REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC REUNION PHOTOCAP: Money Can’t Buy You Maturity

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Everyone knows I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some reunion too. But this madness has reached a new low. I thought last week’s ninety-minute bitchfest represented a new low for the franchise, but it was nothing compared to last night’s parade of squabbling, which managed to make every single woman on screen look more idiotic than ever before. I’d be embarrassed to be related to, work for, or associated with any of them… but of course, I’d be thrilled if I ran any one of them on the street. What can I say? It’s all very love / hate.

There was something horrific in watching the women go at it last night. I think it was the rampant lack of self-awareness. It all played out like the worst schoolyard fight of all time, and while I understand that many of them had things they wanted to get off their chest, surely they could have found more productive ways to do so — like… maybe using indoor voices?

The whole thing was just more of the same. Alex was bonkers with rage once again, but I gotta admit, the brunettes were so obnoxious with their snide comments and upfront mockery of the blondes, that I felt some sort of empathy for the blondes. Sonja wisely stayed out of the fray for the most part this week, but Ramona more than made up for it with her usual combination of staunch self-defense and vicious attacks. One that outed Jill as a former AA attendee (allegedly) was particularly below-the-belt.

Amusingly, with all the harsh words being sent back and forth, when the scrutiny finally landed on LuAnn, she brushed off all her condescending and obnoxious comments by saying she was just having a little bit of fun. For someone who seems ready to take umbrage at the slightest offense (ie. a pregnancy test on a boat), she seems pretty quick to take on the role of casual jokester. Even more curious was LuAnn’s refusal to admit that she makes little digs at people. Perhaps that’s because she seems to think digs are only digs when they’re said behind one’s back. Who knows? Nevertheless, props to LuAnn for her passive-aggressive praise for Bethenny, to whom she referred as finally catching up to the rest of the gang money-wise. Not to burst LuAnn’s bubble, but methinks Bethenny has caught up, run circles around, and left all the gals in the dust.

Anyhoo… this second ninety-minute reunion special gave me a headache, and I can barely even remember anything that happened during it. At attempt at a photocap after the jump… Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Most Vile Reunion Ever!

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I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some Bravo reunion, but even I had to admit that last night’s ninety minute special was deplorable. Don’t get me wrong — I highly enjoyed it, but these women have all gone off the deep end. Any shreds of dignity they had going into the show (and trust me, there weren’t many) were long gone… and we’re only halfway through! It’s amazing Andy Cohen emerged alive. Heck, it’s amazing that anyone emerged alive.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Season Ends on a Curious Note

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Well, it’s over. The fourth season of The Real Housewives of New York City managed to survive the departure of Bethenny Frankel by serving us an extra helping of catty in-fighting for sixteen glorious episodes. I think just about everyone fought with everyone… except for Kelly, who emerged as the most mature and level-headed woman of the crew. How did that happen? Have we slipped into some strange gummy-bear-fueled parallel dimension? If so, how do we fix it? Clearly Santa will be of no help.

Nevertheless, this final episode centered around the one year anniversary of LuAnn and Jacques. The Countess decided to stage a festive party on a boat, which got me excited if only because we knew it would inevitably lead to her singing yet again. And I use the term “singing” loosely. The big surprise for the guests would be that the one and only Natalie Cole would be joining LuAnn on the mic. I guess the idea is that a rising tide will lift all boats, with the tide being Natalie Cole and the boats being LuAnn; although, it’ll require a tsunami to dredge up the shipwreck that is LuAnn’s singing voice. Too soon for tsunami jokes?

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: LuAnn’s Music Video Not The Hot Ticket She Expected

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What if you made a music video, and no one came to be in it? Would it still make a noise? That’s the philosophical question that I’m sure someone asked when watching last night’s catty, penultimate (sniff sniff) episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. The big news was that LuAnn was putting together a music video for her soon-to-be radio smash “Chic, C’est La Vie,” and naturally all the women would want to be in it, right? Not so much. First Ramona expressed concern because she felt the video would send a poor message to Avery. Then Alex dropped out because she simply a) hates LuAnn, and b) hates the idea of a song that celebrates jetsetting and “class.” In fact, we learned that Alex hates the word “class” entirely, noting that those who have it don’t flaunt it. Point well taken. However, as Alex and Simon grumbled about LuAnn, I couldn’t help but cringe at the inevitable clash this would lead to in the reunion, especially when Simon suggested taking the “o” out of “Countess.”

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Mothers, Daughters, and Pasties

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Bravo did the old bait and switch on the latest episode of Real Housewives of New York City. The preview had shown all sorts of drama surrounding LuAnn and her music video, but what actually aired was none of that. Instead we were left with a pretty dull episode — perhaps the worst of the season — that featured Sonja prepping for a gratuitous burlesque party. It was all rather humdrum, and quite frankly, I don’t think many viewers really cared to see Sonja uttering meaningless, sassy remarks while writhing on a chair.

There were some noteworthy dollops of activity strewn throughout the hour. LuAnn attempted to teach her daughter Victoria how to drive, an endeavor that looked about as scary as diving head first into a gnarling combine. Ramona, meanwhile, was moved to tears by Avery’s sweet essay about her. However, Avery giveth and taketh away. Mere seconds after having praised her mother as a role model, she then complained that Ramona was never home. Oh the travails of a teen daughter.

As for Jill and Simon, they finally squashed their dumb beef, all while wearing pseudo-Belle Époque garb. It was bizarre.

Photocap after the jump… Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Systematic Bullying!

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Oh those McCord-Vankempens can’t seem to stay out of trouble. After a week of peace and calm on The Real Housewives of New York City, all hell broke out once again when Simon, an alleged cyberbully, got into it with Jill and Kelly. The whole scenario was quite silly and totally avoidable. But what fun would that be?

It all started when Simon approached Jill at Cindy’s party and told her he still had some issues with her. He requested that they go have lunch and clear the air. Jill was rather surprised by this, but she decided to go along with it. Kelly, however, was horrified by it all. The moment Simon left Jill’s side, Kelly got right in her ear and expressed how strange the scenario was. I agreed — it was strange. Everything had been smoothed over between Jill and Alex; so why rock the boat now? That being said, I didn’t agree with Kelly’s suggestion that Jill just outright turn Simon away. Please remember that this is a woman who hates confrontation so much she probably gallops out of every DMV the moment someone tells her to stand in a different line. Getting sound advice from her is probably not the wisest decision (even though Kelly has been the unlikely voice of reason all season long).

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Party Time, Excellent!

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Not a lot of drama (or ANY, for that matter) on the latest episode of Real Housewives of New York City, but that’s okay because the hour served as an amusing trifle of sorts. It all centered on parties: Sweet Sixteens for Avery and Victoria and a surprise bash for Jill. In the midst of it all, we saw Jill get a “liquid face lift,” which looked about as pleasant as reclining on a chaise-lounge made of glass shards and razors. We also got to enjoy some of the party-planning process. Avery, it saddens me to say, has finally and inevitably taken on many characteristics of her mother. She flails her arms in the same way, makes fussy demands in the same way, and generally speaks in the same way (with just a touch more patrician haughtiness, thanks to her tony Upper East Side environs). Avery wanted an understated, performer-free, winter-themed bash in a loft, which may have been the first time someone on a reality show has elected for the less-is-more approach for… anything. Kudos also go to Victoria, who also wanted to stay away from cheese and excess (although, I did spy a few circus performers traipsing around her party, which was held at a club). Both events looked refreshingly appropriate, and methinks Taylor Armstrong (she of the $60,000 tea party for a four-year-old) could learn a thing or too from these New York ladies. Of course, Victoria did manage to besmirch the event with a dress so short that a v-slip seemed destined to happen (and for those unfamiliar with the legal system, that qualifies as child pornography).

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Taking ‘Alex Class’ with the Countess

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This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City was ostensibly about Sonja Morgan’s dwindling empire (much like Teresa Giudice, she faces a multi-million dollar debt), but let’s be real: all that mattered was the wonderful fight between Alex and LuAnn at the end of the show. The rest of the stuff was just filler. Sure, it was entertaining filler — Ramona’s awkward date night with Mario, Alex’s more awkward date night with Simon, Jill pushing Ramona out of her shapewear focus group, Sonja pushing Cindy out of the Moroccan camel photos — but it was all about Countess vs. Brooklyn. Here’s the quick back story:

In the wake of their blowups in Morocco, Alex felt it important to sit down with LuAnn and explain why she had acted so bizarre at henna. LuAnn, however, was expecting an apology. That didn’t happen. Instead, Alex basically accused LuAnn of being haughty, a bad listener, and a meddler (pot, kettle, black, etc). This led to many fervent denials by all parties on all fronts, but more importantly, LuAnn leveled some wonderfully condescending remarks. There was the Herman Munster bit about Alex’s shoes, but I preferred the sarcastic and vicious line “I didn’t realize this was Alex class, and you were the teacher.” I think we rewound and watched that three times over? Maybe four?

It’s hard to say who’s right or wrong in this situation because quite frankly, both women acted egregiously. Alex was right in that LuAnn was reprimanding Ramona, but LuAnn was right in that Alex shouldn’t have gotten involved. But Alex was right in that LuAnn is haughty and doesn’t listen. But LuAnn was right in that Alex’s henna scene was totally mishandled. In the end, it doesn’t look like either women will ever be terribly close — not that they were, according to LuAnn (who managed to literally brush off her relationship with Alex with a casual flick of the hand during one wonderfully haughty interview).

Nevertheless, photocap after the jump… Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: This Is Not The Plaza Hotel. This Is MOROCCO.

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The third and final installment of The Real Housewives of New York City Moroccan “adventure” was everything I could have dreamed of and more. The entire episode was like one amazing, petty disaster — in the best kind of way. It was perhaps the funniest hour and fifteen minutes of all 2011. I actually was left wondering what it would have been like to have watched it all go down in a movie theater with a full crowd of people. I never saw Sex and the City 2, but I imagine RHoNYC would have been an infinitely more enjoyable movie-going experience.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Meet Me In The Souq – It’s Going Down!

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The three week Moroccan event continued last night on The Real Housewives of New York City, and the second installment saw the much-hyped fight between Jill and Ramoner. The two women had seemed to be getting along, but there was still plenty they needed to air out at the riad should they want to enjoy the rest of their vacation without a giant camel in the room.

Here’s how it went down: Ramona very nervously and very sincerely told Jill that her feelings were hurt because she felt Jill was being two-faced. Jill nodded, then asked for specific instances, and then went on the attack. What ensued was the most frustrating confrontation EVAR.

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