Are those croissants I smell? Or just the crusty remnants of a day-old baguette on Kim’s breath? It can only mean one thing: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have gone to Paris! Yes, it’s trip time on RHOBH, and unfortunately for us, you could have found more drama in a Molière play (get it? Because Molière wrote COMEDY. IN FRENCH). The big deal this week was that Kim continued to slur her words and ramble like a sunny homeless lady, and that naturally made everyone think she was drunk again. Inferences were made, questionable jokes cracked, and in the end, Kim wound up crying to her sister in that classic we-shouldn’t-be-laughing-but-we-are way that we’ve come to adore.

Eventually we learned that Kim had taken drugs, but the sort of drugs that keep you sober (seems a bit counter-intuitive, but mmmkay), and in the end, she got a free bag from MAURICE; so all was good. Oh, and Kyle complained to Lisa that she felt there was still tension between them, and Lisa tried her best not to chuck her ass off the Eiffel Tower. C’EST DOMMAGE.

After the jump, check out the photocap!

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I’m back!! Thank you all for your patience while I’ve been working on other projects. They’re not totally done, but I have enough time now to write a photocap or two; so I thought I’d jump right into The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Admittedly, this third season hasn’t been the most exciting (the bigger story is that Real Housewives of Miami is about ten times more entertaining than both BH and Atlanta combined — who would have thought?), but sometimes with a great cast, we don’t always need fireworks every episode.

New to the cast this season has been Yolanda Foster, a flaxen beauty who’s married to music producer extraordinaire David Foster. So far Yolanda has stayed out of the drama, choosing instead to stare down any given person with icy, scary eyes. In other words: I love her so far. The season, however, is young, and while I’m impressed with Yolanda’s steely reserve, personal style, and sexy Dutch accent, I am aware that she may turn out to be an über biatch. For now though, she and Lisa have been holding down the fort in the classy department (if there can even be such a thing on Bravo, let alone the city of Beverly Hills).

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Ding ding ding! Round Two of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion commenced last night, and if last week was all about Lisa, this go-around, it was Brandi who took center stage. The spitfire continued to win over fans as she calmly called Taylor, Kyle, and Adrienne out on all their bullshit. It was at times cringe-worthy, but then again, when aren’t these reunion shows cringeworthy? Taylor did her best to sling the mud back, going as far as citing Brandi’s notorious tire-slashing of her ex’s car, but Brandi barely skipped a beat in owning up to the act, thus deflating any power Taylor thought she had.

Even better for Brandi, she now had an ally in fellow couch-mate Lisa, who still weathered a fare number of attacks from across the room. Lisa, however, remained cool as a cucumber, and it was Kyle, Taylor, and Adrienne who looked most foolish last night. Kyle’s only saving grace was owning up to her awful behavior on Game Night, but as admirable as this was, she still had a few excuses up her sleeve for her behavior. Meanwhile, Taylor relished the opportunity to take Brandi’s death threats seriously, taking her for task for saying “I will kill you” as if it were a serious pledge. Dumb. As for Camille, she once again came up smelling like roses as she reveled in her newfound popularity, gushed about her hunky boyfriend, and threw shade at Taylor repeatedly. Clearly, the Camille Couch was the place to be.

Photocap after the jump…

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And they’re off! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion kicked off last night, and it was full of all sorts of petty bickering about surprisingly minor events from the past season — all set against the most gaudy backdrop since the first New Jersey reunion (remember that bright blue monstrosity?). Whoever thought it would be clever to light these women (and Andy) with a purple glow needs to be fired, STAT.

Nevertheless, at the forefront of all the fighting was a surprising duo: Adrienne and Lisa, the latter of whom bore the brunt of most of the attacks last night. It was a shocking turn of events, and I’d say Lisa handled herself quite well, given the ridiculous accusations thrown her way. Kyle and Adrienne accused Lisa of being cruel, but the irony was not lost on Ms. VanderPump, who happily reminded Kyle that she was in fact the mean girl for the group. Kyle ultimately retorted that she never meant to be mean, which had been Lisa’s defense of her jokes, but apparently only Kyle’s allowed to use that excuse.

Let’s not get it twisted though: Lisa is no angel. For every time she insisted she wasn’t mean, she managed to let a sly dig about Kyle’s temper or Adrienne’s “fat” shoe slip out of her mouth. If I were her friend, I could certainly imagine being frustrated with these Lisa-isms, but as a viewer, each one was like a gift from the heavens. Don’t cross Lady VanderPump. She will always have the last word.

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Bravo titled last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the “Night of 1,000 Surprises,” and it was about as apt a name as could be. The action all centered around Lisa’s opening bash for Sur, and pretty much every segment of the super sized episode featured a noteworthy bit of drama — whether it was Kim acting wasted in a limo, Brandi lashing out at her husband’s mistress (who’s now a waitress at Sur), Cedric crashing the party, the Richards’ sisters emotionally confronting each other, Taylor popping up with a black eye, Camille demanding an apology, or everyone laughing at Ken for being called a gay bullmastiff. Hmm… I think I just recapped the whole episode. It was all golden stuff. I have much to say, but I know all people really care about are the photos; so I’m just going to save some time and get right into it!

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The Hawaiian holiday continued last night on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and while it was hardly the second coming of Scary Island, the vacation definitely saw its fair share of drama between the Richards’ sisters. The issue at hand was Kim’s chronic tardiness, something that has plagued her all season but seemed especially gauche on this weekend getaway. First Kim missed her flight from LA to Hawaii. Then she missed her island jumper connection. And then she was too late for a catamaran adventure. Sure it could all be chalked up to general, meth-y confusion, but I don’t particularly blame Kyle for feeling like it was all Kim’s passive aggressive way of showing that she didn’t want to hang out with the group. It’s no wonder then that Mauricio & co. were particularly cranky with Kim at every meal, especially when Kim made some bogus excuses about why they had been late.

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There’s been a whole lot of drama on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Since I last posted a photocap, Kyle Richards had thrown her annual white party, which had many women seeing red. First Kim and Brandi got into it as they reprised their rivalry with a series of a playground taunts. Most of the obnoxious behavior came from Kim’s corner as Brandi stood patiently and watched this bird-like woman hurl petty insults her way. Kim took to assailing Brandi’s language, suddenly acting as if she were pure as snow with the words that come out of her mouth. Interestingly enough, while the women engaged in their spat, neither of their guests (Jennifer Gimenez for Brandi, Ken for Kim) bothered to intercede and pull the ladies apart. You’d think Jennifer Gimenez with her experience on Celebrity Rehab would perhaps have some sort of helpful instinct, and you’d think Ken, as the chivalrous boyfriend would think to protect his fair lass, but nope, everyone just stood and watched this train wreck unfold until Kyle finally broke up the party.

I mean, Kyle didn’t LITERALLY break up her own party — just the hate party going on between Kim and Brandi. The last thing Kyle needed was another bicker-fest on her hands, especially since she had a massive, awkward dilemma heading her way.

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Another day, another episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ending with a woman weeping in Kyle Richards’ arms. Yes, this is becoming a trend after last week’s hysterics from Taylor. This time around, the show drew to a close with Kim bawling her eyes out over being alone and sad and without a partner in life. It was actually rather tragic (as opposed to Taylor’s tears, which just seemed crazy and booze-fueled). Poor, fragile Kim finally admitted that loneliness has been what’s motivated her life, which explains why she’s shacked up with the unsavory Ken — an allegedly domineering and controlling man.

Kim did attempt to claim that she was happy with Ken, but given that the words croaked out amidst deep, tearful sobs, it was a bit difficult to believe her. Thus, Kim follows in the grand tradition of Taylor Armstrong and Vicky Gunvalson, who have similarly made such dubious claims of bliss amidst total emotional breakdowns. It’s a truly unfortunate scenario, but the way these women grasp onto whatever remaining shreds of delusion to convince themselves that they are, in fact, happy is oddly funny. Sad, but funny. In a twisted way.

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Let me know if you’ve heard this one before: Taylor Armstrong goes to a social event, cries, accuses everyone of not knowing what she’s going through, and then redirects her own frustrations with her marriage at another woman. It should sound familiar because it’s happened twice already on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and last night, we headed into round three at the Malibu Beach House Party from Hell, as Bravo called it. Yes, it was all the big lipped, blubbering messiness that we could have asked for and then some. The only thing that was missing was, well, Kim.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: All The Other Housewives With Their Pumped Up Kicks…


Strange things are happening on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Lisa and Taylor seem to be friends, Taylor and Camille are now enemies, and Adrienne and Lisa appear to be on the outs. Oh, and Kyle had a civil outing with Brandi too. Weird.

Everything seemed a bit out of whack on last night’s episode, starting with an icky glimpse into Taylor and Russell’s therapy session (conducted by the creepiest therapist on TV since Dr. Caspian on Sisters. Please tell me that one of you gets the reference). It’s been unsettling enough listening to Taylor wax promisingly about her crumbling marriage, trying to sway us, her friends, and herself that things will get better. But to watch Taylor and Russell both put on a show of self-improvement for their therapist was truly creepy (bonus point to the therapist for calling Taylor’s wish for a clean slate immature). I couldn’t imagine that Russell was particularly chuffed to bits about having his therapy sessions put on display, but then again, he could have just as easily said no to it all. At the end of the day, it’s all a bit macabre, watching him smile and say the marriage is not beyond saving… knowing full well that he’s since gone and hanged himself. Ouch.

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