Jim Bellino Might Just Be Super Mario

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Jim Bellino and wife Alexis from The Real Housewives of Orange County

I mean, the comparison just has to be made.

And if Jim is Mario, that makes Alexis…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: Of Cake Bows, Fake Chins, and Evil Eyes

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The Real Housewives of Orange County was a veritable smorgasbord of dumb drama last night, and that’s usually the way it goes with these flaxen bitches, who perennially rally to give us the craziest season finales year after year. Last week, Earth nearly came to a halt when it was discovered that resident drunkard / swamp person Sarah had broken off a bow from Heather’s expensive cake. The fondant fiasco continued this week into part two this of the finale when Sarah tromped her way into a kitchen and attempted to plead her case again, still incredulous that her penchant for grazing on sugary playthings had caused such offense.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: Alexis Introduces Us To High Fashion (As In, You Have To Be High To Call It Fashion)

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I was in the midst of a cyber-attack last week, and so I never got around to writing about Peggy’s epic dinner party disaster on The Real Housewives of Orange County, but that’s okay because this week, we got to enjoy the repercussions. As you may remember, Alexis spent a majority of the dinner party locked in the bathroom, pining for her husband Jim, who had opted not to attend because he hates the catty women (probably because a) they are empowered, b) outspoken, and c) on to his shifty business). Left on her own for the first time, Alexis was a total mess, which made her more pathetic than usual — and that’s saying something. This week she revealed that the reason behind her hysteria was that she hated having to lie about her husband’s whereabouts and then she started to miss him, and with all these emotions bouncing around that cute, little head of hers, it was just too much to handle. Hence, the tears.

Alexis told this much to Peggy, but the Heidi Montag lookalike wasn’t having any of it. She noted that it was still rude of Jim not to come, and even though Alexis bristled at this notion, Peggy was totally correct. After all, even if Jim didn’t like Alexis’s friends, he still should have supported his wife and honored the invitation. That, however, would suggest that Jim is anything but self-interested, self-absorbed, and selfish.

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HOUSEWIVES HOEDOWN, Episode 13: The One Where We Make Fun of Jim Bellino For Twenty Minutes

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Video streaming by Ustream

Here’s the latest episode of Housewives Hoedown. Sadly, no one called in this week (insert passive-aggressive crossed arms here), but my friend Sita and I had a fun time chatting about the ladies of Miami and Orange County. We spent a marked amount of time bashing the Bellinos, Larsa Pippen, and Orange County styles in general. Check it out….

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Housewives Hoedown Today at 3:30 PM ET / 12:30 PM PST: Talking About Alexis and Jim

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Once again I’ll be hosting another episode of my web show, Housewives Hoedown, and this week I’ll be joined by my friend Sita Young. We’ll be discussing Real Housewives of Orange County and Miami, and we’ll be paying particular attention to Alexis and Jim Bellino.

Call in to share your thoughts on Alexis and Jim. I’d like to know who is worse: Jim for the way he treats Alexis, or Alexis for happily taking it? Furthermore, which couple will last the longest: Alexis & Jim, Tamra & Eddie, or Gretchen & Slade?

Tune in at http://talkmedianetworks.com/live/
And call in at 424-238-0611

Show starts at 3:30 PM ET / 12:30 PST

See you there!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Time For A Ho’ Bath

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We managed to go a few weeks without seeing big Jim Bellino on The Real Housewives of Orange County, but on the latest episode, the producers trotted him out in all his boorish glory. I had forgotten how repulsive he was, but thanks to an obnoxious weekend trip to San Diego, it was all coming back to me Celine Dion style (ie. I imagined myself trapped in a giant mansion with flowing drapes and ghostly images of Jim Bellino haunting my every moment). Yes, Jim is awful in that old-fashioned, chauvinist way, and what’s worse is that he manages to excuse it all by finding justification in selective Bible references. Actually, what’s truly worse is that Alexis puts up with it.

Then again, for someone like Alexis, it’s easier to blindly hitch her (big bosomed) wagon onto someone else’s ride than focus on the vapidity of her life. With Jim, she’s taken care of. She doesn’t have to think. He makes all her decisions, and she cheerfully goes along with it, investing her energy into him and the kids rather than whatever emptiness has brought her to this place. Naturally, this is conjecture — I’m only reacting to what I see on screen. But what I see is pretty awful. Continue reading

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The Ten Worst Husbands, Boyfriends, and Significant Others from ‘The Real Housewives’

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Not too long ago, I published my lists of the ten best and worst women from the Real Housewives franchise. The rankings seemed to be well-received; so here I am with another go at it, this time aimed at the guys. I’ve compiled a list of the worst husbands and boyfriends from the Housewives franchise, and I gotta say, it was pretty easy. Amusingly, the majority of the spots went to men from Orange County, and I have to admit that not a single guy from Atlanta made the cut (as if the lovable Ed Hartwell or Eric Snow would be close to the words “worst” — although, Big Daddy and Bob Whitfield came close).

After the jump, check out my list of the worst males (children excluded) from the Real Housewives

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