An Open Letter To The Candidates From Mario

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In the wake of last night’s third and final Presidential debate, Joe the Plumber received quite the amount of attention from Barack Obama and John McCain. Many Americans were puzzled by this, and none more so than our most celebrated plumber, Mario. I have obtained this exclusive copy of a letter written by Mario to both candidates expressing his frustration about the situation. Please take note.

Dear Mr. a-McCain and Mr. a-Obama,

I’m so mad I could throw a meat-a-ball at you for spending all your a-debate talking about Joe the Plumber. Last time I checked, Joe the Plumber never risked his a-life saving a royal member of the Mushroom Kingdom, and yet all you a-two do is talk about Joe. Joe deserves this. Joe deserves that. You know who’s the most deserving plumber? It’s a me, Mario!
Eight a-castles I went through, and after almost every a-one of the them, some lady told me I was in the wrong a-one. But did I ever complain? Mamma mia, no! Joe the Plumber though, he’s a-complainin’ left and right. Let a-me ask you this: Can this a-Joe guy throw fire from his hands? I donna think so. Can this a-Joe guy play every sport in the world, including golf, tennis, baseball, soccer, and several events from the Beijing Olympics? I donna think so. Can this a-Joe guy throw a party so good, they a-call it Joe Party? No, he can’t. They don’t a-even call him “Super.” You a-know why? Because he’s a pussy, like my a-brother a-Luigi. Except Luigi actually has balls. And they’re shaped like Boo the ghost. It’s a-strange.
So here’s my a-point, Senators. Next time you a-feel like singling out a member of my profession, make sure it’s someone who’s stepped on at least one turtle in his life, okay?
Let’s a-go!
Mario

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SNL Proves To Be A Pleasant Thursday Diversion

Saturday Night Live aired its first of three Thursday night specials last night, and the results were pretty good. A skit making fun of Tuesday’s debate was enjoyable, even if it didn’t reach the instant-classic levels of last Saturday’s vice presidential sendup. Plus, a double segment of Weekend Update was for the most part funny, despite another tiresome Will Forte singing piece. In case you missed any or all of the special, check out the video above. It’s the whole episode for your viewing pleasure.

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And Now The Most Ridiculous Debate Of The Day

In a campaign littered with ridiculous controversies, here’s one that ranks near the top of the pack in terms of sheer silliness. The issue at hand: Newsweek’s un-retouched cover of Sarah Palin. According to Republican media consultant Andrea Tantaro, the brutal close-up image is a “clear slap in the face at Sarah Palin,” especially when compared to some of the more glowing, halo-filled covers of Barack Obama. She may have a point that Newsweek has a liberal bent, but when complaining about it on Fox News of all places, she kind of loses her right to cry media bias. Nevertheless, it’s a fun vid to watch, if only to see Andrea get so steamed in the face of the most idiotic debate of the day.

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SNL Hits It Out of the Ballpark Again

Saturday Night Live has been on a much publicized role with its coverage of this fall’s campaign season, and that’s mostly thanks to Tina Fey’s instant classic take on Sarah Palin. Last night’s episode proved no exception with a razor-sharp opening skit that skewered not only Palin, but Joe Biden and even Gwen Ifill (played gamely by Queen Latifah). And as an added bonus, the writers brought their A-Game the entire episode, with almost every skit being very funny (there were a few duds, but even those brought some laughs). Hopefully now we can finally extinguish that regrettable Michael Phelps installment…

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SWEET SASSY MOLASSY: Sarah Palin Does The Sports Report!

Long before she was a presumptive vice presidential nominee, and long before she was the governor of her state, Sarah Palin (née Heath) was a sportscaster for Channel 2 Sports in Alaska, and thanks to the magic of the YouTubes, we have four minutes of her doing her thang. To be fair, this video isn’t particularly funny or embarrassing (beyond her squeaky voice and ’80s hair) — but it does further the head-scratching-quotient of her whole political ascent. Yes, this woman could be our next Vice President, to which I have only one thing to say: Stuart Scott 2012!
Via Ball Don’t Lie

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My Favorite Sarah Palin Photos

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Take one part Megan Mullally, one part Mariska Hargitay, add a dash of Tina Fey, and dress it all up in some JC Penney, and you have Governor Sarah Palin, the newest face in the 2008 Presidential Elections. Tapped to serve as John McCain’s vice presidential running mate, Ms. Palin is a stranger to a good many people, including me, and so in an effort to educate myself, I did what any curious blogger would do: no, not read her bio (although I did eventually do that). Instead I dove into Google Image Search and found a veritable treasure trove of Palin pics. I present to you my very favorites.

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Liveblogging Obama's Speech – Updated!

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“I’m OUT OF THIS WORLD!”

Tonight, I tried to do my civic duty by tuning into Barack Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention. Unfortunately, about five minutes into it, he referenced the seminal ’70s television show, Eight is Enough, and that just totally distracted me. The rest of the time I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had ALL of Obama’s speech contained references to classic television shows. And thus formed the basis of a semi-liveblog between my friend Jash and me.
Our correspondence after the jump…

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Obama's New Running Mate?

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If there’s any one thing that could cost Barack Obama this election (aside from his uncanny ability to wear Urkel pants while playing basketball), it would be taking this photo with universally reviled reality star, Johnny Fairplay. Granted, John McCain isn’t totally free of unsavory supporters himself as he’s welcomed the endorsement of professional cotton-ball Heidi Montag. Still… Fairplay? Really, Obama? Kind of negates all those attacks on Hillary Clinton’s judgment, no?
Via Midseason Replacements

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