Recently in Celebrity Junk Category

Ever wonder what Lance Bass would look like if he auditioned for a marching band after ten days of no showering? Well, here it is. Looks like our sweet, young Lance is all grown up now. He was denied a trip to space, but his new look is OUT OF THIS WORLD. Actually, it's not. I just felt like making a pun.

One more pic of a glammed up Lance (Glance?) after the jump.

Pics via World of Wonder

This week, oft surgically enhanced reality star Heidi Montag revealed that she's completely addicted to plastic surgery, going so far as to get ten different procedures in one day late last year. The pictures are shocking to many, as the new, soulless creature staring back at us seems hardly like the Heidi we know and love. It's jarring, yes, but I cannot fault Heidi for going through with the alterations. That's because I know her pain all too well. Much like Ms. Montag, I too am highly addicted to plastic surgery, and recently I went under the knife for some touch-ups as well. The results might be surprising to you, but I couldn't be happier. At long last, I feel like I'm almost perfect, and maybe with a few more nips and tucks over the next five or thirty years, I can finally achieve that body I've always craved. It feels good; nay, it feels American.

Pictures of my transformation (swan alert!!) after the jump...

Mariah Carey accepted an award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival last night, and thanks to a few glasses of champagne and perhaps some Schnapps, she was totally housed, thus leading to the best Mariah Carey viral video since the time she tried to throw a baseball. Unfortunately, her entire speech wasn't captured on film -- only the first minute and a half -- but that's okay. What little we have here is just fine (even though I would have liked to have seen the reported self-applause Mariah engaged in, not to mention the real applause that apparently started a full minute before she got off stage).

For more information on Mariah's happy time, check out the full article here.

UPDATE: The video above now features more footage, including 100% more Helen Mirren references!

Coming to you from the same person who successfully stalked Erin Kaplan of The City comes yet another batch of celebrity sightings -- this time with pictures.

Writes the stalker:

Here are some photos from a few weeks ago when I came out of the subway and stumbled across an amazing sighting. I figured Blago and the other Celebrity Apprentice people wouldn't mind if I took pictures. In fact, Bret Michaels was even taking photos of people taking photos! Erin seems like less of an fame whore so I left her alone.

Behold some pictures from the latest edition of Celebrity Apprentice after the jump.

We have a stalker report. One of this blog's readers sent in this email today:

Subject: Erin Kaplan sighting!

Tiny, tan, very blond (looks bottle), cell phone, 4 inch heels and really pretty in person. I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

She was getting coffee at Illy on 49th and 8th avenue. :)

I wanted to tell her how sorry I was she had to work with Olivia and take a picture but I let her be in peace.

(like a good New Yorker)

So there you have it. Well stalked!

The 1800s had Lincoln-Douglas. The 1900s had Kennedy-Nixon. And now the 2000s already have a contender for the century's most influential and noteworthy debate: Gosselin-Grace (-Nash-Osmand-Frankel-some-other-dude). Yes, in a strange bit of tabloid-milking, The Insider decided to pit Jon Gosselin against a panel of D-List celebrities who would hopefully break him down and realize the error of his ways. Those luminaries included Donny Osmond, Niecy Nash, some guy, Bethenny Frankel, and the one and only Nancy Grace, who tore into Jonny Goss with the sort of ferocity normally exhibited by a rabid wolverine. Why these guests were chosen is still beyond me, and what Lara Spencer et. al. were trying to achieve (aside from ratings) remains a mystery.

Suffice it to say, even if you don't care about the Gosselin saga, this is still highly entertaining stuff. Credit goes to "Kate Gosselin 4-Eva" fanclub founder Andy Dehnart for posting these clips of the showdown. The first is above. Two more — including one with a hilarious Nancy Grace ending — after the jump.

Yesterday, a friend of mine gave me an old 1986 issue of TV Guide as a joke, and being the cultural anthropologist that I am, I immediately leafed through it to check out the television landscape of yore. Little did I realize that I'd be stumbling on a small treasure trove of classic Oprah print ads. I'm telling you, these things are amazing, and while there are many hilarious advertisements in the magazine (several of which I shall post later today), none compare to what Oprah has to offer. Needless to say, I put my scanner to good use.

After the jump, five Oprah ads from the week of September 27th, 1986 (exactly twenty-three years ago this week)...

Now THIS would have been a flight to blog. I just received this email from my friend Jeff who is attempting to fly from LAX to Miami:

"my plane just made an emergency landing in Dallas because Scott Weiland od'd on prescription meds. Sort of amazing."

This was then followed by:

"I also just convinced a very cute med student sitting next to me that his new album is called 'Airplanes Make Me Crazy!'. True story. "

Damnit! Why can't I have crazy celebs on my plane? All I get are demure women like Sigourney Weaver or Gwyneth Paltrow or Ariane from Top Chef. Oh well. I suppose I should be happy for the lack of emergency landings.

For more information on Scott Weiland's seizure-riffic transcon experience, check out the story here.

Actress Kelly Rowan may be best recognized as cool / alcoholic mom Kirsten Cohen on the seminal Fox hit The O.C., but were you aware she has a newer, flashier gig these days? Yes, Kelly Rowan can now be seen endorsing the Michigan Flyer, which for the uninformed just so happens to be Michigan's premier "luxury motorcoach connection to and from Detroit Metro Airport." Let me tell you something, you haven't made it in Hollywood until you've landed a primo airport shuttle deal.

Visitors to the shuttle's website are greeted by a photo of Ms. Rowan looking authoritative yet sensible as she proclaims "Michigan Flyer: Because I can depend on the service of a brand new fleet." And I think we can all agree that if there's anything Kelly Rowan hates, it's an unreliable fleet of buses.

Of course, there's the distinct and likely possibility that Kelly Rowan isn't actually endorsing the Michigan Flyer and that whoever designed the site merely stole her image from some corner of the Internet — something I can assure you I've never done. But I like to think that this is no accident. Kelly clearly has a penchant for Lansing-bound vehicles, and it comes through in spades here. I just hope other members of The O.C. can get into the action. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking a Julie Cooper Nichols water taxi endorsement. Know what I'm sayin'? (And yes, I realize that Julie Cooper Nichols is a fictional character, but just let me have this, okay? Thank you.)

With The OC having been off the air for some time now, I had forgotten just how awkward of an actress Mischa Barton was. Then I saw this clip of her playing a PR girl in the upcoming movie St. Trinians, and it all came back to me. Her strange inflections (ie. questionable talent) are in full-force, as are her gawky movements, which are not unlike a recently birthed giraffe. Most intriguing of all, however, is her accent, or lack thereof. I don't know what this film is about, but clearly it takes place in some sort of British school, which leads us to wonder if Mischa is attempting to have an English accent, or if that's just her own bizarre patois. If it's the former, then she's doing an awful job — especially given that her parents are apparently British. If it's the latter, then that's just unfortunate. Either way, it's distracting — almost as distracting as the flashy direction in this clip — but it's good to have Coop on screen again, if only for the camp value. Now, let's give her a lawn chair and let her have at it!

The tabloids are again filled with dastardly rumors about LuAnn Countess de Lesseps and her estranged husband Alex, a.k.a. THE COUNT. The latest gossip is that THE COUNT (ah ah ah) has left his Ethiopian lady friend / princess after he found her to be entirely too classless and common. Even more intriguingly, the wags report that Alex is now seeking the forgiveness — and ultimately a welcome home — from his scorned LuAnn. Could it be that there's a happy ending for this fairy tale story? To paraphrase The Countess herself: no, no, no, no, no, my dear.

After the New York Post published these rumors, Alex sent off a terse email to the paper stating the following about his relationship with Princess Abajobir: "We separated amicably and will remain friends, just as our children will... I am not trying to get back with the countess in any way, as your spies suggested. We will re main [sic] friends and take care of our children."

So where does this leave the beleaguered de Lesseps brood? I'm not quite sure. All I do know is that if you plan to discuss this gossip, please be courteous and refrain from mentioning anything at the Cancer Society. I mean, not at the Cancer Society! NEVER AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!!!

Thanks to reader Tiffany for the heads up.

NY Post: COUNT ALEX DE LESSPES DENIES RECONCILIATION WITH COUNTESS LUANN

In case you missed it, Perez Hilton got punched gloriously in the face by America's new hero, Polo Molina, who serves not only as the Joseph Welch of our generation, but also as manager to will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Go figure. Anyway, Perez not only clogged up Toronto's emergency response staff by mobilizing his one million strong Twitter army to call the police on his behalf, but he then released a teary, overly indulgent video in which he described the donnybrook, and here is where the controversy has raged. You see, when will.i.am was allegedly gettin' all up in Perez's toothy grill, the cornered gossip blogger feared for his safety; so he did the best possible thing: he called will.i.am a "fucking faggot." (I didn't censor the word because honestly, there's no reason to soften the awfulness of Perez's actions.) Well, this understandably led to punches being thrown by Polo, and now, two days later, GLAAD has piped up on the side (more or less) of the Black Eyed Peas.

As reported yesterday, GLAAD has officially condemned Perez Hilton's use of the F-word, noting that even though there was not necessarily hate behind its usage, the attack still reiterated the notion that such words might just be okay to use in trying to get a rise out of someone. Surely Perez would apologize, yes? Not so much. In a statement to TMZ, he once again played the woe-is-me card, saying, "I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent." Oversimplification, to say the least.

Perez then continued, "While I doubt I will get an apology from GLAAD, nor do I expect one, I would just hope people know how difficult it is to intellectualize a situation and think rationally when a thug disguised as a musician is screaming at your face and intimidating you." So yes, reading between the lines, he's acting as if he deserves the apology, even if he doesn't necessarily expect one.

But wait, there's more.

Oh what a glorious morning. I woke up not knowing what I'd be writing about (sorry, my trip to the Big Brother house on Friday must stay under wraps for another week), but then I checked my email. My friend jash had alerted me that will.i.am from The Black Eyed Peas and Perez Hilton from, well, The Internet had gotten into some sort of kerfuffle. Normally, I wouldn't care about such a dumb celebrity feud, but when I learned that it had culminated with Perez Hilton getting (finally) socked in the face, I was most intrigued.

Turns out that the altercation took place in peaceful Canada at the MuchMusic Awards where allegedly there were some words between Perez and Fergie, which turned into words between Perez and Will, which turned into words between Perez and some guy's fist. I don't really know who's right or wrong in the situation, but it's safe to say that this moment was long overdue. Perez couldn't truly think he could last five years as the country's most obnoxious gossip monger before getting decked in his oddly shaped face. I'm not condoning violence, but seriously, he had to know it would happen someday. And he had to know we would then all laugh.

Nevertheless, both feuding parties immediately fled to the Internet where they've described their respective sides of the story in an effort to sway the court of public opinion. Will.i.am's video is short, to-the-point, and free of ridiculous histrionics that might undermine his credibility. Perez's video on the other hand, well, it's a bit much. Details after the jump...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Al Roker interviewed Spencer and Heidi this morning on The Today Show, and it was significantly more awkward than you'd expect. The kooky weatherman pretty much laid into the two with some pointed, if occasionally clumsy, grilling that put Spencer on full passive-aggressive attack mode. Al could barely conceal his disdain for these two as he repeatedly asked Heidi if she was proud of her behavior. It was uncomfortable.

Afterwards, the terrible twosome went onto Ryan Seacrest's radio show and complained about their treatment, with Heidi noting that she cried afterwards (Jesus tears, natch) and that she had felt attacked. Such is the plight of our young, flaxen ingenue. To read more about the story, click here.

Last night, my friends J-Unit and IndianJones headed into the Valley for the Grand Opening party of The Painted Nail, a nail salon owned by our friend Katie, who many of you may remember from the old days at TVgasm. Of course, The Painted Nail isn't just any nail salon, and Katie doesn't throw just any old party. This bash was chock full of beautiful people and quite a decent number of celebrities — enough at least to warrant a red carpet and some paparazzi at the door. And here I thought there'd just be some champagne and few spanikopitas going around on trays. How wrong I was.

Photos of the event as well as a run-down of the celebrities present after the jump...

Great news! After shamelessly baiting Blair Underwood to follow me on Twitter, my hopes and dreams were realized! Yes, at 2:46 PM this afternoon, I received this email:

Hi, B-Side Blog.

Blair Underwood (BlairUnderwood) is now following your updates on Twitter.

SUCCESS! Thanks for following, Blair. I promise it will be worth your while! You are already the coolest person I am currently associated with, and as such I plan to backdoor brag about this to many friends for the next four to six weeks.

"Well hello."

Back when I joined Twitter in February, I announced a plan. I wanted to gain at least a thousand followers and have one of them be a celebrity. Well, it's almost three months later, and I'm at a steady 389 followers, which is nice, but let's face it: I really expected to be crossing the 50,000 threshold by now. Nevertheless, while I'm more or less happy with the progress of my Twitter army, I'm a bit concerned about this whole celebrity follower issue. Namely, that I have none. For a brief second, I thought Shia LaBoeuf had signed up to receive my droll commentary about life and its ironies, but it turned out that it was a fake Shia. Consider my mood dashed.

Compounding my frustration is that I actually know two people who could be considered celebrities, but I don't have the sort of friendship with them that they'd just ADD me, and I feel nerdy emailing them and asking them to add me (besides, that takes out all the fun). I really want the celebrity to come organically. However, I'm starting to realize that this might never happen. Therefore, I'm going to entice a celebrity to follow me. And that celebrity is Blair Underwood.

Phase 2 of Julie Chen's global domination has now been set into motion. Our favorite mechanical hostess has proven that robots can indeed reproduce, thus signaling the death knell for all human civilization. But while Skynet prepares to model an entire predatory series of machines after The Chenbot, we can take this time to congratulate Julie on her pregnancy, which she revealed on this morning's Early Show. I can only wonder how this will affect her work on Big Brother. Will she proudly reveal her bump in a series of slinky, bright orange maternity pantsuits? Or will she attempt to hide it with a variety of pillows, baggy jackets, and shopping bags à la Kelly Rutherford on Gossip Girl. And what role, pray tell, will her raging hormones play? I can already imagine her chucking porcelain mugs at her assistant, snapping, "This isn't what I asked for! Stripey, where the HELL is my Ecto Cooler!?!?!!" (her assistant is named Stripey, lest you forget, because he always wore a striped shirt each time I attended a live taping.)

I also have concern about how the pregnancy might affect Julie's ability to do her patented lean-forward, shake-hands move at the end of every Big Brother interview. Since her due date is October 4th, by the time we hit the later weeks of the BB season, she'll be quite pear-shaped. The lean-forward, shake-hands move will be rather difficult for her. I predict copious amounts of grunting, groaning and the occasional utterance of "My sciatica!" Can't wait!

Thanks to all the readers who gave me a heads up on this story...

US Magazine:Early Show's Julie Chen Expecting First Child

I believe this picture really brings new meaning to Kelly's signature put-down "I'm up here, and you're down here."

One more picture of crooked mammaries after the jump...

Not too long ago, rumors surfaced that Bethenny Frankel of The Real Housewives of New York City and Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees were an item after the latter celebrity's much-publicized breakup from his wife. If it sounded too crazy to be true, that's because it was. The pairing was apparently just a rumor that Bethenny brushed off with her usual brand of fast-talking self-deprecating humor. However, in a quirky turn of meta-events, the new batch of rumors allege that A-Rod was so taken with Bethenny's response to the situation that he actually got in touch with her, and now the two are plowing cakes for reals.

Who knows if any of this is true, but I think we can all agree that A-Rod would make quite the fascinating addition to the Housewives franchise. Watching Jill Zarin dote on him and Bethenny like a mother hen would be beyond entertaining. In fact, the only thing that could possibly top that would be Kelly Bensimon's frustrated jealousy as she'd be forced to watch from the sidelines with her significantly less famous (and therefore important) boytoy Max. Crossing fingers that rumor is fact...

Thanks to Anh for the link.

New York Daily News: A-Rod Hooked up with 'Housewives' babe, spies say

Via Kim Kardashian's TwitPic

Philadelphia viewers tuning in for an Easter service from the Vatican on Sunday came across quite the surprising programming glitch. Comcast accidentally aired a commercial for Girls Gone Wild, and according to a press release just issued by Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis, sales spiked immediately. "It seems that many of the same people interested in the Pope’s message are also interested in ours," he wrote, later adding that he was "happy to have shared an audience with the Pope."

We shall now brace for the ensuing march upon Joe's castle, replete with pitchforks and torches.

The full press release after the jump...

GUILTY!

(I don't really care about this story. I just like posting this photo.)

"I'm sawwwy."

I think this picture of Chris Brown, taken at today's arraignment, will now become my standard issue "caught-in-the-cookie-jar-and-am-sorry" photo for this blog. I don't think I've seen such a shameless attempt at puppy dog eyes in quite some time. Surely, he'll be able to win over any judge.

Unless, of course, the judge is...

Bravo's A-List Awards are fairly horrendous, but they do offer special sights such as the cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunited on the red carpet. Here we can see Nene Leakes, Lisa WU Hartwell, a significantly less wiggy Kim Zolciak, Sherayay Whitfield, and DeShawn Snow — as portrayed by Shereeay's bespectacled main gay. (How you gonna have a housewife show with no housewife?)

Double Nene BAM goes to Sherayay for sticking her man-arm out front and proclaiming this photo to be HERS.

Via Socialite Life

There's been so much scandal on The Real Housewives of New York City that we've almost lost sight of our favorite talking green bean, Alex McCord. The aspiring socialite / one-night-stander chatted with W Magazine recently about her recent layoff from Victoria's Secret as well as Simon's dutiful role as male doula to the births of François and Johan. It's all the Van Kempen excitement you'd expect it to be. So if your Silex itch needs to be scratched, head on over to the interview at W.

• ALEX MCCORD ON UNEMPLOYMENT, THAT PARENTING BOOK & SIMON AS A DOULA [W Magazine]

The scandals keep comin' on The Real Housewives of New York City. First Countess LuAnn announced her separation from her very age appropriate husband, Alexandre. Then Bethenny and Kelly duked it out on TV. And now comes this news: Ramona Singer has been essentially banned from her daughter's private school in Manhattan. According to the ever reliable Page Six, Ramona has been declared a "persona non grata" at Sacred Heart, leading one parent to say "All of us and the school are very embarrassed by Ramona's actions on the show. The school has asked her to take Avery off the show, but she refused. Now no one wants to be near Avery because they don't want to be associated with the show."

Ooooh... I love these scandals: petty, nasty, and tinged with just a dash of elitism. It's like Gossip Girl, but with full-fledged adults who should know better!

• NEW MESS FOR 'HOUSEWIFE' [Page Six]

Thanks to B-Side Blog reader Shara for the heads up!

I woke up today to a flurry of emails in my inbox: the Count and Countess are breaking up! That's right, the big news out of gossip-ville is that Countess LuAnn De Lesseps from The Real Housewives of New York City is splitting with her Not Old Man husband, the Count Alexandre De Lesseps, after it was rumored that he was spotted with an Ethiopian hottie in Switzerland. Is anyone really surprised by this? The guy spends all his time away from his family, and he already has a proven track record of divorce (I believe LuAnn is wedding #4 or 5 for him).

Given that there are kids involved, it's all very sad and unfortunate, but really, I think what we care most about is what will happen to LuAnn's title? She can't just stop being the Countess, especially with the release of her book, Class with the Countess in just two weeks. Maybe the publisher will rename it Class with LuAnn. Hmmm... doesn't have that same haughty feel. This could be a major problem. Let's just hope that Alexandre didn't drop the bomb at the Cancer Society. I mean, NOT AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!!!!

Developing...

• Count Housewife Couple Out [Page Six]
• Real Housewives' Countess Separating From Husband [Us Magazine]
• LuAnn separates from her count husband [Reality Blurred]
• New York Housewives Countess LuAnn & Husband Separate [People]

Martha Stewart just called Bill O'Reilly a "bone head!" Well, actually, her "dogs" said it. And they didn't even really say that. They just made fun of him on their "blog," and Martha linked to it on Twitter and called him a "bone head," which was really just a reference to what the dogs were saying, but it's all moot because dogs don't talk or blog, and it's all coming from Martha anyway.

As the British say, I smell a whole lot of con-TRAH-versy!

Don't mind me. I'm just trying to fan the flames of a non-story. In the meantime, if you'd like to follow my Twitter, click here.

(Team Martha)

This picture may just look like a benign image of Sunset and La Brea in Hollywood, but it's actually something very special. Right in the middle of it — under the Ross sign — are two Segways chugging along, and one of those people rolling along is none other than Steve Wozniak, a.k.a. The Woz, a.k.a. Kathy Griffin's former gentleman caller a.k.a. current contestant on Dancing with the Stars. Now, you'll just have to trust this is true. I wasn't actually there for this pic. It was taken by loyal comrade IndianJones, whose excitement on seeing such a huge figure in the tech-geek community must have been off the charts.

Nevertheless, IndianJones assures me that it was indeed The Woz on Wheels, probably headed off to rehearse for tonight's big show. Not a bad way to start the morning...

"Bawbbbbby, I used some Zaaaarin Faaabrics and dressed up Aaaaaaalllie like a head of lettuce!"

Here's a nice little nugget about our favorite cancer almost-haver survivor. I'm talking about Kim Zolciak, the woman who puts the K in Kat, the rock in guacamole, the tight in tightrope. If that made little sense, fear not — it was jibber-jabber, which is what happens to the brain when talking about Kimmy Z. Anyway, this past weekend, Kim apparently had a big fundraiser for her very special charity, Shoes For Shattered Hearts, which sells used shoes and donates the funds towards battered women. Say what you will about Kim, but it remains a good cause.

But how good is it? Well, clearly not good enough because on the night of her big fundraiser (for HER charity, I'd like to reiterate), Kim bailed on her scheduled appearance and instead trotted down to the Bahamas for some much needed rest and relaxation (hey, it ain't easy wearing a drag queen wig all day). Sounds pretty shady. Then again, maybe this was all part of the plan. After all, I'm not sure the presence of Kim Zolciak would actually boost attendance. If anything, people probably donated more just to make sure she was far, far away. Just another adventure in the life of our favorite up and coming country crooner...

• Kim Zolciak is skipping out on a charity event - for her own charity [Access Atlanta via D-Listed]

Via D-Listed

Reality Blurred: 13th finalist will get a different, non-sex number; Fox exec: “we knew” IDOLS-13 wasn’t available
Lisa Timmons: Creation of Shia
LA Rag Mag: Amazing Race Winner Eric Sanchez's Naughty Webcam Photos!!!
Midseason Replacements: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL: THE FALL OF TYRA
TV Week: Defeating the DVR to Promote Shows
Socialite Life: 'Gossip Girl' Star Arrested
Flickr: Feb09 757
Franklin Avenue: Spot Today's Downsized L.A. Times Mistake
Jokers Updates: Big Brother Casting Has Begun
LAist: Man Dies After Eating Mushrooms Picked in a Park

As many readers know, I'm prone to engaging in serialized quests for often fruitless goals: parsley, Angry whoppers, etc.. I've decided that my next pursuit will be rapper of the moment, T.I., who'll be heading to jail in about seventeen days or so. I'm a big T. I. fan, and lately, he's been popping up everywhere. I mean, everywhere. He's put in a cameo on Kathy Griffin My Life On The D-List, and tonight, he's going to be on Reality Chat on the TV Guide Network. Therefore, I've decided that I would like to throw my hat into the T.I. publicity ring. I'm not asking for an interview, but maybe a picture with the man? You know, I can show up at some gig or event here in Hollywood, snap a photo or two with him, and then be on my way like the dutiful blogger that I am. Sounds easy enough. I should add that I'm not some freak stalker; so let's clarify that right now. And I've been known to be surprisingly un-awkward around rappers (I once received props from Method Man in one of my crowning Hollywood moments).

So...

Who here knows T.I.'s people?

[crickets]

Developing...

One thing I'm learning to enjoy about Twitter is the ability to follow real life celebs as they tweet the day away. For some, the feeds humanize them, turning stars into real people to a certain degree. For others, they just come off ass obnoxious and fake (like me!!). And then there's Martha Stewart. Almost everything she posts is a gem, especially considering the high degree with which she mentions, replies to, or shows interest in hip hop stars. But it's more than just that. It's about imagining her famously measured yet cheerful voice as she gives shout-outs to Diddy, calls New Yorkers "wimps," or merely delivers grim news about errant propane tragedies.

In case you're not convinced, check out these five recent tweets from Martha's feed:

MarthaStewart: perez hilton- new yorkers are feeling sorry for themselves-- the economy etc- but buck up= the worst is yet to come and it will not be snow

MarthaStewart: @snoopdogg Yo snoop, check out MY doggies new doggie blog http://tinyurl.com/baeoat

MarthaStewart: getting read to meet q-tip and make a cute craft with him on my show-an afternoon taping he has a new single album

MarthaStewart: lunch with ludcris was great fun- just charming- he is in town preparing for tomorrow on jimmy fallon- he loved lunch-esp choc cake

MarthaStewart: chow breeder karen tracy lost eleven chows and five boarders in a tragic propane explosion- my little ghenghis khan perished in the blaze

(In related news, I hope everyone and everything is okay after that propane explosion)

Remember that you can follow me and this blog on Twitter. Just go to http://twitter.com/bsideblog.

One of the many perks of my new apartment is that I'm just a few blocks away from the Kodak Theatre, the famed venue where the Oscars have been staged for the past five or six years. In honor of my easy access to the festivities, I decided to take a jaunt down to Hollywood Boulevard to snap some oh-so-touristy photos. The results of my adventure after the jump...

Right in the midst of his very own career self-immolation, Joaquin Phoenix wound up on Letterman last night, and guess what? He was guarded, silent, and generally unwilling to participate as a guest. In other words, he was pretty rude. Letterman tried to coax any sort of conversation out of him, but as you'll see in the great video above, he eventually gives up, instead opting to just rail on him instead.

Another reason why Letterman is the king of late night.

Via Socialite's Life

One of my favorite/disturbing tools to use on the internet is the LAPD Crime Map, which lets you chart all the recent burglaries, assaults, muggings, rapes, and homicides in any given neighborhood. Naturally, when news broke about Chris Brown's attack on Rihanna, I immediately headed to the crime map and sought it out. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the exact location of where the scandal went down!

When Schadenfreude Runs Wild.
Pic courtesy of LAist

Last night here in LA, a Bentley with Illinois plates led police on a chase that lasted over three hours, ultimately climaxing with a two hour standoff just north of Universal Studios. Early reports indicated that the event was spurred by a possible assault with a deadly weapon on the driver's girlfriend, leading many people to speculate that this could have been Chris Brown, a.k.a. Chris Breezy, in full career meltdown mode. As you can imagine, this piqued many people's interest, which in turn translated into a flurry of Facebook activity.

I'm not one to republish online conversations as I usually find reading other people's discussions a bit annoying, but nevertheless, I'm doing it here to give you a sense of the excitement, thrill, and eventual disappointment of the chase...

For the first time in ages, I actually sat down and watched all of the Grammys last night. It wasn't intentional — I was gonna work on my screenplay. Buuuutttt... I started watching during dinner, and then I got sucked in, attracted by the energetic musical numbers and endless parade of insufferable celebrities. Overall, I thought it was a pretty good show. I did have some minor complaints though. First of all, during Neil Diamond's rousing performance of "Sweet Caroline," would it have hurt the director to have cut to the audience here and there? After all, it kind of is the ultimate singalong tune — why not show T.I. or Nicole Kidman belting it out too? And speaking of Nicole Kidman, she seemed royally bored throughout the show, often remaining seated while everyone else gave standing ovations. Granted, someone could drop a paperclip, and they'd get a standing ovation at the Grammys, but that's nearly here nor there. When Jennifer Hudson brought the audience to their feet, there was Nicky Kids, eager to sit back down after about two seconds of being on her feet.

In terms of other annoying elements, I'd have to nominate the brief "Bridge Over Troubled Water" duet of Al Green and Duffy for Outstanding Attempt To Make Me Go Deaf. They're both good singers, but together they sounded like two buzz saws going at it. Meanwhile, Duffy's British counterpart, Adele, was funny in her acceptance speech when she jokingly expressed love for the Jonas Brothers. I just wish she could have spit out her gum beforehand. Not very classy.

There were plenty of other noteworthy elements (MIA, in particular), but I think I get most of them in the photocap, which is conveniently after the jump!

In case you've been living under a rock (or in Iraq. Or in Iraq under a rock), the Christian Bale tirade has been all the rage of the Internets. Even better is "Bale Out," the wonderful techno dance remix, which is not only spectacularly hilarious, but also a really good song. I could actually see myself and others dancing to it in a drunken haze at a club. After all, what's better than getting liquored up, hitting the dance floor, and shouting "WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND???"

It's that sort of infectious energy which seems to have spawned the latest cool thing: posting videos of yourself dancing to "Bale Out." I think my favorite so far is the girl above, who manages to have a rockin' good time at her desk, courtesy of Mr. Bale's epic tantrum. I'm not sure that this is an oeuvre that I'm necessarily going to contribute to, but it's one I can certainly enjoy.

And if you'd like the MP3 of "Bale Out," just click here.

When news broke this morning that three minutes of a recent Christian Bale tirade on the set of the new Terminator had been caught on tape, I tinge of excitement in my tummy. Memories of Pat O'Brien danced through my head, and I knew the Internet would soon be presenting a giant audio gift for the world to enjoy all day. Sure enough, the rant was just as shockingly vitriolic and actor-ly as I could have hoped — a total diva moment that only makes one wonder how many equal, if not worse, tantrums have gone unrecorded in the lifetime of Hollywood.

Anyway, my first instinct upon hearing the audio was to start mashing it up with something, but already there are so many creative takes on it, why should I waste the time? My favorite reshuffling of the audio comes from a DJ named RevoLucian, who took the venom-spewing wrath of Bale and transformed it into a surprisingly catchy dance track. If it came on in a club, I'd dance to it. The remix, found via Defamer, is above. The pure, unadulterated tirade is after the jump. Both clips are NSFW, audio-wise (put on some headphones).

Last week, the Internets were aflutter that Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild and Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta were an item after the two were spotted at Sundance. This seemed like the most unlikely of pairings; so I asked Joe Francis myself if this was true.

His response: "I am not dating Kim Z - I took one picture with her on a press line - I did not even know who she was."

So there you have it. Joe & Kim are not together. Another mystery solved!

Apparently Miss America 2009 will be crowned tonight, and to promote this wonderful occasion, glamour shots of all the competing women have been posted online. I thought I'd share these images with you and let you see the true personalities of the many beautiful ladies who shall be squaring off at some point tonight on some cable channel. (Oh how the mighty have fallen).

Pictures of every single beauty queen after the jump...

Update: Apparently the pageant started about an hour ago. Ooops.

Of the many things that happened on tonight's Survivor finale, the least expected was not The Suze's near upset for the million dollars but rather Sugar's reference to this here blog on NATIONAL TV DURING PRIMETIME. Yay! Granted, she didn't state the site's name, but unless I'm mistaken, I'm the only one who has blogged about "Suga" in traffic. I must admit, I kind of feel bad because she seems somewhat self-conscious now about wearing makeup out of the house, but honestly, the issue wasn't that she wasn't wearing makeup at the time but that she was, and that was what confused me. Eh. Oh well. Anyway, sometimes when I blog, I forget these people actually read it, and considering that I called her and her actions "dumb" and "stupid," I do feel a smidgen guilty. I mean, I'm not a monster, people. (But I still do stand by my belief that she was not a good player, and her cringe-worthy responses to the jury tonight pretty much proved me right, I believe.)

A little birdie told me that Sugar actually thinks I'm psycho — because apparently being in traffic on Franklin Avenue is a psychotic thing to do — and if that's truly the case, then I'm sure she'd be most frightened to know that just last night, I was mere feet from her again. That's right, I co-mingled with the Survivor: Gabon cast this weekend, and I have the pictures to prove it.

Party photos of the cast after the jump...

The most insulting part of Prop 8: these two can get married while a whole segment of the population cannot.

P.S. Shave your beard, idiot. It's your goddamn wedding day.

What a wonderful bit of news to wake up to this morning. There's a fight brewing off camera on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and guess what? It doesn't involve Nene and Shereé. No, the two ladies involved in this explosive situation are Kim (not so surprising) and... wait for it... LISA WU HARTWELL. That's right, the most level-headed cast member of them all seems to have gotten into a nasty war of words with Kimmay over something that has yet to surface. Some sites mention that the blowup happened at the tense reunion special (set to air November 25th). In a TMZ video, however, Kim suggests that the friction began even earlier than that. After happily mentioning that she and Sher-ayay were just "doing a movie" (a.k.a. appearing as extras) with Demi Moore and David Duchovny, the buxom blond (who admittedly looks closer to thirty than forty-five in the clip) reveals to us a hostile voicemail left on her phone by Lisa, and while it's certainly angry in tone, I'm not sure it warrants the presence of the lawyer who then appears at Kim's side. True, Lisa does say that if Kim doesn't call her back, she's gonna show up at her door, but I'm not sure the intent is to harm Kim as much as it is to perhaps extend an invitation to the next Drinks & Dialogue event; maybe show off some of that homemade joory!

For her part, Lisa admitted to Essence.com that she did most certainly lose her cool, but for good reason:

John McCain's campaign has been trailing in the national polls recently, and while I'm sure he'd be delighted to get whatever help he can get, I tend to think these photos of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in pro-McCain/Palin t-shirts may not be what he has in mind. Yes, in the past McCain has expressed fondness for Heidi, but I always assumed that was just a doddering old man saying things he didn't really mean about things he didn't really understand. After all, who would want someone as universally loathed as Heidi to be the poster child of your campaign? It's like courting the endorsement of Osama Bin Laden.

That's why with their guns and beer and vacant expressions, Spencer and Heidi's latest publicity ploy is destined to fail. In an election season where guilt by association seems to be the name of the game, the two have completely negated all the inroads McCain has made with this Bill Ayers nonsense. Next time anyone accuses Obama of being friends with a domestic terrorist, all he has to say is "Well, John McCain likes Speidi."

DUNZO.

For a closer look at Spencer and Heidi's t-shirts, follow the jump...

Via Socialite's Life

While most celebrities and quasi-celebrities have been urging citizens to get out there and vote this election, along comes Trishelle (The Real World: Las Vegas, Ninja Cheerleaders) with these special words of wisdom, courtesy of her Facebook page:

Trishelle Cannatella thinks if you haven't watched the debates or know about the election and plan on voting for who your "daddy" votes for, do your country a favor and DON'T VOTE!

Well, that settles that! Thanks to Jash for pointing this out to me.

I don't understand the context whatsoever, but I have to admit that this photo of Benjamin McKenzie is hilarious. Ben, if you're reading this, hi.

Via Socialite Life

I've had quite the run of exclusive experiences of late: a meet and greet with Julie Chen, a visit to The Soup, a stroll through the Gossip Girl set, and of course, back to back infiltrations of the Big Brother finale and wrap party. Am I bragging? Indeed. (Somebody's gotta drum up traffic around here). With all this access to the glitteratti, I'm starting to feel like Perez Hilton (except funnier, I hope); so why not add one more event to the list: the Fox Reality Channel "Really" Awards.

Avid readers may remember that I attended the first ever Really Awards two years ago at Les Deux. Back then, it was a smaller, more casual affair. The network was young, the stars didn't know what to expect, and in my studly prime I was able to actually walk the red carpet. Man, those were the days. Cut to this year and holy moly, the Really Awards have gotten big. According to the brass I spoke with, there were about 300 celebrities (or rather, "celebrities") present, which meant my anonymous ass did not get to walk the carpet again, which by the way was totally cool. I completely understood. It was a zoo, and the last thing the organizers needed was me clogging up the carpet. Honestly, I was just happy to get in. This year's ceremony was apparently a hard ticket to get. Rumor amongst the partygoers was that even recent reality stars like Jessie from Big Brother 10 were denied entry. Ouch/haha.

Nevertheless, I may not have dazzled the paps awkwardly this go-around, but I certainly had my fill of reality stars. I took pictures with as many as I could, but honestly, there's only so much one man can do. Pictures and stories after the jump.

This may be a bit of a surprise for most of you, but in the upcoming issue of People Magazine, heretofore hetero icon Clay Aiken reveals that he is, in fact, gay. Take a moment to absorb that.

All kidding aside, good for him. But now there are significantly less jokes to make.

More information here.

With today being the seven year anniversary of me moving to Los Angeles, I decided to browse nostalgically through my old iPhoto library, and much to my surprise, I came across a series of photos that I never published back at TVgasm. If memory serves me correctly, I refrained from posting the pics because I had been put on the VIP list for some party (that's how I roll), and then when I arrived, the organizers forced me to pay a $20 cover to get in. It was kind of bullshit, and I really don't know why I didn't turn around and leave right that moment. Nevertheless, my petty revenge was to not post anything about the event and deprive the organizers of valuable publicity (I think they were hawking some calendar), but as a result, a minor trove of D-list celeb pics fell by the wayside. Until now.

After the jump, the long lost photos as well as two bonus pics from the Playboy Mansion (I told you. That's how I roll, yo)...

Back in May, I posted about my semi-awkward encounter with Lenny Kravitz in Prague, and I'm happy to report that the commercial around which the whole debacle centered has finally made it to air. Above, check out the new spot for Kohl's, and know that in one of those windows behind Lenny's head, my mom and I are standing there wondering what in the hell is goin' on with all these crazy people in the square (we couldn't see Lenny from our viewpoint). Oh if only the Museum of Decorative Arts had received a close-up — we coulda been stars!

Recently, my friend IndianJones and I dropped by local watering hole Cabo Cantina for a few beers and encountered that most glorious of Los Angeles events: the child star sighting! I quickly whipped out my camera and very subtly snapped a few shots. Only one turned out well though.

So who was the mystery man? Answer after the jump...

When it comes to celebrity gossip, other blogs specialize in Brangelina or Nicole Kidman or Tom Cruise. Me? I specialize in former stars of Picket Fences. Or at least, that's the trend I'm hoping to start. That's right, over this past weekend, my friends and I came smack-dab, face-to-face with none other than Costas Mandylor, former cast member of the beloved '90s drama, Picket Fences. Normally, such a B-List sighting would barely get a mention, but in this case, there was a bit of hubbub around the actor, thanks to my friend Meeshie, who coincidentally happens to be Costas Mandylor's biggest. fan. ever. Well, actually she's only his #2 biggest fan ever (the #1 spot is reserved for Meeshie's mom).

Taking the word "fierce" to new (or perhaps old?) levels, Project Runway finalist Rami Kashou was allegedly involved in some sort of brawl at a West Hollywood gay bar Thursday night. Details are sketchy, but according to one eyewitness, an attacker hurled a martini glass at Kashou's face, causing massive bleeding (and surely the ruination of a half unbuttoned shirt). The sassy glass chucker was immediately ejected from the premises as an ambulance ferreted the reality star off to the hospital.

No word on what started the incident, but we'll just assume it had to do with Rami wanting to turn the guy's shirt into a long, flowing toga. For more information, including a firsthand account, click here.

Here's something to disturb you: Heidi and Spencer handling firearms. Yes, if there was ever a photo shoot that could get the Supreme Court to reverse its latest decision on gun control, it would be this one featuring our favorite Hills duo preening at a shooting range. I'm uncomfortable watching trained soldiers brandishing weapons, let alone these twits. Let's just be thankful that no one in the vicinity was struck by a stray bullet, courtesy of Heidi answering her Sidekick.

A few more pics after the jump, and if you want to see all 50+ photos, click here.

(Pacific Coast News Online via Socialite's Life)

When it comes to celebrity stalking, I like to think I'm quite the expert, but compared to my friend IndianJones, I'm clearly just a novice. Take for instance his encounter last night with Battlestar Galactica's chief hottie, Tricia Helfer.

Full glorious story (replete with fanboy-tastic lingo such as "skinjob") after the jump...

Seeing one celebrity at the gym is always cause for minor celebration. Seeing two is even better. And seeing both of them making out with each other just elevates the entire scene. That's precisely what happened today as my boring old fitness routine was interrupted by the presence of acclaimed footballer Reggie Bush and his amateur videographer girlfriend, Kim Kardashian. Oh, the celebrity spotting gods were surely looking down on me today.

Here's what happened...

Call me a luddite, but sometimes I simply don't get men's high fashion. Take, for example, this strange piece profiled in The New York Times. It's from Alexander McQueen, and while I appreciate that it's more of an avant garde look aimed at influencing the market more than dominating it, I still can't help thinking that most men wouldn't be caught dead in what amounts to be a feathered, pseudo-sequined tube top. Or would they?

After the jump, some artistic projections on who might adopt the new look.

Right on the heels of Heidi Montag's gleefully absurd trainwreck, "Fashion," another dubiously talented poptart, Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame, has released a similarly sartorial track titled, "Sneakernight." In terms of production values and general quality, this ode to dancing and sneakers is a significant improvement over the latest Speidi project, but it still leaves a lot to be desired. Plus, I fear that I'm going to be hearing the line "Basically what we're gonna do is dance" in my head all night, if only because Ms. Hudgens repeats it over and over and over again ad nauseam.

To her credit, the chronically flat Vanessa Hudgens manages to hit about three notes, which is a pleasant improvement over her previous work (anyone who's ever had to endure her ear-piercing duets in the High School Musical movies knows what I'm talking about). Still, in a strange twist, Vanessa has somehow injected her voice with a sort of pseudo-sassy-soul growl, whose authenticity feels somewhat questionable. Not saying she lipsynched... buuuuuut, well, I don't know how this could be the same girl who sang the relentlessly awful dirge "When There Was Me and You."

All in all, with the arrival of this video and Heidi Montag's latest, today might have to mark a veritable nadir for the music industry, this blog, and perhaps the world in general. On the other hand, Zac Efron totally has two new songs for his iPod, girrrrrl!

A clip of Vanessa strutting her atonal stuff in "When There Was Me and You" after the jump...

The Daytime Emmys were held last night, and while I didn't watch the festivities, I certainly checked out Yahoo's photo galleries, and needless to say, there are several intriguing pics on display. After the jump, my five favorite shots of the night.

It was Beyoncé's fault.

What's that old saying? You get what you pay for? Something like that. Well, epic complainer / Connect Four aficionado Kanye West finally discovered what it was like to be at the brunt of a hissy fit this weekend as thousands of fans at the Bonnaroo festival turned on the talented, if volatile rapper. West, who took to the stage at 4:30 AM (hours after his initial 8:15 PM start time, which was then rescheduled to 2:45 AM), discovered that fans don't necessarily like waiting around for a glow-in-the-dark prima dona, no matter how celebrated he is. The angry crowd happily booed Kanye and chanted "Kanye sucks!" over and over again.

As for Kanye, he not only ignored the haters, but he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he took the stage so late. Not once did he apologize to the fans, further angering the sleep-deprived masses. Sounds like one big colossal mess. And that's why I don't go to music festivals.

Kanye West's Fans Don't Care About Late People [A Socialite's Life]

Leave it to Heidi and Spencer to upstage the most jaw-dropping photo of the week.

For more Speidi escapades in the Magic Kingdom, check out photos of them and their surprisingly wide array of Disney headware at A Socialite's Life.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been many things — championship bodybuilder, box office superstar, governor of California — and now we can add "A woman named Joyce" to the list. No, he's not a tranny by any means, but his midsection is starting to look a bit estrogen-tastic. Had I seen only a cut-out of his torso, I might have thought he was a plucky sixty-something woman on the way to the supermarket, possibly to get a bottle of Febreeze, which she surely would have purchased with a coupon.

Or maybe that's just me.

I probably shouldn't poke too much fun. The guy could crush me to a pulp — both with muscles AND legislation. (Rimshot!)

Via Pacific Coast News Online.

Behold the Tyra Banks school of facial dexterity. You can just barely hear her scolding an ingenue for doing "this" [goofy smile, fluttering eyelids] and not "this" [pursed lips, narrow eyes]. To Tyra's credit though, only she could pull off this silly collection of smiles with such a gigantic mane of hair.

For more insights into the world of Tyra, be sure to read the New York Times Magazine article here.

UPDATE: For an amazing video of Tyra showing off her smiles, click here. (Only the first two minutes pertain to smiling, the rest is just Tyra-talk)

Last night, as Elisha Cuthbert was exiting venerable Beverly Hills eatery Mr. Chow's, a guy fell over and gashed his head. The plucky 24 star was ever so kind to help him up, but that didn't stop her and her positively DISMAYED friend from sharing a joint look of shock, confusion, and repulsion. And really, isn't that all we want from a paparazzi photo? Kinda my favorite pic of the week right now.

Via Socialite's Life

It's not even 11:15 AM, and already two viral video gems have surfaced today. The first was a phenomenal Muppet mash-up. The second is this gloriously loopy clip of Sharon Stone explaining the karmic intricacies of the recent earthquake tragedies in China. Word to the wise: don't ever treat her GOOD friends unkindly. You never know what sort of natural disaster might come your way...

Via Defamer via Breitbart

Just over two months ago, I did something that I never thought I'd do: I hung out with Speidi. That's right, I spent a morning intermingling with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, stars/villains of MTV's hit show, The Hills. Needless to say, it was quite the momentous occasion, especially since it landed me on TMZ for the first time ever. These were extraordinary new heights for me, and the brief taste of the tabloid life was thoroughly intoxicating; although, I was happy to return (er, remain) in anonymity when it was over.

Anyway, I posted some of the pics that surfaced from that eventful morning, but I wasn't really able to talk about the backstory until now. Behold, the TELL ALL post that will shock the internet!

Oh the joys of Europe. I could be half a world away from Los Angeles, and yet I still somehow manage to have celebrity stories to tell. This latest one comes from the Czech Republic, which I visited about a week ago. As avid readers of this blog know, I was "on holiday" with my family last week, and one of the cities we stayed in was the ever beautiful Prague. The city was great, and I was especially thrilled one afternoon when I returned to my hotel and found several paparazzi lurking around the exterior like sharks coming to feed. What could this be? Was there a celebrity in our midst? I could only hope so! The whole sordid tale after the jump...

Hello. Celine Dion here.

Celine Dion really is hilarious. I respect what she's doing in this video (charity and whatnot), but I can't help simultaneously laughing at her voice, which sounds something like a Québécois version of one of those computerized Mac voices. Each time I hear her say "the most... heartbreaking... staTISTic," I let out a small chortle.

Last week, Kelly Ripa posted a celebrity playlist on iTunes which was supposed to serve as a sort of soundtrack to the perfect dinner party. She writes, "I have a blast on my show, but my favorite place to entertain is in my kitchen. There's just nothing like the perfect dinner party. And whether I'm making dinner for friends, family, or the guys from work, the best side dish is a good soundtrack. Well, my roasted garlic asparagus is pretty good too, but trust me, these songs are a really close second. I hope they'll make your dinner party even more amazing, from the first doorbell to the last kiss goodnight."

Sounds promising enough... until you realize that nearly every song on her playlist is so damn depressing that you'll just want to hurl yourself out of a window at the very thought of them. I'm not saying the songs are bad, but stringing them together to score a dinner party seems, well, AWFUL. Seriously, it's a minor feat that Kelly's guests have survived her soirées without wanting to slit their wrists by the night's end.

Earlier today, I was looking at a picture of Abigail Breslin on Best Week Ever, and for some reason, her face struck me as being particularly Juliette Binoche-ish. I couldn't help wondering if it was just me, or if their faces were truly interchangeable. I busted out the Photoshop, and ten minutes later, I had the bizarre results.

Photos after the jump:

Thanks to some extra gig I did three years ago as a lark (opening credits of Monday Night Football, thank you very much), I've somehow wound up on a casting director's mailing list. I would take myself off, but the little gems that pop up in my inbox every few months are worth the spam. Take for instance this casting call to be Paris Hilton's new best friend. Sluts and gays, get your head shots ready!

Do you long to strut into the world's most elite hotspots without a care in the world except how fabulous you are? Ever wish the velvet ropes didn't exclude you from the social circles of the A-List? How about the fantasy of jet setting around the world with the ultimate BFF, whose fierce style, charisma and star power is only matched by your own.



Now that's hot!  MTV is giving the opportunity of a lifetime to one girl or “fabulous” guy who has what it takes to become Paris Hilton's new BFF. Finally, you have the chance to show the world that you have what it takes to achieve social stardom; allowing you unprecedented access to young Hollywood as never before. Loves It!

It's sort of funny that last night's Top Chef episode featured a taco challenge because I've spent the past week in a veritable taco-haze, eating those little nuggets of Mexican joy with reckless abandon. In fact, I'm in such a taco fever that I did the unthinkable: I tried to make some at home. The results were mixed.

Pictures of this grand culinary adventure, as well as some other Mexican-themed goodness, after the jump...

Two days ago, my boring old trip to the frozen yogurt shop was made considerably more amusing and bizarre with the sudden appearance of a dairy-hoarding, jalopy-driving Faye Dunaway. The entire experience was so strange that I couldn't help but to blog all about it. Then again, I blog about lint I find in my belly button; so I suppose it's not so surprising that I immediately ran back to my keyboard to detail the event. But I digress (as usual).

Well, I returned to the fateful yogurt shop tonight after a spicy Thai dinner mandated the sort of cold relief that only a healthy serving of frozen yogurt (or ice cream, really) could provide. Little did I realize that my return to Angelina Yogurt would yield another star sighting with equally noteworthy behavior. Of course, I use the term "star" in its loosest possible way. I'm talking about a reality star, and a long since forgotten one at that. But hey, a name is a name, and even if she was just a normal person, her etiquette deserved to be broadcast to the world anyway.

I had quite the celebrity sighting yesterday. It wasn't so excellent because of the star wattage — although, that was pretty cool —  but more for the bizarre randomness of the entire event. I'll explain.

It was about 7 PM, and my friend Jash and I decided to stop in at Angelina's Frozen Yogurt, one of the few fro-yo spots in Los Angeles that I can tolerate (mostly because it's not overpriced and, more importantly, they serve flavors beyond just plain and green tea. I mean, seriously, what is up with the flavor nazis? But I digress). Anyway, as we walked into this humble shop of icy dairy goodness, I noticed an old woman off to the side receiving what appeared to be a lifetime's supply of frozen yogurt. She seriously had so much, I thought she might be on some strange, geriatric office run. The whole thing was kind of bizarre, and I just figured she was an old coot doing some typically old coot-ish thing.

Well, I stood by the registers and waited to place my order, but of course, the server was busy tending to Miss Haversham in the corner. I looked over again, but before I saw the woman's face, I was distracted by her ever growing collection of yogurt. She had ordered pretty much the largest size you can get, which I think was about a quart. Now, most people when they get a quart of ice cream or frozen yogurt, they usually put a lid on it and bring it home to devour over the course of a few days. This woman, however, was going to eat the whole damn thing. I could tell because the server continued to pour frozen yogurt into the container way after it had reached appropriate lid-containment levels. Yes, there was a full on fro-yo swirl at the top of this gargantuan load, but I merely shrugged it off. I've seen crazier things in L.A.. And besides, if this woman wants to stuff her face with fro-yo, all the power to her. There are some days when I wish I could be just like her.

Anyway, the server finally came over to me, and after I placed my not-so-healthy order (regular sized Belgian chocolate with peanut butter cup topping. Heh.), I glanced back at the dairy-lovin' lady for no real reason. I don' t know why I did it. Maybe it was curiosity, or maybe it was because she was hovering generally in the peanut butter cup region. Whatever the reason, for the first time, I actually saw her face, and something suddenly clicked in me. I was staring at a legend.

Fiona Shackleton before and after encountering Heather Mills.

Yesterday, when Heather Mills absconded with nearly $50 million of Paul McCartney's money, she did so with utmost class and dignity. And then she dumped a glass of water on his lawyer. Yes, Fiona Shackleton, barrister to the stars, found her puffy, carefully attended coif suddenly matted down under the harsh deluge of Ms. Mills's liquid wrath, and while I'm sure there were gasps aplenty to be had, at the end of the day, I think Madame Shackleton looks all the foxier. Gone is that matronly sense of disapproval that weighed her face down like a thousand raisin scones. In its place is a young, new Fiona, ready hop on a plane at Heathrow and fly to St. Tropez for the latest Diddy white party. I know it must have been embarrassing for you, Fi-Fi, but rest assured, Paris Hilton best be watching her back now. Grrrrrowl!

In an exciting twist, I wound up in a paparazzi photo yesterday. But you'll never guess with whom...

Kind of NSFW

Oops. Jane Fonda accidentally dropped the C-word on The Today Show this morning — as in C U Next Today Show — a transgression that would certainly make an exec like Jack Donaghy's blood boil. It all happened when Meredith trotted her and Eve Ensler out to discuss the tenth anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. One thing led to another, "vagina" was uttered several times, and as one is wont to do in such situations, the c-word just rolled right out. To be fair, Hanoi Jane didn't use the term in its most vulgar sense. She merely referenced the unsafe-for-TV title of a monologue. Alas, the damage was done, and Meredith Vieira had to later apologize for the offending term. A rousing way to start Valentine's Day, if I do say so myself!

Ha!

I think my favorite part of this clip, aside from the vicious cold cocking, is towards the end when a raging Jesse Metcalfe shouts, "Yo! Yo! VICTOR!" I was really hoping he'd go all Amazing Race on us and yell, "Stop this car, VICTOR, right now!!!" Alas.

What's Super Tuesday without some super thong action to go with it. Here, courtesy of A Socialite's Life are the photos you've been dying for: John Mayer jogging in a Borat-esque, unitard-thong contraption (kind of NSFW, depending on how puritanical your employers are). Also worth checking out is Best Week Ever's coverage of "The Mayercraft Carrier" extravaganza from which these photos sprung forth.

• John Mayer Sports a Borat-Style, Butt-Floss Bathing Suit [A Socialite's Life]

• Best Week Ever's Mayercraft Carrier Coverage [BWE]

Unbelievable as it may be, today marks the four year anniversary of Janet Jackson's notorious nip-slip, a seminal event which ushered in a new (read: ridiculous) movement of media conservatism. Suddenly, practically everything on TV was blurred and bleeped out, evangelical fringe groups were the new taste-makers, and the networks found themselves scrambling to defend benign depictions of teen orgies. (Seriously, they were benign!) On the upside, we did get a nifty new phrase ("wardrobe-malfunction"), and women across the land learned the value of a strategically placed sun ornament on the nipple. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... time flies and radical zealots suck.

Wow, this post certainly turned activisty. I guess that's what happens when I blog on an empty stomach. TO THE KITCHEN I GO!

"I dedicate this song to Elodie. It's called 'Melodie.'"

Just in time for Black History Month, Heidi Montag's brand new single, "Higher," hits stores next week, but of course, since this is the Internet age, it's already been leaked online. US Magazine debuted the track this morning, which is noteworthy as today is not just the day that Heidi's single surfaced, but it's also the birthday of her arch-rival / meal-ticket, LAUREN CONRAD! dunh Dunh DUNH!!!

THE INTRIGUE NEVER ENDS!

For all those curious to hear Heidi's vocal chops, click the link below and then report back your opinions in the comment section here!

• EXCLUSIVE FIRST LISTEN! Heidi Montag's New Single [US Magazine]

"Hands up, utensils down. God, I'm good."

If I were a woman, especially a pale woman with no makeup in an oversized shirt and fat jeans, I wouldn't want to be photographed next to Padma Lakshmi —  especially when she's in full-on catwalk mode. Put simply: there's just no way to look good. But alas, that's exactly what happened to this poor lady who found herself accidentally meandering onto Padma's invisible runway. I'm sure the woman's very pleasant looking in real life, but next to all that PadmaGlamour™, well, she's just so PLAIN.

Yes, it's the dreaded umbrella effect of Padma —  a phenomenon that increases people's blandness the closer they get to her. Somewhere, Gail Simmons is quietly crying. And eating.

(Pacific Coast News via A Socialite's Life)

N.E.R.D.H. —  No One Ever Really Dances the Hora

Here's a story I think we can all raise a glass of Manischewitz to. Recently, hip-hop singer and über-producer Pharrell stumbled upon an Orthodox Jewish wedding and was so fascinated by the proceedings that he decided to hang-out and watch. The families then invited him to come join the festivities, one thing led to another, and now here we are with pictures of Pharrell doing the hora on TMZ. It's a wonderful world. Not since I got to enjoy an "herbal moment" with Method Man have I been so happy to see a Jewish/hip-hop crossover. I still, however, am waiting for the inevitable Streisand/Soulja Boy collaboration.

(via TMZ)

Which Desperate Housewives husband who was formerly on Melrose Place and whose last name is part of the phrase "idiot-savant" was spotted chowing down at Zeke's Smokehouse with his family and friends — nearly twenty-four hours before his appearance on the Screen Actors Guild Awards? I'll give you a hint: his first name rhymes with "dug."

Mr. Schmug Schmavant was caught red-handed enjoying his barbecued meal in the West Hollywood Gateway, but while the food might have been on-point, the actor's attention to his kids was anything but! Midway through the meal, a horrific crash emanated throughout the eatery as one of his children dropped a porcelain dish onto the floor, shattering it into thousands of pieces. GASP!!! Mr. Might-Be-Tom-Scavo was left with nothing else to do but smile sheepishly at the glaring patrons (a.k.a. my friends and I) and clean up after his kid. Hmmm... Life imitating art? METHINKS YES!

High definition does not treat Miss America well. Take, for example, the sad case of Miss Michigan, who after winning the title of Miss America 2008, was assaulted by kisses from her fellow pageant queens, thus leaving her face a hot mess of lipstick. Of course, no one bothered to wipe any of it off (jealous bitches), and as a result, Miss Michigan made her triumphant march down the runway with red smudges on her cheek, teeth, and hand.

In honor of Miss America's hot messiness, I took some screen shots, but just a warning: a lot of detail was lost in the transition from 42 inch HD image to lowly jpeg. Nevertheless, the best shots after the jump...

"Heeyyy guys. Do you like my dehydrated pumpkin? Me too."

(via Getty Images)

I don't often visibly recoil in my seat when I check out British tabloids, but that's exactly what happened when I stumbled upon this image of Rhydian Roberts, star of the British hit, The X Factor, on holiday with his tantastic aunt Maxine. The contrast is stupefying.

Be warned: application of sunglasses may be required for viewing the uncensored image after the jump...

While Kanye mugs for the camera, Beyoncé waits patiently for two platters of diamonds to materialize in her hands.

According to Kanye West, Beyoncé is apparently a genius with the Connect 4 as she beat the rapper nine times on a recent trip to Vegas. It's not as impressive a feat as, you know, an Oscar win (or nomination), but it's nice to see that Beyoncé now has a new talent in her already extensive repertoire (which includes but is not limited to shimmering in spotlights, strutting into rooms, and nose-diving down staircases).

(P.S. it's time for Kanye to "upgrade upgrade" to a digital cam)

In an ill-advised public relations move, the Ministry of Truth hires Sharon Stone as the new face of totalitarianism.

"And so I walked into Toys 'R' Us, saw Geoffrey the Giraffe, and told the clerk, 'I want that skinned, cleaned, and ON MY HEAD!'"

[Buzz Photo via Best Week Ever]

As has been widely reported, Christian book publisher Thomas Nelson Inc. has announced that in the wake of the Jamie Lynn teen pregnancy scandal, it is indefinitely delaying the publication of Lynne Spears's first book, a memoir that details the highs and lows of raising a family in the spotlight.

Of course, thanks to the wonders of the Internets, we here at B-Side Blog have obtained an exclusive copy of the manuscript in all its much-hyped glory. Excerpts after the jump...