Recently in Music Category

Right on the heels of Heidi Montag's gleefully absurd trainwreck, "Fashion," another dubiously talented poptart, Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame, has released a similarly sartorial track titled, "Sneakernight." In terms of production values and general quality, this ode to dancing and sneakers is a significant improvement over the latest Speidi project, but it still leaves a lot to be desired. Plus, I fear that I'm going to be hearing the line "Basically what we're gonna do is dance" in my head all night, if only because Ms. Hudgens repeats it over and over and over again ad nauseam.

To her credit, the chronically flat Vanessa Hudgens manages to hit about three notes, which is a pleasant improvement over her previous work (anyone who's ever had to endure her ear-piercing duets in the High School Musical movies knows what I'm talking about). Still, in a strange twist, Vanessa has somehow injected her voice with a sort of pseudo-sassy-soul growl, whose authenticity feels somewhat questionable. Not saying she lipsynched... buuuuuut, well, I don't know how this could be the same girl who sang the relentlessly awful dirge "When There Was Me and You."

All in all, with the arrival of this video and Heidi Montag's latest, today might have to mark a veritable nadir for the music industry, this blog, and perhaps the world in general. On the other hand, Zac Efron totally has two new songs for his iPod, girrrrrl!

A clip of Vanessa strutting her atonal stuff in "When There Was Me and You" after the jump...

I just heard Heidi's new song/caterwaul, "Fashion," and I'm not going to lie: it's vapid, atonal, and totally awful. And yet, it's so crazy catchy that I've been whistling it for the past five minutes (and I've only heard it once). If you can just get past all the vocoder effects and the French lyrics (!) and the so-cheesy-it-hurts "HEIDI!" line at the beginning, you'll find that the chorus is kind of like crack — equal parts shameful and addictive. I'm sorry people. I can't help it.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking. A) I have no taste (which could be true); B) I myself am on crack; so therefore I would appreciate the musical version of it; or C) after my morning with Speidi, I'm completely biased towards their creative output. Well, when it comes to the latter accusation, fear not. This comes from an unbiased point of view. Or rather, an unbiased AND fairly embarrassed point of view.

Why do I feel like I'll always regret this blog post for the rest of my life?

To hear Heidi Montag's "Fashion," click here.

And to replenish your music cred, listen to David Bowie's "Fashion" here.

Click to play

Tonight, Bravo airs the Top Chef: Chicago reunion, and what better way to get in the mood than by listening to the music of Padma Lakshmi. No, these aren't original compositions. These are merely a sampling of her favorite tunes, which she shared on Los Angeles NPR outpost, KCRW. To hear the segment, click on the player above. It's worth a listen if only to hear Padma's "Thank you" in the first fifteen seconds (not to mention her description of Robert Palmer's "louche sexiness" later on).

Unsurprising quote of the program: "You know, there was all this marijuana smoke around me!"

• The Music of Padma Lakshmi [Eater LA]
• Guest DJ Project [KCRW]

It was Beyoncé's fault.

What's that old saying? You get what you pay for? Something like that. Well, epic complainer / Connect Four aficionado Kanye West finally discovered what it was like to be at the brunt of a hissy fit this weekend as thousands of fans at the Bonnaroo festival turned on the talented, if volatile rapper. West, who took to the stage at 4:30 AM (hours after his initial 8:15 PM start time, which was then rescheduled to 2:45 AM), discovered that fans don't necessarily like waiting around for a glow-in-the-dark prima dona, no matter how celebrated he is. The angry crowd happily booed Kanye and chanted "Kanye sucks!" over and over again.

As for Kanye, he not only ignored the haters, but he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he took the stage so late. Not once did he apologize to the fans, further angering the sleep-deprived masses. Sounds like one big colossal mess. And that's why I don't go to music festivals.

Kanye West's Fans Don't Care About Late People [A Socialite's Life]

The new Weezer video, in short, is a blast. A romp. A rollercoaster of viral video emotions. The band collected some of the most famous faces from the YouTube generation and crammed them all into three minutes and nineteen seconds of musical bliss. All your favorites are there: Chris Crocker, Tay Zonday, and Miss South Carolina (looking like quite the hottie these days), just to name a few. The only one missing is the woman who fell out of the grape-mashing barrel. Still makes me laugh every time.

Of course, the strange footnote to all this is that I'd actually heard this song on the radio once last week, and silly me, I thought it was Sugar Ray. As a result, I've spent the past few days telling people, "Have you heard the new Sugar Ray song? It's actually REALLY GOOD!" Well, my hope for a Sugar Ray comeback has now been squashed, but hey, let's hear it for Weezer! I'm off to the iTunes store...

Thoughts on the song? The video?

Update: Full list of references after the jump.

In my live blog of European TV, I mentioned seeing a silly music video for a song called "Hot, Hot Summer." Well, I've tracked down the video, which is by a band named Monrose. They're sort of like the German version of the Pussycat Dolls. According to the charts, they've struck it big in Central Europe, conquering that ever elusive Swiss market. Now maybe it's time to take on America? We'll have to wait and see about that. In the meantime, I'll just say it: summer song 2008.

Be warned, the above song is as catchy as it is ridiculous...

Hello. Celine Dion here.

Celine Dion really is hilarious. I respect what she's doing in this video (charity and whatnot), but I can't help simultaneously laughing at her voice, which sounds something like a Québécois version of one of those computerized Mac voices. Each time I hear her say "the most... heartbreaking... staTISTic," I let out a small chortle.

Last week, Kelly Ripa posted a celebrity playlist on iTunes which was supposed to serve as a sort of soundtrack to the perfect dinner party. She writes, "I have a blast on my show, but my favorite place to entertain is in my kitchen. There's just nothing like the perfect dinner party. And whether I'm making dinner for friends, family, or the guys from work, the best side dish is a good soundtrack. Well, my roasted garlic asparagus is pretty good too, but trust me, these songs are a really close second. I hope they'll make your dinner party even more amazing, from the first doorbell to the last kiss goodnight."

Sounds promising enough... until you realize that nearly every song on her playlist is so damn depressing that you'll just want to hurl yourself out of a window at the very thought of them. I'm not saying the songs are bad, but stringing them together to score a dinner party seems, well, AWFUL. Seriously, it's a minor feat that Kelly's guests have survived her soirées without wanting to slit their wrists by the night's end.

"I dedicate this song to Elodie. It's called 'Melodie.'"

Just in time for Black History Month, Heidi Montag's brand new single, "Higher," hits stores next week, but of course, since this is the Internet age, it's already been leaked online. US Magazine debuted the track this morning, which is noteworthy as today is not just the day that Heidi's single surfaced, but it's also the birthday of her arch-rival / meal-ticket, LAUREN CONRAD! dunh Dunh DUNH!!!

THE INTRIGUE NEVER ENDS!

For all those curious to hear Heidi's vocal chops, click the link below and then report back your opinions in the comment section here!

• EXCLUSIVE FIRST LISTEN! Heidi Montag's New Single [US Magazine]