Greetings from the friendly skies! I am currently flying through the clouds on American Airlines, and since I have nothing better to do, I figured I’d whip out the lap top and write a flight blog. I’m currently headed from NYC to Orlando, or as I like to call it, THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL ROUTE. Yes, this plane is chock full o’ kids — in the seats, in the aisles, and probably in the overhead compartments. It’s like I’m in an airborne rumpus room. It’s not that I hate kids; it’s just that I severely dislike being in their company. They’re like drunk people: rambunctious, loud, hard to control, and prone to inappropriate urination. And yet when kids do all those things it’s considered cute or “life.” Well, I suppose that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Luckily, there haven’t been any pools of liquid accumulating near me, and most of the children are so excited about Disney that they’re hardly shedding a tear, but still, I’m going a little batty. There were balloons at the terminal, people. BALLOONS AT THE TERMINAL.