic Halloween Weekend Leads To Annual Batch of Embarrassing Photos


People might not realize this, but Halloween in Los Angeles can be a crazy, crazy experience, and this past weekend was no exception. Luckily, my friends and I always seem to have a camera on hand, which means much of the ridiculousness can be documented. Sadly, we did miss some vital pics — such as the annual onslaught of sexy iterations of generally non-sexy things: sexy Waldo, sexy Freddy Krueger, sexy Chilean miners, etc. I even think I saw a sexy version of Max from Where the Wild Things Are.

Pictures (of slutty and non-slutty costumes alike) after the jump…

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My Random ‘Strangers With Candy’ Cameo


Ten years ago, I was a lowly intern on Strangers with Candy, the cult-comedy series on Comedy Central that aired for three seasons. It was a pretty thankless job, but there were occasional perks. One day, in fact, the powers that be had me serve as a classroom extra for a few scenes, which meant that I got to spend a day sitting behind Amy Sedaris in a room with Stephen Colbert and guest star David Cross (and Heather Matarazzo, if we want to get specific). It was kind of amazing. To this day I will always remember a bored Amy Sedaris sitting there in between takes and naming as many sausages as she could in her Jerri Blank voice. The bit was so bizarre yet so utterly hilarious that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, which was strange because not only was I the only one laughing, but apparently the only one listening to her as well. How could people be ignoring her? I swear to God, when she ultimately said “Blood sausage,” I nearly lost it.

Nevertheless, I was watching the episode the other night, and I decided to take a screen grab of my impressive acting debut. The pic hardly does justice to my stellar performance, but it does show off my shapely college-age body.

Aw, memories.

The Wide Range Of Emotions That Is ‘The Bachelorette’ Finale


I don’t watch The Bachelorette. Nor do I watch The Bachelor. In fact, I kind of hate both shows. However, last night my friend Jenny came knocking on my door in dire straits: her Bachelorette viewing party had imploded, and now she desperately needed somewhere to watch the finale. Being the friendly and welcoming person that I am, I let her in and watched as she proceeded to travel through an entire spectrum of emotions. Witnessing the changes on Jenny’s face was surely more entertaining than the two hours of fluff on screen; so what better way to document the true Bachelorette experience than by snapping some photos of Jenny’s reactions.

Pictures after the jump…

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