Things took a few preposterous turns on Downton Abbey this week. A man with a severely burned face claiming to be Patrick Crawley (the former heir who had died on the Titanic) surfaced at the estate, full of tales of amnesia and Canadian exile. No one really believed that this guy was Patrick Crawley, but the perpetually unlucky in love Edith did, despite the fact that this new Patrick had no trace of a British accent (something I naturally assume the real Patrick would have had). For a moment, I thought this charlatan might be accepted by the family, but instead, [SPOILER] they greeted him with suspicion, and ultimately, he fled, leaving Edith heartbroken again. Poor girl.
It must have been bad enough for Queen Elizabeth when she learned Prince William would be marrying the COMMONER Kate Middleton. Now comes news that Prince Harry is canoodling with an American COMMONER (with a white trash tattoo on her torso to boot). Yes, the ginger royal, who’s been stationed in Southern California for military training, has allegedly made the acquaintance of Jessica Donaldson, a cocktail waitress at San Diego’s Andaz Hotel. No word on what the rest of the fam thinks about this budding relationship, but I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Prince Philip accidentally calls Jessica a whore trollop to the press. And yes, the physical similarities to Katie Midds have been noted.
Via The Daily News
I really had no intention of watching the Royal Wedding, let alone staying up into the wee hours of the night/morning for it, but as it turns out, I was already awake at 2 AM; so I decided to turn on the telly and watch it all unfold. It was pretty fun, but I must admit that when the sermon started, I fell asleep — only awakening a significant amount of time later as Prince William and his bride Kate Middleton were riding around on a carriage through London. Happy times all around.
Anyway, I officially have Royal Fever now, and as such, I’ve compiled a photocap of the wedding. Pictures after the jump… Continue reading
In case you’ve been living under a rock, Prince William married his college sweetheart Kate Middleton earlier today in a lavish Royal Wedding that was viewed by millions worldwide. What better way to honor this momentous occasion than to mash it up with the Real Housewives? After the jump, check out various Housewives at the Royal Wedding…
Normally I find press releases in my inbox about uninteresting crap on the Weather Channel or TV Monde or who knows what else. This morning, however, I randomly received this very important notice from all the way from across the pond to announce that Greenwich, UK had achieved the status of ROYAL BOROUGH. Surely you know of Greenwich. After all, not only is it a UNESCO world heritage site, but it is also the place where “during the Silver Jubilee of 1977, HM the Queen embarked at Greenwich for the Jubilee River Pageant. In 1987 the Queen was aboard the P&O cruise ship Pacific Princess, moored alongside the Old Royal Naval College, for the spectacular son-et lumiere marking the 150th anniversary of P&O.” Obvs.
Well, as I read through the email, I realized that I was reading the most British press release OF ALL TIME (note that I have only read about three British press releases ever). The document is filled with choice English phrases such as “a highly supportive Patron of the Cutty Sark” as well as a few eyebrow-raising comments, including references to something called the “Palace of Placentia” and “the Royal Hospital for Seamen.” It’s kind of amazing.
I still don’t know why I wound up on the mailing list for this notice, but I do love it ever so much. By all means, Britons, send me more!
Full press release after the jump.
Enjoy playing Wii… whilst NOT at the D-Day ceremony!
The good news for Queen Elizabeth: she’s getting a gold-plated “Royal Wii” with which she can enjoy the sublime pleasures of Boom Blox or Super Monkey Ball Banana Blitz whilst on holiday at Balmoral.
The bad news: bitch got snubbed by Nicky Sarks. That’s right, France’s prime minister Nicholas Sarkozy and President Obama will be convening next week to celebrate the sixty-fifth anniversary of D-Day, and guess who didn’t get the invite? None other than HM Queen Elizabeth, who’ll have to content herself with a rousing game of Excite Truck while British PM Gordon Brown reprezents the U.K. at the event. Just who would have the balls to dis The Queen like this? Hard to say, but all we know is that there’s a lot of finger pointing going on. The French say that they left it up to G-Brown to deliver the invite, but apparently, he squandered it all for himself (they also assert that Her Majesty only attends anniversaries that are multiples of ten; so whereas a sixtieth or a seventieth anniversary would be acceptable, sixty-fifth is truly substandard). The Brits, on the other hand, say that Sarkozy has a man-crush on Obama and like any good sidekick, wants to keep the attention squarely on him (because clearly no one cares about Gordon Brown). As a result, Nick & Barry are clearly having an A & B conversation, so Lizzie should C her way out of it.
So who’s at fault in this international row? I certainly don’t know, but I’m chuffed to bits about it. Don’t worry, Queen Elizabeth. You’ll have more fun playing Mario Kart Wii online anyway. See you on the Moo Moo Meadows! (hint: watch out for the cows.)
For more information check out the following links, courtesy of m_ruv and jash:
Plugged In: The Royal Wii
The New York Times: Left Out of D-Day Events, Queen Elizabeth Is Fuming
Mail Online: D-Day snub to Queen: Palace fury as Sarkozy refuses to invite royals to 65th Anniversary
Okay, at this point everyone and their mother has seen frumpy Susan Boyle singing on Britain’s Got Talent (and yes, that means people can STOP forwarding it to me). Today, however, we have new Susan Boyle fun: an interview with her on The Early Show (sorry, Chenbot was not involved). Take a look at this week’s internet sensation and enjoy some charmingly awkward Scottish moments. You’ll be chuffed to bits!
Update: After the jump, a much funnier interview with Susan, this time with Diane Sawyer whose wonderful haughtiness is the perfect match for Susan’s homeliness. Best part: the greeting card at the end.
This past weekend, the Food Network aired a brand new Semi Homemade Halloween special featuring our intrepid hostess Sandra Lee dressed in a variety of regal costumes as some sort of ode to the most memorable queens of history. As you can imagine, the results were eye-opening. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a busty Marie Antoinette preparing a pumpkin trifle.
Don’t get too excited though. Sandy only had a half an hour of airtime, which meant that when it came to queens, there was no love for the likes of Elizabeth II, Liliuokalani, and of course, Bruce Vilanch (heeyyyoooh!!!). Still, there were plenty of ridiculous costumes, and I’m only too happy to share them with you here.
Pics from the special after the jump…
Busta Rhymes Owns Stupid British Woman – Watch more free videos
The name of the video says it all. It’s kind of funny watching Busta’s behavior go from sort of nice and jokey to, well, angry. Plus, the culture clash is quite phenomenal too. I mean, it’s Busta Rhymes vs. some fussy British woman. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE??
In other news, Busta Rhymes has sensational hearing.
Fiona Shackleton before and after encountering Heather Mills.
Yesterday, when Heather Mills absconded with nearly $50 million of Paul McCartney’s money, she did so with utmost class and dignity. And then she dumped a glass of water on his lawyer. Yes, Fiona Shackleton, barrister to the stars, found her puffy, carefully attended coif suddenly matted down under the harsh deluge of Ms. Mills’s liquid wrath, and while I’m sure there were gasps aplenty to be had, at the end of the day, I think Madame Shackleton looks all the foxier. Gone is that matronly sense of disapproval that weighed her face down like a thousand raisin scones. In its place is a young, new Fiona, ready hop on a plane at Heathrow and fly to St. Tropez for the latest Diddy white party. I know it must have been embarrassing for you, Fi-Fi, but rest assured, Paris Hilton best be watching her back now. Grrrrrowl!