Coming Soon To A Theater Near You: ‘The Hills?’

Here’s a fun rumor I’d like to indulge: a big screen version of The Hills might be headed our way. Back last year when the series ended, Hills creator Adam DiVello hinted that he wanted to take the seminal pseudo-reality show to the multiplex, but alas, the cast wasn’t on board.

Now it’s been a year, and the stars have aligned. Maybe. Audrina Patridge told Ryan Seacrest that “We’ve all had our break. Maybe we’ll all come back together and do a movie.” Translation: “Okay, I’m ready to be famous again.”

Of course, just because Audrina has fleetingly suggested she’d be game for a Hills movie doesn’t make it a green-lit project. However, with Lauren’s MTV pilot rejected, Heidi’s fame dwindling, and Whitney… well, Whitney seems happy and plucky — point is, the time might be right to get the band back together. I know I’d watch (and don’t you dare pass judgment, especially if you’re racing out to see Glee 3D). If only there were an epic big screen edition of The City in the pipeline too. Kelly Cutrone in Imax? I’m there.

There’s only one question: what will hit theaters first — this project or the Arrested Development movie?

Would you watch? Yea or Nay?

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Audrina’s Mom is Drunk, Amazing

Reality starlet Audrina Patridge got voted off Dancing with the Stars last night; so what’s a mother to do? How about get drunk on Hollywood Boulevard and give the paps a piece of her mind? That’s exactly what Audy’s mom did, and in this hilarious video, the woman (who looks strikingly like her daughter) unleashes her wrath at American, Lauren Conrad, and pretty much anyone else she’s felt has wronged her daughter. Good times indeed…

THE HILLS FINALE PHOTOCAP: Goodbye, Sweet Hills

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I already posted a recap of The Hills finale, but MTV hadn’t posted pics yet from the episode. Now they’re up, which means that I can put a close to The Hills with one last photocap for old time’s sake.

After the jump, the end of an era. Sniff sniff…

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THE HILLS FINALE RECAP: The Rest Is Still Unwritten

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And now it’s over. Last night, The Hills sadly went off the air, capping a television season that saw many heavy hitters (Lost, 24, and Law & Order) go the way of the dodo. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Bitter because the show I had loved (and occasionally loved to hate) was now gone. Sweet because, well, I don’t know. Scratch that. THIS WAS AN ALL BITTER EXPERIENCE, AND NOW I’M ANGRY. Why must the TV gods yank this series from the airwaves, especially when it had just found its voice again in the past few weeks?

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and truth is that prior to its late-run rejuvenation, The Hills was kind of running on fumes. Plus, media awareness of the cast and all their lives really undermined any element of surprise, which is maybe why last night’s finale lacked some of the drama that perhaps was intended. The whole premise was that the central clique of girls — Kristin, Audrina, Steph, and Lo — were suddenly, for no apparent reason on screen, at a crossroads in their life. They had reached a quarter-life crisis, one that no doubt was spurred on by MTV’s decision to cancel the show. Now they all wanted to figure out what to do with their lives (ie. pitch their next reality show projects), which meant it was time to “move on.”

Now, I realize that at the ripe old age of 31 I may be over the hill, but when I hit 25, my friends and I didn’t suddenly raise a glass to the good times and decide to hit the road. But this was the finale; so I suppose we can suspend disbelief and pretend like these women were all on the verge of disappearing into the ether that had swallowed up Lauren Conrad whole.

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HILLS PHOTOCAP: Audrina’s Lazy Susan of Douchebags Brings Justin Bobby Back Into The Fold

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I’m loving The Hills these days. Kristin’s bitchy demeanor has come into its own (much as it did on her second season of Laguna Beach), and the introduction of this Allie Lutz girl has been nothing but pure entertainment. It’s somewhat tragic that we seem to be limited to only one run-in per week between these two because when they go at it, America wins. On last night’s show, it was more of the same between them. The two encountered each other at local club MyHouse, and unsurprisingly, Allie felt the need to march up to Kristin to announce that there was no reason for them to hate each other. Kristin wasn’t having any of it and retorted that Allie was certifiably insane. There was much talk about an alleged diamond ring, but ultimately, Allie retreated to her seat with McKaela, who once again bore the brunt of the cool kids’ wrath. Didn’t she know not to bring loser Allie “around”? (I love that they talk as if they’re in some 1950s diner).

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HILLS PHOTOCAP: When Idiots Attack

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I’m starting to feel a little sad about something. Out of nowhere, The Hills has become good again, but alas, it’s getting the ax. Such a sad fate for a once mighty show. To be fair, it’s downfall was its own doing. The show began to focus too much on the dolts and douchebags of Hollywood, rather than the girly girl crap that once made it so proud. Remember the days of Lauren and Heidi rifting as friends? Their arguments on the sofa? Their seething attacks? Their occasional negligence of Ashes the cat? Back then, the show was about girls bonding with girls and getting mad at each other (ie. Jen Bunney).

It seems as though The Hills has gotten back somewhat to its former place. Maybe the sudden disappearance of Speidi has something to do with it. Or maybe it’s that the “new cast” with Kristin at its helm has finally gelled. Stephanie has become oddly winsome lately, and her sweet romance with Max, who earns the title of first non-douchebag male suitor to appear on The Hills, has been shockingly charming. There’s something about her hangdog face and his smiley smile that makes me want these two to get together. Plus, he brought her Girl Scout Cookies. Bonus points there.

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HILLS PHOTOCAP: Breaking And Entering

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The big news on this week’s episode of The Hills is that Kristin’s newest, biggest enemy is a cougar with a California drawl and a penchant for trespassing. Allegedly. And technically the girl isn’t a cougar. She just plays one on TV. I’m talking about Allie Lutz, a blonde mason jar of a girl who made an unexpected arrival at Stephanie Pratt’s birthday (notably absent: Heidi and Spencer, who were thankfully MIA the entire episode for the third week in a row). Sporting tacky lipstick and a persnickety attitude, Allie did little to win over any new fans, and my goodness, she had an annoying voice, even for Hills standards.

Well, Kristin and Allie got into it at the bar, with Kristin accusing her rival of having broken into Brody’s house. Of course, Allie denied all charges, and I was inclined to believe her. After all, since when do cougars climb through windows? Clearly too many threats to the fake nails and Juicy Couture sweatsuits. Oh, but that’s right. Allie’s not 47. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one picking up on her aging-pornstar appearance. The other girls at the bar agreed that Allie looked like a washed up stripper, and all kidding aside, I really did think at first she was some mid-level personality from the adult entertainment industry. However, she wasn’t. She merely dressed like one. And poor, sweet McKaela was stuck with her, not realizing she had committed a crazy party foul by bringing this daffy trollop to the party. Bitch can’t catch a break.

Ultimately, McKaela and Kristin wound up hashing things out about Allie and Brody, with the Kristin informing the ingenue that if she kept bringing A-Lutz around, there were gonna be problems. Kristin was also happy to pop McKaela’s bubble when she theorized that the only reason why Brody had ever whispered sweet nothings in her ear was because — SHOCKER — he wanted to have sex with her. Too bad he was still knocking boots with Kristin. Woops.

As for the rest of the episode, there was some forgettable patter between Audrina, Ryan, and Justin Bobby, but as you can imagine, the extreme douchiness of these scenes forced my ear canals to swell shut and block out all auditory input. Funny how that happens. Nevertheless, not an exciting subplot. Heck, not an exciting episode (minus the Allie junk, which looks like the makings of a wonderfully campy rivalry). Hence the short recap.

Photos after the jump…

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HILLS PHOTOCAP: Justin Bobby’s Back. Again.

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Do not adjust your televisions. Justin Bobby has come back to The Hills, which may or may not explain that wafting stank emanating from your entertainment center. Yes, the oft-dirty, oft-annoying ex-boyfriend of Audrina made his triumphant return to the series last night, and lucky us, we got two douches (viz. Ryan Cabrera) for the admission price of one. The settup was simple. Audrina suddenly had a job at Epic again, and as part of her responsibilities, she needed to check out some band named Purple Melon at the Viper Room. She brought Lo and Steph along for the ride, and then wouldn’t you know it? Justin Bobby’s band took the stage after Purple Melon had taken their bows. This led to the usual sequence of events. First Audrina felt awkward and wanted to leave. Then she began smiling. And then she was back in love all over again. Meanwhile, we had to sit and watch as every cutaway to Justin Bobby revealed him in less and less clothing (and more and more sweat).

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HILLS PHOTOCAP: Brody Jenner Finds New Love, Suffers Hugging Drought

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I gotta admit that after last season of The Hills, I was ready to write the whole show off, but now in its final swan song, I’m kind of digging it again. Last week’s show (which I didn’t cover) featured a genuinely emotional moment as Holly, Stephanie, Audrina, Lo, and Kristin sat around and pondered the sad fate of Heidi and Spencer. It was a surprisingly enthralling scene, and for all the people who complain that the series is too scripted, the tears that Holly and Stephanie shed proved that the emotions are real (even if they flowed in a contrived circumstance).

This week’s episode was less emotional but still rather enjoyable. It featured the same mix of partying, squabbling, and candid conversations on sectional sofas (mmmm… sectional sofas. I want… sorry, I digress). Anyway, the big topic of discussion this time around had to do with love. Awwww. Isn’t it just so peachy when the denizens of The Hills get lusty in their loins? Stepping up to the Chatroulette that is Los Angeles were Stephanie Pratt and Brody Jenner — not together though. My goodness, that would be awful. Nope, each one of them was investigating new avenues of romance, and both faced some major challenges. For Stephanie, it was her checkered past. For Brody, it was Kristin. I think we can imagine how this all played out.

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Inside the Nylon Young Hollywood Party

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Nylon magazine held a party for “Young Hollywood” last night, and my friend Jenny and her friends managed to wrangle invites for themselves. Jenny got me on the list too, but by the time I got there, the fire marshall had shown up and shut down the line. This was a tragic setback for me and my celebrity sighting ambitions, but fear not, I did have two noteworthy run-ins. First, as I mentioned in my City photocap, I walked right by Whitney Port, who looked stunning — no exaggeration. Less glamorous but still worthy of my excitement was my second “star”: Robyn from Kell on Earth. She was actually working the door, and I must admit I felt a sense of trepidation as I approached her. I thought she was going to just throw me out of the Roosevelt Hotel (and then complain that I hadn’t filed something properly). My interaction with her was fine though, and she merely redirected me to a table outside for check-in (which, sadly, never happened thanks to the pesky fire marshall).

Well, I missed out, but Jenny got into the party, and she brought along her little Pink Toy Phone. I capitalize the letters because Jenny and her friends have launched a little Facebook community devoted to this “phone,” which in actuality is just a trinket from McDonald’s. The deal with the Pink Toy Phone is that Jenny and her friends bring it to cool places (usually in Hollywood) and take pictures of it with various people, celebrities, or who knows what. Just think of it as Flat Stanley, except not flat and much gayer.

Nevertheless, Jenny certainly got a few choice pics of the phone with various luminaries (mostly from The Hills). Her pics — with and without the phone — after the jump. Continue reading