VIDEO: Michaele Salahi Sings, Makes LuAnn Look Like Mariah

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And now there’s this.

Michaele Salahi performed her new song “Bump It” publicly for the first time on Miami’s local NBC affiliate, and the results were… well, let’s just say they made Danielle Staub’s guido-twirling performance on WPIX look like the second coming of BeyoncĂ©.

Watch, if you dare.

Via Popeater

Listen to Michaele Salahi’s New Single, ‘Bump It’

It’s always a special day when a cast member of The Real Housewives attempts to bust into the music scene. First we had Kim Zolciak, whose seminal punctuality anthem, “Tardy for the Party,” was a surprise mini hit. Then Countess LuAnn De Lesseps ravished us all with her treatise on manners, simply titled “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” which was followed by offerings from Danielle Staub and Simon Van Kempen and Kim Zolciak again (well, teasers from Kim, including “Google Me” and the greatest “Whoaa-oooo-woooaaa” song of our time, “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing”).

Now that most controversial of housewives, Michaele Salahi of the recently cancelled Real Housewives of DC, is getting into the game with a dance tune called “Bump It.” No, this is not an homage to the lovable hair booster system we’ve seen on late night informercials. The song is merely a request for someone to come dance with Michaele (Tareq is apparently held up at the vineyard with Mother). No word on whether or not Michaele was invited to the dance floor in the first place or if she merely crashed someone else’s Bar Mitzvah.

Nevertheless, as dance songs go, I actually don’t think this one is that bad. Michaele works within the limitations of her smoky, tranny voice, and to that end, “Bump It” is aiiiiiight. Well, at least until Michaele lets her voice sneak out from the highly processed “telephone sound” effect. On the one hand, we must commend her for being brave enough to eschew the auto-tune that all her other Housewives cohorts employ. But on the other hand, man, does she sound flat and gravelly.

Truth be told, in the hands of another artist, this would be a perfectly suitable “Like a G6” knockoff. But this is Michaele; so… it’s pretty bad. Still, I like it more than LuAnn’s musical catalog. So, congrats Michaele! You’re not as awful as everyone else!

To sample the song, check out the single on iTunes here.

(If you listen to the sample in iTunes, you get 90 seconds of Salahi bliss!)

The Real Housewives Head to the Royal Wedding!

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In case you’ve been living under a rock, Prince William married his college sweetheart Kate Middleton earlier today in a lavish Royal Wedding that was viewed by millions worldwide. What better way to honor this momentous occasion than to mash it up with the Real Housewives? After the jump, check out various Housewives at the Royal Wedding…

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‘Real Housewives of DC’ Cancelled?

Rumors are swirling that the much maligned Real Housewives of DC has been cancelled by Bravo. The series underperformed ratings-wise, and many view it as the weakest of all the Housewives installments (although, I still contend that it wasn’t that bad, and the reunion was rather epic). A source close to the action told Radaronline.com that “The show just didn’t do well and it wasn’t worth airing another season… The D.C. housewives were meant to be starting shooting their second season now and they haven’t heard a peep from Bravo… No one from the cast has been contacted yet and told that the show is cancelled.”

Bravo has stated that no decision has been made, but as rumors go, this one isn’t too hard to believe. I always suspected the only reason the series made it to air was because Bravo just happened to have been documenting the Salahis during their infamous White House party-crashing. Still, while the show lacked the tackiness and feuds of every other city, there was plenty of non-Salahi-related silliness to keep up entertained. Lest we forget Cat and her propensity for uncomfortable encounters or Stacie and her love for Tyra Banks. And how about all those strange names: LOLLY? EBONG?? INBOX FULL???? I’m not saying D.C. was wonderful, but it certainly has a lot more going for it than Miami.

Don’t count the ladies out just yet, Andy Cohen. Give them one more shot!

(After all, if you’re going to bring back crap like Million Dollar Listing every year, why not roll the dice on these women?)

More details here.

Check It Out: TV Banter!

Hey everyone. Cool news from the world of the Interwebs. I’m going to be hosting a videocast for Talk Media Networks where I talk about — you guessed it: TV! We’ve only done one show, and it’s all a bit rough around the edges, but that’s sort of the way online shows go. I’m sure it will find its voice and narrow its focus over the next several episodes, but for a “pilot,” I thought it was pretty fun.

Joining me for the first episode (which was recorded live last week on UStream) is my friend Matt Whitfield, the features editor from Yahoo! Entertainment. The two of us discuss every Housewives franchise and then some (and yes, we couch The A-List into the discussion) as well as Survivor, Amazing Race, Top Chef: Just Desserts, Raising Hope, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Community, Gossip Girl and Jersey Shore. Be sure to check it out!

And as for “Banter with Ben and Lisa,” fear not: we’ll be taping a new episode tomorrow!

REAL HOUSEWIVES REUNION PHOTOCAP: Catfight In The Capitol!

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Last week’s part one of the Real Housewives of DC reunion was so bonkers that it restored the faith I had in the series when it first premiered. Truthfully, I was a big fan of the DC cast at first, but midway through the season, the show began to stagnate a touch until the notorious White House party crashing incident that put on the Salahis on the pop cultural radar. Now, with all the ladies hashing it out with Andy Cohen, we finally had a return to the cattiness that marked the early episodes so wonderfully.

And man was it catty. Most of the rage came from Cat herself, who relentlessly attacked Michaele to the point where I almost felt sympathy for the doltish blonde. However, when Michaele said ridiculous things such as how she “secretly” supported the MS Society or was told by the Redskins Cheerleading Alumni Association to lie that she was on the squad, it became clear that this woman might just be totally nuts. It’s actually too bad because with all the attention on her, Cat didn’t get the harsh grilling that she too deserved. Let’s be honest here. Cat is wonderfully entertaining, but the lady is a bitch, and a self-serving one at that too. Ah well. She’ll probably get hers in time.

After the jump, photos from the reunion…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES REUNION PREVIEW: Battle of the Tranny Voices!

There were a lot of mixed feelings about The Real Housewives of DC season. Some thought it was boring. Others, like me, enjoyed it. Nevertheless, the ladies wrap up their first go-around with a good old fashioned reunion, hosted as usual by Andy Cohen, and if the clip above is any indication, it looks like we should be in for some fun times. At the very least, who couldn’t resist the sound of two women with man-voices bickering about crying?

Oh, and be sure to stick around for the very last second of this clip when Michaele has a “OH NO SHE DI’INT” moment. Not gonna lie: I gasped.

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About The Salahis But Were Too Afraid To Ask

Many are considering Michaele and Tareq Salahi the Speidi of Bravo, and with good reason. The shifty couple, who are prominently featured on The Real Housewives of DC, are embroiled in so many scandals, lawsuits, and lies that it’s hard to imagine them as anything more than two fame seekers who will do anything for fame, even crash a White House dinner. Thankfully, the good people at Jezebel have sorted through all the dirt and prepared a very thorough and entertaining dossier on the Salahis and all their dubious activities. Sadly, no word about Sparkle.

Still, it is most certainly worth the read.

Jezebel: Salahi 101: A Guide To The Lawsuits & Lies (thanks jash!)

Also, I haven’t actually finished the latest episode of RHDC; so if you’re waiting for a photocap, I apologize.

REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Transitions

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This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of DC was rather tame, and for the first time all season, I think we managed to get through the hour without a cringe-worthy scene of awkwardness. Don’t get me wrong — I definitely cringed, particularly during Lynda’s kooky spiritual ritual to rid her new house of the previous owner’s “energy.” Most of the hour, however, was rather mundane. Mary spent a good amount of time complaining about her daughter Lolly’s bizarre penchant to raid her closet. Turns out that after all that talk of having a biometric lock on the closet door, Mary doesn’t close the thing half the time, which allows Lolly (who’s something of a roving sartorial raccoon, it seems) to enter unhindered and steal what she wants. I think it’s time Mary sets up a booby trap or at least some sort of primitive device that will trap Lolly in a net (with the option of said netted Lolly being shipped off to a zoo or a far-off wilderness).

As usual, Cat was totally horrified by Lolly’s actions, but just when we thought the entire episode would feature Cat saying haughty, dismissive things about the girl, things took a tragic right turn. Cat’s close friend killed himself, and she spent most of the show mourning his death. There was even a touching moment when Cat broke down in tears when she met a man who reminded her of her late friend. It was actually pretty sad; although, the following scene in which Cat announced to her daughters that she had cried in public was somewhat strange. Still, it was a tough blow to her, and I can’t rag her for that.

I can, however, rag the Salahis, who continue to treat this bizarre situation of Tareq and his mother as typical “family drama.” This is not normal, people. Mothers don’t generally seek to have their sons perpetually arrested. Nevertheless, the Salahis were deadset on resurrecting their Oasis vineyard, and not only that, they wanted to buy a new place in DC. But did they have the money to fund their lavish housing dreams (which included an apartment big enough to host TWO HUNDRED PEOPLE)? Well, Stacie the realtor had her doubts, but she put on a professional smile and toured the Salahis around. Clearly this is a relationship headed for disaster.

Also headed for disaster is Stacie’s quest to find her biological father. Since her mom has been tightlipped about his identity, she’s decided to move forward and send a message to her half brother over Facebook. Keep in mind that this half brother has no idea that she exists and the mere query will certainly stir up a gigantic family drama, but hey, I loved Secrets & Lies, and a reality TV version of it couldn’t be much worse, right? Right? (If you haven’t seen that movie, you should)

Brief photocap after the jump… Continue reading

REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Stolen Moments

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The more you watch these Housewives shows, the more they start to seem the same. Take The Real Housewives of DC, whose latest episode began with Tareq Salahi leveling incriminating insinuations against Mary’s daughter Lolly. The allegation was that Lolly was part of a crew that had stolen a $90,000 vehicle belonging to the Salahis (or their charity), but that wasn’t even the biggest offense. No, the most horrifying part of all this was that someone had swiped all the GEAR that was in the back seat. OH NO!!! THE GEAR’S GONE MISSING!!!

Apparently Tareq annoyed the FBI with his stolen items and thus learned that Lolly had made some comment about the whole mess on Facebook. We didn’t get details much beyond that, but from what we could tell, it was all kind of bogus – much like Danielle Staub’s accusations of death threats from the perennially idiotic teen Ashley. Anyway, Tareq made a whole scene about this ridiculousness at a previously lovely (sort of) dinner party at his family’s vineyard, thus bringing a confused and stunned Mary to tears. I’ll just put it out there: making your guests cry is not in the Emily Post handbook.

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