10 Things Starships Were Meant To Do (Other Than Fly)

nickiminaj.jpg

After hearing Nicki Minaj’s ubiquitous hit Starships for about the umpteenth time today, I couldn’t help but get the phrase “Starships were meant to fly” in my head for the latter part of my afternoon. It made me think: starships might be meant to fly, but is that all they can do?

After the jump, ten other things that starships are meant to do. Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

10 Fixes For ‘Draw Something’ That We’d Like To See

IMG_2407.jpg

Draw Something surfaced in late February of this year, and within days it became a top seller, going so far as to reach 50 million downloads in only fifty days. It has blown up all over pop culture, causing many people to abandon their endless Words with Friends games and opt for the quicker, more amusing thrills of drawing.

The game certainly has an appeal, but it’s not without its flaws. In fact, ask anyone whose played it for more than thirty minutes, and you’ll hear more than a fair share of grousing about the technical aspects. Truth is, Draw Something is a shoddy, shoddy app whose smart concept has somehow kept it afloat despite its shortcomings.

Luckily, gaming giant Zygna purchased OMGPOP, the small publisher of Draw Something, and soon we will be treated to a much-needed update. Rumor has it the next iteration will feature better social media integration, more words, and who knows what else.

I’m hopeful that Zygna will fix all the major problems, but in case they don’t, here are the major things that should be improved with the game.

Update: Timing is everything. Turns out Zygna released an update JUST TODAY fixing several of these issues. Yay! But still far from perfect…

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

5 Best ‘Call Me Maybe’ Tributes

Since Los Angeles Top-40 radio stations are perennially six weeks behind the rest of the country, I’m only now discovering the pure joy of a pop confection known simply as “Call Me Maybe.” The song, which is in iTunes’ top ten (and notably #74 on KIIS-FM Los Angeles’s playlist), might be described by the casual observer as “vapid” or “ridiculous.” But to me, I call it nothing short of SHEER GENIUS.

Sure, Carly Rae Jepsen’s mere name might make you want to go running for the hills, and sure she might be the protege of The Biebs, but don’t let this pseudo-Michelle Trachtenberg scare you. The only thing you should fear is the song’s hook taking up permanent residence in your head for the next several weeks.

Nevertheless, after the jump, check out five surprisingly fun and charming tributes to “Call Me Maybe,” including one co-starring Justin Bieber himself!

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

Ranking The P90x Supporting Cast From Worst To Best

p90x-ranking.jpg

Anyone who’s been within earshot of me in the past several months knows that I’ve taken the plunge and joined the P90X craze, which has been a journey unto itself. P90X, as many of you probably know, is a workout-at-home program that has users cycling through about ten DVDs repeatedly over the course of ninety days. As a result, we P90Xers are exposed to the same jokes, the same comments, and the same chatter day after day, week after week, and at the center of it all is fitness guru Tony Horton, who takes us to hell and back every day with a colorful cast of supporting characters. It doesn’t take long to grow attached to some of these oft-silent people in the background, and I know many users have their favorites (as well as those they detest). With that in mind, I decided to compile a list — a ranking of all the supporting cast members from worst to best. There were definitely some difficult decisions, but hey, I know it’s hard. It’s supposed to be!

Some clarification before we begin. This list only includes the original P90X. P90X Plus and P90X2 are not represented.

Let’s get busy. Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

10 Victoria Grayson Takedowns We’d Like To See

Revenge returns with a new episode tonight, and in honor of this momentous occasion, I’ve decided to compile a list of Victoria Grayson takedowns I’d like to see. As portrayed by the inimitable Madeleine Stowe, Victoria is the master of the seething, icy put-down, and there’s no better example than the video above, which shows her uttering her famous line: “Understand something, Lydia: every time I smile at you across the room or we run into each other at a luncheon or I welcome you into my home, let that smile be a reminder of just how much I despise you. And that every time I hug you, the warmth you feel is my hatred burning through.”

It’s a terrific, scathing scene, and I want to see more like it. After the jump, ten suggestions of other things Victoria can dismantle with her cold, unforgiving tongue. Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

10 Rejected Sequel Ideas for ‘We Bought A Zoo’

we_bought_a_zoo_p.jpg

This Christmas, Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson, and Thomas Haden Church all star in the movie We Bought A Zoo. It’s sort of a strange concept (if you need a plot description, look no further than the title), but if the film finds an audience — who knows? Maybe we might see a sequel or two.

After the jump, ten sequel ideas that we’re pretty sure will never happen (although, I’d see almost all of them).

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

10 Best Wind Songs

windy.jpg

It’s crazy windy tonight in Los Angeles. Trees are down, power is out, and cars are crashing. I’m lucky to be inside, but hearing the wind shake my windows and threaten to down my satellite dish is rather harrowing. What better way to celebrate (or distract myself from) these gales than by posting a countdown of the ten best wind related songs?

To the (hastily created) list!

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

15 Hopeless Places Rihanna May Have Found Love In

rihanna.jpg

Rihanna’s latest ubiquitous hit, “We Found Love,” boasts of finding love in a hopeless place. This has left listeners pondering many questions, chief among them: what sort of hopeless place was Rihanna talking about?

After the jump, a list of potential hopeless locales where Rihanna may have found love against the odds…

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

13 Horrific Examples of Animal Cruelty in Nintendo Games

tanookimario.jpg
Pure evil.

This past weekend, Nintendo released Super Mario 3D Land, which features the return of the Tanooki Suit, a brown racoon-esque costume that first appeared way back in 1988 when Super Mario 3 hit stores. To some, this furry, tan outfit represents cute nostalgia, but for many of us, we can’t help but see it for what it is: a flippant disregard for the many tanukis who’ve given their pelts and their lives for man’s quest to manufacture flight-enabling fur coats. Thankfully, the good people of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have spoken up.

Peta released this statement: “Tanooki may be just a ‘suit’ in Mario games, but by wearing the skin of an animal, Mario is sending the message that it’s OK to wear fur.”

Truer words have never been spoken, and I’m glad that someone is finally taking Mario to task. For years I’ve been decrying the plumber’s use of fireballs as a reckless endorsement of pyromania, and let’s not begin to talk about his fixation with magic mushrooms. It’s about time that this mascot’s obscene behavior is called into question.

Of course, the Tanooki Suit debacle isn’t the first time Nintendo has so fecklessly thrown animal rights out the window. After the jump, please prepare yourself for thirteen of the more horrifying and nauseating examples of animal cruelty as depicted in Nintendo’s allegedly “family-friendly” games.

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

FROM WORST TO BEST: Ranking The Big Brother Alliances

Sovereign_Six.jpg

One of the great pleasures of watching Big Brother is observing how people stuck in a house battling for money will claw and fight their way to the top of the heap. This often involves the formation of alliances, replete with stupid names, and more often than not, those alliances collapse in the most spectacular of ways. We’ve had some real doozies over the years: sad, flaccid teams whose mere existence is laughable; oversized groups whose implosion is inevitable; cocky upstarts whose flashy conceptions are often met with spectacular flame-outs; and of course the rare effective alliance that could. go. all. the. way.

After the jump, I’ve ranked seventeen of the formal alliances (ie. ones with self-anointed names) from worst to best. This was no simple task as an alliance can’t be measured simply by its success in the game. We have to consider likability, stupidity, shrewdness, and, of course, the name.

Results after the jump…

Continue reading

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share