WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #120: Who You Gonna Call? Ghostwriters!

This week on “Watch What Crappens,” Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) delve right back into the ongoing mess that is the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” reunion. It’s more frustration with the likes of Kim and Brandi and Carlton, and once again, Ben and Ronnie get way too emotionally involved in all of the proceedings.

Then it’s on to “Real Housewives of New York City” where the ramifications of #bookgate continue to ripple through the heavily Botox’d women of NYC. Also: is Kristen Taekman a whiner or shunned wife? We weigh in.

Next up it’s a quick detour to Charleston where Ben and Ronnie try to make sense of “Southern Charm,” and that’s followed by more madness from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Finally, things wrap up with a quick discussion of “Blood, Sweat, and Heels.”

We’ve also got plenty of gossip including Lady Gaga’s new video, Kristen Doute’s latest tantrum, and much more. Come listen!

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WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #118: From Hags to Bitches

This week on “Watch What Crappens,” Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) are joined by Katie Cazorla (“The Nail Files,” TVGN) to discuss an blockbuster week in Bravo. First, the trio vent at length about the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season finale. Spoiler alert: they’re all Team Lisa.

Then it’s on to the Season Premiere of “Real Housewives of New York City” where Ben, Ronnie, and Katie discuss our old faves (Ramona), the new faces (Kristen), and everything in between (mostly Aviva).

Lastly, the gang focuses their targets on misogynistic Peter and “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” How did the group’s trip to Mexico start off? We dissect it all.

Also up for discussion: the new “Real Housewives of Orange County” trailer, “Southern Charm,” and “Blood, Sweat, and Heels.” Come listen!

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WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS #69 Party! Special Celebrity Guest Extravaganza!

It’s the sixty-ninth episode of Watch What Crappens! Check out the deets of this super-sized show:

We never thought we’d make it to the ripe old age of 69, but here we are! And we’re celebrating BIG this time! Special celebrity guests call in, and we have a live performance by someone super important (in her own tiny brain.)

With all that going on, we still find time to talk RHOC, RHOA Reunion Part One and RHOBH Lost Footage. Of course, there’s a special replay of the Married to Medicine fight as well. Come on in!

Remember you can find all sorts of other great podcasts at The Sideshow Network and subscribe to Watch What Crappens on iTunes here.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Pirates of LuAnn’s Pants

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Ain’t no vacation like a Real Housewives of New York City vacation. Just as the bitches from Orange County never fail to bring their A-Game to season finales and reunions, these New Yorkers always school everyone when it comes time for an international jaunt. To this day, none of the Housewives have been able to top “Scary Island” (despite several valiant efforts in South Africa, the Dominican Republic, and Hawaii).

Now we have St. Barth’s, which has given us a nice smorgasbord of ridiculousness. First, there were Ramona and Sonja barking orders at the house staff for pool noodles. Then there was Round 37 of the Great Toaster Oven Photo Shoot Debacle of 2011 (Carole — quickly becoming one of the funniest housewives ever — noted that Sonja’s toaster oven remains the most talked of toaster oven that no one has actually seen). The real fun of the hour came, however, when the girls headed off to a night of heavy drinking at a local watering hole. We met a certain Johnny Depp lookalike named Tomas, and it wasn’t long before LuAnn was swinging her pirate booty in his direction. Shockingly, the Bravo cameras apparently shut off at midnight, which meant we totally missed the following escapades (the second major miss of the episode following Heather walking straight into a glass door).

According to the women of the house, LuAnn brought back Tomas. This was actually verified by LuAnn herself, who spilt the beans to her friend in French (did she not think there were any interpreters at Bravo? Then again, her accent is so bad it’s a miracle that anyone understood what she was saying). LuAnn, however, hilariously maintained a façade that she had run into a group of old Italian friends. None of them had names or identities, but apparently they were a great time. We’ll have to wait until next week for Ramona to grill Tomas about his illicit encounter. Until then, here’s the photocap…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Toast of the Town?

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It’s been a while since I wrote a photocap for Real Housewives of New York City, and I can explain why very easily: I’m lazy. Truth is that I have more in common with Sonja Morgan than I’d like to admit. Basically, we both like to sit in bed and read about our “friends” in the New York Post (and by New York Post, I mean Facebook). Nevertheless, RHoNYC has ratcheted up the crazy the past two episodes, and I think barely one scene has gone by that hasn’t been totally, utterly cringe-inducing.

Take this week’s episode, for example. The show began with Heather and Sonja butting heads repeatedly over a toaster-oven photo shoot that looked about as pleasant as if I had stuffed my head into said toaster oven and turned the machine to broil (that of course assumes Sonja’s hardware actually works, which is not necessarily a given). Poor Heather looked positively frustrated as she stood around, NOT getting paid, waiting for Sonja’s lazy ass to show up. When Sonja did arrive, she had so many requests and demands that even Faye Dunaway was probably “Chill, girl.” It’s no wonder she needs a small army of interns to follow her around like ducklings. The crazy woman has so many needs at any given time that it would take at least five people to tend to her every whim (not the least of which pertains to bloody tampons. Ewwwww).

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Aviva Goes To Miami, Has A Pervy Dad

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It occurred to me this morning that it’s been ages since I’d written up a photocap for The Real Housewives of New York City. Maybe that’s because the new cast has yet to really gel (or at least spark). The revamped RHONYC has been something of a mild failure. The show is still entertaining to watch, and our old guard of LuAnn, Sonja, and Ramona certainly keep things interesting, but truth be told, the new girls are just too normal. Well, not normal, per se. Aviva’s boatload of phobia’s and insecurities are far from the norm. However, the new ladies are almost too polite and self-aware. We need brash, ridiculous behavior from these women, otherwise we’re stuck with just another Bravo show about affluent but boring city-dwellers.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Girl, Interrupted…

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They’re baaaaaaAAAAAACK. Well, at least three of them. I speak, of course, of The Real Housewives of New York City, which has been revamped with new opening credits, a new artistic direction, and of course a new(ish) cast. Gone are Cindy, Kelly, Jill, and Alex. In their place come three fresh faces. Well, I use the term “fresh” loosely. I wouldn’t call Carole and Aviva the paradigms of natural beauty. Poor Carole has done such strange things to her mouth that she often looks like she’s in a permanent state of Invisalign shame. Y’all know what I’m talking about.

Of the three newbies, Carole most certainly made the smallest impression. On the plus side, she seems to hate kids, which is hilarious, and even better, she hates when mommies talk about kids. Already she’s won me over. However, after that glorious revelation, Carole kind of become blah and forgettable. She talked about being a widow a lot (all the while simultaneously suggesting how annoyed she was about having to be pigeonholed as a widow), and she managed to humble brag a few times as well. Hopefully she’ll serve as something of a Greek chorus to the rest of these women because if there’s anything that has remained consistent with this series, it’s the high level of bat-shit craziness on display.

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PREVIEW: Here Come The Real Housewives of New York City!

Spring is in the air. I guess that would make sense since it’s Spring, and all, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that the weather is getting warmer, and the TV is getting HOTTER (now I sound like a promo writer for ABC). Not only are our beloved Real Housewives of New Jersey about to reclaim their trashy, suburban spot on our DVRs, but now come the revamped and retooled Real Housewives of New York City. This iteration has always been my favorite of the bunch, but after a cast overhaul that saw Jill, Kelly, Alex, and that other woman (I mean… seriously?) dropped like a stale bagel, I’m not totally sure I’m ready for this new bunch. All I see are a lot of strange, toothy mouthes. Of course, I’m totally open to it all, and with Ramona and LuAnn still fighting, there’s no way this could go wrong. Already we have LuAnn’s stellar quote of the season, “What other dirty tricks do you have to pull out of your PINOT-FILLED ASS??” not to mention Jacques saying “A BAAAABY???” in the most amusingly French way possible. Plus, drunk, naked Sonja galavanting in a pool with a martini glass. IT’S LIKE A SCENE RIGHT OUT OF MY LIFE.

Above, check out an extended preview of the season, which was teased last night on the utterly ridiculous disaster known as Watch What Happens: All Stars or something like that. New York City has yet to have a dud season, and this appears to be no exception.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC REUNION PHOTOCAP: Money Can’t Buy You Maturity

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Everyone knows I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some reunion too. But this madness has reached a new low. I thought last week’s ninety-minute bitchfest represented a new low for the franchise, but it was nothing compared to last night’s parade of squabbling, which managed to make every single woman on screen look more idiotic than ever before. I’d be embarrassed to be related to, work for, or associated with any of them… but of course, I’d be thrilled if I ran any one of them on the street. What can I say? It’s all very love / hate.

There was something horrific in watching the women go at it last night. I think it was the rampant lack of self-awareness. It all played out like the worst schoolyard fight of all time, and while I understand that many of them had things they wanted to get off their chest, surely they could have found more productive ways to do so — like… maybe using indoor voices?

The whole thing was just more of the same. Alex was bonkers with rage once again, but I gotta admit, the brunettes were so obnoxious with their snide comments and upfront mockery of the blondes, that I felt some sort of empathy for the blondes. Sonja wisely stayed out of the fray for the most part this week, but Ramona more than made up for it with her usual combination of staunch self-defense and vicious attacks. One that outed Jill as a former AA attendee (allegedly) was particularly below-the-belt.

Amusingly, with all the harsh words being sent back and forth, when the scrutiny finally landed on LuAnn, she brushed off all her condescending and obnoxious comments by saying she was just having a little bit of fun. For someone who seems ready to take umbrage at the slightest offense (ie. a pregnancy test on a boat), she seems pretty quick to take on the role of casual jokester. Even more curious was LuAnn’s refusal to admit that she makes little digs at people. Perhaps that’s because she seems to think digs are only digs when they’re said behind one’s back. Who knows? Nevertheless, props to LuAnn for her passive-aggressive praise for Bethenny, to whom she referred as finally catching up to the rest of the gang money-wise. Not to burst LuAnn’s bubble, but methinks Bethenny has caught up, run circles around, and left all the gals in the dust.

Anyhoo… this second ninety-minute reunion special gave me a headache, and I can barely even remember anything that happened during it. At attempt at a photocap after the jump… Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Most Vile Reunion Ever!

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I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some Bravo reunion, but even I had to admit that last night’s ninety minute special was deplorable. Don’t get me wrong — I highly enjoyed it, but these women have all gone off the deep end. Any shreds of dignity they had going into the show (and trust me, there weren’t many) were long gone… and we’re only halfway through! It’s amazing Andy Cohen emerged alive. Heck, it’s amazing that anyone emerged alive.

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