I have to admit that I wasn’t planning on photocapping the latest Finding Prince Charming, but then I received a sign from the heavens that changed my plans — nay, my life. This morning I spotted none other than Robert Sepulveda Jr. himself lingering around the hot deli bar of my local Ralph’s supermarket. That’s right: I FOUND PRINCE CHARMING. If that’s not an omen, I don’t know what is. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of this spectral being because a) my hands were full of Starbucks and supermarket sushi, and b) there really couldn’t be anything more humiliating than snapping a pic of a Logo star at Ralph’s. I decided I would mentally thank him for being vulnerable to the deli section, go home, and write this photocap. And here we are.
This week, the show reached new levels of lunacy as Sam flipped his lid and excoriated Dillon for being a canary, a shit-stirrer, and essentially the source of all evil in this world. It was a fabulous flameout that resulted in Sam sauntering out of the house of his own volition while Justin nonsensically cried. Meanwhile, Robert suddenly decided he liked Paul and was so aroused by the tragic story of his ex that he stood up and planted a big, sloppy kiss on his face. It was not for the fainthearted. It was not for anyone, really.
This week on Finding Prince Charming, a line was drawn in the sand. Literally. During a listeless volleyball challenge in the name of romance, the hottest guys in the house gathered as a team, leaving everyone else in a basket of disposables sadly named “The Nice Guys.” Naturally, chaos ensued.
Most of the drama centered around Chad, who allegedly made a vulgar, scrotum-centric overture at Eric. It didn’t seem like a major ish at first, but then Eric happily reported the incident to Robert, who in turn questioned Chad, who in turn had a meltdown. Ultimately, the whole drama resulted in Chad butchering some canary metaphors and threatening to go home. It was highly fulfilling. Also of note: drunk Sam yelling at half the house like Kim Richards on game night.
Last week, Logo premiered Finding Prince Charming, a reality competition colloquially referred to as the “gay Bachelor.” And that’s what it is. The show sees host Lance Bass guiding the handsome, robotic Robert Sepulveda Jr. through a gaggle of would-be suitors, all in the name of televised love. Our usual tropes are here: romantic music, catty brinksmanship, and the occasional declaration of personal tragedy. Some contestants play coy — Brodney amusingly struggles with “opening up” at a pool party, stating that it’s not the venue for such tender moments (and yet appearing on a TV is somehow less impersonal). Others swarm around Robert like tweens at a Bieber concert. It’s all pretty amazing and hilarious.
The biggest laughs, however, come from Robert himself, whose enviable torso often stands in for personality. He presents himself as a romantic soul with deep, empathetic thoughts — and yet he nearly rejects Paul for liking short men and gives the boot to Nick, whose sweating is seen as a roadblock to connection. Meanwhile, upon learning that the aforementioned Brodney is a trainer from his current home of Atlanta, Robert senses they might be a perfect match — you know, because they live in the same city and like to work out. It’s gloriously superficial, and I want to drag Robert over the coals for it, but unfortunately, I can’t act like I’m not a shallow gay man too; so hey, Robert — you go and get yourself a hot guy. I support you fully!
Full disclosure: my friend Brandon is amongst the suitors; so I am incredibly biased in his favor. Go Brandon!
Real Housewives of New York is by far my favorite iteration of Bravo’s venerable Real Housewives franchise. There’s no better collection of lunatic, neurotic, self-involved, and generally hilarious women on the network, perhaps even TV in general. The latest season of the show continues its tradition of petty squabbles and sharp-tongued blow-outs, and since I had a few spare hours on my hands, I thought I would look back on the first eight episodes and do a good ol’ fashioned photocap.
After the jump, a massive stroll through RHONY’s greatest 2016 hits…
Do you smell that? It’s the faint aroma of self-tanner, rancid meat, and self-pity. It can only mean one thing: Big Brother is back!!! Yes, America’s favorite summertime tradition has returned, and I could not be happier. For too long has my life been without vapid, beautiful people, but that all changed this week when CBS unleashed about 35 new faces on us. There was Clay, the gorgeous Texas native who has happily ascended to the dreamboat throne vacated by Cody last season. And then there was… Clay. And Clay. And more Clay.
Okay, fine. There are other cast members too. Audrey is Big Brother’s first transgendered houseguest, which is pretty cool. And John is Big Brother’s 453rd self-appointed rock ‘n’ roll houseguest, which is less cool. We also have resident nerd Steve (currently at the top of my faves), resident muscle nerd Austin (also at the top of my faves), and resident cookie enthusiast Jace (nowhere near my faves).
There are more — many more — but I’m not going to get into it. Most of these people seem promising, which is of course how all seasons begin: promise, followed by some early spats, which lead to a few predictable weeks of evictions, culminating with a mid-season explosion or two, and then finally settling into a quiet final stretch. Here’s to hoping things are more thrilling than last year’s dull parade to the finish line.
Comic and journalist Louis Virtel (Hitfix.com) joins Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com, Watch What Crappens podcast) to tell us everything about his recent appearance on “Jeopardy,” which subsequently went viral. From the application process to life atop Reddit, Louis shares the whole experience.
After that, it’s just an avalanche of banter, most of it pertaining to Madonna, Whitney Houston, Garbage, Annie Lennox, and many more. It’s a fun episode, and perhaps the longest one yet. Enjoy!
Grab your finest boob-decorated wine glass: it’s time to celebrate the holy matrimony of Scheana Marie and her halter top. Yes, we are going down the aisle with Azusa’s most blushiest blushing bride on a very special episode of “Watch What Crappens.” With tears in our eyes and Lisa Vanderpump Sangria in our hands, we relive all the special moments of this not-tacky-at-all wedding. Oh, and don’t worry: we also have plenty to say about Kim’s sobriety on “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” Come listen!
This week Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (The Banter Blender) go to town on the crazy drama of “Vanderpump Rules.” From the Miami stalker to Lisa’s scolding, it’s nearly a full hour of ridicule. Then it’s on to Beverly Hills and Atlanta for more mockery. Along the way, there’s talk of Top Chef, Best New Restaurant, and even some random Food Network talk. Come in and listen to this long and rowdy episode!
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