WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #120: Who You Gonna Call? Ghostwriters!

This week on “Watch What Crappens,” Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) delve right back into the ongoing mess that is the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” reunion. It’s more frustration with the likes of Kim and Brandi and Carlton, and once again, Ben and Ronnie get way too emotionally involved in all of the proceedings.

Then it’s on to “Real Housewives of New York City” where the ramifications of #bookgate continue to ripple through the heavily Botox’d women of NYC. Also: is Kristen Taekman a whiner or shunned wife? We weigh in.

Next up it’s a quick detour to Charleston where Ben and Ronnie try to make sense of “Southern Charm,” and that’s followed by more madness from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Finally, things wrap up with a quick discussion of “Blood, Sweat, and Heels.”

We’ve also got plenty of gossip including Lady Gaga’s new video, Kristen Doute’s latest tantrum, and much more. Come listen!

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WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #118: From Hags to Bitches

This week on “Watch What Crappens,” Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) are joined by Katie Cazorla (“The Nail Files,” TVGN) to discuss an blockbuster week in Bravo. First, the trio vent at length about the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season finale. Spoiler alert: they’re all Team Lisa.

Then it’s on to the Season Premiere of “Real Housewives of New York City” where Ben, Ronnie, and Katie discuss our old faves (Ramona), the new faces (Kristen), and everything in between (mostly Aviva).

Lastly, the gang focuses their targets on misogynistic Peter and “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” How did the group’s trip to Mexico start off? We dissect it all.

Also up for discussion: the new “Real Housewives of Orange County” trailer, “Southern Charm,” and “Blood, Sweat, and Heels.” Come listen!

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WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #116: Lisa vs. Brandi vs. Yolanda vs. Kim

This week on “Watch What Crappens,” Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) break down the whole Lisa vs. Brandi (vs. Yolanda) fight on “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” Lines are drawn in the sand, and opinions are passionate. It’s definitely worth hearing our colorful thoughts on the matter.

After that, the duo take on the usual Bravo suspects: “Vanderpump Rules,” “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” “Shahs of Sunset,” and “Blood, Sweat, and Heels.” It’s a short but sweet episode. Come listen!

And like our Facebook page: facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens

Thanks!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Paris Je Temperance

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Are those croissants I smell? Or just the crusty remnants of a day-old baguette on Kim’s breath? It can only mean one thing: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have gone to Paris! Yes, it’s trip time on RHOBH, and unfortunately for us, you could have found more drama in a Molière play (get it? Because Molière wrote COMEDY. IN FRENCH). The big deal this week was that Kim continued to slur her words and ramble like a sunny homeless lady, and that naturally made everyone think she was drunk again. Inferences were made, questionable jokes cracked, and in the end, Kim wound up crying to her sister in that classic we-shouldn’t-be-laughing-but-we-are way that we’ve come to adore.

Eventually we learned that Kim had taken drugs, but the sort of drugs that keep you sober (seems a bit counter-intuitive, but mmmkay), and in the end, she got a free bag from MAURICE; so all was good. Oh, and Kyle complained to Lisa that she felt there was still tension between them, and Lisa tried her best not to chuck her ass off the Eiffel Tower. C’EST DOMMAGE.

After the jump, check out the photocap!

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VANDERPUMP RULES REUNION PHOTOCAP: Wherein Idiots Confront Idiots

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One of the worst shows to land on Bravo in ages has to be Vanderpump Rules, but unlike those legions of terrible and forgettable series like Mis/Advised or LOLwork, this vile turd is so bad it actually has become fun to watch. Now I’m not an ironic TV viewer — I don’t generally tune in to something awful simply to mock it. If I’m ridiculing something, I tend to enjoy it at some base level.

However, Vanderpump Rules is so loathsome, I couldn’t help but immerse myself in it. Even worse, I’ve become invested in it. I wouldn’t say that I care about any of the vapid servers at SUR, the tacky restaurant that provides the backdrop for this show. It’s more that I’m fascinated to see actual Mean Girls doing what they do best: instill fear in the weak, inspire hostility in the equally matched, and divide and conquer the rest. The intrigue stems not from whether Jax and Stassi might reunite but rather from the always looming possibility that someone might please, please put these idiots in their place (spoiler alert: it never seems to happen).

By the time we wound up at the reunion this week, we’d amassed so much deplorable behavior from the entire cast, that it was a minor joy seeing these kids face the stinky bullshit they’d been tossing around. Some people, like professional doofus Jax, caught plenty of heat for questionable, if not downright sleazy choices. However, others like queen B Stassi seemed to only get a light slap on the wrists. Not fair, I say! Luckily, the thrashing Stassi’s surely receiving on the Internet will more than make up for Andy Cohen’s lack of needling. And I’m only too happy to participate!

After the jump, a photocap from the reunion…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Ojai, How Are You?

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I’m back!! Thank you all for your patience while I’ve been working on other projects. They’re not totally done, but I have enough time now to write a photocap or two; so I thought I’d jump right into The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Admittedly, this third season hasn’t been the most exciting (the bigger story is that Real Housewives of Miami is about ten times more entertaining than both BH and Atlanta combined — who would have thought?), but sometimes with a great cast, we don’t always need fireworks every episode.

New to the cast this season has been Yolanda Foster, a flaxen beauty who’s married to music producer extraordinaire David Foster. So far Yolanda has stayed out of the drama, choosing instead to stare down any given person with icy, scary eyes. In other words: I love her so far. The season, however, is young, and while I’m impressed with Yolanda’s steely reserve, personal style, and sexy Dutch accent, I am aware that she may turn out to be an über biatch. For now though, she and Lisa have been holding down the fort in the classy department (if there can even be such a thing on Bravo, let alone the city of Beverly Hills).

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: CamBrandiPump For The Win!

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Ding ding ding! Round Two of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion commenced last night, and if last week was all about Lisa, this go-around, it was Brandi who took center stage. The spitfire continued to win over fans as she calmly called Taylor, Kyle, and Adrienne out on all their bullshit. It was at times cringe-worthy, but then again, when aren’t these reunion shows cringeworthy? Taylor did her best to sling the mud back, going as far as citing Brandi’s notorious tire-slashing of her ex’s car, but Brandi barely skipped a beat in owning up to the act, thus deflating any power Taylor thought she had.

Even better for Brandi, she now had an ally in fellow couch-mate Lisa, who still weathered a fare number of attacks from across the room. Lisa, however, remained cool as a cucumber, and it was Kyle, Taylor, and Adrienne who looked most foolish last night. Kyle’s only saving grace was owning up to her awful behavior on Game Night, but as admirable as this was, she still had a few excuses up her sleeve for her behavior. Meanwhile, Taylor relished the opportunity to take Brandi’s death threats seriously, taking her for task for saying “I will kill you” as if it were a serious pledge. Dumb. As for Camille, she once again came up smelling like roses as she reveled in her newfound popularity, gushed about her hunky boyfriend, and threw shade at Taylor repeatedly. Clearly, the Camille Couch was the place to be.

Photocap after the jump…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS REUNION PHOTOCAP: Lisa in the Hot Seat!

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And they’re off! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion kicked off last night, and it was full of all sorts of petty bickering about surprisingly minor events from the past season — all set against the most gaudy backdrop since the first New Jersey reunion (remember that bright blue monstrosity?). Whoever thought it would be clever to light these women (and Andy) with a purple glow needs to be fired, STAT.

Nevertheless, at the forefront of all the fighting was a surprising duo: Adrienne and Lisa, the latter of whom bore the brunt of most of the attacks last night. It was a shocking turn of events, and I’d say Lisa handled herself quite well, given the ridiculous accusations thrown her way. Kyle and Adrienne accused Lisa of being cruel, but the irony was not lost on Ms. VanderPump, who happily reminded Kyle that she was in fact the mean girl for the group. Kyle ultimately retorted that she never meant to be mean, which had been Lisa’s defense of her jokes, but apparently only Kyle’s allowed to use that excuse.

Let’s not get it twisted though: Lisa is no angel. For every time she insisted she wasn’t mean, she managed to let a sly dig about Kyle’s temper or Adrienne’s “fat” shoe slip out of her mouth. If I were her friend, I could certainly imagine being frustrated with these Lisa-isms, but as a viewer, each one was like a gift from the heavens. Don’t cross Lady VanderPump. She will always have the last word.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: High Times at Lisa’s Party

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Bravo titled last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the “Night of 1,000 Surprises,” and it was about as apt a name as could be. The action all centered around Lisa’s opening bash for Sur, and pretty much every segment of the super sized episode featured a noteworthy bit of drama — whether it was Kim acting wasted in a limo, Brandi lashing out at her husband’s mistress (who’s now a waitress at Sur), Cedric crashing the party, the Richards’ sisters emotionally confronting each other, Taylor popping up with a black eye, Camille demanding an apology, or everyone laughing at Ken for being called a gay bullmastiff. Hmm… I think I just recapped the whole episode. It was all golden stuff. I have much to say, but I know all people really care about are the photos; so I’m just going to save some time and get right into it!

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Late to the Luau

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The Hawaiian holiday continued last night on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and while it was hardly the second coming of Scary Island, the vacation definitely saw its fair share of drama between the Richards’ sisters. The issue at hand was Kim’s chronic tardiness, something that has plagued her all season but seemed especially gauche on this weekend getaway. First Kim missed her flight from LA to Hawaii. Then she missed her island jumper connection. And then she was too late for a catamaran adventure. Sure it could all be chalked up to general, meth-y confusion, but I don’t particularly blame Kyle for feeling like it was all Kim’s passive aggressive way of showing that she didn’t want to hang out with the group. It’s no wonder then that Mauricio & co. were particularly cranky with Kim at every meal, especially when Kim made some bogus excuses about why they had been late.

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