Not a lot of drama on the latest episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, but it did prove to be one of the most emotional installments in recent times. It was all about the gays this week, starting with Rosie’s heart-wrenching tale of coming out as a lesbian, leading to Caroline’s brother’s gay wedding, and ultimately ending with a smack of homophobia courtesy of the most gay-lovin’ man on TV: Joe Giudice. Fun times had by all!
The long and wonderful season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey came to an end this week, but not without one last dose of drama. And this wasn’t just any drama. This was BOOK drama — the kind these Jersey girls specialize in. This time around, the offending author was Teresa, whose cook book Fabulicious had just hit stores. In it, she takes cheap shots at Caroline, Christopher Manzo, and others — all under the guise of it being a “joke.” Maybe conversationally such jabs could pass as humor, but in a cook book? Not really. And thus Teresa committed the biggest sin of all: she crossed Mama Bear, and hell hath no fury like an angry Caroline.
After months of buildup, the entire cast (minus Ashley, who was too dumb to get her passport in order so she could go on a FREE vacay) headed down to Punta Caña to enjoy sun, waves, and plenty of booze. It looked like a rather wonderful time, and for the most part, there seemed to be a noted lack of drama. The most pressing issue seemed to be finding an isolated corner for Joe and Melissa to have sex in.
Despite the feuding members present, everyone agreed to play nice. That meant no one started up with Teresa as she annoyed everyone with her never ending parade of bikini options. It’s rare that anything can make the Posche Fashion Show seem upmarket, but leave it to Teresa to make wonders happen.
Congratulations to Bravo for singlehandedly bringing utter shame upon me for feeding the machine that is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. All season, I’ve been extolling this revamped cast’s virtues, citing the complex and all-too-real emotional issues that have plagued the Gorga-Giudice households week in and week out. Great drama! The best!
And then little Gia had to go cry and make me feel bad.
In case you missed it, we taped another episode of Housewife Hoedown today, and since we’d been on hiatus all summer, we had MUCH to discuss. Fellow Real Housewives fans Matt Whitfield and Sita Young joined me as we gabbed extensively about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Russell Armstrong, and all things NJ. We had super fun times. Hopefully you will too when you watch this back. And remember you can always download the podcast via the iTunes store…
The emotions were high on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which saw Teresa and her brother face yet another obstacle in their attempt to rebuild their friendship. The shocking developments came fast and furious, leading up to the most gasp-inducing moment of all: Milania dropping her nasty little ass on a bunch of salads in a supermarket. As if that weren’t bad enough, Teresa then gave her a high-five for good behavior. If this is what passes for “Fabulicious,” consider my Amazon purchase cancelled.
Christmas is drawing close on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and that can only mean one thing: time for fights! Luckily, we had Kathy and Teresa around to do the heavy lifting, and when that dustup proved to be a bit too tame, Joe Giudice had a tiff with Melissa’s brother-in-law Joe (no relation to her husband Joe, her father-in-law Joe, or Kathy’s son, Joe). And then, when THAT incident didn’t deliver the fireworks we wanted, we had old, trusty Kim G. I guess she’d been less naughty and more nice this year because Santa had brought her two new, plumped up lips. Looks like she’ll be getting coal next year though because her bringing Monica Chacon to the party was pretty low, even for Kim G standards.
Nevertheless, this episode had it all: Gorga fights, Kim G meddlings, and Ashley idiocy. All that was missing were Kim D and her hair fangs. Oh, and I suppose a cannoli made of cannolis. Still, pretty solid hour all the same.
Sunday’s supersized episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey gave us what we’ve always wanted: an hour of frolicking in the Catskills. Yes, upstate New York finally got the close-up it deserved, and it was oh so… rustic? Perhaps woodsy? Certainly not glamourous. For those of you unfamiliar with the Catskills, the mountain region was once the hottest destination to spot both Jackie Mason and raccoons. It’s the home of the Borscht Belt (see: Jackie Mason), and while the raccoons may still be around, the cachet may have taken a hit or two.
When it comes to the New Jersey crowd though, I’m not sure fancy is a requirement for vacations. All that matters is that everyone has a bed, there’s a giant pot of pasta bubbling away, and enough guns, quads, and wine around to make the weekend a tragedy waiting to happen. Thankfully, no one was harmed (physically) in the making of this episode.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey is back and better than it has ever been. At last Bravo has gotten it right. Gone is Danielle Staub and the Manzo-centric focus. The show is no longer about recreating the Sopranos. It’s about highlighting the tacky Jersey trash we’ve come to know and love through recent pop culture phenoms like Jersey Shore. And who could be any tackier than Teresa Giudice? The producers have wisely turned the cameras on the Skinny Italian author and her bonkers extended family, and needless to say, we had a brawl within the first three minutes of the premiere. This is what I’m talking about.
When it comes to bashing Danielle Staub’s sordid past, Teresa Giudice is the champion. Unfortunately for her, women in glass houses shouldn’t throw oversized vases. Turns out Teresa’s husband Joe has been racking up quite the list of illegal transgressions. First there was the alleged drunk driving. Then there were the allegations of fraud. And now Joe Giudice has been arrested for driving with a suspended license.
Unlike his DUI which he claimed was the result of fatigue and post-collision alcohol consumption, I’m not sure Joe can talk his way out of this one. Still, I suspect we’ll be seeing a scene from next season’s Real Housewives of New Jersey where he explains to a wide-eyed Jacqueline that “It was all a big mixup. I didn’t mean to drive the car, but I suffer from sleepwalking and so happens I fell asleep and got into the car and drove off to buy Tre something from Chanels.”
This of course would be echoed by Teresa, who would say “They got it all wrawng. The press people, they don’t know what they’re saying. Joe was walking in his sleep. He wanted to buy me a gift. He loves me. He would never, ever break the law.”
Nevertheless, Joe is currently serving time at the Morris County jail for the next ten days.
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