Well, the Real Housewives of Atlanta kicked off yet another raucous reunion this week, and to the surprise of no one in particular, it wound up being the Kenya Moore show. That’s pretty much the way it’s been all season, and Kenya did not disappoint (unless we’re talking about all aspects of her personal and professional career, in which case, yes, she most likely has disappointed everyone in her life). With a fan in place and many sneers at her disposal, Kenya once again brandished her overly-deliberate psycho bitch persona, and while it’s such a patently obvious play for camera time, I can’t help but be entertained by it. Hey, it’s like watching professional wrestling: we know it’s fake; so, why not go along for the ride? And yes, I do truly believe the spirit of Andre the Giant carries on with these ladies (if not the fashion sense).
The big topics of this first hour mostly revolved around Kenya. There was Kenya vs. Porsha, Kenya vs. Phaedra, and Kenya vs. any semblance of sanity. Most of the squabbling went in one ear and out the other, but big ups to Phaedra who managed one of the best lines of the night: “Single white female, black delusional Kenya.” Along the way there was a nifty awkward moment as Porsha defended her now defunct marriage. Plus, we enjoyed a small tiff between Kandi and Nene, who took the time to revive their annual “You’re mean to me / I’m just sharing my opinion / Well, it’s mean / Well, I’m sorry. I never intended it to be mean” argument. All fun times.
Next week, the return of Kim. C’mon wig! But until then, check out the photocap after the jump…
One of the worst shows to land on Bravo in ages has to be Vanderpump Rules, but unlike those legions of terrible and forgettable series like Mis/Advised or LOLwork, this vile turd is so bad it actually has become fun to watch. Now I’m not an ironic TV viewer — I don’t generally tune in to something awful simply to mock it. If I’m ridiculing something, I tend to enjoy it at some base level.
However, Vanderpump Rules is so loathsome, I couldn’t help but immerse myself in it. Even worse, I’ve become invested in it. I wouldn’t say that I care about any of the vapid servers at SUR, the tacky restaurant that provides the backdrop for this show. It’s more that I’m fascinated to see actual Mean Girls doing what they do best: instill fear in the weak, inspire hostility in the equally matched, and divide and conquer the rest. The intrigue stems not from whether Jax and Stassi might reunite but rather from the always looming possibility that someone might please, please put these idiots in their place (spoiler alert: it never seems to happen).
By the time we wound up at the reunion this week, we’d amassed so much deplorable behavior from the entire cast, that it was a minor joy seeing these kids face the stinky bullshit they’d been tossing around. Some people, like professional doofus Jax, caught plenty of heat for questionable, if not downright sleazy choices. However, others like queen B Stassi seemed to only get a light slap on the wrists. Not fair, I say! Luckily, the thrashing Stassi’s surely receiving on the Internet will more than make up for Andy Cohen’s lack of needling. And I’m only too happy to participate!
It’s a new year; so what better way to celebrate than by honoring the greatest Bravo celebrities, moments, and shows of 2012? Behold the 1st Annual Crappy Awards! Hosted by Ronnie Karam (TVgasm.com), Matt Whitfield (Yahoo! TV), and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com), the show hands out awards in a variety of categories including Best Old Person, Worst Bravolebrity, and Best Entrepreneurial Endeavor. Plus, all sorts of special guests stop by, making this one of the most impressive award shows of year! Come take a listen and see if any of your favorites win!
The Real Housewives of Orange County reunited this week, which means that Matt Whitfield (Yahoo! TV), Ronnie Karam (TVgasm.com) and I were able to have a field day on the latest episode of Watch What Crappens. The three of us tear apart pretty much all the women — and ourselves — as we debate the merits of Team Alexis vs. Team Tamra. Later, it’s off to London to discuss the latest Real Housewives of NYC getaway, and then finally things wrap up in New Jersey with the unveiling of Lauren Manzo’s newest business venture, Cafface. Come listen!
Remember you can also listen to the podcast at The Sideshow Network, and if you want to listen on your iPhone or iPod, subscribe on iTunes!
After two seasons of unspectacular reunions, the crazy bitches on Real Housewives of Atlanta brought their A-Game back — the same A-Game that we saw at the end of season one and changed Housewives reunions forever. These women yelled and yelled and yelled; although, to be fair, it was mostly NeNe, who spent the better part of the hour boasting about how wealthy she was (with occasional diversions to clarify the status of her vagina in regards to its dildo occupancy). Truthfully, NeNe has now cemented herself on the “Worst” list of the Housewives (a list I’m perennially hoping to update on this site). It’s been a stunning fall from grace, thanks in part to the celebrity that has gone to her head. I’m hoping she can turn things around, but she’s got to realize at some point that she’s driven away all the people she once considered close. Ah, but that requires an ounce of self-awareness, and where would we be if any of these women had THAT?
Ding ding ding! Round Two of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion commenced last night, and if last week was all about Lisa, this go-around, it was Brandi who took center stage. The spitfire continued to win over fans as she calmly called Taylor, Kyle, and Adrienne out on all their bullshit. It was at times cringe-worthy, but then again, when aren’t these reunion shows cringeworthy? Taylor did her best to sling the mud back, going as far as citing Brandi’s notorious tire-slashing of her ex’s car, but Brandi barely skipped a beat in owning up to the act, thus deflating any power Taylor thought she had.
Even better for Brandi, she now had an ally in fellow couch-mate Lisa, who still weathered a fare number of attacks from across the room. Lisa, however, remained cool as a cucumber, and it was Kyle, Taylor, and Adrienne who looked most foolish last night. Kyle’s only saving grace was owning up to her awful behavior on Game Night, but as admirable as this was, she still had a few excuses up her sleeve for her behavior. Meanwhile, Taylor relished the opportunity to take Brandi’s death threats seriously, taking her for task for saying “I will kill you” as if it were a serious pledge. Dumb. As for Camille, she once again came up smelling like roses as she reveled in her newfound popularity, gushed about her hunky boyfriend, and threw shade at Taylor repeatedly. Clearly, the Camille Couch was the place to be.
And they’re off! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion kicked off last night, and it was full of all sorts of petty bickering about surprisingly minor events from the past season — all set against the most gaudy backdrop since the first New Jersey reunion (remember that bright blue monstrosity?). Whoever thought it would be clever to light these women (and Andy) with a purple glow needs to be fired, STAT.
Nevertheless, at the forefront of all the fighting was a surprising duo: Adrienne and Lisa, the latter of whom bore the brunt of most of the attacks last night. It was a shocking turn of events, and I’d say Lisa handled herself quite well, given the ridiculous accusations thrown her way. Kyle and Adrienne accused Lisa of being cruel, but the irony was not lost on Ms. VanderPump, who happily reminded Kyle that she was in fact the mean girl for the group. Kyle ultimately retorted that she never meant to be mean, which had been Lisa’s defense of her jokes, but apparently only Kyle’s allowed to use that excuse.
Let’s not get it twisted though: Lisa is no angel. For every time she insisted she wasn’t mean, she managed to let a sly dig about Kyle’s temper or Adrienne’s “fat” shoe slip out of her mouth. If I were her friend, I could certainly imagine being frustrated with these Lisa-isms, but as a viewer, each one was like a gift from the heavens. Don’t cross Lady VanderPump. She will always have the last word.
Bravo aired the second part of its Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special last night, and it was more or less the same stuff we saw last week: ceaseless Teresa bashing with an occasional moment of levity (ie. Caroline scratching her ass, which was actually just more Teresa bashing). Don’t get me wrong: I LOVED it. Teresa Giudice is a delusional woman whose defensiveness and thickheaded perceptions are so stultifying that these confrontations feel nothing short of cathartic. Here is a woman who cannot take responsibility for any of her or her husband’s actions, even when faced directly with her own contradictions and poor choices. Simultaneously, Teresa will take any opportunity to cast herself in a heroic light, such as when she turned Victoria Wakile’s brain tumor into an example of her own ability to grow as a person and not sweat the small stuff. Bravo (pun intended) to Andy for immediately rattling off a list of petty Teresa moments, including — of course — Spinklegate. But Teresa still managed to justify her actions by saying she had been driven to a point of frustration by her sister-in-law. Hence the cookie drama.
Ah, but how does one get driven to the point of chucking sprinkle cookies when one allegedly doesn’t sweat the small stuff? Yet another mystery that perhaps only Teresa can answer for us.
Here’s a fun fact that my friend jash filled me in on: the character of “Boo” from Super Mario Bros. is actually called “Teresa” in Japan. It sort of makes sense if you think about it. After all, Teresa Giudice bears many similarities to that pixelated fiend. They’re both evil, they both have fangs, and they both cover their eyes when faced with reality (which in the case of the Nintendo game is represented by Mario’s mustachioed face). The point is this: if I’m in a dark castle, I don’t know which I’d be more scared of encountering — Teresa or a ghost named Teresa.
Yes, Teresa is a scary creature, and we were able to catch a glimpse of her frightening perceptions of reality last night on the reunion for The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The entire show played out as an extended us-against-Teresa bonanza, and as such, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I’ve never been shy about my distaste for Tre, but for two seasons, her stupidity had been out-crazied by the likes of Danielle Staub. Now with Public Enemy #1 out of Franklin Lakes, the spotlight has fallen on Teresa, and it seems like everyone is finally realizing what I’ve known all along: Teresa is awful. Oh look at me taking credit for being the first to realize this. How TRE of me.
Anyway, with the season over (the longest in the history of any Housewives franchise), Andy Cohen gathered most of the cast in Redbank, NJ to hash things out. Missing was Jacqueline, who apparently had just engaged in an epic blowout with Teresa the night before during taping for season four. She was so distraught that she simply could not appear on the reunion. Talk about clever marketing for next season.
After the jump, check out a photocap of the reunion, which more or less amounted to a lynching of Teresa. Of course, if you were to hear it from Teresa, she’d probably say that she came out on top…