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Danny Noriega, late of American Idol, has released a music video that's pretty much as silly as you'd expect it to be. It's nowhere near is ridiculous as say the canon of Heidi Pratt (née Montag), but then again, that's not saying much. Here Danny teams up with a mysterious woman named Diamonique, who may or may not be Jenni from Flipping Out, and the two of them sing and rap through a surprisingly not terrible club tune. Personally, I think the beat and instrumentation are good, but the lyrics could use some tweaking (ie. throw them all out and start over — except for the anthemic line "Who's gonna buy my drinks? UH, YOU BITCH!"). Also, I'm not sure we need so many shots of Danny's hairy armpits, but that's just me.

What do you think about it?

Via D-Listed

I have some troubling news for the Midwest: the Grammys have eliminated the all important Best Polka Album category. Yes, yes, it's true. Take a moment to let it sink in.

According to the Associated Press, it's time to put away the accordions because polka is no longer relevant in today's musical landscape. That's okay, polka. You'll always have a friend in me. Where else would I get my daily dose of oompa-loompa music to wake me up every morning?

For more on this grave loss, check out the article here.

Sometimes (or rather, quite often) when musicians perform live these days, they sing along to pre-recorded versions of their song. This way they always sound right, even if they're dancing and out of breath or simply having an off-day. Case in point: Beyoncé, who sung along to track on a recent Today Show appearance. The audience at home (and in the crowd) heard a perfectly normal version of "If I Were A Boy," but what Beyoncé actually sounded like was a whole different story. In the clip above, Howard Stern and his posse snicker — justifiably so — at leaked footage from the Today Show of Beyoncé real voice during the performance, which was recorded from her mic but never played over the airwaves. If you ask me, it's not much worse than the original...

Thanks to IndianJones for sending me the clip...

UPDATE: It was all a hoax! Phew!! Read more details here.

This speaks for itself.

Via Best Week Ever

"We Run LA" by Ya Boy Ft. Dr. Hollywood.

Reality Blurred: Judges may get a veto on American Idol; two will leave
Gawker: In Memoriam
LAist: Chris Brown Won't Be the Kids' Choice This Year
Socialite Life: Brittany Snow Is Young Lily Van Der Woodsen! — surprisingly perfect casting
Eater LA: Week in Reviews: Salute Gets the Single Star
ESPN: Tomlinson remains with Chargers
New York Times: TELEVISION REVIEW | 'THE CHOPPING BLOCK' — Preparing a Fresh Batch of Chefs
Epicurious: Los Angeles Restaurants: Hot Spots And Holes In The Wall — courtesy of IndianJones

As many readers know, I'm prone to engaging in serialized quests for often fruitless goals: parsley, Angry whoppers, etc.. I've decided that my next pursuit will be rapper of the moment, T.I., who'll be heading to jail in about seventeen days or so. I'm a big T. I. fan, and lately, he's been popping up everywhere. I mean, everywhere. He's put in a cameo on Kathy Griffin My Life On The D-List, and tonight, he's going to be on Reality Chat on the TV Guide Network. Therefore, I've decided that I would like to throw my hat into the T.I. publicity ring. I'm not asking for an interview, but maybe a picture with the man? You know, I can show up at some gig or event here in Hollywood, snap a photo or two with him, and then be on my way like the dutiful blogger that I am. Sounds easy enough. I should add that I'm not some freak stalker; so let's clarify that right now. And I've been known to be surprisingly un-awkward around rappers (I once received props from Method Man in one of my crowning Hollywood moments).

So...

Who here knows T.I.'s people?

[crickets]

Developing...

A few weeks ago, I blogged about a creative Facebook meme that quickly took the internet by storm for forty-eight beautiful hours before flaming out in typical cyber fad fashion. I'm talking, of course, about the create-your-own-album-cover craze which had users combining random quotes, Wikipedia entries, and Flickr pics into one wonderful mashup of potential Indie band art. The results were often hilarious, and even though making the images took a little bit of effort, it was always worth it. Anyway, I told people to send in their best pics, and now I'm happy to present all the submissions as well as a few from the Internet that I found amusing.

Pics after the jump...

For the first time in ages, I actually sat down and watched all of the Grammys last night. It wasn't intentional — I was gonna work on my screenplay. Buuuutttt... I started watching during dinner, and then I got sucked in, attracted by the energetic musical numbers and endless parade of insufferable celebrities. Overall, I thought it was a pretty good show. I did have some minor complaints though. First of all, during Neil Diamond's rousing performance of "Sweet Caroline," would it have hurt the director to have cut to the audience here and there? After all, it kind of is the ultimate singalong tune — why not show T.I. or Nicole Kidman belting it out too? And speaking of Nicole Kidman, she seemed royally bored throughout the show, often remaining seated while everyone else gave standing ovations. Granted, someone could drop a paperclip, and they'd get a standing ovation at the Grammys, but that's nearly here nor there. When Jennifer Hudson brought the audience to their feet, there was Nicky Kids, eager to sit back down after about two seconds of being on her feet.

In terms of other annoying elements, I'd have to nominate the brief "Bridge Over Troubled Water" duet of Al Green and Duffy for Outstanding Attempt To Make Me Go Deaf. They're both good singers, but together they sounded like two buzz saws going at it. Meanwhile, Duffy's British counterpart, Adele, was funny in her acceptance speech when she jokingly expressed love for the Jonas Brothers. I just wish she could have spit out her gum beforehand. Not very classy.

There were plenty of other noteworthy elements (MIA, in particular), but I think I get most of them in the photocap, which is conveniently after the jump!

In case you've been living under a rock (or in Iraq. Or in Iraq under a rock), the Christian Bale tirade has been all the rage of the Internets. Even better is "Bale Out," the wonderful techno dance remix, which is not only spectacularly hilarious, but also a really good song. I could actually see myself and others dancing to it in a drunken haze at a club. After all, what's better than getting liquored up, hitting the dance floor, and shouting "WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND???"

It's that sort of infectious energy which seems to have spawned the latest cool thing: posting videos of yourself dancing to "Bale Out." I think my favorite so far is the girl above, who manages to have a rockin' good time at her desk, courtesy of Mr. Bale's epic tantrum. I'm not sure that this is an oeuvre that I'm necessarily going to contribute to, but it's one I can certainly enjoy.

And if you'd like the MP3 of "Bale Out," just click here.

When news broke this morning that three minutes of a recent Christian Bale tirade on the set of the new Terminator had been caught on tape, I tinge of excitement in my tummy. Memories of Pat O'Brien danced through my head, and I knew the Internet would soon be presenting a giant audio gift for the world to enjoy all day. Sure enough, the rant was just as shockingly vitriolic and actor-ly as I could have hoped — a total diva moment that only makes one wonder how many equal, if not worse, tantrums have gone unrecorded in the lifetime of Hollywood.

Anyway, my first instinct upon hearing the audio was to start mashing it up with something, but already there are so many creative takes on it, why should I waste the time? My favorite reshuffling of the audio comes from a DJ named RevoLucian, who took the venom-spewing wrath of Bale and transformed it into a surprisingly catchy dance track. If it came on in a club, I'd dance to it. The remix, found via Defamer, is above. The pure, unadulterated tirade is after the jump. Both clips are NSFW, audio-wise (put on some headphones).

When it comes to mashups, there are two ways to look at them: either as a cynical commentary on the generic, interchangeable state of modern music... or as art. I prefer the latter. Along those lines, this video completely blows my mind. It's a mashup of twenty-five songs, all carefully pieced together by DJ Earworm, and here's the shocking part: barring a few fleeting, awkward juxtapositions, it all works remarkably well. Who would have thunk it? Apparently DJ Earworm has been doing these large-scale mashups for a while, but this was the first I'd heard of him (not that I'm Mr. Mashup genius or anything). I'm not sure I'd actually sit and listen to the track on iTunes, but as a viral video, it's insane. I particularly enjoy the T.I. and Chris Brown interludes later in the song. See if you can pick out all the songs. If you need help, I've got a full track list after the jump.

Thanks to IndianJones (and his brother) for the heads up.

Well, it's the new year, which means that it's time to look back at 2008 and make the obligatory Best Of lists. For no particular reason, I'm starting with music, and let me just state that I am not a music connoisseur. My knowledge pretty much encompasses what I hear on the radio plus various offshoots and recommendations from friends, iTunes, and Starbucks. As a result, you won't hear me throwing around names like Ariel Pink or Lykke Li; although, I suppose I just did. Point is, my frame of reference is limited.

That being said, I had a very unscientific method to creating this list. I went onto my iTunes, checked out the songs I downloaded in 2008, and then sorted them by star ranking (five being best). The result: a nicely comprehensive selection of my favorites tunes of the year. Enjoy!

I love this video, and really only because it shows Busta Rhymes dancing with a bunch of goofy office workers for no real reason. There's something so simple, so basic, and yet so awesome about it. I mean, imagine if a famous rapper showed up at your cubicle and invited you to dance in his video.

To be fair, this isn't an official video. It's a "video remix," and according to the YouTube notes, it seems to have been taped at Big Boy's Neighborhood, a morning show here in LA. Still, it's nice to see a rapper mixing it up with the regular folks. Back in the day, I worked down the hall from Method Man's manager, and my buddy, who served as an assistant to her, once brought Method Man into my office to say hi. It was very surreal (topping the time Rue McLanahan entered my office). I always kind of wished I could immortalize that moment, but while I may not have a silly memory video of me and Method Man dancing, at least these people have one with Busta Rhymes. Great time had by all.

Plus, you gotta love the prominent use of Cheerios.

Via Best Week Ever.

"Krazy" by Pitbull featuring Lil Jon: this might just be the most annoying song you'll hear all week. It's been on the radio and in the clubs for the past month or so (at least here in LA), and each time I hear it, I can't help reflecting on just how supremely irritating it is. The best way to describe it is the bizarre union of reggaeton and a mosquito. And yet, I never change the channel. Even worse, I'm thinking of downloading it. Is something wrong with me?

(FYI — save yourself a trip to iTunes. If you do want to download the track, it won't be released until September 30th. SIGH)

WELL BONJOUR.

My publicist friend recently gave me a heads up on something, and never wanting to deprive my readers (or her clients) of an ample opportunity, I'm here to report that Céline Marie Claudette Dion — wife of René Angélil and mother of René-Charles Dion Angélil — will be the focus of an in depth special by French-language channel TV5MONDE. That's right: lucky viewers will get nearly an hour of personal insights from our favorite self-flagellating singer, and even better, it will all be in French! (Or so I imagine.)

Here's the official description:

"Denise Bombardier, who accompanied the singer on her 'Taking Chances World Tour,'” performs the 52 minute interview, in which Celine Dion looks back at the highlights of her 20-year career and discusses her family life and future projects, among other topics."

So gather 'round the TV, warm up a plate of poutine, and prepare to be dazzled by the greatest singer in the world!

The fun begins on Sunday, September 14th at 7pm ET.

Yesterday, Apple released iTunes 8, which features a nifty new feature called "Genius." By using fancy algorithms and special analytical tools (ie. MAGIC), Genius builds a playlist based on your listening habits, other people's listening habits, and various other variables which are probably too complex for me to comprehend. It's the same concept as last.fm and Pandora (apparently — I've never used either).

Always eager to embrace new technology, I decided to give Genius a test run with a variety of songs, ranging from Top 40 hits to cheesy '80s ballads. The results after the jump...

Click to see Shirley Manson shed her inner urinal cake.

As an unabashed Garbage fan, I was most excited to hear that Shirley Manson would be joining the cast of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, even if it did seem like an utterly bizarre career turn. Unfortunately, I did not actually see the season premiere, but thanks to Defamer, I learned that the red-headed vixen played not only a robot, but a robot that moonlights as a urinal too. There's something mildly kinky about seeing pee bringing a toilet to life (as much as a sentient robot can be called "alive"), but while the transformation is eye-catching, it's nothing compared to Manson's finger of death, which manages to be both fatal and dainty simultaneously. If only she'd said "BOOP!" the moment she impaled the guy through the forehead...

That being said, while I love the whole concept of Shirley as a badass bathroom robot, I'd be even happier if she spent less time in the men's room and more time in the studio, mmkay?

Heidi Montag's latest stab at musical legitimacy has been to release a tongue-in-cheek, '80s aerobics-themed music video for her latest single, "Overdosin'." The idea seems smart — put something out there that isn't too serious, thus nipping all the criticism in the bud — but the truth is that it still sucks. The song is dreadful enough as it is, but the attempt at parody falls completely flat, mostly because of Montag herself who hams it up so broadly, it's as if she's saying to us "See? Look at me! I'm making fun of an '80s video! Isn't it hilarious?"

So for those of you who just wasted a few minutes watching the clip above of Heidi attempting comedy, fear not. After the jump come five six videos from the aerobics oeuvre, two of which mine the same territory as the "Overdosin'" video, but far more skillfully. Enjoy.

RIP LeRoi

I've been a pretty big slacker lately with the celebrity obits on this site, but when it came to the passing of Dave Matthews Band saxophonist LeRoi Moore, I just had to write something. As many of my friends know, I'm an unabashed DMB fan — the owner of several bootlegs, t-shirts, and the occasional poster. Their music has pretty much served as a soundtrack for my life since high school, and while there are many who deride the band (a.k.a. most of my friends), I still am fiercely loyal. Tonight (or rather, last night) I went to my twentieth concert, and I'm not gonna lie — I was actually not looking forward to it. I thought the concert was supposed to be on Wednesday; so when my friend called and said "You still on for tonight?" I had to suddenly rearrange all my plans and writing schedule in order to trek down to the Staples Center in downtown. Point is, I wasn't in a concert mindset. But boy am I glad that I went.

David Archuleta has a new single out called "Crush," and yesterday, he dropped by New York's Z100 morning show to premiere it. First thoughts: not as bland as I thought it would be. In fact, it's solidly nice. Is it great? No. It's still kind of generic, and if anything, it sounds like some sort of rejected JoJo tune (perhaps a less catchy cousin of "Too Little, Too Late"). But it's seriously much better than I thought it would be — and this is coming from me, a self-professed Archuleta hater. Way to go, Archie! Now get back into your cage before Daddy beats you again.

• David Archuleta’s First Single Premieres! Is David Cook’s Album in Trouble? [Vulture]

Right on the heels of Heidi Montag's gleefully absurd trainwreck, "Fashion," another dubiously talented poptart, Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame, has released a similarly sartorial track titled, "Sneakernight." In terms of production values and general quality, this ode to dancing and sneakers is a significant improvement over the latest Speidi project, but it still leaves a lot to be desired. Plus, I fear that I'm going to be hearing the line "Basically what we're gonna do is dance" in my head all night, if only because Ms. Hudgens repeats it over and over and over again ad nauseam.

To her credit, the chronically flat Vanessa Hudgens manages to hit about three notes, which is a pleasant improvement over her previous work (anyone who's ever had to endure her ear-piercing duets in the High School Musical movies knows what I'm talking about). Still, in a strange twist, Vanessa has somehow injected her voice with a sort of pseudo-sassy-soul growl, whose authenticity feels somewhat questionable. Not saying she lipsynched... buuuuuut, well, I don't know how this could be the same girl who sang the relentlessly awful dirge "When There Was Me and You."

All in all, with the arrival of this video and Heidi Montag's latest, today might have to mark a veritable nadir for the music industry, this blog, and perhaps the world in general. On the other hand, Zac Efron totally has two new songs for his iPod, girrrrrl!

A clip of Vanessa strutting her atonal stuff in "When There Was Me and You" after the jump...

I just heard Heidi's new song/caterwaul, "Fashion," and I'm not going to lie: it's vapid, atonal, and totally awful. And yet, it's so crazy catchy that I've been whistling it for the past five minutes (and I've only heard it once). If you can just get past all the vocoder effects and the French lyrics (!) and the so-cheesy-it-hurts "HEIDI!" line at the beginning, you'll find that the chorus is kind of like crack — equal parts shameful and addictive. I'm sorry people. I can't help it.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking. A) I have no taste (which could be true); B) I myself am on crack; so therefore I would appreciate the musical version of it; or C) after my morning with Speidi, I'm completely biased towards their creative output. Well, when it comes to the latter accusation, fear not. This comes from an unbiased point of view. Or rather, an unbiased AND fairly embarrassed point of view.

Why do I feel like I'll always regret this blog post for the rest of my life?

To hear Heidi Montag's "Fashion," click here.

And to replenish your music cred, listen to David Bowie's "Fashion" here.

Click to play

Tonight, Bravo airs the Top Chef: Chicago reunion, and what better way to get in the mood than by listening to the music of Padma Lakshmi. No, these aren't original compositions. These are merely a sampling of her favorite tunes, which she shared on Los Angeles NPR outpost, KCRW. To hear the segment, click on the player above. It's worth a listen if only to hear Padma's "Thank you" in the first fifteen seconds (not to mention her description of Robert Palmer's "louche sexiness" later on).

Unsurprising quote of the program: "You know, there was all this marijuana smoke around me!"

• The Music of Padma Lakshmi [Eater LA]
• Guest DJ Project [KCRW]

It was Beyoncé's fault.

What's that old saying? You get what you pay for? Something like that. Well, epic complainer / Connect Four aficionado Kanye West finally discovered what it was like to be at the brunt of a hissy fit this weekend as thousands of fans at the Bonnaroo festival turned on the talented, if volatile rapper. West, who took to the stage at 4:30 AM (hours after his initial 8:15 PM start time, which was then rescheduled to 2:45 AM), discovered that fans don't necessarily like waiting around for a glow-in-the-dark prima dona, no matter how celebrated he is. The angry crowd happily booed Kanye and chanted "Kanye sucks!" over and over again.

As for Kanye, he not only ignored the haters, but he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he took the stage so late. Not once did he apologize to the fans, further angering the sleep-deprived masses. Sounds like one big colossal mess. And that's why I don't go to music festivals.

Kanye West's Fans Don't Care About Late People [A Socialite's Life]

The new Weezer video, in short, is a blast. A romp. A rollercoaster of viral video emotions. The band collected some of the most famous faces from the YouTube generation and crammed them all into three minutes and nineteen seconds of musical bliss. All your favorites are there: Chris Crocker, Tay Zonday, and Miss South Carolina (looking like quite the hottie these days), just to name a few. The only one missing is the woman who fell out of the grape-mashing barrel. Still makes me laugh every time.

Of course, the strange footnote to all this is that I'd actually heard this song on the radio once last week, and silly me, I thought it was Sugar Ray. As a result, I've spent the past few days telling people, "Have you heard the new Sugar Ray song? It's actually REALLY GOOD!" Well, my hope for a Sugar Ray comeback has now been squashed, but hey, let's hear it for Weezer! I'm off to the iTunes store...

Thoughts on the song? The video?

Update: Full list of references after the jump.

In my live blog of European TV, I mentioned seeing a silly music video for a song called "Hot, Hot Summer." Well, I've tracked down the video, which is by a band named Monrose. They're sort of like the German version of the Pussycat Dolls. According to the charts, they've struck it big in Central Europe, conquering that ever elusive Swiss market. Now maybe it's time to take on America? We'll have to wait and see about that. In the meantime, I'll just say it: summer song 2008.

Be warned, the above song is as catchy as it is ridiculous...

Hello. Celine Dion here.

Celine Dion really is hilarious. I respect what she's doing in this video (charity and whatnot), but I can't help simultaneously laughing at her voice, which sounds something like a Québécois version of one of those computerized Mac voices. Each time I hear her say "the most... heartbreaking... staTISTic," I let out a small chortle.

Last week, Kelly Ripa posted a celebrity playlist on iTunes which was supposed to serve as a sort of soundtrack to the perfect dinner party. She writes, "I have a blast on my show, but my favorite place to entertain is in my kitchen. There's just nothing like the perfect dinner party. And whether I'm making dinner for friends, family, or the guys from work, the best side dish is a good soundtrack. Well, my roasted garlic asparagus is pretty good too, but trust me, these songs are a really close second. I hope they'll make your dinner party even more amazing, from the first doorbell to the last kiss goodnight."

Sounds promising enough... until you realize that nearly every song on her playlist is so damn depressing that you'll just want to hurl yourself out of a window at the very thought of them. I'm not saying the songs are bad, but stringing them together to score a dinner party seems, well, AWFUL. Seriously, it's a minor feat that Kelly's guests have survived her soirées without wanting to slit their wrists by the night's end.

"I dedicate this song to Elodie. It's called 'Melodie.'"

Just in time for Black History Month, Heidi Montag's brand new single, "Higher," hits stores next week, but of course, since this is the Internet age, it's already been leaked online. US Magazine debuted the track this morning, which is noteworthy as today is not just the day that Heidi's single surfaced, but it's also the birthday of her arch-rival / meal-ticket, LAUREN CONRAD! dunh Dunh DUNH!!!

THE INTRIGUE NEVER ENDS!

For all those curious to hear Heidi's vocal chops, click the link below and then report back your opinions in the comment section here!

• EXCLUSIVE FIRST LISTEN! Heidi Montag's New Single [US Magazine]