Celine Dion Finds New Ways To Sound Like A Computer

Hello. Celine Dion here. Celine Dion really is hilarious. I respect what she’s doing in this video (charity and whatnot), but I can’t help simultaneously laughing at her voice, which sounds something like a Québécois version of one of those computerized Mac voices. Each time I hear her say “the most… heartbreaking… staTISTic,” I let […]

The Fall of Rambutan

Last night, wee Ramiele Malubay was tearfully ejected from the American Idol universe, bringing an end to my ability to call her Rambutan week in and week out. It’s a joke that I think only me and my friend Jash ever laughed at, but laugh we did, and now America’s little Filipino is gone — […]

Seriously, Enough with the Beatles

Watching last night’s episode of American Idol, it occurred to me that we’ve yet to see any of these contestants sing anything that’s less than eighteen years old. Think about it: the semi-finals forced the singers to stick to the ’60s, ’70s, and ultimately the ’90s, and now we’ve been stuck with two, count ’em, […]

Another Idol's Dreams Stripped!

Earlier tonight, I decided I would merely fast forward through tonight’s American Idol results show, and yet, as is always the case, I sunk nearly forty minutes into the damn thing, fast forwarding only occasionally when group numbers and phone calls and McPheever got too much for me to handle. Oh Idol. You’re such a […]