Recently in I'll Just Say It Category

I just heard Heidi's new song/caterwaul, "Fashion," and I'm not going to lie: it's vapid, atonal, and totally awful. And yet, it's so crazy catchy that I've been whistling it for the past five minutes (and I've only heard it once). If you can just get past all the vocoder effects and the French lyrics (!) and the so-cheesy-it-hurts "HEIDI!" line at the beginning, you'll find that the chorus is kind of like crack — equal parts shameful and addictive. I'm sorry people. I can't help it.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking. A) I have no taste (which could be true); B) I myself am on crack; so therefore I would appreciate the musical version of it; or C) after my morning with Speidi, I'm completely biased towards their creative output. Well, when it comes to the latter accusation, fear not. This comes from an unbiased point of view. Or rather, an unbiased AND fairly embarrassed point of view.

Why do I feel like I'll always regret this blog post for the rest of my life?

To hear Heidi Montag's "Fashion," click here.

And to replenish your music cred, listen to David Bowie's "Fashion" here.

Photo via rickey.org

I don't know why, but for some reason the people behind American Idol want David Archuleta to win. Maybe they're hoping his presence will boost ticket sales for the summer tour. Maybe they're trying to gain a larger share of the adult contemporary market. Or maybe they're just plain loco. But the simple truth remains that lil' Davey, while technically a great vocalist, is certainly no star.

And yet on tonight's final performance show, the judges gave him near unanimous praise. Huh? Were they hearing the same sounds? Maybe the acoustics in the new Nokia Theater venue screwed with their ears because as far as I could tell from my cozy seat in the Hollywood Hills, David Archuleta was a veritable snooze-fest. Whereas David Cook seemed to command the stage unlike ever before, David Archuleta seemed to get swallowed up in it. As you can imagine, I was astounded when Simon said all three rounds went to the boy wonder. Let the headscratching commence.

I don't even have houseplants, but for some reason, I want the Aqua Globe. It allows you to leave your plants unattended for up to TWO WHOLE WEEKS. Wwwhhhaaaa?? Actually, the only reason I'm so impressed with this bad boy is because the science behind the Aqua Globe seems so simple, yet so right (assuming it works). Granted, the downside is that it'll look like a hot air balloon got lodged in your fern, but hey, that's a small price to pay for what will surely be a wonderful conversation starter!

A thought occurred to me on the way home from the dentist today: next week might very well be the best week ever for reality fans. Think about it: almost every single reality behemoth will be airing. The sad exception to the rule is The Amazing Race, which unfortunately wrapped up its latest exciting run last month. Nevertheless, an intrepid reality fan (a.k.a. me) will be able to get through next week with brand new episodes of all the reality shows that have come to define the genre: American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Apprentice, Big Brother, Project Runway, and Survivor. To a lesser degree, there's also the veteran campy delight, The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and two of cable's biggest reality shows, Flavor of Love and Rock of Love. Oh, and did I mention new episodes of the cult favorite, Paradise Hotel??? Seriously, if The Amazing Race and The Hills were airing, next week could have gone down in history as the perfect week of reality offerings. As it stands now though, it's still pretty awesome.

Since it's both raining and the end of the week, I decided to treat myself to an afternoon viewing of the film that many critics are happily plopping on their Top Ten lists like a bucketful of sweet, sweet crude oil. I am, of course, talking about There Will Be Blood, the latest epic feature from acclaimed director Paul Thomas Anderson. Starring Daniel Day-Lewis in an excellent performance that will surely net him an Oscar nomination (let alone a win), the film focuses on an oil man's rise to power at the turn of the twentieth century and all the dangerous, turbulent drama that comes with it. I won't get into the plot too much, but suffice it to say, at a running time of over two and a half hours, there's plenty of story to go around.

On paper, everything about There Will Be Blood works: the acting is fantastic, the direction is artistic, and the script is full of those academic conceits that get critics going: parallelism, paradoxes, allegories, social commentary, historic reflection, etc. etc. There's no arguing that this is definitely a movie of substance with lots to discuss and debate. The problem, however, is that at the end of the day, it failed to be that most elusive quality in storytelling: engaging. The film's emotional component seemed to be nearly absent, despite several well-drawn and thought-provoking characters. "Thought-provoking," perhaps though, is the central issue. Too often I found myself in a cerebral state: frequently thinking about the director's artistic vision and choices rather than merely being swept away in this fascinating —  but ultimately cold and distant — world. I never was bored, per se, by the film, but I didn't always find myself caring too greatly about the outcome either. And no, it's not that I suffer from some sort of anti-intellectualism that mandates movies be ninety minutes long and clearly spelled out for me. Heck, I loved Magnolia, even with its controversial, amphibious climax. The point is that despite all the hype the nations top critics have been stirring up, There Will Be Blood falls just short of its accolades. It's worth seeing, no doubt, and several hours later, I'm still thinking about it, but would I bestow this film with a Best Picture honor? Sadly, no.

Agree? Disagree? What do you think? (And please remember to warn of spoilers if you're going to talk about, well, spoilers).