Recently in Politics Category
Saturday Night Live was only okay this past weekend, but one of the highlights was the above clip, which imagines what exactly might happen if President Obama were to lose his cool.
After the jump, another two of my favorite clips — a Celebrity Apprentice bit and a bizarre yet funny pairing of a sportscaster and an alien.
There's really nothing more to add to this — except maybe "I love The Soup.."
According to Page Six, beer heiress / cookie plagiarizer Cindy McCain was in talks with producers of ABC's Dancing with the Stars to be a contestant next season; however, her footloose and fancy free dreams were allegedly destroyed by hubby John for reasons yet to be announced. I suppose it probably has something to do with Cindy's fragile body, which seems at times to verge on suffering from brittle bone disease. But then again, maybe John's just fearful that Cindy might run off in the manly arms of Derek Hough.
It's probably best that Cindy's not on the show. I can just imagine how it would play out...
Well, I just exercised my constitutional rights. And it was glorious.
Actually, it wasn't. I stood in line for an hour, which was fine and expected. The only problem was that the woman behind me would not. stop. talking. I'm telling you, she chatted incessantly, oversharing her entire life to virtual strangers. Thankfully, she wasn't talking to me, but still, what could have been a pleasant, meditative hour of people watching instead turned into one of the longest sixty minutes of my life. It got me thinking: what will I be happiest about most once I've cast my vote? Well, now I have a list, and I hope you'll relate.
The top 5 — plus more on that woman — after the jump...
John McCain's campaign has been trailing in the national polls recently, and while I'm sure he'd be delighted to get whatever help he can get, I tend to think these photos of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in pro-McCain/Palin t-shirts may not be what he has in mind. Yes, in the past McCain has expressed fondness for Heidi, but I always assumed that was just a doddering old man saying things he didn't really mean about things he didn't really understand. After all, who would want someone as universally loathed as Heidi to be the poster child of your campaign? It's like courting the endorsement of Osama Bin Laden.
That's why with their guns and beer and vacant expressions, Spencer and Heidi's latest publicity ploy is destined to fail. In an election season where guilt by association seems to be the name of the game, the two have completely negated all the inroads McCain has made with this Bill Ayers nonsense. Next time anyone accuses Obama of being friends with a domestic terrorist, all he has to say is "Well, John McCain likes Speidi."
DUNZO.
For a closer look at Spencer and Heidi's t-shirts, follow the jump...
Via Socialite's Life
Take a good look at the cats above. They represent the future of this country. That's right, meet Barack Obama (l) and Renegade (r), two cats partaking in the "Purr-fect President" competition as part of the sixth annual CFA Iams Cat Championship. Attendees of this very special event are encouraged to vote for their favorite "Demo-cat" or "Republi-cat," with the results perhaps foreshadowing the eventual Presidential election in November.
Aside from all the silly puns employed in this event, I really only care because I think it's hilarious that anyone would name their cat "Barack Obama." How incredibly awkward. Every time the cat does something, it must sound way more momentous than it actually is. I can just imagine the owner complaining, "UGH! Barack Obama is shedding EVERYWHERE." Or "Guess what? Barack Obama caught a bird yesterday!" or "My heavens, Barack Obama coughed up quite the fur ball this morning." Ahhhh, I kill me.
For more information on these cats (including the results), feel free to read about the contest here.
And if you're wondering if the potential First Ladies got any feline lovin', fear not. Picture of the Cindy McCain cat after the jump.
While most celebrities and quasi-celebrities have been urging citizens to get out there and vote this election, along comes Trishelle (The Real World: Las Vegas, Ninja Cheerleaders) with these special words of wisdom, courtesy of her Facebook page:
Trishelle Cannatella thinks if you haven't watched the debates or know about the election and plan on voting for who your "daddy" votes for, do your country a favor and DON'T VOTE!
Well, that settles that! Thanks to Jash for pointing this out to me.
Dear Mr. a-McCain and Mr. a-Obama,
I'm so mad I could throw a meat-a-ball at you for spending all your a-debate talking about Joe the Plumber. Last time I checked, Joe the Plumber never risked his a-life saving a royal member of the Mushroom Kingdom, and yet all you a-two do is talk about Joe. Joe deserves this. Joe deserves that. You know who's the most deserving plumber? It's a me, Mario!
Eight a-castles I went through, and after almost every a-one of the them, some lady told me I was in the wrong a-one. But did I ever complain? Mamma mia, no! Joe the Plumber though, he's a-complainin' left and right. Let a-me ask you this: Can this a-Joe guy throw fire from his hands? I donna think so. Can this a-Joe guy play every sport in the world, including golf, tennis, baseball, soccer, and several events from the Beijing Olympics? I donna think so. Can this a-Joe guy throw a party so good, they a-call it Joe Party? No, he can't. They don't a-even call him "Super." You a-know why? Because he's a pussy, like my a-brother a-Luigi. Except Luigi actually has balls. And they're shaped like Boo the ghost. It's a-strange.
So here's my a-point, Senators. Next time you a-feel like singling out a member of my profession, make sure it's someone who's stepped on at least one turtle in his life, okay?
Let's a-go!
Mario
Saturday Night Live aired its first of three Thursday night specials last night, and the results were pretty good. A skit making fun of Tuesday's debate was enjoyable, even if it didn't reach the instant-classic levels of last Saturday's vice presidential sendup. Plus, a double segment of Weekend Update was for the most part funny, despite another tiresome Will Forte singing piece. In case you missed any or all of the special, check out the video above. It's the whole episode for your viewing pleasure.
In a campaign littered with ridiculous controversies, here's one that ranks near the top of the pack in terms of sheer silliness. The issue at hand: Newsweek's un-retouched cover of Sarah Palin. According to Republican media consultant Andrea Tantaro, the brutal close-up image is a "clear slap in the face at Sarah Palin," especially when compared to some of the more glowing, halo-filled covers of Barack Obama. She may have a point that Newsweek has a liberal bent, but when complaining about it on Fox News of all places, she kind of loses her right to cry media bias. Nevertheless, it's a fun vid to watch, if only to see Andrea get so steamed in the face of the most idiotic debate of the day.
Saturday Night Live has been on a much publicized role with its coverage of this fall's campaign season, and that's mostly thanks to Tina Fey's instant classic take on Sarah Palin. Last night's episode proved no exception with a razor-sharp opening skit that skewered not only Palin, but Joe Biden and even Gwen Ifill (played gamely by Queen Latifah). And as an added bonus, the writers brought their A-Game the entire episode, with almost every skit being very funny (there were a few duds, but even those brought some laughs). Hopefully now we can finally extinguish that regrettable Michael Phelps installment...
See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die
It's always nice to see Gina Gershon engaging in comedy, especially when it's political satire. Here's her take on Governor Sarah Palin.
Well, the political conventions of 2008 are coming to a close tonight, and as we speak, John McCain is addressing his followers. Fun times had by all, especially The Daily Show...
Long before she was a presumptive vice presidential nominee, and long before she was the governor of her state, Sarah Palin (née Heath) was a sportscaster for Channel 2 Sports in Alaska, and thanks to the magic of the YouTubes, we have four minutes of her doing her thang. To be fair, this video isn't particularly funny or embarrassing (beyond her squeaky voice and '80s hair) — but it does further the head-scratching-quotient of her whole political ascent. Yes, this woman could be our next Vice President, to which I have only one thing to say: Stuart Scott 2012!
Via Ball Don't Lie
Take one part Megan Mullally, one part Mariska Hargitay, add a dash of Tina Fey, and dress it all up in some JC Penney, and you have Governor Sarah Palin, the newest face in the 2008 Presidential Elections. Tapped to serve as John McCain's vice presidential running mate, Ms. Palin is a stranger to a good many people, including me, and so in an effort to educate myself, I did what any curious blogger would do: no, not read her bio (although I did eventually do that). Instead I dove into Google Image Search and found a veritable treasure trove of Palin pics. I present to you my very favorites.
"I'm OUT OF THIS WORLD!"
Tonight, I tried to do my civic duty by tuning into Barack Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention. Unfortunately, about five minutes into it, he referenced the seminal '70s television show, Eight is Enough, and that just totally distracted me. The rest of the time I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had ALL of Obama's speech contained references to classic television shows. And thus formed the basis of a semi-liveblog between my friend Jash and me.
Our correspondence after the jump...
If there's any one thing that could cost Barack Obama this election (aside from his uncanny ability to wear Urkel pants while playing basketball), it would be taking this photo with universally reviled reality star, Johnny Fairplay. Granted, John McCain isn't totally free of unsavory supporters himself as he's welcomed the endorsement of professional cotton-ball Heidi Montag. Still... Fairplay? Really, Obama? Kind of negates all those attacks on Hillary Clinton's judgment, no?
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Last week, when the McCain camp released an ad that linked Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, people went nuts. Why? I don't really know. The outrage was pretty much as dumb as the commercial (I still don't know why it's okay for Obama to be associated with Scarlett Johansson but not Paris Hilton). Nevertheless, there was stupidity on all sides of the debate, and now that things have simmered down, Paris Hilton has re-entered the fray with a surprisingly funny viral video. I have to admit that I was impressed. Granted, it's not like she wrote it herself, but the execution was funny, and that's all that matters sometimes.
For more thoughts on this whole matter (SHILL ALERT), check out my article about it here.
Shill time. I've got a new post up on DipDive — one that dares raise an issue that many Obama-heads might not appreciate. Here's the first paragraph:
Take a look around the urban landscape: t-shirts, murals, and posters all boast pop-art odes to Barack Obama. He attracts celebrity followers wherever he goes, and his mere name is enough to catapult nobodies into viral video stardom. The man, or rather The Man, has become a force unto himself, effectively plunging our country into a deep, unmitigated bout of Obamamania. There’s absolutely no denying it. People are fainting in his presence, dreaming in his absence, and generally gushing at all other times. Barack Obama has become the coolest thing ever — the closest thing to a Beltway matinee idol we’ve seen in quite some. So here’s the question: is Obama himself actually cool?
Continue reading Urkel-bama? ».
As I was toiling around the Internet the other day, I came across this severe photo of Cindy McCain (are there any other type?) and a thought occurred to me: if everyone had a pocket-sized version of this pic, we could have a utopian society. Think about it. Any moment you're contemplating cheating, slacking off, or being disrespectful, one look at this photo will completely change your mind. Sounds crazy, but it's true. Cindy's face is so harsh and judgmental, it's almost as if she's asking you — and only you — "OH REALLY?" How can one transgress in the presence of such matronly disdain?
Examples after the jump.
Hey y'all [said in Paula Deen voice]. I've written another post for DipDive.com, and this one focuses on Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain's respective cookie recipes — apparently the key to this election. Anyway, I'm curious as to how these recipes will turn out, but I'm not sure if I have the patience (or capacity) to make them myself. Any intrepid bakers out there feel like taking them on? Nevertheless, voice your opinion in the comments, and in the meantime, here's the intro to my article...
When it comes to predicting elections, we can refer to our usual tools of prognostication — charts, maps, trends, stats, data, logic, common sense — or we can turn to a more reliable bellwether: cookies. Yes, those small, innocuous, and oft-times heavenly morsels of greatness can hold the key to elections.
While seemingly unrelated to politics, it turns out that there’s a very special link between cookies and Presidential ascendancy. For the past four elections, the readers of Family Circle magazine have accurately predicted the next President based on the cookie recipes of the candidates’ wives. Whoever has had the more popular cookie has gone on to win the whole shebang. Why? Not sure. Maybe it’s because a scrumptious cookie recipe speaks of a candidate’s good judgment. After all, what candidate would ever allow a substandard cookie to represent him on the campaign trail? Anyone that abides by such silliness surely can’t be fitting for the White House. (Of course, by this logic, Ina Garten could power her husband Jeffrey into the Oval Office without a problem; so, as you can see, the theory is a bit flawed.)
Continue reading COOKIE MONSTERS: Michelle and Cindy Get Their Baking On ».
Yesterday, I detailed the mortifying experience of spilling an iced coffee on a reporter's PDA while discussing the Obamas. Little did I realize that this would be the start of some sort of national trend. It appears as though merely mentioning Obama, or specifically, Michelle Obama, causes coffee cups -- whether they be tall or short, hot or cold -- to topple over in dramatic fashion. Take, for example, the case of Whoopi Goldberg, who, less than twenty-four hours after my accident, similarly knocked her beverage over live on The View. But this time, it wasn't a reporter's invaluable collection of contacts that was in danger. No, it was guest host MICHELLE OBAMA HERSELF. Don't worry. She was safely away from any sort of caffeinated spillage. But still... Obamamania strikes again!
(Thanks Annie25 for the heads up)
Well, after a long fought and riveting battle, it looks as though Barack Obama has finally vanquished the Clinton Thunder, which is good news for some, disappointing news for others. I can't even imagine what Hillary Clinton must be feeling right now — assuming she's accepted her inevitable fate. Odds are she still thinks she has a chance, which is why I'm even more empathetic to the poor bastard that must break the news to her that for all intents and purposes, it's over. Needless to say, I wouldn't want to be that person.
How exactly does one approach Senator Clinton and break the bad news to her? Is it even possible without her inflicting bodily harm? I'm not so sure. But I have some ideas of how to go about such an onerous job, and I've conveniently written them up at DipDive (shill shill shill). Here's the first paragraph:
There are many thankless, uncomfortable, and downright terrifying jobs in the world but none might be as singularly difficult and scary as having to face down Hillary Clinton and inform her that yes, it’s over. I don’t know who that person is or will be, but I don’t envy their position. The fact is that someone on Hillary’s staff will probably have to draw the short straw, and when that time comes, he or she better be prepared.
Continue reading LIFE TO HILLARY CLINTON: Wah Wah Waaaaah ».
Time to shill again. I've written yet another column for Dipdive, and this one centers on Barack Obama's assertion that videogames shouldn't be raising our children. To that I say PISH-POSH! Videogames can be fine parental substitutions. It's all about finding the right titles. And what titles would those be? Funny you should ask. I have a list of them in the article. Here's the introduction:
Two weeks ago, when Grand Theft Auto IV first hit the shelves, Barack Obama noted that the game would earn “goo-gobs of money” (and yes, that is a scientific term). He also warned that “these video games are raising our kids,” and then went on to say that it was “our” job (not sure if he meant society or just his campaign) to inspire The Kids’ “thirst for knowledge. It’s a noble cause, but as someone whose childhood was shaped by the finer nuances of Pac-Man , Zelda, and the brothers Mario, I took slight umbrage at the suggestion that those of us who partake in pixilated entertainment might somehow contribute to the downfall of society. Granted, gaming nowadays is a bit different than it was in the 80s. Back then, the only learned habits an impressionable youth might come away with would be an unwavering desire to save princesses from apes, turtles, and the occasional fantastical wizard. Needless to say, it was harmless stuff.
The truth is that the youngin’s are always gonna veer towards video games. If Obama wants the next generation to ascend to new academic heights, then maybe he shouldn’t fight the gamers but join them. That’s why I propose a groundbreaking series of games aimed at giving teenagers the visceral thrill of a headshot along with the satisfying rush of The Economist.
Here’s a sampling of what to expect:
Continue reading 'Super Obama Brothers?' »
So there I was, sitting in my parents' house, working on my writing when suddenly, the phone rang. I figured it was my mom or dad asking if I'd moved the chairs from the basement to the dining room; so I went over to the phone and answered it with a customary "Hello?"
"Hello," said an authoritative voice on the other line. "This is Barack Obama."
HOLY SHIZNIT!!!!
Why in the world was he calling here? And how fortunate was I that I got back from the pizza place just in time to receive this call! Well, I was far too stunned to say anything in response, but that was okay because Barack just kept talking, imploring me to go vote tomorrow in the elections. I couldn't believe it. Here I thought Presidential candidates were too busy to call us little people, and yet there I was, chatting with Senator Obama. Well, I wasn't so much chatting as listening. He went on to describe how I could vote, and where I could find answers to my voting questions. It was incredibly helpful; although, he did fail to explain how the New York residents he was calling could vote in Pennsylvania's primaries -- but that's neither here nor there.
Unfortunately, as the Senator is very busy these days, he had to end the call before I could get a word in edgewise. That's not entirely true, actually. I did at one point ask him if he would send my friend an autographed picture, but he just talked right over me as if he didn't even know I was there. It was almost as if he couldn't even here me. Like a robot. Or some pre-recorded message. That's okay though. I'm sure what he had to say was more important than my request, and like I said, he's a busy man. At the end of the call, I felt empowered. I had just had a brush with greatness. I can only hope the rest of you can experience such a brilliant moment.
Gosh, there was so much American Idol this week, and very little of it was actually any good. Quite frankly, I'm a bit exhausted from it all, and I haven't even seen the results show yet (although, I know who was ejected). I'm gonna work on a little wrap up this morning, but while you wait for it — and I know you are ALL waiting for it eagerly — check out this other Idol piece I just wrote for Dipdive. Heck, I'll even give you the first paragraph here:
When American Idol aired its second annual charity special, Idol Gives Back, earlier this week, the producers seemed to go out of their way to cram as many celebrity cameos as humanly possible into the mammoth show. Yet despite an accommodating two-and-a-half hour running time, there were at least three people who still were left out of the fun. That’s right, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain were nowhere to be seen, instead relegated to the proverbial sidelines that was Thursday’s results show. It sort of seemed like a bizarre snub. Surely these three Presidential candidates had enough clout to warrant a place on the main stage, but I guess Fox felt other celebrities were more valuable for fundraising needs. And honestly, I kind of agree. I mean, out of all the stars that took the stage, who would you turn away?
Continue reading 'AMERICAN IDOL' TO POLITICAL CANDIDATES: And You Are?? ».
With Heidi Montag's ringing endorsement of John McCain last week, one has to wonder which MTV reality stars will the other candidates be courting in their bid for White House supremacy. I delve into this deeply important topic in my latest article for DipDive, the new site from will.i.am (yes, yes, I've mentioned the site before, but there are a lot of new readers these days; so let me shill in peace).
Be sure to check out my MTV-themed post, and while you're there, you can also read my article about dream analysis — something I regretfully forgot to shill when it was first published. Leave a comment too!
• They Want Their MTV [DipDive]
• They Had A Dream [DipDive]
With the all too early exit of Amanda Overmyer from American Idol, I couldn't help but get downright introspective. What sort of a world is this where smokey-voiced, sartorially challenged singers can't find a mass market in America anymore? It's not, right I tell you. It's not!
Seriously, I was bummed that Amanda got the heave-ho last night. She was never destined to win the competition, but I loved her growly voice, her attitude, and, dare I crib a word from Paula, her authenticity. Plus, she was a nice change from the morose ballads of David Archuletta and Rambutan. Oh well.
Since the reality of another Kristy Lee Cook performance is all too harsh for people who are fans of "music" and "in tune singing," I provide you with this distraction to help you through the day. It's my latest contribution for Dipdive, and it dares to ask, "What Can Candidates Learn from American Idol?" OOOOH.
Check out all the goodness here.
moar funny pictures
Okay, this headline is a mild exaggeration, but as some of you know, Will.I.Am -- lead singer of the Black Eyed Peas -- has started up a new website titled DipDive, and I'm honored to say that I've been invited to contribute to it. My first post went up this morning; so by all means, go over there and check it out!
• Falling For Obama [DipDive]
Are people fainting because Obama's so powerful or because his followers are too weak? Oh I KEED. Either way, there's a whole lot of swooning going on, and this video has documented it all.
Fun times had by all (except those who were rushed to the hospital).
Via Gawker.
I'm so fired up with political activism right now I'm surprised there's no annoying Facebook group dedicated to me. Last night, I attended my very first Planning Commission meeting here in West Hollywood, and while I knew I'd encounter several stodgy old people and myopic idiots, I didn't realize the degree to which they'd a) annoy me, b) get me riled up, and c) use poor logic to defend their statements.
The issue at hand was whether or not The Standard Hotel could extend its pool-side bar service hours. I won't bore you with the details, but the proposed resolution would ultimately allow the hotel to serve until 1:30 AM on the weekends. I, of course, was totally for this move for a variety of reasons, the most self-serving being that I would love to enjoy my nights at The Standard without being herded away from the pool at the stroke of 11:30 PM . More importantly, however, keeping The Standard open until closing time would keep it and The Sunset Strip competitive with other nightlife options — most of which are fleeing to Hollywood. And after seeing this planning board, I understand the exodus.
My entire experience at the meeting after the jump. Be warned, I will be ranting.
Click to see search results.
Here's a curious bit of news. For whatever reason, a Google search for the words "comparing hillary and obama" places this site at #6 in the results. Huh? That's right, as of press time, I'm ranked higher than The New York Times, CBS News and The Huffington Post, to name a few. This can't be good for the state of America. After all, do we really need thousands of prospective voters coming to me for political insight? I BLOG ABOUT CANDY AND COUGARS. Then again, it would be refreshing to see Cadbury Creme Eggs get the political attention they always deserved.
Nevertheless, I am not complaining at all. I love the traffic. I want the traffic. I need the traffic. So, by all means, if you found this site through some unfortunate political sleuthing, I say welcome and enjoy (and don't worry, I do blog about more than candy and cougars).
And for those of you wishing to see the post that's drawing the attention, click here.
Kudos, me. I just exercised my constitutional right to vote.
I don't know what the weather's like in the rest of the country, but dammit, it was a beautiful day to vote in sunny Los Angeles. Mid-60s, sunny, gentle breeze. Why, it was all I could do to keep myself from swirling like Maria Von Trapp down to the polling station. Luckily, I got a hold of myself and managed to maintain proper poise and composure during the entire experience. I was, however, miffed to find out that I was not allowed to take pictures inside the polling station. I guess that's to be expected, but The New York Times certainly got my hopes up to the contrary. Yes, the old Gray Lady's been hosting this alleged "Polling Place Photo Project," which has been soliciting readers to submit pictures of their voting experiences. As a result, I just assumed I'd be able to snap a few shots of my fellow citizens doing their patriotic duty, but alas, I was informed warmly that my inner Gilles Bensimone had no place in this polling outpost. Fear not though. I still managed to document the voting experience — completely legally too. Photos after the jump...
Today, stalwart climate clairvoyant Punxsutawney Phil — the Al Roker of puffy rodents — emerged from his stump, and in an ominous sign for those seeking a return to warm weather, the celebrity groundhog saw his shadow, thus ushering in six more weeks of inclement winter weather.
But not all is as it seems.
The Associated Press reports that Phil's Southern counterpart, Gen. Beauregard Lee of Lilburn, GA, had not in fact seen his shadow, which means winter will end early. Furthermore, this is the third year in a row that these groundhogs have split over meteorological predictions. Have the days of bipartisan groundhoggery passed? Or maybe is it time that The Punxy Philster be dethroned?
WHOSE SIDE DO YOU TAKE???
So it's primary season in America, and while most people are concerned with "issues" and "leadership," all I really care about is web design. That's why I've decided to compare and contrast the official websites of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I combed through both sites carefully and created a brief list of what works and what doesn't for each. Okay, I mostly harped on the negative and petty, but whatever. This is a blog, not a newspaper. I'm allowed to be unreasonable.
That being said, this is meant to be as objective as possible. Political discussion is welcomed, but please do not interpret this post as an endorsement of any kind — although, I'm sure the candidates are all waiting with baited breath for an official B-Side Blog show of support. Additionally, if you base your vote on my superficial findings, you're kind of an idiot. Just saying.
With the disclaimers out of the way, let's move onto the sites.
