Recently on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, fashion magnate and occasional British person Dorit Kemsley launched her new swimwear line, curiously named Beverly Beach by Dorit (né NAVA). It’s a bold new direction for Ms. Kemsley, who has previously lit sartorial circles aflame with such iconic looks as The Golden Bird Poop and Purple Boots Hanging From A Cloud. Now comes Beverly Beach, a brand meant to conjure up visions of a utopian destination – a place where waiters serve champagne in flutes, women cross their legs in PK’s presence, and any passerby can sing “Fever” with Boy George.
Unfortunately for Dorit, Beverly Beach is also the name of the lady who worked at our middle school in the administration department.
Don’t act confused. We ALL had a Beverly Beach growing up. And before we let Dorit take the name and build an empire with it, I felt it was time to honor the real Beverly Beach for all the hard work and dedication she has poured into that job she has had for about 17 years. Continue reading →
In a shocking development for Finding Prince Charming, calories were ingested! Yes, this week’s installment of Fi-Pri-Char saw Robert taking three different men out to eat — a ghastly turn of events that has NO PLACE on a gay dating show. It was an overdue moment of redemption for the three contenders: Robby, Eric, and Brendon — none of whom have had one-on-one time with their would-be lovah.
The bacchanalia started with Robby, who surely did not enjoy hearing Robert call him “funny.” The Friend Zone seemed imminent, and in an effort to turn around his fortunes, Robby went in for a kiss — not even waiting for Robert to pull off his trademark whisper of “C’mere…” Such a privilege was instead given to Chad, Brandon, and maybe Eric, but to be honest, I really don’t remember anything about Eric’s date except that he hates open relationships, his dad kisses his mom, and his hair looked nice.
Of course, as this is a peek into the gay lifestyle, no embrace of food can be complete without a rigorous workout routine to follow. Robert took the remaining men to a bootcamp experience, and within moment Paul was panting, sweating, and bemoaning the lack of cold towels — the kind his very considerate trainer offers him on a regular basis, apparently. Paul had surprisingly taken over the lead coming into this episode, but this morning exercise fully undid him. Not only did he not smile when being tasked with hideous cardio routines (the horror!), but he refused to sit on the ground (okay, that’s weird) and professed a lack of experience with sit-ups (apparently, a huge turn off for Robert). All of this was a pure disaster for him — after all, the gym is Robert’s church, and anyone who deigns to disrespect it has no place in his life. If he were capable of registering emotion, I’m sure Robert would have been truly outraged.
And so Paul was sent home where he could hopefully enjoy a fine restaurant meal at last. Now there’s only one person left from the Nice Guys volleyball team. You better watch out, Chad…
I have to admit that I wasn’t planning on photocapping the latest Finding Prince Charming, but then I received a sign from the heavens that changed my plans — nay, my life. This morning I spotted none other than Robert Sepulveda Jr. himself lingering around the hot deli bar of my local Ralph’s supermarket. That’s right: I FOUND PRINCE CHARMING. If that’s not an omen, I don’t know what is. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of this spectral being because a) my hands were full of Starbucks and supermarket sushi, and b) there really couldn’t be anything more humiliating than snapping a pic of a Logo star at Ralph’s. I decided I would mentally thank him for being vulnerable to the deli section, go home, and write this photocap. And here we are.
This week, the show reached new levels of lunacy as Sam flipped his lid and excoriated Dillon for being a canary, a shit-stirrer, and essentially the source of all evil in this world. It was a fabulous flameout that resulted in Sam sauntering out of the house of his own volition while Justin nonsensically cried. Meanwhile, Robert suddenly decided he liked Paul and was so aroused by the tragic story of his ex that he stood up and planted a big, sloppy kiss on his face. It was not for the fainthearted. It was not for anyone, really.
This week on Finding Prince Charming, a line was drawn in the sand. Literally. During a listeless volleyball challenge in the name of romance, the hottest guys in the house gathered as a team, leaving everyone else in a basket of disposables sadly named “The Nice Guys.” Naturally, chaos ensued.
Most of the drama centered around Chad, who allegedly made a vulgar, scrotum-centric overture at Eric. It didn’t seem like a major ish at first, but then Eric happily reported the incident to Robert, who in turn questioned Chad, who in turn had a meltdown. Ultimately, the whole drama resulted in Chad butchering some canary metaphors and threatening to go home. It was highly fulfilling. Also of note: drunk Sam yelling at half the house like Kim Richards on game night.
Last week, Logo premiered Finding Prince Charming, a reality competition colloquially referred to as the “gay Bachelor.” And that’s what it is. The show sees host Lance Bass guiding the handsome, robotic Robert Sepulveda Jr. through a gaggle of would-be suitors, all in the name of televised love. Our usual tropes are here: romantic music, catty brinksmanship, and the occasional declaration of personal tragedy. Some contestants play coy — Brodney amusingly struggles with “opening up” at a pool party, stating that it’s not the venue for such tender moments (and yet appearing on a TV is somehow less impersonal). Others swarm around Robert like tweens at a Bieber concert. It’s all pretty amazing and hilarious.
The biggest laughs, however, come from Robert himself, whose enviable torso often stands in for personality. He presents himself as a romantic soul with deep, empathetic thoughts — and yet he nearly rejects Paul for liking short men and gives the boot to Nick, whose sweating is seen as a roadblock to connection. Meanwhile, upon learning that the aforementioned Brodney is a trainer from his current home of Atlanta, Robert senses they might be a perfect match — you know, because they live in the same city and like to work out. It’s gloriously superficial, and I want to drag Robert over the coals for it, but unfortunately, I can’t act like I’m not a shallow gay man too; so hey, Robert — you go and get yourself a hot guy. I support you fully!
Full disclosure: my friend Brandon is amongst the suitors; so I am incredibly biased in his favor. Go Brandon!
Real Housewives of New York is by far my favorite iteration of Bravo’s venerable Real Housewives franchise. There’s no better collection of lunatic, neurotic, self-involved, and generally hilarious women on the network, perhaps even TV in general. The latest season of the show continues its tradition of petty squabbles and sharp-tongued blow-outs, and since I had a few spare hours on my hands, I thought I would look back on the first eight episodes and do a good ol’ fashioned photocap.
After the jump, a massive stroll through RHONY’s greatest 2016 hits…
Do you smell that? It’s the faint aroma of self-tanner, rancid meat, and self-pity. It can only mean one thing: Big Brother is back!!! Yes, America’s favorite summertime tradition has returned, and I could not be happier. For too long has my life been without vapid, beautiful people, but that all changed this week when CBS unleashed about 35 new faces on us. There was Clay, the gorgeous Texas native who has happily ascended to the dreamboat throne vacated by Cody last season. And then there was… Clay. And Clay. And more Clay.
Okay, fine. There are other cast members too. Audrey is Big Brother’s first transgendered houseguest, which is pretty cool. And John is Big Brother’s 453rd self-appointed rock ‘n’ roll houseguest, which is less cool. We also have resident nerd Steve (currently at the top of my faves), resident muscle nerd Austin (also at the top of my faves), and resident cookie enthusiast Jace (nowhere near my faves).
There are more — many more — but I’m not going to get into it. Most of these people seem promising, which is of course how all seasons begin: promise, followed by some early spats, which lead to a few predictable weeks of evictions, culminating with a mid-season explosion or two, and then finally settling into a quiet final stretch. Here’s to hoping things are more thrilling than last year’s dull parade to the finish line.
Comic and journalist Louis Virtel (Hitfix.com) joins Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com, Watch What Crappens podcast) to tell us everything about his recent appearance on “Jeopardy,” which subsequently went viral. From the application process to life atop Reddit, Louis shares the whole experience.
After that, it’s just an avalanche of banter, most of it pertaining to Madonna, Whitney Houston, Garbage, Annie Lennox, and many more. It’s a fun episode, and perhaps the longest one yet. Enjoy!