REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: Blonde Ambitions

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This may be a shocker, but The Real Housewives of Orange County is wrapping up next week. I can’t believe twelve episodes have already gone by — especially since this season felt anything but fast. Yes, the sixth cycle of the O.C. ladies has been one of the worst yet, and I’m not totally sure why. Well, I do have a few inklings. Problem #1: these women are more or less vapid. It’s fun to watch their tacky excess, but they don’t do anything with their lives, and one can only watch them loiter about in empty, oversized restaurants for so long. They aren’t inherently interesting anymore, and their conflicts now feel forced.

Problem #2: there’s no one to really like. Peggy has proven to be the best of the worst, but that’s really only because she does seem to have half a brain in her surgically enhanced head — and better yet, she’s become a rival to Alexis; so that’s always welcomed. As for Gretchen, she’s the former fan favorite, but she’s fallen far. She’s not awful, but she’s become the most boring of the group. Bravo doesn’t seem to realize that no one CARES about her and Slade. In fact, no one cares about Slade in general; so having to watch these two idiots sort out their personal business has about as much appeal as listening to Alexis opine on yoga pants and Luna bars (probably the only area where she’s vaguely an expert).

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: Alexis Introduces Us To High Fashion (As In, You Have To Be High To Call It Fashion)

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I was in the midst of a cyber-attack last week, and so I never got around to writing about Peggy’s epic dinner party disaster on The Real Housewives of Orange County, but that’s okay because this week, we got to enjoy the repercussions. As you may remember, Alexis spent a majority of the dinner party locked in the bathroom, pining for her husband Jim, who had opted not to attend because he hates the catty women (probably because a) they are empowered, b) outspoken, and c) on to his shifty business). Left on her own for the first time, Alexis was a total mess, which made her more pathetic than usual — and that’s saying something. This week she revealed that the reason behind her hysteria was that she hated having to lie about her husband’s whereabouts and then she started to miss him, and with all these emotions bouncing around that cute, little head of hers, it was just too much to handle. Hence, the tears.

Alexis told this much to Peggy, but the Heidi Montag lookalike wasn’t having any of it. She noted that it was still rude of Jim not to come, and even though Alexis bristled at this notion, Peggy was totally correct. After all, even if Jim didn’t like Alexis’s friends, he still should have supported his wife and honored the invitation. That, however, would suggest that Jim is anything but self-interested, self-absorbed, and selfish.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: Fun With Spirits, Both Alcoholic and Evil

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The original ladies are back! The Real Housewives of Orange County premiered last night, which meant the women who kicked off a Bravo-lution are back. Of course, calling them “original” is highly misleading as only one cast member (Vicki) remains from the initial cast, and not even she seems to be composed of all her original parts. Ah, but big boobs, Botox lips, and various nips and tucks are nothing new to this cast, and for the first time, we witness a cosmetic procedure that I actually felt was necessary: Tamra getting her Simon tattoos removed. Now that the divorce with her boor of an ex-husband is complete, she’s gone through a whole empowerment phase, which I applaud, even if she remains catty and awful. Not all her blossoming has been wonderful though. While the tattoo removal definitely earned a thumbs up, I’m not sure I can endorse Tamra’s free-wheeling use of “I’m a free bitch!” It’s like she JUST listened to “Bad Romance” for the first time this morning (regrettably, she’s been using the phrase since last year’s reunion special). Continue reading

Here Come The Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 6!

For the past three months, Bravo has shone its harsh light on the trifling lives of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Now the focus heads from mansions to McMansions as we head down the shoreline to the original granddaddy of them all: The Real Housewives of Orange County. That’s right: the blonde buffoons of the West are back, and if the above preview is any indication, we’ll have plenty of petty squabbles and dramas to last us for weeks. There’s no indication that the upcoming season will be fraught with the sad, intense issues (ie. divorce, foreclosure, teen rage) that we had last year (scratch that — Vicki gets divorced), but at least there’ll be one Shove To End All Shoves when Tamra lays her hands on arch-rival Gretchen Jeana. And let me tell you something: shoving Jeana is no easy feat. You know, on account of how nimble she is.

Anyway, watch and enjoy.

Lynne Curtin Dropped from ‘The Real Housewives of Orange County’

In a somewhat surprising development, Bravo has axed professional Botox sponge Lynne Curtin from The Real Housewives of Orange County after two seasons of spacey but entertaining service. Lynne was never the cattiest of women, but her strange parenting choices and questionable spending habits always held an intriguing appeal. Her recent financial and marital woes, which were documented on camera, proved to be somewhat riveting in so much as they epitomized the general decline in lifestyle so many of her cast members had been going through since the series first hit the airwaves.

According to Radar Online, Replacing Lynne will be Irvine resident Peggy Tanous, who hopefully will add another strain of bitchy awfulness to the already deplorable, yet wonderful, cast.

For more information, check out Radar’s article here (via Socialite Life)

The Ten Worst Husbands, Boyfriends, and Significant Others from ‘The Real Housewives’

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Not too long ago, I published my lists of the ten best and worst women from the Real Housewives franchise. The rankings seemed to be well-received; so here I am with another go at it, this time aimed at the guys. I’ve compiled a list of the worst husbands and boyfriends from the Housewives franchise, and I gotta say, it was pretty easy. Amusingly, the majority of the spots went to men from Orange County, and I have to admit that not a single guy from Atlanta made the cut (as if the lovable Ed Hartwell or Eric Snow would be close to the words “worst” — although, Big Daddy and Bob Whitfield came close).

After the jump, check out my list of the worst males (children excluded) from the Real Housewives

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Ranking The Ten Worst ‘Real Housewives’ Housewives

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Ranking the ten worst Real Housewives was surprisingly difficult for me as I discovered that many of the people I deemed “the worst” were actually cast members who I loved. After all, where would we be without these women? We’d be stuck with the bland Kandi Burresses and Jacqueline Lauritas of the world. Such is the paradox of the Housewives franchise. Sometimes the best people are truly the worst, and most certainly vice versa. So take this list for what it is: a jumping off-point for debate and discussion, or as it’s formally known in the Hartwell household: Drinks & Dialogue.

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The ‘Real Housewives’ Head To The Volcano!

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That pesky volcano in Iceland is at it again, and now that air travel has been severely impacted by yet another ash cloud, I couldn’t help but think back to a photo gallery of the first eruption that my friend jash had sent me. Browsing through the pictures, I realized it was time for another Housewives adventure, and so with no further ado, please enjoy the Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, Atlanta, and New Jersey taking it to the mountain…

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TOP CHEF MASTERS PHOTOCAP: Raising The Bar

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After weeks upon weeks of promotion and hype, the much anticipated “fight” episode of Top Chef: Masters arrived last night. This was finally the moment when we’d get to see the ultimate meltdown: a veritable imbroglio between Ludo Lefebvre and Rick Moonen. What could have possible led up to this most unprofessional altercation? And what would the fallout be?
Well, don’t get too excited. What we saw in the promos was essentially ALL we saw on the show. There was a trifling backstory to it all (seafood master Rick got to cook fish & chips for a pub challenge; Ludo thought it was unfair), but truly, the big fight lasted all of ten seconds on screen, with Ludo complaining about Rick’s advantage — perhaps tongue in cheek — and Rick unleashing his now trademark “Hey! HEY! I’M TALKING HERE!!” And then it was over. Or at least, that’s all Bravo deigned to show us. We immediately cut away to the Critics Table, thus sweeping the rest of this impasse under the proverbial rug. Booo.

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