AND WHATNOT: New Reality Shows for Dina Manzo and Danielle Staub; Also, Ramona and Jill Bicker, and Chicks with Steve Buscemi Eyes

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Socialite Life: Dina Manzo Lands Her Own Reality Show. Danielle Staub’s Head Explodes
Reality Blurred: Danielle Staub, Jake Pavelka, Heidi Montag filming a reality show together (really)
D-Listed: Then Or Now: When Were They Hotter? (check out the video)
Vulture: The Social Network’s Other Winklevoss Twin Joins Dark Knight Rises (go Dartmouth!)
Movieline: Kevin Williamson Opens Up About Scream 4 Bob Weinstein Fight
LAist: Bryan Stow ‘Wanted No Trouble,’ Says Witness to Beating at Dodger Stadium
Chicks with Steve Buscemeyes: Chicks With Steve Buscemeyes
Daily Dish: Restaurant critic S. Irene Virbila ponders the case of the vexing vinegar spout. Can you help? (dilemmas, dilemmas)

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Kim G Takes A Stand

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Oh the joy of Kim G. The unofficial sixth (or rather, fifth) housewife from The Real Housewives of New Jersey had a gloriously daffy blowout with Danielle that proved to be every bit as chaotic and awesome as we could have expected. The trouble began when Danielle asked her to help find her biological mother. A teary-eyed Kim G happily agreed and even passed along the number for what we imagined was some sort of private eye. Yes, all was well with Danielle & Kim (or Dim, for short) until an ill-fated family meal at the local diner. Christine mentioned to her mom that a gossipy eyebrow woman had spread rumors about Danielle seeking out her real mom (or “mum,” as Danielle seemed to say). This was no good. Danielle had been hoping to tell her daughters herself about her quest, and the fact that this random woman from perhaps Chateau: The Art of Beauty already knew about it meant that Kim G had started to gab about it. Either that, or the private eye had. Or maybe the producers merely asked Teresa what she thought about Danielle searching for her mother. Nevertheless, Danielle did what she always does: interpreted events in the worst possible way. Within seconds she was on the phone asking advice from Danny, whose stint in jail clearly suggests a penchant for rational judgment.

Soon, Kim G had graduated to the “enemies” list, which is becoming something of a rite of passage on this show. Danielle immediately began a smear campaign, apparently telling the women in town not to trust ol’ Mrs. Granatell. When Kim found out about this, she was livid (and rightfully so). She immediately marched over to Jacqueline’s house, and despite there being a baby right under her nose, she proceeded to swear up a storm worthy of the state of New Jersey. Yes, it was awn.

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Inception, As Told By The Real Housewives

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The most buzzworthy film of the summer is Inception, and whether you loved it (everyone) or hated it (um, me), it still left many people scratching their heads. Clearly what we all need is a nice, streamlined version of the story, and what better way to retell this elaborate yarn than by employing the Real Housewives of Bravo?

After the jump, your guide to Inception, as told by the Housewives.

SPOILERS ENSUE. Continue reading

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Ep. 04: Banter with Ben and Lisa

We’re back with another episode of Banter with Ben and Lisa! This time we once again tackle the Real Housewives of New Jersey, fastidiously dissecting the epic fight on this week’s latest episode.

Joining us in the “studio” is jash, who is good for several hearty guffaws and witty asides. I can assure you all that our banter goes into overdrive on this episode, and even if you don’t like The Housewives, you might still enjoy this show.

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And remember, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes!

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Ep. 03, Banter With Ben & Lisa

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The podcast is back with a brand new episode! On today’s installment of Banter With Ben & Lisa, we talk exclusively about The Real Housewives of New Jersey! We cover everything from Danielle’s psychosis to Kim G’s thong. And who doesn’t want to talk about that? Take a listen for yourself, and remember that you can subscribe to the podcast using your reader or simply by going to iTunes!

Enjoy!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Read Danielle’s Lips — She’s Not Crazy

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The loathsome women of The Real Housewives of New Jersey were back last night, and honestly, I’m starting to wish they’d all follow Dina’s lead and exit the show. They’re either boring (Jacqueline), crazy (Danielle), or idiotic (Teresa), and lately, I’m starting to think that none of them (with the exception of Dina) are really any better than the crazy Ms. Staub herself.

The episode started up in the midst of Dina and Danielle’s argument at Shakra (or “SHACKKK-RAAA,” as Danielle pronounces it). I didn’t even remember that these two ladies hadn’t finished this dumb interaction last week, but apparently it was still AWN. Dina had shown up to tell Danielle she was over her, and Danielle had shown up with the secret hope of getting an apology, but failing that, she was ready to make some drama. And drama she did make. She rambled on and on about who knows what, contradicting herself every two seconds with rhetoric that sounded like it made sense but really didn’t. My personal favorite moment was when Danielle declared that she was NOT a victim and then proceeded to complain that all the Manzos had attacked her. It’s like claiming you’re an animal lover while gutting a rare snow leopard with a knife made of panda bone. Eventually, Dina accused her of being crazy, and in her loudest, I’m-a-crazy-person voice, Danielle replied “I am NOT crazy!” (I may be paraphrasing). Needless to say, her response was somewhat unconvincing.

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The Ten Worst Husbands, Boyfriends, and Significant Others from ‘The Real Housewives’

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Not too long ago, I published my lists of the ten best and worst women from the Real Housewives franchise. The rankings seemed to be well-received; so here I am with another go at it, this time aimed at the guys. I’ve compiled a list of the worst husbands and boyfriends from the Housewives franchise, and I gotta say, it was pretty easy. Amusingly, the majority of the spots went to men from Orange County, and I have to admit that not a single guy from Atlanta made the cut (as if the lovable Ed Hartwell or Eric Snow would be close to the words “worst” — although, Big Daddy and Bob Whitfield came close).

After the jump, check out my list of the worst males (children excluded) from the Real Housewives

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AND WHATNOT: January Jones Drives As Well As She Acts; Also, Gaga Fallout and Strange Children,

MTV: Lady Gaga’s ‘Alejandro’: Video’s Religious Imagery Gets Mixed Reactions From Fans (this is for someone in my dad’s office, who requested I post something about Lady Gaga’s new video)
Movieline: Is This the Most Eerily Prepared Child Star Ever?
Vulture: January Jones Crash Possibly Involved Alcohol, Definitely Involved Bobby Flay
D-Listed: Bobby Flay To The Rescue
Socialite Life: Is Dina Manzo Leaving ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’?
Gawker: Google Maps Catches Children Making Out Behind Bushes
LA Now: Big Parade to take hikers through L.A.’s public stairways (thanks Sly!)

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Threatening Situations

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Oy vey. These women. The Real Housewives of New Jersey has veered into insanity, but not really the fun kind. More like the tried and true clinical kind. I guess that’s because we’re paying more and more attention to Danielle and her descent into madness. She takes everything the worst possible way, and she seems more hellbent than ever to play the role of deranged bitch. I did have a small ounce of sympathy for Danielle at the start of the season. Yeah, she’s nuts, but she has been ganged up on. I could empathize with her life as the underdog, even if bitterness had formed a giant chip on her shoulder towards, well, everyone. But now Danielle is just ridiculous. If she can paint herself as the victim, she will. Dina invites her to meet for “closure,” and Danielle automatically acts as if she’s literally meeting with the head of a Mexican drug cartel. Ashley sends her an idiotic Facebook message, and Danielle instantly announces that she’s the victim of a death threat. If she can take it there, she will, and I gotta admit, the novelty is wearing off for me. I’m not enjoying her psychosis as much anymore; although, sadly, without it, there’d be nothing to watch.

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Ranking The Ten Best ‘Real Housewives’ Housewives

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In honor of The Real Housewives of New York City coming to a close tonight, I decided to do some list-making. That’s right: I’ve ranked the ten best Housewives of all time (to be followed shortly by the ten worst). Deciding how to order this list was a bit tricky. Do I rank the women who seem like the best people? Do I rank the women who are most entertaining? Do I rank the women who I like watching the most? Or do I rank the women who I’d most want to have a conversation with?

I ultimately couldn’t decide. I just went with my gut. The results are probably a mixture of all the preceding questions, and quite honestly, now that I’ve hemmed and hawed, I’m still not sure I’m satisfied with the order. But oh well. These lists are always in flux, and a year from now, the results might be totally different. For now though, check out who I’ve chosen…

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