Is That An Eel In Your Penis Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

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I believe the headline of the following link says it all, but in case you’re to lazy to glance downwards, let me explain. A man in China went to a spa where he submerged himself in a pool and let freshwater eels graze off his dead skin. The treatment is not unlike the fish pedicures one might encounter in Japan (helpful things I learned on the long forgotten series I Survived a Japanese Game Show). Anyway, this gentleman thought he was in for a relaxing afternoon with the eels, but little did he realize that one intrepid bastard had other plans.

It’s not too late to stop reading. Still here? Okay…

Here’s the long and the short of it: AN EEL GOT INTO THE MAN’S PENIS AND SLITHERED AND NIBBLED ITS WAY ALL THE WAY UP INTO HIS BLADDER.

No. No. Stop. I’m mad at MYSELF for writing about this. But I just have to.

The unfortunate spa-goer was rushed to the hospital where doctors spent three hours in surgery removing the eel, which is now thankfully dead.

For more unpleasant details, check out the link below. And thanks to my dear friend Heather Whaley for bringing this special story to my attention.

Metro UK: Eel removed from man’s bladder after entering penis during beauty spa

Time For Another Mel Gibson Rant!

What more is to say that hasn’t been said already? It’s yet another rant from a panting, breathless, and totally unhinged Mel Gibson. It plays like all the rest, except this time Oksana defends herself a bit more in that oddly calm NPR voice of hers.

Needless to say, the audio remains decidedly NSFW.

Via D-Listed

After the jump, another rant that I had forgotten to post about! Continue reading

Mel Gibson Is Crazier Than Ever (And Also In Need of Some Cardio)

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If Thursday’s Mel Gibson rant wasn’t quiiiiite crazy / scary / disturbing enough for you, well, guess what? You’re in luck! There’s a brand new recording of the superstar, and this time it’s 50% more frightening. This time around, the disgraced actor spends a good seven minutes yelling, berating, and generally acting SCARY AS SHIT towards estranged girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. When Mel is screaming at the top of his lungs, he’s panting in the most ominous way, perhaps suggesting that this breathless actor may need to hit the treadmill before his next lunatic screed. I mean, what’s the point of calling someone a “dysfunctional cunt” if you can’t even follow it up with accusatory silence? Nevertheless, Mel certainly makes his point (he’s crazy) and even semi-confesses to punching Oksana in the face, breaking two of her teeth while she’s HOLDING A BABY.

The good news is that we now finally have an apt contender for the much anticipated Mommy Dearest sequel; although, as much as I do enjoy Mel Gibson as the modern day Joan Crawford, we all must admit that his all-too-real murderous rage is perhaps just a shade too scary at the moment. I can only imagine the hell his assistant must endure on a daily basis.

Nevertheless, to hear the damning audio, check out the link below to Radar Online’s exclusive coverage. Oh, and if you’re at work, you might want to plug some earphones in.

Radar Online: EXCLUSIVE NEW AUDIO: Mel Gibson Admits Hitting Oksana, Threatens To Kill Her – Listen To It Here

Thanks to jash for the head’s up.

Mel Gibson Has A Way With Words

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Great news! The latest crazy, racist rant from Mel Gibson has surfaced on the Interwebs, and it’s all the psychotic zaniness one could hope for. Mellers delivers us a hefty dose of misogynistic, obnoxious screeds, topped with a cherry of racism. It’s all directed at his now ex-girlfriend/baby-mama Oksana Grigorieva, whose hefty bosom apparently is the bone of much contention.

As these things go, it’s not as shockingly awful as the epic Michael Richards meltdown, nor is it as amusingly ridiculous as Christian Bale’s famous tantrum. However, it’s all quite the chilling experience as one realizes that this man is not only bat-shit crazy (established for some time now), but also totally controlling, scary, and vaguely homicidal behind closed doors. On the plus side, he’s refrained from any anti-Semitic comments.

Progress is progress!

To hear Mel Gibson’s rant, check out the audio here.

And Now The Full Version of Countess LuAnn’s New Single

Countess LuAnn De Lesseps teased her new single, “Chic C’est La Vie” on Watch What Happens Live last week, and now Bravo has released the full tune, and I can assure you it is DYNAMIC. Sure, there’s no actual singing, and sure, the lyrics are a touch banal, but the composition is something of legend — sort of like the background music in a Pantene commercial. Please enjoy…

UGH: My Civic Duty Awaits

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It’s official: I’ve been called for jury duty. I must report at the bizarrely early hour of 7:45 AM tomorrow morning. I didn’t know government workers could even open shop before 9 AM. I guess they can. Anyway, I’ll be preoccupied for most of tomorrow, but fear not! With any luck, I should be active on Twitter, and with even more luck, I won’t be placed on some lengthy criminal trial. Yes, I have to report to the Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center, which means I may be up for something a bit more intense than a mere traffic violation. This will ONLY be acceptable if it’s a high profile celebrity case; although, if that were to happen, I suppose I’d be thrown out of the voir-dire process within seconds — what with me being a massively influential pop culture blogger and whatnot.

Developing…

ps. if you have nothing else to do, go check out Gravatar.com. You can get your own avatar there that can be used on this very site! What a wonderful way to spend seven minutes of your time!