Some intrepid culinary pioneer in Japan decided that a mere Big Mac with Fries meal (with a side of McNuggets) wasn’t tasty enough on its own (ed. note — it is), and so this daring person opted to put the whole thing in a rice cooker and press go. I’m not sure I’ll be putting this on my slate of Adventures in Domesticity plans, but then again…
I believe the headline of the following link says it all, but in case you’re to lazy to glance downwards, let me explain. A man in China went to a spa where he submerged himself in a pool and let freshwater eels graze off his dead skin. The treatment is not unlike the fish pedicures one might encounter in Japan (helpful things I learned on the long forgotten series I Survived a Japanese Game Show). Anyway, this gentleman thought he was in for a relaxing afternoon with the eels, but little did he realize that one intrepid bastard had other plans.
It’s not too late to stop reading. Still here? Okay…
Here’s the long and the short of it: AN EEL GOT INTO THE MAN’S PENIS AND SLITHERED AND NIBBLED ITS WAY ALL THE WAY UP INTO HIS BLADDER.
No. No. Stop. I’m mad at MYSELF for writing about this. But I just have to.
The unfortunate spa-goer was rushed to the hospital where doctors spent three hours in surgery removing the eel, which is now thankfully dead.
For more unpleasant details, check out the link below. And thanks to my dear friend Heather Whaley for bringing this special story to my attention.
I believe Adam Sandler used to have an old routine about the similarities between gym grunting and sex, and never was that more true than on a recent trip I took to the gym. The man next to me on the pull-down bar seemed to be having a positively orgasmic experience with his hefty ten pound weight. Every time he tugged down the bar, he let out a disturbing moan, and it got so out of hand that I was forced to take necessary measures: secretly record his voice.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get too close to this older gentleman without arousing suspicion (nothing like shoving an iPhone into someone’s face to tip them off), and as a result, the audio is not the clearest possible. However, the moans are definitely there, and they most certainly reach a climax of sorts. Listen for yourself after the jump… Continue reading →