REAL HOUSEWIVES REUNION PREVIEW: If These Clips Don’t Excite You, I Don’t Know What Will

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There’s nothing I can say. Absolutely nothing. Watch these clips from tonight’s first (of THREE — announced literally as I write this sentence) Real Housewives of New York City reunion specials. I can only image what else is coming our way.

Total disaster.

Three clips, each more amazing than the next, after the jump.

Also, check out my friend Anna’s wonderful piece about the show at the Daily Beast.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: And Now It’s Over

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And just like that, the third fantastic season of The Real Housewives of New York City is over. Months of fighting, bickering, and getting drunk have drawn to a close, and yet I still feel little resolution. Of course, what’s worse is that we now have to wait about ten months to see these women again, and one can only imagine what will happen between now and then.

The real question is whether or not Bethenny and Jill will be able to truly bury the hatchet. The two women certainly made major inroads in the finale as they aired out their issues in a mature and tearful way. Jill, for once, owned up to her role in the rift, and Bethenny seemed appreciative, but then privately in an interview, she grumbled that Jill was only mending things because the tables had turned on her. I didn’t actually see what was wrong with that, though. After all, why shouldn’t Jill make amends? She’s realized that everyone has an issue with her, and that apparently caused some introspection. To be honest, it seemed like Jill truly was trying to get over herself, and by forty-five minutes into the show, I thought our old, lovable Jill Zarin was back. But then she complained about the lack of hors d’oeuvres at Ramona’s “wedding” reception, and we remembered that Jill still has quite a ways to go before she’s back in our good graces.

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Ranking The Ten Best ‘Real Housewives’ Housewives

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In honor of The Real Housewives of New York City coming to a close tonight, I decided to do some list-making. That’s right: I’ve ranked the ten best Housewives of all time (to be followed shortly by the ten worst). Deciding how to order this list was a bit tricky. Do I rank the women who seem like the best people? Do I rank the women who are most entertaining? Do I rank the women who I like watching the most? Or do I rank the women who I’d most want to have a conversation with?

I ultimately couldn’t decide. I just went with my gut. The results are probably a mixture of all the preceding questions, and quite honestly, now that I’ve hemmed and hawed, I’m still not sure I’m satisfied with the order. But oh well. These lists are always in flux, and a year from now, the results might be totally different. For now though, check out who I’ve chosen…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PREVIEW: It’s The Season Finale!

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I can hardly believe it. The third explosive, insane, amazing, unbelievable season of The Real Housewives of New York City is ending tonight, which means that after a reunion show or two, we’ll be left with nothing but the boring suburban ramblings of the New Jersey crew. Sadness. Okay, truth be told, we’ll also have Bethenny: Getting Married? but let’s be honest: she can be great in an ensemble, but one full, undiluted hour of Bethenny Frankel is probably more than any human can safely absorb at any time. A little Skinny Girl goes a long way…

And so on this very sad day (viz. the death of Rue McClanahan), I implore everyone to savor this final hour of RHONYC while you can because soon this epic season will be over. After the jump, two preview clips!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Housewives On Ice!

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When it comes to chilly experiences, Jill Zarin has become an expert on the subject. First she received the coldest of cold receptions at Ramona’s Caribbean getaway. Then she felt something even icier: ice. Yes, in one of the most amusing moments of this season of The Real Housewives of New York City, Jill Zarin totally bit it face-first on an ice rink at her much-hyped skating party. The scene was so funny that my friend jash and I rewound it at least ten times in a row, each time with more raucous laughter than the next. I think it’s officially the funniest pratfall in Housewives history, taking the mantle away from Vicki, who famously toppled over while receiving an award.

Of course, part of the satisfaction of watching Jill take a spill comes from seeing some small bit of cosmic justice for her increasingly controlling and vicious behavior. She’s gone through quite the descent this season, and even the most ardent Jill fans (ie. ME) have had to reevaluate their dedication to her. It’s been sad, really. For two years, she was the mother hen that most fans loved. Now she’s the most despised person on the show, and it’s not only because of the whole Bethenny brouhaha. It’s because Jill has emerged as something of a monster, lashing out at those she feels have slighted her, allying with those who enable her, and more or less waltzing through every episode with a raging sense of entitlement.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PREVIEW: Who Uses The Word “Ho-Bag” These Days Anyway?

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If you’re like me, you absolutely cannot wait to see the fallout from last week’s psychotic Kelly Killoren Bensimon meltdown on The Real Housewives of New York City. I’m quite literally counting down the hours (just under six) before the next episode airs. In the meantime, check out these two preview clips furnished by Bravo. The first is an inane “bridal shower” video whose only entertainment value comes from watching Sonja attempt euphemisms to discuss Ramona’s love life with Mario.

The second clip though — this is the good stuff. It’s Kelly giving her Caribbean postgame analysis to Jill, LuAnn, and Jennifer at a restaurant. Listening to her version of reality (not to mention her clear inability to comprehend sarcasm) is nothing short of amusing. Plus there’s that whole hypocrisy thang which pretty much starts and ends with Kelly proclaiming her hatred of gossip and badmouthing while she simultaneously gossips about and badmouths the other women to her present company (note the way Jill Zarin laps it up).

Stealing the show, however, is LuAnn, who happily jumps on her high horse and reminds Kelly in so many words that elegance is learned. And specifically, that elegance does not involve the word “ho-bag.” The Countess is actually right in this situation, but Kelly, as we all know, is immutable. In fact, rather than perhaps admit a lapse in judgment, Kelly returns to her favorite subject — questioning Bethenny’s culinary merits. Kelly insists that she doesn’t know anyone who has ever hired her, causing a reaction from the other women that is probably the funniest thing since Sonja suggested the term “mountain out of a molehill” on the yacht.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: The Craziest Episode of All Time

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We’ve seen a lot of crazy things on The Real Housewives of New York City, not to mention the other venerable iterations of the Housewives franchise. But nothing, nothing compares to the one hour of borderline incoherent insanity brought to us last night by the wonderfully kooky Kelly Bensimon. The former model had been on her best behavior all season, going so far as to convince us that she was somewhat normal, but after weeks of keeping it bottled up, Kelly’s craziness finally spewed forth in the Caribbean, and if you thought last week’s misadventures on the yacht were bizarre, they were nothing compared to this latest round of ridiculousness. The woman is certifiably insane, and if she’s not, then she must be on drugs. How else to explain her rambling rants, impetuous attacks, and generally volatile behavior? This wasn’t a case of creative editing. The woman was truly making no sense. AND IT LASTED FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE.

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The ‘Real Housewives’ Head To The Volcano!

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That pesky volcano in Iceland is at it again, and now that air travel has been severely impacted by yet another ash cloud, I couldn’t help but think back to a photo gallery of the first eruption that my friend jash had sent me. Browsing through the pictures, I realized it was time for another Housewives adventure, and so with no further ado, please enjoy the Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, Atlanta, and New Jersey taking it to the mountain…

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HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Cougars in the Caribbean!

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What happens when you take a bunch of neurotic cougars and put them on a boat? You get last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, which brought a lovely respite from the Jill vs. Bethenny vs. Alex mess and instead revisited one of our favorite feuds from last season: Bethenny vs. Kelly. Just when it seemed as though Kelly had gotten her shit together, we discovered that indeed, all her marbles were loose yet again. The lanky model went totally bonkers on more than one occasion, often accusing the other housewives of caring too much about “feeeeelings” and petty gossip. I wish I could describe what specifically set her off each time, but the outbursts were so random, it’s hard to say. I prefer to use Bethenny’s explanation, which is that Kelly’s wires just got all crossed, causing mental short circuits of the most ludicrous effect. It was so bizarre that the other women could barely do anything but stare. Sure, they bickered back and defended themselves, but it’s a given that Kelly is nuts, and so they let her be the crazy woman that she was, especially if it meant they could witness such comical moments as Kelly storming away from a lunch table, only to be stymied by the advanced technology of a DOOR.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PREVIEW: Bitches On A Boat!

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After last week’s epic Real Housewives of New York City episode, it’s hard to imagine there being any bicker left in these bitches, but according to the previews for tonight’s episode, there’ll be at least two more blow-ups (not to mention some tone-deaf singing) for us to enjoy. Thankfully, Bravo decided to show NONE of that in their teaser clips for the week, instead saddling us with three more or less dull snippets from Ramona’s Caribbean party for herself.

In the first vid, the women arrive. In the second vid, Bethenny and Alex chit-chat (keep an eye, or rather ear, out for Alex’s prolonged laugh which sounds not unlike a rocking chair in overdrive). And in the third vid, the women have dinner and then talk about Bethenny’s dad. Snooze.

Nevertheless, if you’re so inclined, check out all three clips after the jump…

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