It seems like every week this summer, there’s been a tragic story of someone getting swept away to their death, with the latest coming today after news broke that a 19 year-old girl slipped and fell into the Niagara River, sending her over the falls where she is presumed to have died. Turns out the girl had climbed over a guardrail when she lost her footing and tumbled into the water.
I by no means want to make light of the death that’s occurred. However, I can’t help but think that perhaps these untimely demises could have been prevented. That’s why I’ve created the official B-Side Blog Guide To Not Getting Swept Away. Details after the jump…
“Ladies and gentlemen: this is the Countess speaking. We have arrived. On your phone.”
That’s what I imagine LuAnn De Lesseps’ new iPhone app says when you start it up. Yes, you heard me correctly: LuAnn has a new iPhone app. Money can’t buy you class, but it can nab you “Countess LuAnn” for $0.99. The application offers many useful tools, such as a primer on etiquette, an “Ask the Countess” feature, and most importantly the ability to create images of you and LuAnn. That alone might be worth the dollar.
Additionally, users can take “Etiquette & Manner” polls and thumb through LuAnn’s bio, photos, and videos. There’s also much, much more, which only makes sense for someone enjoying the “Chic, C’est La Vie” mobile lifestyle. Features that don’t appear to be included:
Create your own dismissive insult.
A haughty laugh recording that allows you to punctuate any dig by pressing a button and hearing LuAnn’s guffaw.
A GPS feature that seethes, “THIS IS NOT THE PLAZA HOTEL. THIS IS Ralph’s Italian Ices of Syosset.”
A Groupon-esque feature that with every deal always reminds you, “See, I share my deals with you. I’m not like Ramona, who won’t share HER deals. That’s an awfully BITCHY thing to do.”
A camel safety video.
Push notifications for the app to occasionally ask you, “Would you believe she called me a snake? How nasty! The mouth on that one!”
Today is 7-11 (actually, it’s 7-11-11), which can only mean one thing: free Slurpees! 7 Eleven is giving away free 7.11 oz (get it?) Slurpees, and at some stores in Los Angeles, there will be Slurpee-themed contests. Winners can be eligible to have a truck come to their house for eighty-four days of free Slurpees. Sounds a bit intense for me, but hey, if you get off on brain freezes, then get on it!
Confession: I’ve never had a Slurpee before. I’ve also never eaten Taco Bell. Perhaps today I’ll cross one of those off my bucket list…
Once again I’ll be hosting another episode of my web show, Housewives Hoedown, and this week I’ll be joined by my friend Sita Young. We’ll be discussing Real Housewives of Orange County and Miami, and we’ll be paying particular attention to Alexis and Jim Bellino.
Call in to share your thoughts on Alexis and Jim. I’d like to know who is worse: Jim for the way he treats Alexis, or Alexis for happily taking it? Furthermore, which couple will last the longest: Alexis & Jim, Tamra & Eddie, or Gretchen & Slade?
Just a reminder that I’ll be hosting another episode of Housewives Hoedown, the online show where we talk about nothing but the Real Housewives. Joining me again will be Flipit from TVgasm, and we’ll be discussing Miami and Orange County and anything else that might be on your mind.
If you’re unemployed and looking for a career makeover, this might be your lucky day. My friend is casting a reality show that gives people who are out of work a chance to team up with a top notch head hunter. The series is looking for people in SoCal; so if you feel like you fit the bill, feel free to contact the casting office. All the information is above (click for a larger view of the casting notice).
About forty-five minutes ago, I posted an item about Chinese Walmarts that had been sent to me by my true friend Neil. No sooner had I posted it than my other friend IndianJones popped up to remind me that the link was in fact “OLD NEWS” on account of it apparently having been a viral hit four months ago.
This, of course, led to my other friend jash firing off an email insisting that I retroactively dole out a tag for IndianJones on the post because IndianJones had actually sent out the very same link to all four of us (among others) back in May. Clearly, tags on this blog are a big deal (jash and IndianJones are in a heated competition to have the most tags — so that jash would insist that his competitor should earn a precious tag was quite noteworthy). Nevertheless, this soon led to an angry email from IndianJones who wrote, “BEN I demand a tag or at least acknowledgement.”
So what to do? WELL. IndianJones, after much thought and deliberation, I am giving you acknowledgment in this post for having sent the link at some point in our lifetimes; however, you do not receive a tag because you were not the reason why I posted the link. It was in fact Neil (true friend) who inspired me to post the link.
If there’s one thing I love to do, it’s shamelessly promote myself. Today I actually have a good reason for it. My friend Caleb Bacon and his compatriot Tim Hammer have a fun podcast named The Gentleman’s Club with Hammer and Bacon, and I was lucky enough to be a guest host on this week’s episode. This was actually my second time on the big shew, the first being on the very first premiere episode (I believe I shared billing with Darryl Strawberry, thank you very much).
We recorded the episode last Thursday when Emmy nominations came out; so we spend a bulk of the show talking about that. However, there’s some passing chatter about The Hills too, which sadly ends tonight (in case you weren’t aware). Anyway, do yourselves a favor and head over to the site (or iTunes!) and listen to the latest Gentleman’s Club podcast!
There are many things to be thankful for this year, but chief among them, as far as this site is concerned, is the growing B-Side Blog readership over the past year. Thanks for coming back to read, even when my posting schedule has been erratic at best. Also, thanks for recommending the blog to your friends (and if you haven’t done that, well, then I’ll reserve quiet disdain for you). I am most appreciative!
Hope you all have a safe and fun turkey day. And you can thank IndianJones for the photo above. He insisted that I post something bloody.
My friend Meeshie is taking part in a very important and good cause next week. No, she’s not finding me a benefactor to fund this site. She’s participating in the annual bike ride to support MS Research. Last year, I encouraged readers to help support Meeshie and her team, and this year, I’m doing the exact same thing. Multiple sclerosis affects a huge number of people, and hopefully events like this can help us move closer to a cure (why aren’t I quite the sincere blogger this morning?). Anyway, here’s the formal pitch:
On October 4 the National MS Society’s New York City Chapter is hosting its 25th annual Bike MS event where 5,000 individuals will ride their bikes toward a world free of MS. I am joining the movement by participating in Bike MS. You can support me by making a tax-deductible donation to help raise much needed funds for people with multiple sclerosis.
Over 400,000 Americans live with the challenges of multiple sclerosis. This disease brings uncertainty to those living with it and stops people from moving. The National MS Society exists to make sure it doesn’t. Together, we can turn the uncertainty into hope by doing something about MS now.