Oh mah gah. What a silly, spectacular way to kick off the Real Housewives of Orange County finale. I could talk about all the bizarre things like the return of Jeana, Slade’s weird turtleneck, Vicki’s new granny-tranny fur, and the Barney-Keough peace treaty of 2012, but let’s be honest: we only care about one thing and one thing only.
At the end of the day, the only thing people are really going to be talking about is that idiot drunkard Sarah and her flagrant fondant sabotage. In case you missed it, the girl snapped a piece of fondant bow off Heather’s fancy cake, and being the control-freak (and subscriber to basic etiquette) that she is, Heather freaked out. Honestly, I would have been mad too. If you shell out $5,000 for a cake, you don’t want some uninvited alky pickin’ away at your money’s worth.
Heather tried to play it cool at first, but leave it to trashy Tamra Barney to push the confrontation. She dragged the glassy-eyed Sarah over to the group and asked her if she’d eaten some of the bow. Sarah said she did, and then unapologetically lashed out at Heather, who at first politely expressed disdain for the act.
For such a lackluster season, The Real Housewives of Orange County certainly ended strongly. Following the crazy season finale, we just had two back-to-back reunion episodes that were totally bonkers. The women were ready to reclaim their title as the bitchiest blondes on Bravo, and thanks to a particularly feisty Tamra, this reunion was full of catty confrontations and questionable allegations. It kind of melted my brain.
Anyone who’s a Real Housewives fan had their DVRs full of crazy, petty drama this past week, and so who better to dissect it all than my friends Matt Whitfield and Sita Young. They joined me on today’s broadcast of Housewife Hoedown, and while we had no phone calls, it may have been for the best because we could not stop talking.
Check out the show above, and remember you can subscribe to Housewives Hoedown on iTunes!
“I thought this was a classy party,” Briana said during her mother Vicki’s party on last night’s season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County. In a season, nay, a franchise built on deluded comments, this may have been the most deluded comment of all. “Classy” is a virtue that disappeared from the OC long ago — somewhere between the umpteen sales for leopard print maxi-skirts and annual pilgrimages to Lake Havasu. The fact that Briana could ever think anything even resembling class could exist at her mom’s party was a major laughing point during an already hilarious episode.
As any avid Bravo viewer knows, last night was the much-hyped confrontation between Tamra and Jeana. It involved yelling, paper-throwin (memo to Tamra: fold your cease and desist into a paper airplane next time for better effect), and, of course, wine tossing. But there was oh so much more.
For the past three months, Bravo has shone its harsh light on the trifling lives of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Now the focus heads from mansions to McMansions as we head down the shoreline to the original granddaddy of them all: The Real Housewives of Orange County. That’s right: the blonde buffoons of the West are back, and if the above preview is any indication, we’ll have plenty of petty squabbles and dramas to last us for weeks. There’s no indication that the upcoming season will be fraught with the sad, intense issues (ie. divorce, foreclosure, teen rage) that we had last year (scratch that — Vicki gets divorced), but at least there’ll be one Shove To End All Shoves when Tamra lays her hands on arch-rival Gretchen Jeana. And let me tell you something: shoving Jeana is no easy feat. You know, on account of how nimble she is.
Not too long ago, I published my lists of the ten best and worst women from the Real Housewives franchise. The rankings seemed to be well-received; so here I am with another go at it, this time aimed at the guys. I’ve compiled a list of the worst husbands and boyfriends from the Housewives franchise, and I gotta say, it was pretty easy. Amusingly, the majority of the spots went to men from Orange County, and I have to admit that not a single guy from Atlanta made the cut (as if the lovable Ed Hartwell or Eric Snow would be close to the words “worst” — although, Big Daddy and Bob Whitfield came close).
After the jump, check out my list of the worst males (children excluded) from the Real Housewives…
In honor of The Real Housewives of New York City coming to a close tonight, I decided to do some list-making. That’s right: I’ve ranked the ten best Housewives of all time (to be followed shortly by the ten worst). Deciding how to order this list was a bit tricky. Do I rank the women who seem like the best people? Do I rank the women who are most entertaining? Do I rank the women who I like watching the most? Or do I rank the women who I’d most want to have a conversation with?
I ultimately couldn’t decide. I just went with my gut. The results are probably a mixture of all the preceding questions, and quite honestly, now that I’ve hemmed and hawed, I’m still not sure I’m satisfied with the order. But oh well. These lists are always in flux, and a year from now, the results might be totally different. For now though, check out who I’ve chosen…
That pesky volcano in Iceland is at it again, and now that air travel has been severely impacted by yet another ash cloud, I couldn’t help but think back to a photo gallery of the first eruption that my friend jash had sent me. Browsing through the pictures, I realized it was time for another Housewives adventure, and so with no further ado, please enjoy the Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, Atlanta, and New Jersey taking it to the mountain…