REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Reunited, and It Feels So RICH, BITCH

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After two seasons of unspectacular reunions, the crazy bitches on Real Housewives of Atlanta brought their A-Game back — the same A-Game that we saw at the end of season one and changed Housewives reunions forever. These women yelled and yelled and yelled; although, to be fair, it was mostly NeNe, who spent the better part of the hour boasting about how wealthy she was (with occasional diversions to clarify the status of her vagina in regards to its dildo occupancy). Truthfully, NeNe has now cemented herself on the “Worst” list of the Housewives (a list I’m perennially hoping to update on this site). It’s been a stunning fall from grace, thanks in part to the celebrity that has gone to her head. I’m hoping she can turn things around, but she’s got to realize at some point that she’s driven away all the people she once considered close. Ah, but that requires an ounce of self-awareness, and where would we be if any of these women had THAT?

After the jump, a photocap of the reunion… Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: Season Ends with Plenty of Eye Kandi

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Well, the generally unremarkable fourth season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta came to an end last night, and like many of the other seasons (except for the first), it just barely lurched over the finish line. More so than any of the other casts, the Atlanta crew always starts strong — full of bluster and screaming — and mellows out into a series of uninspired scenarios. This season saw the strange rise of Black Baby Gate, a scandal so dumb it was almost briliant, but aside from that, we had no major drama. NeNe was still mad at Kim; NeNe was mad at Shereé again; Cynthia was mad at her sister — it was all pretty dull, save for a few unbelievable fights (Marlo vs. Sherayay anyone?).

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RHOATL PHOTOCAP: Kim and Cynthia Wig Out

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Black Baby Gate is the gift that keeps on giving, except it’s one of those gifts that no one really wants — like some cheap vase from World Market. Still, the BBG was in full force on Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, with Kim interacting with Cynthia since the whole mess first began. Maybe it’s me, but I can’t help thinking that Kim is milking this stupid situation. Kandi told her umpteen times that it was all benign, but Kim never backed away from a chance to make drama. Maybe that’s why it was also surprising that Sweetie finally got canned but off camera. You’d think Kim would relish the chance to waggle her finger at her underling in front of the nation. Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Party Central. And By ‘Party’ I Mean ‘Idiot’

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What is there to say about this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta? It was the same old crap: Peter and Cynthia hosted a party they couldn’t afford, Marlo and Sherayay had a disagreement, Kim yelled at Sweetie, Nene yelled at Bryson, Phaedra ogled a dead body, and Kandi made a weird face that seemed to say, “Errraaaaagggh.”

Yes, it was business as usual in Atlanta, but that’s not to say it wasn’t entertaining. The aforementioned party was Peter and Cynthia’s black tie one year anniversary party. You read that correctly: ONE year (not ten, not twenty, not fifty). ONE year party. As Lawrence noted in the episode, aren’t people supposed to just go get a damn dinner by themselves? Not Peter, who admitted that he needed to throw a lavish party to impress the people that they run with. Who are these awful people they “run with” and why would you want to “run with” anyone who would force you into poverty just for the sake of a good party?

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: Black Babygate 2012!

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You know, I love me some Shereé, but she was up to no good whatsoever on this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. She continued to perpetuate this silly (and false) rumor that Kandi was talking smack about Kim, specifically in regards to whether the Wig’d One would hold a black baby in Africa. The whole thing was so stupid and petty, and yet unbelievably frustrating thanks to the editors who replayed Kandi’s actual words umpteen times. For the record, it was Cynthia who made the initial remark, and regardless of what she or Kandi said afterwards, they were both joking around (and they were both correct with what they were saying). That, of course, did not come through in Shereé’s version of the truth, which for some reason Kim glommed onto as if it were gospel. Suddenly Kim announced to us that if there was one thing that Kim didn’t do, it was talk crap behind her back. Since when did Kim become so sure of Shereé’s allegiances? Wasn’t it just a few months ago when Ms. Whitfield was tugging at Kim’s weave outside of esteemed eatery FAB?

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: The African (Drama) Queen

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At long last the Real Housewives of Atlanta — minus Kim — headed to South Africa so they could soak up the culture, enjoy the sights, and of course, scream and yell at each other like a bunch of banshees. Yes, there’s no such thing as a drama-free vacation on the Housewives, and South Africa was no exception. The controversy came courtesy of Sherée, who pulled the rather unclassy move of inviting “The Smalls” (Kandi and Phaedra) to her friend’s dinner party in Capetown, but shunning “The Talls” (everyone else). It was sort of like one of those reward challenges on Survivor when Jeff Probst allows someone to take two people to visit a waterfall. Except unlike on Survivor where people generally react by quietly scheming, the aftermath of this move sent the group into utter, amazing chaos.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: Housewives in Africa? DRAMA!

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta are going to Africa! That was the gist of this week’s episode, which saw the women more or less doing nothing but preparing for the big trip. NeNe continued to debate whether or not to go, but leave it to That Girl Marlo Hampton to set her straight. The oft-arrested socialite told NeNe she’d be crazy to pass up the trip (which we all know had to have been free); so NeNe countered that she would only go if Marlo came with her. Marlo, never one to shy away from social advancement, happily signed on, and just like that, NeNe was back on board the African adventure. Of course, she didn’t actually tell Phaedra, the organizer, which was a bit tacky, but then again, far be it for me to call NeNe tacky. After all, she’s RICH now: she’s earned her tackiness.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: The One Where They All Went To Dinner And Didn’t Talk

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I’m starting to sense that this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta is running out of gas. Sure, the women may be funny, but like the previous two seasons that came before it, there’s no real through-line, no real story here; so we’re just watching a bunch of nouveau riche women (I use the term “riche” loosely) make their way through the day, pausing occasionally to do something cultural like grope a hot slave mannequin at a museum or take in a dance class. The only thing close to drama this season has seen has been the resurrected feud between Sherayay and NeNe, but since their first explosive meeting on the season premiere, the two have barely shared any screentime together.

Same goes for Kim and Nene, whose hatred still burns strong and all stems from that weird argument they had on Kim’s bus last season. If we’re to talk about ridiculous feuds, this one ranks at the top. Alas, Momma Joyce decided this week that she wanted to start the mending process, which was an admirable but myopic idea. Truth is that there can be no progress unless Nene eats some humble pie and admits that she’s a crazy-ass bitch. Funny, but crazy.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: We Waited Two Weeks For THIS?

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After two weeks off, The Real Housewives of Atlanta returned on Sunday, and maybe it was just me, but this episode was about as boring as it gets. Almost nothing interesting happened, save for Kandi’s songwriting session with JoDee Messina, which proved fascinating in the way that all of Kandi’s professional scenes have proven to be fascinating. I almost feel like she deserves a spin-off where we watch her working with artists because it’s a hell of a lot more compelling than most of the other stuff we were stuck with. Phaedra continued to investigate a second career as a funeral home owner; Kim continued to pack up for her move (when WILL that happen already?); Nene played dress-up and pretended to be a high class lady; Sherayay did yoga; and Cynthia and Peter fought again over nothing particularly noteworthy. The big takeaway on that front was that Peter doesn’t like being called a dinosaur and will only compliment Cynthia when forced to by a pastor. Great.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA PHOTOCAP: A Laborious Episode

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Ladies and gentlemen: The Zolciak has spawned again. Yes, Kim gave birth to her baby boy KJ on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but despite the high drama that accompanies such activities, I couldn’t help but think this latest installment was a snoozefest. I literally dozed off at one point, which may have less to do with the show and more to do with the fact that I had been in Vegas earlier in the day, but still, I like to think these ladies could keep me awake regardless of my exhausted state.

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