CBS Reporter Serene Branson Is Fine, Possibly Possessed


Great news! KCBS Serene Branson — the one who became a worldwide trend on Twitter after she spoke gibberish live on the air — is fine! KCBS released a statement saying that paramedics checked her out, and all her vital signs were good. A friend drove her home to be on the safe side, but as far as we know, Serene did not have a stroke.

Of course, this still makes us wonder what DID actually go wrong? Brain ailment? Or just the strangest case of nerves ever?

This is important. I can’t effectively blog until I know the proper tone to take: mocking or sympathetic.

More details here.

INSANITY: Julie Chen Called Me Out By Name!!!

True insanity. I just woke up and discovered an inordinately large amount of tweets congratulating me. For what? I had no idea. But then I got to thinking — late last night, a writer from Entertainment Weekly had contacted me, telling me to keep an eye out for Julie Chen’s EW blog going up today. Naturally, I immediately headed over to the site, and there it was: Julie Chen mentioning yours truly:

But first (wink), let’s talk about the elephant in the EW blog room…The Chenbot! I was horrified when my best friend from college first told me about my Big Brother nickname. But, there was a side of me that kind of also got it right away. When I played dumb and asked her to explain it…it was exactly what I expected to hear. Then I was kind of embarrassed and yet unsure how to feel or react. (Chenbot was hurt…does this mean the Chenbot has emotions!?!?!). But, when I told my agent to get some sympathy, he made a funny remark in a robot-like voice and said something like…”Oh-yeah-you-did-not-know?” And he e-mailed me a link where someone edited together all my “But firsts…” (You know who you are, Ben Mandelker!) from the live shows and I laughed my head off. I WAS the Chenbot. Each delivery was EXACTLY the same — different hairdos, different outfits…same damn robotic delivery with precision and zero emotion. That’s when I said to myself, “Can I blame em? I AM the Chenbot!” The Beatles’ lyrics of “I am the Walrus” went through my head but I substituted in Chenbot.

CRAZINESS!!! I think the fourth wall has officially crumbled. Thanks for the shout-out, Julie!!
To read The Chenbot’s full entry, check it out here.
And to follow me on Twitter, check out

Yahoo News Reminds Us Of What's Most Important


Playboy Enterprises revealed a new chief executive for its company today, and based on the photo Yahoo paired with this announcement, it looks like the coveted position went to Tits McGillicutty, who narrowly beat out Boobs MacIntosh and Mammary Jones for the job. Well done to all involved.
Update: Apparently the new executive’s name is Scott Flanders. No word on whether or not he has a heaving bosom as depicted.

Local ABC Affiliate Links To Porn On Twitter


God Bless human errors. The local ABC News affiliate for Los Angeles just tweeted a weather update (, complete with a link to the station’s website. One problem: whoever runs the Twitter account accidentally linked to PORN instead. Talk about a hairy forecast (zinger!).
There’s a good chance all will be deleted soon, but don’t worry, I have both a screen grab AND the offending link, which is VERY NSFW (that means not safe for work).
To see where ABC News just directed its readers, click here: (don’t say we didn’t warn you…)
UPDATE: It appears as though ABC has removed the offending tweet. Still was pretty funny though for the few hours it was up…
UPDATE 2: Franklin Avenue seems to have isolated the problem: for whatever reason, ABC accidentally dropped the “4” at the end of the tinyurl. You see, directs to the very safe for work KABC webpage. Lose the “4,” and, well, you get a whole lot of anus. The perils of a poor executed cut-and-paste…

AND WHATNOT: Farts, Phone Sex, and 'Big Brother.'

Via D-Listed

Reality Blurred: 13th finalist will get a different, non-sex number; Fox exec: “we knew” IDOLS-13 wasn’t available
Lisa Timmons: Creation of Shia
LA Rag Mag: Amazing Race Winner Eric Sanchez’s Naughty Webcam Photos!!!
TV Week: Defeating the DVR to Promote Shows
Socialite Life: ‘Gossip Girl’ Star Arrested
Flickr: Feb09 757
Franklin Avenue: Spot Today’s Downsized L.A. Times Mistake
Jokers Updates: Big Brother Casting Has Begun
LAist: Man Dies After Eating Mushrooms Picked in a Park

Local Fox Affiliate Delivers Important Spring Break News When You Need It Most

Anyone who watched last night’s episode of 24 here in Los Angeles witnessed the local news team on Fox 11 promote a Very Important News Story about students on Spring Break being forced to relocate from Mexico to a new hotspot in California. Naturally, this intrigued IndianJones and I, and so we fast forwarded through the news to learn more. We just assumed the story would air thirty or forty minutes into the broadcast but never underestimate Los Angeles local news. This report was the #2 story of the telecast, edging out other fluff pieces such as stem cell research under the Obama administration and various international crises of the moment. Way to go, Fox!
Nevertheless, if you ever want to get a sense of what local Los Angeles news is like, be sure to check out the clip above for some high quality journalism.
Favorite quote of the segment, courtesy of a drunk co-ed: “You know what? When anytime, like, you have a risk of, like, being cut open and drugs shoved in you, I say no.”

To See, or Not To See?


One of the perks of being in the Writers Guild is that I get to go to all sorts of screenings and events free of charge. Tonight, I have the option of seeing Seven Pounds a full day before its release (!!), but is it worth the effort to trek down to Beverly Hills just for a few hours of bragging rights? After reading A. O. Scott’s review in The New York Times, I’m not so sure. Check out this ringing endorsement:
“Frankly, though, I don’t see how any review could really spoil what may be among the most transcendently, eye-poppingly, call-your-friend-ranting-in-the-middle-of-the-night-just-to-go-over-it-one-more-time crazily awful motion pictures ever made.”
Check out the rest of A. O. Scott’s scathing review here.