Greetings from the friendly skies! I am currently flying through the clouds on American Airlines, and since I have nothing better to do, I figured I’d whip out the lap top and write a flight blog. I’m currently headed from NYC to Orlando, or as I like to call it, THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL ROUTE. Yes, this plane is chock full o’ kids — in the seats, in the aisles, and probably in the overhead compartments. It’s like I’m in an airborne rumpus room. It’s not that I hate kids; it’s just that I severely dislike being in their company. They’re like drunk people: rambunctious, loud, hard to control, and prone to inappropriate urination. And yet when kids do all those things it’s considered cute or “life.” Well, I suppose that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Luckily, there haven’t been any pools of liquid accumulating near me, and most of the children are so excited about Disney that they’re hardly shedding a tear, but still, I’m going a little batty. There were balloons at the terminal, people. BALLOONS AT THE TERMINAL.
I’m posting this merely because it’s kind of cool. Word to the wise: mute the music and replace it with your own. While I do enjoy the song “Los Angeles” by Sugarcult, it is absolutely wrong for this video.
Well, here I am again on a trans-con flight with nothing but time on my hands. I was planning on doing something useful like work on my script or write a Jersey Shore photocap, but this flight has proven to be something of an amusing farce so far. I must live blog the events because they are too entertaining for me to keep to myself.
Once again my eagle-eyed friend Malibu Judie has discovered something quite exciting. It appears as though famously disgruntled JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater may have been a reader of this blog. Two years ago, an “S. Slater” who identified himself as a “JetBlue steward” left a comment on this site (specifically on a flight blog) thanking me for flying with his company. “Thanks again for your business, peeps like you make it fun,” he writes, amusingly foreshadowing his epic meltdown. We can only imagine what happened between then and now to erode that cheery company pride.
Furthermore, the email that Mr. Slater left with his comment when typed into Facebook leads directly to his profile (which includes a happy picture of him in a JetBue uniform holding a bundle of balloons). And so it’s confirmed. Steven Slater reads B-Side Blog! I knew there was a reason I liked the guy.
A frustrated and furious flight attendant popped open the emergency slide on a grounded JetBlue plane today after an epic breakdown that my friend Malibu Judie so politely described as a “major career limiting move.” The whole imbroglio began when a passenger accidentally knocked luggage into the flight attendant and refused to apologize. The disturbed employee swiftly enacted revenge by spewing out a profanity-laden tirade over the PA system and then activating the emergency slide, which he promptly zipped down (although, not before grabbing two well-needed beers from the galley). He then ran off on the tarmac, disappearing in JFK airport, only to be found hours later in his apartment in Queens where he was arrested for reckless endangerment and criminal mischief.
For such brave work, this JetBlue employee earns the Lucille Bluth “Good for her!” award. True, the flight attendant was a male, not a female, but the words — used initially on Arrested Development to laud the fine deeds of a mother who drowned her kids in a pond — seem apt nonetheless.
Further details about this bizarre story can be found here.
UPDATE:The New York Times now has pictures up of the flight attendant, Steven Slater. Check them out here. (thanks jash)