How much do we love Kelly Cutrone? Let me count the ways…
Unfortunately for us, it doesn’t appear as though Kell on Earth or The City are returning to the air anytime soon (booo!); so while we wait for another reality show to display Kelly in all her splendor, we have her book to play around with. In fact, if you’d like your own free copy of If You Have To Cry, Go Outside, by all means head over to my friends at Socialite Life who are holding their very own contest. Jump on this opportunity now before IT’S FUCKING FASHION WEEK!
There’s no Kell on Earth or The City on TV these days; so where can we get our weekly dose of Kelly Cutrone? The Internet, of course! Specifically The Huffington Post where Kelly posted this angry screed of a video which documents the alleged bungling of a wake-up call and a request for coffee by the Sheraton Hotel in Toronto. Kelly is rightfully angry that her wakeup call is twenty minutes late and her pot of coffee totally non existent, and she makes her voice heard in a shaky, hilarious, and slightly terrifying video.
Most amusing of all is when Kelly threatens to expose these crimes against humanity on the “FUCKING HUFFINGTON POST,” as if that’s going to put the Sheraton out of business. Kelly then goes on to proclaim that she’s an MTV star (not a Bravo star??) and a television personality and that she shouldn’t be treated this way. Normally, I’d be loath to applaud such prima dona statements of entitlement, but this is Kelly Cutrone, and when she does it, it’s amazing.
With The Hills heading off the air for good on Tuesday, not many people were talking about The City, whose latest triumphant season came to an end with quite the cliffhanger. Would Whitney stick with Kelly Cutrone, or would she dip her feet in new waters with pink-clad publicist Alison Brod. The contrast between the two women could not be more stark, and while fans clearly want more Cutrone, methinks Whitney is going to go to the dark side (which is ironically brightly colored) and learn the hard way the value of loyalty.
This, of course, assumes that Whitney and / or The City is coming back. My friends at other publications are buzzing that the show is dunzo, but I can assure you that as of press time, it has not been cancelled and is very much so alive. Don’t ask me how I know this, but I can assure you, my intel is excellent (watch the show get axed tomorrow — not that I’m advocating such a thing. Great. Now I’ve cursed it).
I nearly fainted in horror when I heard those dreaded words at the end of this week’s episode of The City. You know what I’m talking about: “Next week on the season finale.” Nooooooo!!! It can’t be over already! This wonderful gem must continue on. Give us five more episodes, MTV. Ten! Twelve! Alas, our season is about to end, and if rumors are to be believed, this may by it for the series as a whole. However, I refuse to believe that this most excellent program could be leaving us forever.
Instead, I’ll focus on the positive: girl fights! And man were there girl fights galore on this week’s show. The bitchiness came courtesy of Whitney, of all people, who was still stewing over Roxy being unable to make that popstar trollop wear her blazer. The tension was thick between the two former besties, and when Kelly Cutrone waltzed by to invite them to an event that night, it was all I could do to refrain from laughing as the girls barely acknowledged each other despite being two feet away. When Whitney then inform Kelly that her collection might be used in an Ashley Greene photo shoot, Roxy muttered something about how hard it is to keep clothing on celebrities. It was such a Debbie Downer moment that I actually half expected to hear a trumpet go “Waa-wwaaaaaaah.”
Major dramz on The City! Whitney and Roxy got into a huge fight, and now it looks like the roomies will be going their separate ways! It all started when Roxy was tasked with making sure a Canadian popstar named LIGHTS would wear a piece from the Whitney Eve line during a concert. I had my doubts about this LIGHTS character, but Kelly claimed she’d be the next big thing, and the last time Kelly did that, she was talking about Lady Gaga; so I’ll refrain from judgment. Nevertheless, LIGHTS was totally a punker kid — or so she claimed. I’d say that in terms of rock, she was less punk and more Fraggle, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that the girly girl Whitney Eve collection didn’t seem to be a perfect match. Nevertheless, Roxy thanklessly pushed forward, all but strapping the fickle starlet into an outfit for the concert.
Ultimately, LIGHTS opted for a blazer to wear over her shirt, but as luck would have it, the moment she stepped on stage, she eschewed the big black thing and dropped it on the ground where it sat dejectedly for the entire concert. Up in the balcony, Whitney looked on in horror as her baby collected dust by LIGHTS’ feet. She was not happy at all as this was supposed to be a giant break for her collection (actually, I’d say the break was having it publicized on MTV week in and week out for a few months now, but what do I know?). Whit-Whit soon found Roxy and chewed out her friend for failing on all fronts. It was a refreshing change and part of the New Whitney, who has revealed herself to be a somewhat empowered, occasionally bossy young lady (earlier in the episode, she commanded Roxy’s photographer friend to take photos of her blazer — it was intense enough for Kelly to suggest that she relax a bit).
Last week, I received a Tweet from B-Side Blog reader Aiii (not to be confused with Real World: Cancun’s Ayiiia), who had fantastic news to share. She had just gone to a book signing for none other than pop culture’s preeminent power bitch, Kelly Cutrone. Clearly this was a very exciting and important development; so I demanded details. Aiii was happy to oblige and sent me the following email, which features plenty of tasty morsels of gossip.
Last night’s episode of The City was both fascinating for its insight into the fashion world (that’s right, I used the word “insight” in regards to an MTV show) and simultaneously a near parody of the world itself. On the one hand, we had Whitney struggling to get her fashion line into boutiques and stores by peddling her wares at a huge expo. It was the unglamorous side of fashion that we rarely — if ever — see highlighted on reality TV.
On the other hand, we had Joe Zee and the editors of Elle cooing over popstar Ke$ha’s dumpster diving aesthetic, going so far as to use phrases as “garbage chic” and “she’s very into trash.” And yes, when they said “trash,” they didn’t mean the campy ideal. They meant literal trash. The experience was very much a callback to the famed “Derelicte” look from Zoolander, except this wasn’t an outrageous comedy. These were real editors talking about a real trend in a real magazine. Just as funny though.
As usual, The City rocks. How else to improve an already impeccable cast of aspiring fashionistas and seasoned vets? Throw in a Brit for good measure. This week’s episode saw the arrival of Louise Roe, the British fashion reporter of whom we got a small taste last week. Not only is she busting in on Olivia’s territory, but her previous romantic entanglements with Whitney’s sort of ex, Freddie Fackelmayer, suggests that there might be more drama to come from this beguiling beauty (who looks not unlike a love child of Elle MacPherson and Kelly Bensimon — not a bad mix).
To be honest, I really had no opinion of Louise until she announced that she had just stepped off a plane from Los Angeles and as a result was simply “SHATTERED.” I think I may have thrown my arms up in the air Platoon-style and thanked the reality TV gods for sending yet another gift to The City. Sadly, Anne Slowey did not make a return appearance (boooo), but at least we got a cameo from the main bitch in charge at Elle, Robbie Myers, whose sweet, twinkling voice seems to betray an ice cold core of scariness. Watching her chirp orders to her flush-faced assistant Seth was nothing short of thrilling, only because we knew each and every word might soon be followed by a passive-aggressive command that would rattle any normal person to the bone.
This week’s episode of The City was titled “Fashion with a Capital F,” but if I could give it a grade, it would be a capital A. That’s because this episode was off-the-charts awesome. It had everything we could want: Erin and Olivia fighting, Erin gossiping with her new cohort Seth, Roxy sabotaging SOMETHING, Kelly Cutrone getting exasperated, Joe Zee yelling at Olivia, Olivia being ridiculous, and best of all, ANNE SLOWEY. I’m not sure who else watched the ill-fated CW series Stylista, but it was a gem, I tell you, and at the center of it was Ms. Slowey herself (not to mention Joe Zee). Seeing her make her triumphant return to reality TV with an animated yet deliciously haughty assessment of Whitney’s clothes was a delight. In fact, I want more. And more Robbey too. Heck, let’s get rid of Whitney and Roxy and just focus on Elle (although, I suppose we’d miss out on Kelly; so that’s no good. Okay, never mind).
Very exciting news on The City this week. Among the many personalities making a cameo on the show was Neel Shah from Page Six. Why would this be exciting? Well, time for a fun little story. Back in the early days of TVgasm, Neel Shah emailed me about writing recaps for this new show called Laguna Beach. I didn’t really know who the guy was except that he seemed fairly intrepid and that he went to Dartmouth also. I told him he was more than welcome to take on Laguna, but when the time came to do his first recap, he had to bail for some reason (I think he may have landed a job at Gawker or something). Nevertheless, I took on the recap at the last second, and the rest is history. The Laguna Beach coverage on TVgasm kind of blew up, and in turn so did The Hills, and next thing I knew, I was in Malibu partying with the cast at one of the premiere parties (I wasn’t allowed to blog about it, sadly, but man did I want to). So basically, a nice chunk of my blogging success, at least as it relates to MTV, is thanks to Neel Shah flaking. And now here we were, going all sorts of meta and postmodern with Neel Shah actually appearing on The City with his own title card and everything. Life is strange.