REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: The One Where They All Went To Dinner And Didn’t Talk

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I’m starting to sense that this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta is running out of gas. Sure, the women may be funny, but like the previous two seasons that came before it, there’s no real through-line, no real story here; so we’re just watching a bunch of nouveau riche women (I use the term “riche” loosely) make their way through the day, pausing occasionally to do something cultural like grope a hot slave mannequin at a museum or take in a dance class. The only thing close to drama this season has seen has been the resurrected feud between Sherayay and NeNe, but since their first explosive meeting on the season premiere, the two have barely shared any screentime together.

Same goes for Kim and Nene, whose hatred still burns strong and all stems from that weird argument they had on Kim’s bus last season. If we’re to talk about ridiculous feuds, this one ranks at the top. Alas, Momma Joyce decided this week that she wanted to start the mending process, which was an admirable but myopic idea. Truth is that there can be no progress unless Nene eats some humble pie and admits that she’s a crazy-ass bitch. Funny, but crazy.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: We Waited Two Weeks For THIS?

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After two weeks off, The Real Housewives of Atlanta returned on Sunday, and maybe it was just me, but this episode was about as boring as it gets. Almost nothing interesting happened, save for Kandi’s songwriting session with JoDee Messina, which proved fascinating in the way that all of Kandi’s professional scenes have proven to be fascinating. I almost feel like she deserves a spin-off where we watch her working with artists because it’s a hell of a lot more compelling than most of the other stuff we were stuck with. Phaedra continued to investigate a second career as a funeral home owner; Kim continued to pack up for her move (when WILL that happen already?); Nene played dress-up and pretended to be a high class lady; Sherayay did yoga; and Cynthia and Peter fought again over nothing particularly noteworthy. The big takeaway on that front was that Peter doesn’t like being called a dinosaur and will only compliment Cynthia when forced to by a pastor. Great.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: A Laborious Episode

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Ladies and gentlemen: The Zolciak has spawned again. Yes, Kim gave birth to her baby boy KJ on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but despite the high drama that accompanies such activities, I couldn’t help but think this latest installment was a snoozefest. I literally dozed off at one point, which may have less to do with the show and more to do with the fact that I had been in Vegas earlier in the day, but still, I like to think these ladies could keep me awake regardless of my exhausted state.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: Bar One Is Atlanta’s Hottest Club!

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A few observations from this past week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta:

1) Somehow, Phaedra has become one of my favorite housewives. She’s ridiculous, but she’s also hilarious, and this season, she’s eased up on the bullshit (ie. claiming she was at full term after six months of pregnancy). Now what we have a jolly woman who happily delivers lopsided cakes and a comforting coo of “Giiiiiiiiiirlllll!” Plus, while I’ve yet to actually see her legal chops in action, I do love her vigilant attitude in defending Sherayay from both her dubious contractor and her deadbeat husband. The fact that she also scatters each episode with a dozen hilarious observations doesn’t hurt either.

2) For all her ridiculousness, Kim Zolciak has also emerged as a more likable force this season. Dare I say that Kroy truly has grounded her, even if it’s just a shade? I’m glad to see her reined in from the spoiled diva precipice she seemed so close to teetering over last season.

3) Nene has become fairly obnoxious, but she’s still so flamboyantly amusing that it’s impossible to write her off entirely.

4) Bar One seems to be a most ill-advised business venture. First things first: after Peter’s Uptown Club failed last season, Cynthia assured us that her husband had moved on to a much smaller venue. I was so naive to think the space would be a narrow bar, much like many a cute New York City watering holes. Nope. As far as I could tell, this was a full-on house with multiple rooms (none of which seemed ready for the “preview” that we witnessed this week). I’m not sure Peter knows the meaning of small. He might not even know the meaning of “business savvy.” Either way, the place was a disaster — no air conditioning, ugly decor, horrific location. Call it personal snobbery, but I generally hate bars and restaurants that feel like the inside of a home (there are exceptions of course). Everything about this place seems destined to fail, but then again, as Phaedra noted, even people in the hood need someplace to drink…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: The Chronicles of Redickulous

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Not a lot happened on the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Kim complained about being pregnant again. Cynthia’s husband and her sister bickered. And Sherayay and Phaedra hilariously made a contractor sweat. That was pretty much it. Oh, and Kandi held a birthday party that featured a stripper fellating himself.

Yes, the real buzzworthy moment of the episode was the appearance of Redickulous, a humble gent who emerged from a giant gift-wrapped box and proceeded to whip around his sizable manhood in all directions. Some of the women squealed with delight, and some, like Nene, clutched their pearls and expressed shock and dismay (we all know that secretly they were foaming at the mouth). One woman who was not pleased by presence of Sir Redickulous was Joyce, Kandi’s lovable mother. She began screaming at Kandi, and while I thought Joyce’s reaction was a bit over the top, she did have a point. This wasn’t some bawdy bachelorette party. It was a generally classy affair (as classy as these events can be), and it truly wasn’t the place for a stripper. But… as long as he was there, why now enjoy it, Joyce? There was clearly more than enough of him to go around.

Photocap after the jump…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Kim Has A Classy Baby Shower

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I skipped the photocap for last week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta because honestly nothing happened the entire episode. It was a full-on snoozefest. In fact, all I can seem to remember was that NeNe looked at a house in Miami that was clearly way beyond her means. She keeps talking about all this cashola she’s received from The Apprentice, but I can’t imagine it was more than enough to pad Brent’s college fund.

Nevertheless, there were more interesting things going on this week. Kim decided to hold a lavish baby shower that felt more like a wedding than anything else. Phaedra was quick to point out that it was Kim who had derided such over the top pageantry last season, but then again, as overly formal as Kim’s shower was, at least it didn’t feature any interpretive dance.

Actually, I found Kim’s party to be rather endearing, what with Brielle’s lovely speech dedicated to her mom and Kroy. It was one of two moving scenes involving kids (the other being Brent’s heartbreaking reaction to Nene and Greg being separated). Nevertheless, I gotta admit that while Kim is still a ridiculous idiot, I do sense that she seems a bit more grounded with Kroy in her life. Dare I say that she’s actually becoming likable?

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Are We Sure This Isn’t ‘Drag Race’?

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The bitches are back! The Real Housewives of Atlanta have returned, and it’s more flamboyant than ever. Seriously, I’m partially convinced that this is a show based purely on the lives of drag queens in Atlanta. Between the wigs, the diva attitude, the makeup, and the men in women’s accessories, it’s hard to believe there are any XX chromosomes on screen. Even Kroy looks like a beefy Ellen DeGeneres.

It’s all par for the course for Atlanta, the most outlandish and ridiculous of all the Real Housewives. The whole gang is back, including the terminally boring Cynthia, who is now following in the footsteps of Janice Dickinson and starting up her own fake modeling agency. The goal is to make Atlanta a fashion capital of the world, and quite frankly I’m shocked that the city doesn’t already have that lofty status, given that it’s the homebase for such visionary lines as She by ShereĆ© and Closet Freak.

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The Kim Zolciak Text Controversy

This just in from the Real Housewives of Atlanta rumor mill. It’s a gossipy item featuring love, lust, jealousy, and text messages.

Here’s the story, fresh from our very own Jennifer#####, who writes:

This morning I had a flat tire, and the roadside assistance guy told me a great story. Last night they were called to the house of Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann. She had locked her keys in her car. They were filming for RHOA.

After the keys were retrieved and the guys left, kim texted my dude’s co-worker saying thank you. He responded, “you’re welcome, it was a pleasure to meet you.” She then forwarded the message to Kroy, but added on the line “and you are so beautiful.” Kroy got the message and went ballistic. He has called the service company trying to get the guy fired. And Kim is just letting this happen! They were going to her house this afternoon to confront her and make her show them the real text message she received.

This has the makings of a Law and Order episode.

Dunh dunh DUNH. Now, this is all based on the yarn that this service man told Jennifer#####, but I like to think that rumor is fact, and as far as Kim Zolciak shenanigans go, this sounds right up her alley. Right?

What do you all think? Did Kim instigate a love triangle? And is Kroy perhaps WIGGING out (get it?) a bit too much?

Bieber on Rape: “Everything Happens For A Reason.”

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I know that when it comes to important issues such as abortion and rape, we probably shouldn’t turn to the likes of Justin Bieber. After all, the kid’s voice still sounds like a slide whistle, and he’s yet to sprout a puberty mustache. Still, that didn’t stop Rolling Stone from gauging his opinion on the weighty matters, and I’m proud to report they’re just about as articulate and well-informed as one might expect from the Never Say Never star.

On abortion: “I really don’t believe in abortion… It’s like killing a baby?”

On abortion after rape: “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

You heard it here first, ladies: enjoy your rape because it’s part of the divine plan!

Actually, Bieber was probably just trying to put a positive spin on a horrific circumstance, but clearly the wording got away from him. Oh, tween idols, will you never learn? This was almost as funny as the time The Bieb didn’t know what the word “German” meant. Just goes to show I certainly do love my Bieber Bloopers. Or as I call them BiebsBloops.

On an unrelated note, the Rolling Stone interview reveals that Justin’s vocal coach is Jan Smith, who also famously trained (drum roll) Kim Zolciak! We’ll see how that goes…

Rolling Stone: Justin Bieber Talks Sex, Politics, Music and Puberty In New ‘Rolling Stone’ Cover Story

Thanks to jash for the heads up.

HOUSEWIFE HOEDOWN, EPISODE 8: The Dinner Party From Hell, Atlanta Reunion, and Our Chat With The Miami Housewives



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Check it out, guys. I just taped another episode of Housewife Hoedown with the inimitable Flipit from TVgasm. Not only did we chat about THE DINNER PARTY FROM HELL but also the Atlanta reunion AND our impressions of the Miami cast, with whom we had just chatted on a conference call. Lots of cool banter yet again, and plenty of questions from online and the phone.

It’s all in the video above. And remember that you can watch live every week at http://talkmedianetworks.com/live at 3:30 ET / 12:30 PST.

Enjoy!