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This just in! We finally have footage of the eviction ceremony from press day on Big Brother. Sadly, Rosanna's exit song to the evictee was edited out (rights, I'm sure), but let it be known that it was a beautiful moment (she sang "Fever"). Nevertheless, enjoy this last nugget from press day...

It's that time again! CBS has just announced the new cast for the upcoming season of Big Brother, which means we get to spend a week pondering who might be our early favorites, who might wind up sucking, and who could possibly win the whole shebang. After the jump, I've got a rundown of each contestant, as well as a nifty scale to gauge their potential douchiness or bitchiness. Take a look, and then share your thoughts on the cast too...

Before she was Danielle from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, she was Danielle from All My Children. Yes, it's Danielle Staub — rumored coke whore drug kingpin / confirmed dinner party ruiner. Here she is in a cameo appearance on the aforementioned soap opera All My Children in 2001, sharing the screen with none other than Josh Duhamel. Sadly, Danielle's moment in the limelight is brief, but it does afford us a neat view of her old face. We also get to see Josh Duhamel's old haircut (dumb), and as he spends the latter part of the clip rattling off the crimes of some notorious woman on the show, it's fun to imagine that he's actually talking about Danielle, that PROSTITUTION WHOO-AARRR!!!! Good times indeed.

Remember when Project Runway was the hippest reality show around, beloved for its urbane appeal and sophisticated style? Well, now it's on Lifetime, and if this promo is any indication, the emphasis has moved away from upmarket elitism and more towards Middle American mom-jeans milquetoast. If I sound snobby, well, that's because I am. Truth is this commercial plays more like a Sears ad than anything else. It's so tragically unhip in every way. Even the music is outdated. I love Basement Jaxx as much as anyone else, but that tune is eight years old and has been used in more stupid commercials than I can shake a fist at. The only thing worse would have been to select a song by Smashmouth. I'm pained, I tell you. Pained.

The real question is if the show itself can survive the shift to its new home, or will the core audience feel simply too isolated by the onslaught of Lifetime shlock-appeal? And let's not forget that Project Runway is switching to Los Angeles this season. Hmmm... My Jump-The-Shark-dar is certainly beeping like crazy...

What do you think?

Ten days ago, an exciting thing happened: I was invited to spend the day in the Big Brother house along with eleven other members of the media. This was a minor dream come true: I got to taste the Big Brother experience without committing to a summer of national exposure (most of which I'm sure would be extremely embarrassing for me). While in the house, we played a week's worth of the game -- from Head of Household to Veto to eviction. Yes, we did it all, and it was, in short, awesome.

Nevertheless, I've been under a media embargo for the past week and a half -- but as of 6 AM this morning, the blackout has been lifted! The house guests are safely sequestered, which means I can now share not only my experiences but also the neat video that CBS edited together of us in the house. It's all sorts of fun (although, curiously, the eviction ceremony was not included on our DVD). Either way, the videos are highly entertaining, and if they don't get you psyched for the season, I don't know what will.

Also, be sure to check out my very thorough account of Media Day. It's up over at TV Week (and while you're there, be sure to check out a nifty profile of my college classmate Mindy Kaling). For those who don't need to read every single detail of the experience, I'm planning to write an abridged report that I'll have up on this site at some point. Plus, if you have any questions about the house or the experience, feel free to ask them in the forums on a thread conveniently titled "Big Brother House Q & A."

After the jump, parts I, II and III of the Big Brother media day video as well as some screen shots to help give you a sense of the house...

"Don't drink the water, and don't get AIDS."

Yup, that pretty much sums up The Real World Cancun so far. The quote, as spoken by Joey on last night's premiere episode, serves as the two major guidelines for what looks like a silly, silly season. I'll admit that my expectations coming into this season were beyond low — going to Cancun seemed like a horrid step backwards for a franchise that had seen revitalization in the more career-centric Hollywood and Brooklyn seasons. But if there's anything I should have remembered, it's that if my old employers Bunim-Murray know anything, it's how to do Cancun. Yes, I saw The Real Cancun in the theaters (produced by Bunim-Murray), and I loved it. So far, this season looks to be an unofficial sequel.

The first part of The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special aired last night, and the predominant feeling was... eh? I knew it would be damn near impossible to live up to the televised nirvana that was The Last Supper director's cut hour from last week, but who knew this reunion would be so bland? There was hardly a scuffle, nary a shout, and barely a bitchy accusation. So far, it's shaped up to be the worst Housewives reunion of the year! And just when we started to get some drama, emcee wunderkind Andy Cohen told the ladies to stop and save it for later. WTF??? Nevertheless, I'm not sure there were any notable moments worth sharing. Let's see... Teresa and Jacqueline were both very preggers, with the latter lady looking as if she were going to spray placenta on Andy Cohen's face at any second. It didn't help matters that she spent much of the hour massaging her sizable womb like some glammed up Buddha with a spray tan and fat lips. And speaking of those lips, Jacqueline had them so plumped up, I started to think each one was carrying an embryo of its own.

As for other oddly shaped body parts, Danielle revealed that she had a sick bubbie that had never settled into its pocket. That might explain its bizarre, seemingly-autonomous behavior. Amusingly though, Danielle then claimed that she had never had any other surgery beyond the ta-tas. Normally, I'd be able to read her face to see if she was lying, but it's been pulled back so tight, I just can't tell.

And speaking of all things surgery-related, what was up with Dina telling Andy that the word was not "bubbies?" She acted as if he were a martian when he said that. Meanwhile, two seconds later, we watched an extensive montage of all the women saying "bubbies" at length. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's marinara sauce, Dina.

Still recovering from the snooze-athon that was NYC Prep? Well, thankfully we have another episode of Top Chef Masters tonight to drag us out of the doldrums. Among the competing chefs this week will be Rick Bayless and Ludo Lefebvre, the latter of whom reality fans may remember for his cameo appearance on The Apprentice 6 (his wife Christine was a contestant and later a model in Playboy). Anyway, in the clip above, the two Masters clash over street food (and by "clash," I mean politely register mild frustration), but what I care more about is fellow contestant Cindy Pawlcyn, who announces to us that she and her gal pals seek out offal every week in a nifty club called "Girls Who Eat Guts." Sexy!

After the jump, a second clip from the show featuring some background information on Bayless. The real star in that video is Kelly Choi, who seems completely unable to refrain from turning into a jack-o-lantern the moment she gets excited — or attempts awkwardly to be gregarious.

BAM! It's a Nene house tour!

Check it out! Bravo JUST released this clip moments ago. The Real Housewives of Atlanta are back for season two, and joining them is new cast member Kandi, formerly of the '90s not-so-supergroup Xscape. To be honest, I haven't even watched this video. I'm just gonna post it, and then take a looksie. Should be fun...

I was very excited about last night's Top Chef Masters because I'd actually dined at two of the chefs' restaurants. Three, if you count Betty. Just over a year ago, I dined at Graham Elliot (the Chicago restaurant of chef Graham Elliot Bowles) and enjoyed the experience very much. I even took several photos, which I never got around to posting. Maybe I'll put some up after the jump. I've also eaten at Suzanne Tracht's Jar many times, and while I wouldn't call it the best of Los Angeles, I thoroughly enjoy my meals there every single time (their chocolate pudding is something I crave about once a week). Anyway, I was quite thrilled to see both chefs battling it out as I felt for once that I could maintain the illusion of a mildly informed (but not really) opinion about their food.

In case you missed it last night, here's the explosive (read: HILARIOUS) video of Teresa flipping a table at Danielle, née Montana Moorehead, née Milton Moorehead, during the Real Housewives of New Jersey finale. Watching her rev herself up into a frenzy is something to behold. Even people who don't watch the show should be entertained by this clip.

Also, check out my recap of the fight here.

Hype = fulfilled.

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

After weeks of anticipation, we finally got to see the epic brawl on The Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight, and it did not disappoint in the least. It was — as the kids say — O.O.C. (That stands for "Out of Control"). I'm telling you, there has never been a fight like this in Housewives, nay, Bravo history. There were lies, accusations, screams, and one unlucky tabletop that went falling to the floor. In short, it was amazing.

It's the moment we've been waiting months for. Ever since we saw Teresa flip a table during the Real Housewives of New Jersey preview special back in April, we've been eagerly anticipating what looks to be the most over-the-top blowout in Bravo history, and now the moment is almost here. Tonight, the shockingly short New Jersey season draws to a close with the ladies all gathering at a restaurant for dinner, and guess who makes things awkward? Good ol' Danielle. I won't tell you exactly what she does because it's so bizarre and awful yet wonderfully hilarious. You just have to see it for yourself in the clip above, which serves as a mere teaser for the drama (and airborne furniture) to come.

After the jump, two more bonus clips (sadly, none feature Teresa yelling "WHORE!!!!")

Oops! I forgot to post this earlier this week, but NBC's epic, butterfly-centric series Kings returns to the airwaves tonight! My friend works on the show, and I promised her I'd show it some love. It got great reviews, but apparently never found an audience. Well, now's your chance to check it out.

Kings. Tonight. NBC. 8 PM (I think — check your local listings)

I finally caught the premiere episode of Top Chef Masters last night, and I actually liked it way more than I thought I would. I feared that it would dilute the brand — and the lack of Tom or Padma or Gail (not to be confused with Gael) — would cheapen the experience, but no, it was just fine. Hostess Kelly Choi seemed incredibly nervous in front of the camera as her face was often contorted into an uncomfortable scowl, but aside from her generally awkward and eye-flaring presence, everything seemed fine. The new judges were articulate and informed — even if I didn't quite trust Red Sweater's knowledge of tailgating food.

As for the chefs, we were given four contestants, who had all won several honors — except for perhaps cowboy freezer enthusiast Tim Love, whose only highlighted accomplishment was not that he had won a James Beard award but that he had ridden on horseback to the ceremony. Hmmm... Compared to the other chefs — Christopher Lee, Michael Schlow, Hubert Keller — he seemed like kind of a lightweight, and I'm not sure he impressed much of America when he accidentally stored his produce in THE FREEZER instead of the fridge. Apparently, because of a lack of ice racks, he just assumed he was dealing with a refrigerator, which leads me to believe he'd never heard of that other handy indicator: TEMPERATURE. As in, if you open up a fridge and you feel like you might just freeze solid, especially if left trapped inside of it for a few hours, then chances are you're dealing with a FREEZER.

I suppose Tuesday night's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey was the calm before the storm. That's because next week, we're already at the much-hyped season finale where tables are flipped, fingers are pointed, and bellows of "WHHHHOORREEEEE!!!!" are screamed across all of Bergen county. Yeah, it's gonna be a doozy, and I personally can't wait. But for now, we have last night's pleasant but rather uneventful episode to contend with. Coming off the drama of "THE BOOK," I was really hoping this installment would build on the tension in Franklin Lakes, but it instead it served as a bit of a palate cleanser. The dominating stories pertained mostly to boob jobs and photo shoots gone awry, which was all fine and good, but none of the Danielle drama Bravo hyped up in its promos ever really came to fruition. Sure, the Cougar broke up with her cup — in a dingy local diner, of all places — but aside from some quivering chin action, there really wasn't much more to the story line than that.

Amusingly though, after having dumped her boytoy over the Early Bird Special, Danielle then sat down her two girls and told them that even though things were kaput with Steve, he still wanted to be there for the girls and take an active role in their lives. Sadly, the only one who actually believed this was Danielle. Not even the girls put any faith in this dumb story, citing previous suitors who have failed to live up to their promises. It's actually kind of depressing seeing how jaded the kids were, but the eldest one spoke the truth when she postulated that men were only interested in Danielle's "goodies." This led to an uncomfortable moment as America recoiled at the thought of using the term "goodies" in association with Danielle's snatch. It's kind of like calling rotting compost a "candy pile." Anyway, this is getting entirely too graphic, and I apologize.

Sometimes I'm astonished by the sheer amount of junk I post about The Real Housewives, but hey, it brings the traffic in; so why stop? Well, great news. Those catty shrews forty miles south of me are back on Bravo tomorrow night. Yes, I'm talking about The Real Housewives of Orange County, who'll be making a return appearance to the airwaves in yet another "Lost Footage" special. I imagine Andy Cohen will host this one with his usual preening smile (memo to producers: remember to powder his face this time), which is too bad for America, but hey, I suppose it's a small price to pay for an extra sixty minutes with the ladies. What do we have to look forward to? I imagine more of the same — which can only be a good thing. Not convinced? Check out the above video which shows Tamra cursing out Gretchen over this mysterious Jay fellow (remember him? The alleged boy on the side Gretchen had?). I'm still befuddled as to why Tamra cares so much about this whole situation (oh that's right. She's blonde and jealous), and if you thought she looked bad on the last reunion special, wait 'til you see her in action here. Meanwhile, Andy does little to diffuse the situation beyond extending a few empathetic but empty comments here and there. It's hard to believe this guy is actually a network executive.

However, for as much as the two blondes go at it, the real scene stealer is Jeana, who sneaks in two classic Jeana comments right before the end of the clip. Her jaded misery continues to entertain immensely.

I'm still waiting for Bravo to put up photos from last night's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey; so in the meantime, take a look at this preview teaser for next week's season finale, which looks to be so epic that pseudo-Dark Knight music is used to score the action. Anticipation building!!!

Two nights ago, the Food Network launched its fifth season of Next Food Network Star, a cooking show that is often and unjustly viewed as Top Chef's ugly little brother. While the series isn't as slick or upmarket as what Bravo has to offer, in some ways Next Food Network Star is actually a stronger product in that we the viewer can actually have informed opinions on what's being judged. That's because contestants on Next Food Network Star are not only trying to present appetizing dishes, but they're also essentially auditioning for America. It's all about their personality, their authority, and their taste-level -- three attributes that I can happily pontificate about from my cozy seat on the couch.

Plus, let's not overlook the judging panel. We've got Food Network executive Bob Tuschman, who's affable and friendly and seems like he'd never hurt any living creature under the sun. We've got Bobby Flay, whose growly, thuggish voice sometimes betrays his immense talent. And then we've got marketing exec Susie Fogelson. Oh, Susie Fogelson. Really, the other two don't even matter. No disrespect to Bobbies T & F, but it's all about Susie Foges. She is the quintessential ice queen -- the second coming of Carolyn Kepcher. And I mean that in the best possible way. Very few can level a cold, withering insult like Susie Fogelson, who manages to add a wonderful tinge of corporate je ne sais quoi to her frequent disapproval. Her hand-flapping protest of Kelsey Nixon's Rachel Ray Show performance last season ("This feels uncomfortable") is legendary in my book. Honestly, I think she may just be second only to Martha Stewart. Like that doyenne of the WASPy putdown ("You just don't fit in"), Susie's critiques are gloriously soul-crushing, which means that when she likes something, it's all the more exciting. She kind of is the X-factor for this show. A wonderful, wonderful X-factor.

I may be thirty, but videos like these still crack me up. Thanks to jash for sending it along.

Be warned — the sound that emanates forth most certainly is NSFW. (That means NOT SAFE FOR WORK, idiots)

"LET ME TELL YOU A SOMETHING ABOUT MY FAMILY: we ALL enjoy a good volcano love bowl once in a while."

It's Tuesday; so that can only mean one thing: time for more Real Housewives fun, and as usual, I've got some preview clips. In the video above, Caroline celebrates her wedding anniversary with her kids in a Chinese restaurant where she and the hubby order the scandalously named Volcano Love Bowl (not to be confused with Vicki's Love Tank). The Manzos continue to charm me with their mix of humor and hot-tempers (also seen in a clip after the jump where they hit the gym). It almost makes you forget about the shamelessly materialistic Teresa who seems to deal with life's problems by throwing money and lip gloss at them. After the jump, check out a video of her talking to her crying daughter while she vacations in Atlantic City. Poor Milania misses her mom so much that she can't stop wailing in the Chateau de Giudice. So what does Teresa do? If you answered "Sternly ordered her to stop bawling," you'd be wrong. Instead she promises gifts and teddy bears to mend the situation. This does not bode well for their childhood development...

More videos after the jump.

Earlier this week, MTV aired a Very Special episode of The Hills. Not only did it serve as Lauren Conrad's last appearance in the franchise as a regular cast member, but it also ushered in the newlywed era of Speidi, whose nuptials were documented for the world to see. And yes, it was all just as ridiculous as you could imagine. From the bridal shower to the rehearsal dinner to some frivolous scenes in between, there was much to laugh at over the course of this seminal hour. And let's not overlook the return of Krsitin Cavallari, on hand to save the series from the Conrad-free doldrums. It's great to have her back. I only hope she can reinvigorate this show the way she did Laguna Beach. Something tells me she has it in her.

It's official. I'm now loving The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's nowhere near as amazing and perfect as New York, but I think it can hold its own with the rest of the franchise. Last night's episode was compelling (in a trashy, shouldn't-be-admitting-it kind of way) but also very funny. Caroline remains my favorite of the group with her guarded, maternal instincts. During the dance lesson, I thought she'd come roaring off her little couch the moment Danielle put Christopher's hands on her hips. Let me tell you a something about Caroline: she does not like cougars around her cubs.

But this wasn't Caroline's episode. This show was all about Danielle and all the dirty laundry that finally surfaced, thanks to a poorly written and previously forgotten about book by her ex. Turns out that in Danielle's past, she had been a model (read: stripper), who was once romantically attached to (read: blowing) some sort of drug kingpin. One day she came back from a modeling shoot (read: Mr. Muff's Kitty Emporium), and it just so happened that the Feds were arresting her man. Danielle was booked as an accessory, and from that point on, the skeletons had been firmly locked away in the closet. Until now.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey popped up on the fourth hour of The Today Show this morning, and as you can imagine, it was totally awkward and strange, thanks in no small part to hosts Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb, who managed to pepper the women with all sorts of strange questions. We didn't really learn anything except that Caroline is not one who likes to divulge much ("you'll have to wait and see" was her standard answer to many questions — I suppose loose lips sink ships in NJ), but it's fun anyway watching these women squirm uncomfortably in the media spotlight.

Tomorrow night, The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs once again, and with all the rumors circulating about Danielle Staub and her shady past, things are getting mighty interesting. In the clip above, Danielle gets snippy with her gal pals Jacqueline and Teresa (the latter of whom never found a headband she couldn't strangle her follicles with). There's all sorts of squawking and dramatic accusations, most of which bring out the best in Danielle's stereotypical Jersey accent.

After the jump, Danielle flashes us her crotch as she joins the other housewives in a ballroom dancing class. Hands are placed in inappropriate places, mothers level angry glares, and the whole thing promises to balloon spectacularly out of control...

Hey guys, here's some cool news. Starting today, I'm gonna be a contributor to TV Week. I'll be writing for their blog — both original content and repurposed stuff from this website. Here's the first thing I wrote, which appeared on the site last night:

Well, it's Sunday night, and my usual televised staples — The Amazing Race, Celebrity Apprentice, football (yes, I do watch football) — are nowhere to be found; so what did I do? No, I didn't read that book that my parents gave me six months ago; although, I'm starting to think I should. You see, I just wiled away thirty minutes of my life watching the second half of Million Dollar Password, the latest incarnation of the classic game show that has regular folks team up with celebrities in an action-packed tour de force of synonyms and stuttering. It's a tried and true formula — one that's sure to enthrall as much as it frustrates — but as I sat there and watched Jamie Kennedy, Norm MacDonald, and their un-famous partners struggle for words, I couldn't help thinking that somewhere along the line, the talent pool had definitely dropped a few IQ points.

It's only been two weeks since we last saw The Real Housewives of New York City, but Bravo thankfully injected us with a dose of reality methadone last night with its much welcomed "Lost Footage" special. I like the New Jersey cast and all, but honestly, it would be impossible to top the insanity and excellence of New York's second season. As such, seeing the likes of Jill and Bethenny and Ramona and Kelly was like having an old friend come over for dinner. Nothing but good times and fond memories. Really, none of the casts have anything on these ladies. Not only are they a perfect maelstrom of cattiness, but they live and operate in much more fascinating circles. While the Atlanta ladies ponder the complexities of guacamole made in a mortar and pestle (a.k.a. a ROCK) and the Orange County women scream on booze cruises in Havasu, the New York clan goes to cultural events and red carpet soirées. Not saying they're any less tacky... just a bit more awesome.

You know, I never got around to doing a photocap of last week's episode of The Hills, and I've yet to watch this week's again (there was lots of loud yammering through it from my friends; so I missed about 70% of it), but I knew y'all wouldn't be that upset at me because whenever I don't recap The Hills, we get something infinitely more entertaining: the angry, mentally deranged rant of Dumb Bitch — a Hills fan like none other (either that or a very shrewd MTV employee). Here's what she just wrote me:

Where is The Hills recap??? Quit posting all this other bullshit and put The Hills up!!! I know it was the holiday and all but you're two episodes behind!!! CATCH THE FUCK UP!!! Don't forget the season finale comes on Sunday at 8pm with the pre show at 7pm!!! YOU BETTER RECAP THIS SEASONS FINALE BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW YOU DIDN'T RECAP LAST YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, if this whoreface's latest emotive plea isn't enough for you, there's a bonus screed after the jump...

And here it is. The alleged mug shot of Danielle Staub from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

In the preview of next week's episode, one of the cast members holds up a book titled Cop Without A Badge, which supposedly features all sorts of dirt on Danielle's sordid past. Thankfully, a reader sent me a juicy excerpt, which includes this pic of Danielle, who's referred to as Beverly Merrill. Is this her real name or just a literary alias? Not sure. But what we do know is that according to the book (whose veracity cannot be vouched for), the author claims that this Beverly character had been busted for extortion, kidnapping, and possession. But don't fret too much. It's not like Danielle was a criminal mastermind. She merely partied with a criminal mastermind, and from the sounds of it, when that guy got busted, she got cuffed too. Sort of like an '80s version of Adriana La Cerva.

To read all the poorly-written details, check out the excerpt here.

I'm proud to report that The Real Housewives of New Jersey is starting to heat up a little. The first two episodes had been entertaining, but coming off the heels of a tumultuous RHONYC season, not to mention a spectacular two hour reunion imbroglio, it was hard to truly embrace these Jersey divas. Now, though, we're three shows deeps, and we're starting to get a sense of the characters. Caroline has emerged as my hands-down favorite housewife, with her sister Dina not far behind. Jacqueline is alright — a bit flaccid — but enjoyable for all the muck she somehow stirs up while simultaneously abdicating herself from any responsibility, and Teresa is sweet but horrendously tacky, offering up something a bit more appalling each week. Then we have Danielle, our resident lightning rod of controversy. She's absolutely crazy in the most fantastic way. Not only does her face look like it's being sucked into a vacuum tube, but she's prone to histrionic caucuses of her friends to discuss generally inane things. Case in point: when she dramatically arrived at Jacqueline's house to discuss an impending breakup with her twenty-six year old boy toy. Never mind that she TOTALLY RUINED THE PLAYDATE (that bitch!), but she clearly only wanted to relish in her own drama, much to the dismay of Jacqueline and Teresa. When the two women offered any advice, Danielle brushed it off with an angry and sarcastic "Thank you! Thank you!" It didn't really make much sense, but I loved the awfulness of it nonetheless.

Tonight's a brand spanking new edition of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and hopefully, some sparks might start flying with these ladies. In the meantime, here's a clip of resident battle ax Caroline forcing her daughter to learn the finer art of pubic waxing. After the jump, two bonus clips that I honestly haven't seen (they weren't working on the Bravo website, but hopefully they'll embed fine here). I don't really know what they're about, but I'm sure they're horrifying and embarrassing for all parties involved....

The eighth season of American Idol wrapped up last night, and like last year's finale, the contest came down to a much-hyped, odds-on favorite and a quieter dark horse with surprising resiliency. But would the outcome be the same? Would The Chosen One go down in flames for a second year in a row? Well, you probably already know the answer to that question by now, but in case you're one of the five people out there who has yet to hear the news, I'll wait until after the jump to reveal all...

Last night we had our second dose of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and while they're not as gabby as their New York counterparts or as catty as the Orange County bitches, they're well on their way to being outlandish in a certain mafia-fabulous sort of way. At the forefront of that is Teresa, who continues to relish in marble infused gaudiness. Not only is her dream house decked out like the second coming of Leonard's, but everything she does oozes with nouveau riche excess. Take, for instance, the horrifying trip she took with her daughters to Jersey's premiere couture outlet, Bella Bambini. Those girls made Johan and François look like precious angels in comparison. And even worse, Teresa makes them all match. And no, not just the kids. The entire family must dress the same. It's a bit much.

Then we have Danielle, who at times seems surprisingly reasonable and at other, more frequent times comes off like a total crazy. Her life aspirations are simple: she wants someone to take care of her. Yes, she could conceivably get off her ass and find a job, but that's no fun. So instead this week we saw her courting an alleged twenty-six year old man, and by "courting," I mean soliciting sex in the bathroom. When the two weren't doing it in every nook and cranny on the Jersey Shore, Danielle was busy fishing for compliments about her appearance and/or bickering with her ex over her delayed divorce settlement. Unsurprisingly, she didn't make much headway on the latter front, but if it's any consolation, she got to patch things up with Dina over their mysterious blow-out from weeks prior. Well, maybe "patch," isn't the right word. More like she tenuously applied an old Band-Aid to the wound, knowing full well that in about two minutes time, the tentative peace would completely unstick itself and fall by the wayside.

Well, we only have a few more hours left before American Idol ends its eight season and a new victor is crowned. Who will it be? The odds on favorite is Adam Lambert, the squealing costume factory who has earned almost unmitigated praise from the judges all season. However, sneaky Kris Allen could wind up pulling an upset, à la David Cook who persevered last year almost in response to all the unrelenting hype afforded to his rival, David Archuletta. On last night's final performance show, Simon Cowel & Co. were careful to keep their remarks opinionated but not over the top in any one direction — perhaps to save themselves the embarrassment of calling the show for one contestant and having the other win (as is what happened last year). Still, reading between the lines, it's clear that the group was pulling for Lambert. The judges festooned him with words like "superstar" and "one of the best we've ever had." Kris Allen, on the other hand, received some high praise, but it all sounded very conciliatory — as if he'd already gone as far as he could go. Might the judges be right? Possibly. It'll be hard to stop the Lambert Express. But then there are all these theories that that Gokey votes might shift to Kris and, well, who knows what might happen. All we can base anything on is the singing, and of course I have many comments about that.

The Chenbot's Chelmet clearly suffering from Chenmidity.

You all should remember the date July 9, 2009. That's the day when Big Brother returns to the airwaves!

There are no other details as of yet, but you can be sure I'll be sitting in front of the TV, watching preggers Chenbot ushering the new cast into the house.

More information here.

I really didn't think The Real Housewives of New York City could top Tuesday's tumultuous hour of reunion fighting, but last night, they proved me wrong. Thursday was Kelly's time to truly shine, and what we got was nothing but a stream of incoherent ramblings from the model/socializer/owl enthusiast. The woman literally made no sense, and while at time I could soooort of understand her thought process, she was still too inarticulate to convey her points, thus causing further drama as the other ladies happily jumped on every poorly chosen word of Ms. KILLOREN Bensimon. Thankfully we had Alex, who after sitting quietly on the couch nearly the whole episode, finally chirped up and spake what we all were thinking: most of this could have been avoided had Kelly been more articulate.

But that will never happen. Kelly can't be articulate because she's simply all over the map. Everything she said was so incoherent that even Ramona of all people had to literally stop her, look her in the eyes, and tell her that she simply does not make any sense when she talks. And this is coming from Ramona. Ramona! Crazy-eyed Ramona!

I haven't written about 24 in a few weeks, but that's not to say my love for the show has been waning. This seventh season has been great, and in a lucky turn of events, I nabbed an invite to a special advanced screening of next week's season finale of the show. Out of respect to Fox and the viewers, I won't spill a single bean, but I will say that the finale is great, with the first hour being particularly exciting (the second hour is still strong, but it's more dramatic than intense — which is totally fine). And yes, several questions are answered.

Of course, one of the reasons why I may have thought the finale was so awesome was because I was in a theater filled with a thousand or so people. I've never watched 24 en masse before, but I can say without a doubt that it's a fantastic way to take in the show. Everyone there was a 24 fan, and as such, there was plenty of cheering and booing and laughing, which only served to elevate the experience. There's nothing like watching Jack Bauer viciously kill three people in a row while a teeming mob of viewers claps along. I really think Fox should organize special screenings of the show from time to time because it's really quite a noteworthy theatrical experience.

As if seeing the finale a week early wasn't awesome enough, there was another surprise in store for us (and no, it wasn't standing in line at the theater in front of John Tesh — although, that was preeettty awesome too). The shocking turn of events was that this screening wasn't just a screening. It was a full-on red carpet event. Who knew? Since I had a plus one, I brought fellow 24 enthusiast IndianJones along, and we were both surprised to see that this wouldn't be a mere case of us taking our seats and watching the big shew. No, there was press and media and — most importantly — hors d'oeuvres. If there's one thing that can trump celebrities and fanfare, it's free food. I kid you not, IndianJones and I basically zipped past JON VOIGHT in an effort to get our dirty little paws on some turkey wraps and pulled pork sandwiches (the latter was very tasty).

Yes, this event was significantly more high profile than we had expected (plus, there was a Q&A with the entire cast afterwards), but at the same time, it was exceedingly lax with security. No one checked our names, and there were no cell phone and camera policies. Literally every single screening or taping I've been to has been amazingly hostile about bringing in recording devices. When I saw Benjamin Button, guys with infrared goggles patrolled the audience. Well, since there was already such a huge line when IndianJones and I showed up, we decided we'd save some time and leave our cell phones in the car. Heck, I didn't even bring my camera to the event because I assumed security would be so tight (and I didn't know there'd be a red carpet either). WELL. No one cared, and as such, I missed a golden opportunity to take pictures of Kiefer, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Elisha Cuthbert, and pretty much everyone else. Plus, we wound up sitting next to President Logan (who was wearing a dumb fedora). SO MANY TWITTERING OPPORTUNITIES LOST!!! IndianJones took great joy in telling me the rest of the night that I was experiencing an "Epic blogging FAIL!" Alas.

So, instead of coming to you with pictures of Kiefer et al., after the jump please enjoy some shots of the annoying pigeons that are preparing to roost on my neighbor's balcony.

Photo courtesy of Rickey.org

I should have more faith in America. After David Cook pulled the surprise — and deserved — upset over David Archuletta on last year's American Idol finale, I should have realized that often America doesn't blindly follow the misguided praise of the judges. If I had remembered that, I wouldn't have been so delightfully surprised last night when Danny Gokey finally got the boot, thus sparing us one week (or at least one night) from hearing his forceful growl. I don't think he expected to be going home in the least. In fact, I think he thought he was gonna win it all. He probably thought he'd pull a surprise upset over Adam Lambert — David Cook style. But thankfully, things just didn't turn out that way.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, after many marvelous weeks in the big city, the Real Housewives franchise has headed back to the 'burbs for its third spin-off, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and I gotta tell you: it's showing lots of promise. So far, I don't really hate anyone yet, and while Danielle seems like a perfect candidate for Internet wrath, I had to respect the way she told off her would-be suitor, saying he should never talk to her again before adding "Or DIE!" Can we really hate that? I'm not sure. I also really liked the Manzo sisters, Dina and Caroline. The former mom (a.k.a. the blonde one) won a place in my heart when she told her daughter, "Don't be terrible." The latter mom earned my adoration simply by being maternal (although, I was not a huge fan of her apathy towards college education). Still, I could listen to that promo of her leaning forward and saying, "Let me tell you a something about my family. WE ARE AS THICK AS THIEVES!" over and over again.

Caroline's kids seemed amusing too, even if the daughter did spend half the episode traipsing around in some sort of pseudo kimono gettup that made her look at times like a butterfly and at other times like a Golden Girl. As for Caroline and Dina's sister in law Jacqueline, she seemed sweet and likable, but I fear that she will become either boring or very annoying. Then again, it's hard to say where things will go. I thought Kim seemed cool after the first episode of Atlanta. Anyway, who's left? Ah, Teresa. Like the others, she seems fine now, but her penchant for marble columns — not to mention her overbearing stage mother habits — gives her plenty of potential to turn awful. For now though, I am happy with all the wives, and I'm just more than a tad bit excited to see where this franchise will take us.

After the jump, a photocap (furnished by the few pics Bravo has posted on its site).

It doesn't matter how many times it happens, watching Kelly and Bethenny fight on The Real Housewives of New York City is always fantastic. I think it has something to do with the fact that they completely do not communicate (and that Kelly's arguments are always so bizarre that they take on a certain surrealist quality that is most appealing to my oft-dormant artistic outlook). Anyway, in this preview clip from tomorrow night's reunion special, the women go at it again, and this time, we get the added bonus of watching the other ladies (and even Andy Cohen — who fails magnificently) pipe up and lend their opinions to the situation. Needless to say, there's little resolution.

Oh, and don't think this is the only goodie I have in store for you. After the jump, a hostile clip of all the women ganging up on Countess LuAnn. It's memorable for a lot of things, but mostly a frustrated Andy Cohen raising his eyebrows and full-on whining the words, "Can I speak? Can I speak?" Next time, Andy, just bring a whistle and be done with it.

These reunions just keep getting better. The Real Housewives of New York City descended on Wall Street last night for part one of their vociferous, catty showdown, and to say that tempers flared would be an understatement. Moderator Andy Cohen proved to be more inept than usual as he demonstrated a near inability to control the likes of Ramona, LuAnn, Jill, and all the other high strung ladies in attendance. He seemed visibly miffed at one point when Ramona pulled his cue cards out of his hands, and later he was totally flummoxed in his attempts to silence the action before the crew was the break for lunch. In short, it was a disaster for him, but a godsend to us because let's face it — any Watch What Happens special where Andy is relegated to the sidelines is fine by me (and let's give him three cheers for finally mastering the art of buttoning up his shirt).

As for the rest of the show, there's not much I feel like I can add. Everything really spoke for itself. Ramona proved to be as crazy as usual, Jill continued to be a master instigator/maternal figure, and Kelly was just as fake and strange as ever. I suppose if I had to pick a favorite moment (of which there were many), I'd call it a tie between Ramona defending her paper-thin lie about shunning Silex's party in favor of food ("I don't eat in Brooklyn, OKAY?") or LuAnn breaking the tension after Kelly's breakdown by saying, "Well, he's certainly NOT a gentleman!" But truth be told, you could pretty much advance the tape to any random timeframe and wind up on a gem of a line. Great, great fun. And we still have more on Thursday! YAY!

There can only be one explanation for the unmitigated praise that the American Idol judges bestowed on Adam and Danny last night: crack. Well, I suppose there's a second explanation: the music must just sound different live. Danny and Adam, who admittedly have very powerful voices, must translate stupendously well in person because on TV, I just didn't get all the adoration spewed their way. Similarly, I didn't necessarily understand the lack of enthusiasm directed at Kris Allen (at least his first song). There's some sort of topsy-turvy thing going on that makes crappy music sound good to them and vice versa. Whatever it is, I'm here to pipe in and say that no, Danny and Adam were not God's gifts to music Tuesday night. In fact, they were rather ordinary. THERE. I said it.

I could really go for a Triscuit right now.

There are three things that make any Hills episode good: Kelly Cutrone getting mad, Heidi having an illogical argument with another girl, and Audrina telling off Justin Bobby. Just our luck that last night's show had all three of those elements. By far the most entertaining plot involved Lady Cutrone, who unsurprisingly called upon Lauren (who actually had something to do on the show this week) to fire Stephanie. We knew we'd inevitably reach this point, especially after Steph had taken to such bad work habits as hanging up on callers and staring into space for hours on end. It was as if she were leaving cracker crumbs of awfulness all over the metaphorical couture gown that was Lauren's job. Yes, this was not an occupational pairing that was meant for success, and we knew it wouldn't be long before Stephanie's career ambitions would be utterly destroyed like a stack of Wheat Thins stuck in a blender.

A funny thing just happened: it's Monday afternoon, and I realized I haven't written anything about last week's episode of The Hills. Apologies all around. This in no way reflects the quality of the episode, which was highly amusing. Basically, it focused on girls being bitches to each other, and last time I checked, that's always grounds for good television. In one corner, we had Heidi going at it with Stacie the Bartender (again), and in the other corner, we had Audrina squaring off against Brody's collagen-injected lady friend, Jayde. Needless to say, many harsh words were had, bottles of Jagermeister chugged, and fun times had.

I'm fairly excited to see I'm A Celebrity... Now Get Me Out Of Here!; although, I must admit that the anticipation has waned a bit since it's been ruled that Rod Blagojevitch would not be allowed to participate. Either way, with Heidi, Spencer, Sanjaya, and Janice Dickinson stuck in the jungle together, there's still potential. This still leaves a big question mark though: no, not "Whatever happened to the rumors of Geraldo Rivera joining the cast?" but rather, who's the blond chick? Not even NBC seems to know as the promo that aired during last night's Apprentice finale referred to her as "the wrestler girl." Okay, I guess? No disrespect to the producers, but was this really the best you could do?

After the jump, two more random promo stills from the show.

As many people may know, I've been an Apprentice fan since the very beginning — loyally standing by the show even as an undeserved backlash nearly threatened to sink it completely (okay, the Los Angeles season DID suck, but it still had its moments). However, for as great as I believe the series is, NBC and Mark Burnett unceasingly botch the finale every single season — producing a bloated, awkward, and generally disappointing final episode that's usually more noteworthy for its length than anything else. In fact, it's been my longstanding theory that after season two's disastrously long finale, the buzz turned on the show as people focused less on its entertainment and camp value and more on its propensity for product placement and overblown statements from Trump himself. Whether or not that theory holds true, it's fairly undeniable that the Apprentice finales always seem to be lacking in some way. Either they're total blowouts by one player or they're crammed full of dumb filler segments (ie. musical numbers or polling audience reaction) or they simply lack drama. And let's not forget about the awkward "reunion" elements of the show, which are always equal parts dull and unsatisfying (unlike Survivor, which knows how to do a reunion right, the Apprentice always drops the ball in magnificent ways by rarely asking noteworthy questions and dedicating only about two minutes of airtime to the segment in general).

However, that all changed on last night's epic finale. It had everything we always wanted and needed from such a show, and finally we were served up a climactic episode that was enthralling, exciting, and full of the intense hatred we like to see from celebs in competition. In short, it was amazing.

Going into tonight's results show of American Idol, prognosticators across the Internet were picking Kris Allen to be the unlucky sap to go home this week. If not him, then Allison Iraheta's number would be up. But what about Danny Gokey? He sounded like a blimp losing air for most of his performance, and while I might not know exactly what that sounds like, I can approximate it, and Danny perfectly matched said approximation. Yes, Danny was an epic fail last night, and across the Internet, people were ridiculing him to pieces. Would we be in store for a major upset? Could it be that Danny — after having avoided the bottom three all season — might at last go home???

Bethenny: "Huh. I thought we were all wearing MURDER GLOVES tonight."

Sadness. The Real Housewives of New York City has drawn to a close for the season, and while there's two whopping helpings of reunion next week, it just won't be the same. The good news is that we got the Jersey girls just 'round the corner, and let's face it, Bravo has smartly developed this franchise in such a way that we really can go a full year without having any gaps in our Housewives fix; so really, what the hell am I complaining about? Nuthin'.

Anyway, the big finale ended at Jill's charity auction for Creaky Joints — a bizarrely named organization whose logo (written in "bone" font) was a bit too literal for my tastes. I mean, I know it's all about curing arthritis, but must the letters appear as if they've been carved from Lucy's skeleton? It's like the Flintstones were in charge of branding. Nevertheless, with a season's worth of drama leading up to the big event, it's no surprise that Jill became a total crazy woman, barking and fighting with seemingly everyone — or at least Ramona and Bethenny. The former fight was rather standard fare. The latter was an all-out screamfest — the kind where I thought both women might actually start crying and begging for Mommy. I was shocked that Ramona, of all people, proved to be the calming presence in the fray.

So it was rock week on American Idol last night, and I for one was excited. After having suffered through the dreary doldrums of the Rat Pack genre (not to mention Jamie Foxx's curious ramblings), I was ready for some energetic, ballad-free music. And guess what? Overall, that's pretty much what we got. Last night's show was chock full of excitement and pressing cliffhangers: would the American Idol song fall from the rafters and squash Ryan Seacrest? Would Adam Lambert's skin-tight pants burst open after one too many hip gyrations? And would the glass in Danny Gokey's spectacles crumble into millions of pieces — perhaps even revert back into sand — after his dreadful and embarrassing caterwaul? These questions and more flittered through our heads as we witnessed one of the strongest final fours in quite some time. By the end of the episode, we really only had one major thing on our mind: who's gonna go home?

Because it's such a fun pun, I thought I'd celebrate Plinko De Mayo today and post this fun, record-breaking clip from the minigame we all know and love.

No time to write about 24 this week; so instead I'll provide you all with this clip, which shows Jack Bauer in classic BARK mode. He really needs a sedative sometimes.

Any thoughts on last night's episode? Are we all secretly hoping that dumb bitch Olivia gets her comeuppance? And what are the odds that her assassin works for the shadow conspiracy and just wanted the itinerary, and not the (surprisingly low) $250,000? That would explain why the hit occurred anyway.

What would you do for a million dollars? Eat a starfish? Run around a foreign country in drag? Piss your pants? Clearly we found the answer to that question on last night's episode of The Amazing Race where (SPOILER ALERT) Jen and Kisha were eliminated in the most boneheaded and memorable of ways. Yes, with a shot at a million dollars on the line, Jen and Kisha opted to squander their miniscule lead over Jamie and Cara by stopping for a bathroom break. This clearly put new meaning (or rather, introduced old meaning) to the term "Pit Stop." With Jen pissing away her fortunes, the redheaded cheerleader bitches were able to sneak up from behind and claim the last spot in the finals, thus sending the sisters home defeated (yet relieved, we hope). I applaud Jen for seeking to maintain her dignity above all else, but seriously, when you've come this far — you gotta pee your pants. Heck, Allison from Big Brother 4 did it during an endurance competition. Or was it June? Either way, urination was had, and it was all in the name of money. Glorious, glorious money. What the HELL was Jen thinking?

What would you have done? Pissed your pants or hit the John?

Tomorrow night Bravo airs the season finale of The Real Housewives of New York City, and if the previews are any indication, there's going to be a major, major blowup between Jill and Bethenny at this stupid charity event we've been hearing about for ages. The clip above shows the origins of the fight, and we can only imagine how the shit's gonna hit the fan later in the episode...

Also, after the jump, a little lighthearted fare, courtesy of Bethenny and Countess LuAnn's housekeeper, Rosie.

American Idol is heading into the final stretch, and more so than ever, the producers are trying to position its contestants as the next biggest star on American radio; so what better way to put your finger on the pulse of today's youth than by having our wannabees croon to the music of... The Rat Pack? Seriously? I mean, why not have an Eartha Kitt night? Or the Best of Lawrence Welk? Heck, let's get some Edith Piaf up in this bitch. Point is the night's theme was anything but youthful, which is disappointing when there are so many great options from the '80s, '90s, and today (apologies for sounding like a radio station, but it IS the truth).

Even more bizarre, this week's mentor was Jamie Foxx. Yes, that Jamie Foxx. God forbid the producers select someone appropriate like, I don't know, JERRY LEWIS. I suppose picking a member of the Rat Pack (or at least someone adjacent to it) would force the producers to realize just how old fashioned this week's theme is. Nevertheless, we had Jamie Foxx, who proved to be just as insufferable as you'd imagine him to be. To be fair, he did not do his Ray Charles impersonation, but I'm sure he was absolutely dying when he heard Matt Giraud at the piano singing "Georgia On My Mind." For that alone Matt should stay (but for his singing, maybe he should go). Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. The point is that Jamie Foxx brought the crazy. Whether he was getting up in Danny Gokey's "grill" or whether he was nodding his head to music with a healthy dose of self-awareness, he was simply bizarre (not to mention annoying). His crowning moment came, however, when he applauded Adam for being unfazed by his presence. That's some solid, grade-A narcissism right there!

Oh Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. They don't get much denser than you now, do they? On last night's penultimate episode of the Real Housewives of New York City, we once again got a delightful smattering of Lady Bensimon idiocy, starting with her inability to grasp simple metaphors and ending with her bizarre refusal to acknowledge any of the nasty comments she had ever made to Bethenny. It was classic Kelly, and I once again spent most of the episode scratching my head and wondering if she really could be that awful?

The answer is yes. Yes she can.

If you missed any of the action, do yourself a favor and watch the show. In the meantime, take a seat here on the metaphorical version of Ally's bed that is my blog and let me relay all the glorious ups and downs of last night's episode.

If it's smelling particularly floral around this blog of late, that's because I just took a vicarious trip to Hawaii with the likes of LC, Brody, Audrina, and a whole host of transmittable diseases, courtesy of The Hills. Yes, it was time for The Brodester and his posse of lickspittles to embark on their bros-only vacation in the Pacific, and while it's clearly bros before hos with this crew, the hos seemed particularly out of sorts without their bros. So what did the hos do? They followed the bros to Hawaii. Yes, it was a classic case of sojourn stalking, and no one was more fake surprised than Brody, who prior to the ladies's appearance was conveniently resting in a hammock and babbling away about how he happy he was right at that moment. And why wouldn't he have been? He was by the beach, surrounded by his bros (although, his new bud Luke from Bromance was curiously absent), and about to receive several days worth of nonstop flattery from the likes of Frankie and Sleazie T (he of the horrendous forearm tattoo). Unfortunately, the girls had to come by and ruin it all, what with their icky breasts and scary vaginas. Didn't they realize this was what Bro-dawg was trying to get away from?

So how about that Apprentice? If you didn't see it, watch it. Or at least watch the video clip at the end of this post. Explosive might be an understatement. I'm not even going to bother with an intro. I'm just gonna get right into the recap...

Anyone who blocked out a few hours of time last night to watch The Amazing Race and The Celebrity Apprentice were thoroughly rewarded with a boatload of drama, comedy, and generally fun times. Plus, we got two cliffhangers that both made me want to go run screaming through the streets had I not already locked myself into a hermetically sealed-cocoon to stave off swine flu. Oh, it was fun television last night, and in the end, it can really be attributed back to an epic meltdown on the Apprentice and a hilarious foot massage on The Amazing Race.

But let's table The Apprentice for just a second (if that's EVEN possible) and talk about the Race. Continuing onwards through China, teams headed to Beijing where they encountered a brutal foot massage that may or may not have been administered to Mao Zedong's political foes. Surely this was a technique that Jack Bauer would do well to learn...

It's a bit overcast and gloomy here in Los Angeles today, but I'm feeling quite sunny as I know tomorrow brings a second battle between Kelly Bensimon and Bethenny Frankel on The Real Housewives of New York City. In the above clip, we get a brief preview of their fight, and needless to say, it's very tense. The two get along about as well as Kelly Bensimon's breasts. I'll hold off until tomorrow to truly analyze the fight, but from what we can see, it looks like Bethenny at least starts off in a calm, mature place. Kelly... not so much.

After the jump, two more bonus clips from Tuesday's upcoming show...

It's been a tough yaer for the Golden Girls. First we lost Estelle Getty last July, and now today, the other half of the Petrillo clan, Dorothy Zbornack, has passed away as well. Yes, TV legend Bea Arthur died today at 86 after a battle with cancer. Sadness all around. Hopefully she'll be able to hang out with "Ma" on the big lanai in the sky.

AP: `Golden Girls' star Bea Arthur dies at 86

Well, it's Thursday night, and entirely too many days have gone by since The Hills for there not to be a peep from me on this site. Truth is I only got around to watching it this evening, and because I've been busy of late (I know, I know — broken record), I don't have time to write out a full recap — which apparently will please some of you with short attention spans (cough, Jash, cough, IndianJones). But that's okay. We all win this way: I don't have to exert as much energy, and neither do you. Not sure if this is gonna be the permanent format of Hills recaps going forward, but we'll see how it goes. Feel free to voice your opinions.

Nevertheless, this isn't about me. It's about Lauren and Heidi and Stephanie and Spencer and Dr. Jordana Mansbacher and crackers. Yes, we had all those things and more on another hilarious episode of a resurgent fifth season. Suddenly I'm finding myself excited about The Hills again, and I couldn't be happier.

Are you excited to read my first ever Lost recap??? Well, sorry. I don't have one. I don't watch it. But many people do, and many people recap it, including some douche named Seanie B., who does such a good job that TV Guide has put him on the air to discuss his theories on the show. One problem: the guy is a fraud. FEED HIM TO THE SMOKE MONSTER!

Yes, it appears as though Seanie B. lifts his on-air commentary directly off the blogosphere, and as the video above demonstrates, he is absolutely shameless. So why do I care about this? At first I didn't. I chalked it up to fanboys getting excitable over polar bears or numbers or time travel, etc.. But then as I watched the video, I was fairly blown away by Seanie B's ballz as he simply lifted thoughts, ideas, and words right off some poor lady's website. If that happened to me, I'd be pissed.

So in the spirit of vigilance and justice, check out the video (it's annoying at first, but you'll get used to it) and enjoy this guy's awfulness.

As for Lost — hey, maybe I should start watching and photocap it, just for the heck of it. I'm sure I'd royally piss off everyone with my newbie perspective.

Thanks to A Bristling Son for the link...

GIVE THE KID A HANKY (pic courtesy of Rickey.org)

I was kind of dreading last night's episode of American Idol. The theme was "Disco Week," and this did not portend well for this group of thrushes and troubadours. You see, the major pitfall of the genre is that unless pulled off properly, disco performances will invariably sound cheesy and outmoded — thus attracting criticisms of "karaoke" at best and "hotel lounge singer" at worst. (And let's not overlook the dreaded "amusement park" label.) Surprisingly, I thought the kids did a pretty good job. Let's start with the worst...

"Now I'm a lowercase 'L'."

It's funny how bland and boring Kelly Bensimon was at the beginning of this second season of The Real Housewives of New York City. Who would have thought she'd shape up to be the most despised character in the group? I thought she'd simply flit around for a few weeks, serving as nothing more than blotchy-skinned eye candy before being relieved of her duties by Andy Cohen at the end of the run. Ah, but Kelly has shown her true colors recently, and we've since come to learn that she fairly awful in all aspects of life. Whether she's conducting an interview like a seventh grader, clogging up traffic with her jogging, or engaging in illogical bitching, Kelly has been across the board terrible. Last night's episode was no exception as she threw a Halloween party and then didn't show up until perhaps two hours after the start-time, thus forcing all the housewives who had shown up — LuAnn, Alex & Simon, Jill & Bawwby (and their bodyguard, who was curiously in costume too), and Bethenny — to stand there and wait in what looked like a very cramped and very stuffy space. Poor Simon must have been sweating in his moose costume, but then again, that's his fault for wearing such a silly outfit. I know he and Alex were over the moon with their Sarah Palin / Moose gettup, but a) it wasn't terribly original for 2008, and b) I totally agree with whichever housewife said they thought it was Rocky & Bullwinkle. That's exactly what I thought it was. Nevertheless, the point is that these people were stuck waiting around, and the party could not have looked more awful. And on top of that, there was a cash bar! Really? Really?

Look, I know in this economy, not everyone can afford to host an open bar, but rather than waste a few thousand dollars taking a picture of yourself as the letter "A," why don't you send out a cyber invitation (better for the environment anyway) and divert the saved funds to the libations. Or better yet, since there was already a tequila sponsor for the party (note the branding on the red carpet), have THEM offer up an open bar. This isn't rocket science. As many of the women noted, it was a bit shocking that Kelly would lend her name to this half-assed, narcissistic event and not a major charity function.

Plus, when Kelly did finally turn up, she was wearing a rather standard, rather simple Playboy bunny costume. She claimed she was late because getting ready for the party took super long, but it's not like she had to lower herself into a six-foot tall mechanical contraption with flashing lights and exploding sparklers. All she had to do was put on some lingerie and brush her hair. Lame.

Anyway, I'm a bit rushed this morning; so let's just get to the photocap, shall we? Pics after the jump...

Nooooooo!!!!

It was all looking so wonderful. I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! had a dream cast in the works: Heidi, Spencer, Sanjaya, Dog The Bounty Hunter, Janice Dickinson, and of course, the biggest piece of the puzzle — the glue, the glory, the hair — Rod Blagojevich. But today, a judge informed the disgraced former governor that he was not allowed to participate in the show because he "wasn't taking his criminal case seriously and because he needs to participate in his own defense." And to that judge, I say STFU! Listen, if this guy wants to screw up his entire defense by going on a reality show this summer, that's his choice. Who cares if he's not taking it seriously? That's his problem, not yours.

I am extremely disappointed in not just these turn of events, but the legal system as a whole. One word: petition.

For more information, check out Joe Adalian's TV Week article here.

Tempers flared on The Amazing Race last night, making for yet another highly enjoyable episode in an already highly enjoyable season. The question remains: whose side do you take?

Let's recap the fight: it all started when the teams of Margie & Luke and Jen & Kisha encountered the same clue box at the same time. I didn't say they actually saw the clue box. Both duos managed to stand, walk, stare, amble, waft, and play ring-around-the-rosie directly in front of the box for about five minutes before they realized that oh yeah, the yellow and striped thing was in fact a clue box. I mean seriously, they wouldn't have noticed it if Phil had parachuted from the sky, grabbed the box, and banged them over the head with it. Anyway, Jen and Luke both noticed the box first, which led to a small yet influential bit of scampering. Luke got to the box first, causing Jen to bump into him. Or did she push him? From the camera angle, it looked like nothing more serious than a graze, but he insisted it was a downright shove; so he retaliated back by shoving an elbow in Jen's face. It wasn't as violent as an out-and-out elbowing, but it wasn't particularly polite either. Jen snapped back with an angry "Bitch!" and from there it was on...

In an effort to procrastinate from my real work, I decided to throw together this impromptu photocap of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I'm happy to report that the new season, titled The Duel II, seems to be off to an exciting start. CT threw his traditional pre-challenge punch, which got him sent packing back to Southie. Meanwhile, everyone else slutted it up in New Zealand, and when they weren't exchanging bodily fluids, they were attempting to strategize with the most Byzantine set of plans that I've seen on reality TV. It made no sense, and if it did, I couldn't follow it. Not that it really matters. When these kids aren't hooking up or fighting, I tend to just zone them all out. Anyway, fun times after the jump...

The rumors are flying fast and furious about NBC's revival of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! First there was talk that ousted Illinois governor Rob Blagojevich would be joining the cast — which was enough to get me to tune in. But now there is confirmation that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have officially signed on, and while I'm generally loathe to devote extra time to the terrible two-some, I can't tell you how excited I am to see them enduring the squalor of the Costa Rican jungle. I mean, could there really be anything better than that? Especially if there's a shady politician thrown in for good measure?

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Also getting thrown into the rumor-mill mix are Dog The Bounty Hunter, Geraldo Rivera, and (drumroll please) Janice Dickinson. Cut to me bouncing around my apartment like it were Christmas morning (assuming I were Christian). Janice and Heidi seem like the perfect ingredients for full-on disaster. In fact, I can't think of a better pairing since... well... Janice and Omarosa.

I'm a Celebrity could either be a total trainwreck like its first iteration on ABC or a massively entertaining spectacle unlike anything we've seen from reality TV in quite some time. Of course, it could be both, which would really be fantastic.

Reality Blurred: Heidi and Spencer cast on NBC’s I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here
D-Listed: Get Them Out Of Here...Permanently

Great news: my favorite CBS web extra Survivor Ponderosa has returned! That's right, those IDIOTS in Brazil voted off their first jury member last night (I did not agree with the choice), and now we get to see all the behind-the-scenes action at the jury house, or as it's formally known, Ponderosa. Call me silly, but I still get a strange thrill watching these videos.

After the jump, two videos of life after Tribal...

So The Hills is back, and of course I'd be traveling and busy for the first two episodes, and of course those first two episodes would be super good and restore my faith in a series that seemed to be lagging by the end of last season. And of course because of said traveling and said business, I wouldn't be ale to recap those episodes, which I apologize for, but if it's any consolation, I'm here to not only bring you a recap of this week's episode but also a bonus story about how I met the infamous Stacie The Bartender last night (as well as Marcel from Top Chef). Ah, but you'll have to read on for that...

"BlllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhH!!!!"

Ack! The American Idol results show will be airing on the East Coast in just a few hours, and I haven't been able to even complain about last night yet! Well, let's get started!

First, the judging format: dumb. As Andy Dehnart vehemently observed, even with one less contestant, half as much judging, and one extra minute on the telecast, the stupid show still went late. Don't penalize the singers or the viewers by muting the judges. We love them. It's called a stage manager. As in, GET ONE. Someone should be cutting off the judges and keeping the show moving along, and if it's not gonna be a stage manager, it should be Seacrest. Or how about this: no more dumb interviews on those very uncomfortable looking stools. Better yet, get rid of the cold open (a.k.a. the bit before the credits roll). And here's one more: don't waste time with the long intro for the judges. Wait, wait, one more — stop with the super long video packages introducing the mentor of the week. We don't need a Ken Burns documentary. Seacrest can give us a two line synopsis, and that'll be fine. At this point, the mentors should be big enough for us all to know who they are anyway, and if you want more background info, put it in the results show. Seriously Fox, get it together.

When the good people at Bravo sent me pics of almost all the Real Housewives doing a fashion show at tonight's A-List Awards, I simply couldn't resist the urge to do a photocap. I could go on about how all the women look more or less terrible and how the clothes all seem to be unflattering and how I hope that at least one of the pieces comes from the SHE By Sherayay line, but why bother? The pictures speak for themselves.

Photocap after the jump...

The ladies were workin' it on last night's episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. The show put an emphasis on everyone's career ambitions — with the exception of Alex, who I imagine was not allowed to bring cameras into the inner-sanctum of Victoria's Secret where she worked. Of course, it doesn't matter much now since she's been recently laid off, but hey, at least we got to see her amazing surprise party this year. And by "amazing," I mean exceedingly lame. I suppose as a parent, there's nothing better than spending your birthday with your kids, but does that really qualify as a good surprise? She was headed home anyway. Seems kind of lame, especially given the Third World state of her townhouse. It's like saying "For your birthday, I'm taking you to a dumpster. SURPRISE!"

Everyone's talking about Lil' Kim's wardrobe malfunction on last night's Dancing with the Stars, but let's not overlook this blatant erection, courtesy of Shawn Johnson's partner Mark Ballas. Perhaps another restraining order is overdue... FOR HIS CROTCH. ZING!

Pic courtesy of Fail Blog

I'm not gonna write much since I'm quite busy this morning, but let's discuss 24 for a moment, shall we? I'll start: WHAT the FUDGE?

If you haven't watched the episode, please note that spoilers ensue!!

After last week's turbulent, fight-filled episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, Bravo switched things up and supplied us with an hour of pure comedy last night as the much-hyped tennis match between Ramona, Mario, Jill and Mystery Man finally took place. I gotta say, it was worth the wait. Jill and Bethenny managed to punk Ramona and Mario (Ramario?) nice and good by selecting an ever-eager Simon to be Jill's tennis partner. Needless to say, once the plan was hatched, the buildup to the game was nothing less than hilariously extraordinary. How would Ramona react? How would Mario react? And could Simon and Jill (team Sill?) actually triumph at the end of the day?

Today, I could sit back and recap last night's American Idol — you know, discuss how awesome Allison was, continue to feel disappointed with Lil, deride Danny Gokey's trainwreck of an arrangement, welcome Matt Giraud's return to form, bash Scott MacIntyre's worst performance to date (time to go home), gently applaud Anoop for a tender moment, cringe ever so slightly at the not totally awesome Kris Allen song, or respectfully appreciate Adam Lambert's take on Tears for Fears (even though it wasn't as wonderful as Simon made it out to be; although, I also realize that in person, it may have been totally riveting). Yes, I could do all that, but I thought of something better. You see, I'm at my parents' house, and the Tivo is in their bedroom, which meant that I had to submit them to the torture (in their eyes, not mine) of American Idol. Needless to say, they had many choice quotes about the proceedings, and I decided it would be better to relay those as they were funnier than anything I could have written.

SPOILER!

First they killed off Cutthroat Bitch. Now this?? Why must all my favorite characters leave House? It's too cruel.

Sadness.

Update: Turns out we can thank BARACK OBAMA for this tragedy. Confused? Read THIS.

Let me start off by saying that I've not been covering Celebrity Apprentice, but I love it dearly and more people should watch it. Second of all, what the HELL was that?

The gig is up for one more underwhelming performer on American Idol, and I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying that the person going home was not Scott. Clearly you already knew that because had the blind one been ejected from the competition, surely banners would be flying and parades marching all through the metaphorical Times Square of this blog.

But alas, it was not so. I did, however, take solace in knowing that the person who did go home most certainly deserved it. I'm talking, of course, about (SPOILER ALERT!!) the one and only Megan Joy. Just as I had predicted back in the Wild Card round, the competition became too much for her. She simply couldn't keep up, and while I appreciated the variety she brought to the show (both in terms of voice and vagina), it was evident early on that she wouldn't be able to bring much to the table, and appropriately enough, she struggled week after week with poor song choices. It's kind of a shame that she got to stick around whereas the likes of Alexis Grace didn't even make it to the national tour. Oh well. It's even more of a shame that a wild card spot was squandered on her rather than, say, Tatiana del Toro, who — despite the beautiful drama she brought — could actually sing. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.

Pic courtesy of Rickey.org

There was so much potential for greatness on last night's American Idol, but alas, the singers kind of stumbled with their wide-open theme of "Top Downloadable Songs" (a.k.a. sing whatever you damn well want). Whereas last week the kids struggled to make Motown sounds contemporary, this time around, they seemed unable to make contemporary songs sound fresh. It wasn't all bad news though. We did get some mighty fine performances, starting (perhaps regrettably) with Danny Gokey who belted out a very emotional take on Rascall Flatts. My feelings on Danny are fairly well documented: I generally don't like him, but he is capable of impressing me from time to time. Last night was one of those times. I liked that his arrangement wasn't overly country-ish nor was it cheesy dance techno (like the version that plays at my gym). But most of all, he really connected with the music (cough, dead wife, cough), and that really elevated his performance, which admittedly was not perfect. There were several bad notes and plenty of strain, but it didn't really matter too much because the overall performance was so strong. Major, major deduction, however, for the awful t-shirt. What in the hell was he thinking?

"I'm a BITCH."

OHHHHHHHH my.

I'm afraid The Real Housewives of New York City have peaked for the season because there's no topping tonight's episode. Everyone, and I mean, everyone got into a fight (with the exception of Countess LuAnn, but her divorce was announced today; so that sort of counts — no pun intended). And these weren't just awkward inappropriate-for-the-Cancer-Society tiffs. These were out and out hurtful interactions, full of blood-boiling confrontation and pent-up accusations. In other words, it was awesome.

There were three surprises on tonight's episode of 24. Two of them were actually surprising. The third was a bit predictable. So I guess that means there were really only two. The thing that was supposed to be the big twist — (SPOILER ALERT) that Jonas's sidekick had led the FBI to the wrong warehouse — was pretty obvious. I was calling that one as soon as we saw there was only one guard on patrol outside. (More surprising, however, was that Greg Seaton had used fake bullets to "kill" Tony's captor earlier in the episode. Sneaky!). I mean, really. It was all too convenient. As we very well know, if Greg were truly snitching on his boss, he would have been shot and killed by a sniper in his office the moment he signed the immunity deal with the Prez. Let's not Dubaku's dramatic moment earlier this season when he literally passed out mid-sentence while relaying super important info to Jack. The fact that Seaton was able to tell the authorities where the WMD was located without being unexpectedly snuffed out suggested that maybe he was a) still bad, and b) giving bad info. Sure enough, it was all a trap, and by the end of the hour, Larry Moss and his team wound up surrounded by all those soldiers from Starkwood (not to be confused with Starwood, whose specialty is hotels, not mercenary armies).

What better way to kick off the weekend than with ten minutes of nothing but pure, undiluted Zarin? That's right, the local Fox affiliate here in Los Angeles interviewed Jill and Ally Zarin of The Real Housewives of New York City, and it's as Zarin-tastic as you could imagine. There's plenty of name-dropping and sentimental discussion of Bawwwbby, as well as a neat plug of Jill's site, jillzarin.com, which I mention only because Jill (or her team) has begun linking to this here very blog! That means there's a chance that Jill could be reading; so everyone say hi! Now go buy some faaaabric!

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

This clip from Tuesday's upcoming Real Housewives of New York City episode is what you'd call the epitome of a cocktease, but that being said, there's still juuuust enough awkward tension in its few seconds of confrontation between Bethenny and Kelly to be worth checking out. Gotta love Bethenny's instant dig at Kelly, and Kelly's über cold response.

Oh, it's gonnnnnnnna be a good one!!!

And did I mention that this is only one of two angry confrontations on the show? A second, juicier preview of Jill Zaaarin and Mario Singer yelling at each other after the jump...

PHHHEWW! We almost had a second major tragedy on our hands with last night's American Idol results show. Poor Matt Giraud found himself not in the bottom three, but in the bottom two, despite having one of the best performances of the night. I don't know what the hell happened, but I'll blame it on his opener position on Tuesday's show — maybe people simply forgot about him? Either way, he most certainly did NOT belong in or anywhere near the bottom two, three, or five really, and I was shocked he was so close to elimination.

Cold Hearted Whiskers.

Motown Week: that most hallowed of occasions on American Idol. It's supposed to bring watershed moments with its wide variety of classic tunes, but invariably this theme never fails to produce the most karaoke-ish collection of performances year after year. I actually groan when I find out the singers will be doing Motown. It's not because I don't like Motown. It's because so few of the singers can ever find a way to make the songs sound current. We know it's possible — Motown music is consistently resurfacing in new, modern ways on the radio. The problem is — as Kara DioGuardi suggested — there's not a lot of artistry with American Idol kids, and when dealing with songs from fifty years ago, that can be a problem.

The good news is that while we did get a bunch of glorified "hotel bar" performances, we did have a few noteworthy standouts — and no, I'm not talking about Paula's frilly, ballerina dress (Paula, it should be noted, was on a slight crazy roll — culminating in some comment she made about the crazy stuff she has on under her dress. Family show, people. Family show). Anyway, a full rundown of the singers after the jump...

"Bobbbby, do you see me and Aaaalllliee behind Ryyyyyan???"

Guess who was in the American Idol audience tonight? If you answered "Olivia Newton John and her strange daughter," you'd be correct. But who cares about them? I'm more interested in Real Housewives of New York City's Jill Zarin and her daughter Allie, who appeared quietly behind Ryan Seacrest midway through the show. I'm a little shocked Jill didn't raise a sign for Zaaaaaarin Faaaaabrics. Then again, I'm also a little shocked she didn't bark, "There's Ryan Seacrest. ALLIE! CAMERA!!! NOW!!!!" Nevertheless, always fun getting a little bonus Zarin time in.

Idol recap tomorrow...

Kelly: "You know what would be great? A fashion show with all arthritic models. It would be so cute."

It took a few weeks, but we finally got a taste of Kelly Killoren Bensimon's personality on The Real Housewives of New York City, and overall, it was kind of awful. She's not particularly mean (so far), but in tonight's episode, she came off as shallow, fake, and somewhat lacking in substance. Then again, it's not like she's come off as anything but that; however, I was thinking that maybe there might be more to her. Nope. She's pretty terrible.

First Kelly announced a bizarre hatred for trying on clothes, which was weird but not necessarily bad (although, it makes me wonder why she's so adamant about putting sweaters on her children). Then we saw her stumble her way through a borderline incoherent interview with Jill Stuart (previously seen on Top Model last week), which made me wonder if Kelly was able to string two words together, let alone two phonics. The biggest oddity, however, came when she announced to LuAnn that she absolutely hated putting her name on events. Granted, it's not an absurd hangup — after all, if you don't want your name on something, you shouldn't have to have it on there. The problem was that her justification for this didn't really make sense. She explained that she really was overextended to too many obligations and charities as it stood, but when LuAnn asked her which ones in particular, Kelly answered NONE. Oh. Okay...

Kelly's hang-ups truly came to a head at the end of the episode when she arrived late to an organizational meeting for Jill's charity and then declared that she didn't feel comfortable having her name on the fundraiser materials. Goodness — I'm shocked she let Bravo put her in the opening credits. Needless to say, her request royally pissed off Bethenny, who'd been quietly fuming all episode (not to mention all season). Apparently, Kelly had given Bethenny the royal snub two years ago, and it was most certainly NOT forgotten on our favorite Natural Foods Chef, who bitterly accused Kelly of being a social climber who only associates with those she deems as powerful or influential. So far, there's been little evidence to disprove these allegations; although, when the two women were uncomfortably seated next to each other in fashion week, I have to credit Kelly for at least trying to be pleasant to Bethenny, who was as cold and prickly as one of her Skinny Girl Margaritas. That, however, was Kelly's only positive moment. Everything after that was downhill, starting with her declaration that she had met Bethenny only twice before. This was hilarious, only because we'd just listened to Bethenny bitch and moan about how she's encountered Kelly "ninety-five times" (an exaggeration for sure, but certainly the number is higher than two).

"Huh?"

A funny thing happened on the way to the Upper East Side last night: the writers of Gossip Girl decided to do something with Nate for once. That's right, the woeful Vanderbilt heir finally got to do something more than just make out with awful Vanessa or moan about tomatoes. He had a whole episode focused on him, and I, for one, was relieved — not because I have any sort of jonesing for Nate, but more because his character finally seemed headed back to where it should be: a proudly entitled preppy rich kid. Enough slumming with the BoHo crowd. Between Vanessa, Dan, and Jenny, we have plenty of have-nots. Nate needs to be with the haves. After all, Chuck can't be the only male rich kid to represent his demographic, especially since he's not even womanizing anymore.

Drunkenness + reality stars x political activism = hilarity. Take this clip, which features JD (a.k.a. this season's gay dolphin trainer a.k.a. Gaydolph) from Real World Brooklyn. He's got a bad case of Obamamania, and he's not afraid to talk about it. Caution: some foul language (and anti-Palin vulgarities).

Well, the first season of The City came to a close this week, which means we'll have to wait quite a bit before we can see the likes of Whitney or Allie or Olivia on our screens again. I'm kind of bummed because after enjoying the perils of Manhattan, it might be hard to switch back to the less intriguing superficialities of The Hills. Nevertheless, I was quite contented with this final episode, if only because Whitney didn't take Jay back (as so many of the girls in this franchise tend to do). I was also happy because a (possibly drunk) Diane Von Furstenberg shared some lovely advice about love and absence and fire and wind. It was actually quite touching.

More importantly, however, Olivia was up to her old ways, stealing opportunities from Whitney such as a sweet gig in London (fake home of Alixe Boyer's fake accent). I must admit that I was a little sad that Nevan (a.k.a. Bevan) didn't make an appearance on the show. He's been MIA of late, and that's very not cool. There was also some middling drama with Allie and Adam, and long story short, they got back together (no surprise there). For her part, Allie looked more frail than usual as she seemed to prop herself up against any wall within a ten foot radius of her at any given moment. Nevertheless, the two models are back to boinking, which means we'll have plenty of "Honey..." "Baby..." interludes in the near future, I'm sure.

Anyway, onto the photocap...

I'm slowly entering the "astounded" phase of American Idol. I think we all know it — that incredulous four or five week span in which some blatantly outclassed singer somehow advances farther and farther in the singing competition as more talented folks drop by the wayside. Sanjaya remains the poster boy of such ridiculousness, but he's not the only craptastic crooner to defy the odds. Let's not forget Kristy Lee Cook, Haley Scarnato, or pretty much half of the season three cast. This time around, we've got Scott MacIntyre, a soft-rock piano man who has yet to hit two consecutive notes. However, there doesn't seem to be much by way of outrage about Scott's quiet ascension through the ranks. Not even Vote For The Worst is endorsing him (which I suppose is a good thing, if you think about it). Instead, that site has anointed Megan Joy (née Corkrey) the queen of crappy, which doesn't really make sense to me. Yeah, she's quirky, but she is far from the worst. Has that site jumped the shark? Nevertheless, the point is that Scott is awful, and the fact that he made it through last night has me concerned he might be around for quite a while. He clearly has the sympathy vote — even Simon gets all PC around him — but Scott has more than just that going for him. His music appeals to a powerful voting block in the Idol universe: older women who enjoy inspirational ballads (and by extension, figurines at the Hallmark store too. In other words: awfulness). It's gonna be hard taking this bad boy down.

Just when you thought the Real Housewives universe couldn't get any kookier, along comes the cast from New Jersey, which promises to be quite possibly the tackiest grouping of nouveau riche ladies yet. What makes me say that? Well, exactly which part of "New Jersey" do you not understand? I suppose now is where I pause and qualify my harsh, insensitive comments by saying there are plenty of wonderful parts of Jersey, and a whole branch of my extended family hails from there yada yada yada. But let's face it: when most people think of Dirty Jersey, they think of bawdy girls with ridiculous accents and guido guys with spiky hair going in all directions. Surely these women and their children will not disappoint. I only wonder what fruit they'll hold up in the opening credits. The Orange County women sport oranges (obviously), the New York ladies have apples (Big Apple, etc.), and the Atlanta crew thrusts peaches in our face (Georgia Peach, for the uninformed). What could the New Jersey-ites possibly hold? Meatballs? I suppose in time we'll find out.

In the meantime, let's take a look at the women, all of whom have bios up at Bravotv.com. Pics after the jump...

Compared to last week's episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, last night's show was rather tame. There were no fights, no major passive-aggressive statements, and certainly no insane bouts of hypocrisy. Still, we had plenty of fun as we watched the ladies do their thing around the city, and for once, Kelly Killoren Bensimone showed slightly more personality. We got to see her acting as a mother — which seemed strange and not quite fitting — and we also saw Top Chef loser Sam Talbot (he of the endlessly cocky disposition) whip up a healthy meal for the Bensimone household (and LuAnn, who was observing awkwardly).

In other news, we also learned that the de Lesseps household is something of a black hole for animal life as both a goldfish and a hamster passed away under the watchful eyes of Victoria and Noelle. What the home now lacks in pets it more than makes up for with regal photos — specifically the shot of what I imagine to be is some de Lesseps ancestor posing nobly with a dog. The camera didn't linger on it, but I couldn't help noticing the strange picture just hanging on the wall by the breakfast nook. Struck me as odd.

Elsewhere, Bethenny went on a date with a chef, which seemed nice, if not a bit boring. Ramona's husband continued to pester Jill about this stupid tennis game, and Jill in turn continued to pester Brad (rightfully so) about the renovations in her apartment. The good news for her was that her place was in far better shape than Alex and Simon's, which appeared to be in ruins. I'm glad Jill shared my sentiment that the project would be taking way longer than just a few weeks to complete (as Simon had expected). And speaking of Simon, I was most surprised that Alex revealed the source of their love came from a casual hookup board on the Internet. That's right, Simon and Alex were just two strangers in search of a quickie, and what did they find? LOVE. I'm sure that's a romantic tale they'll be sure to share at the next Metropolitan Opera gala.

Anyway, photocap after the jump...

I must say that for the second week in a row, American Idol has delivered the goods on stage. There were some performances that were a bit bland, but nothing out and out awful. I'm starting to think the show has recaptured some of the mojo it had lost over the past two seasons. Thank goodness. And who would have thought this string of solid performances would come as a result of country night, which in the past may as well have been renamed "Make Awful Noises and Call It Singing" Night. Yes, the kids rose to the challenge, and some of our struggling favorites (ie. Anoop) finally got their act together and lived up to their potential. Let's just hope America votes wisely tonight...

It was so nice to have Gossip Girl back last night. I haven't written about the show in quite some time, but don't take that as a lack of interest in my part. The show is still awesome, even when it does dabble in absolutely ridiculous and idiotic storylines (ie. anything Vanessa, the WRECKER, is involved with). Believe it or not, Vanessa wasn't actually the worst part of last night's episode. Granted, she still managed to wreck something (she caused chaos on the stage as she sat next to the director of the school play, thus prompting Nate to get "mad" and causing a general rebellion by all the young student thespians). The real stinker of the episode, however, was Chuck, who had to plod his way through a stinker of a plot involving a secret society and some high class whore / con-artist that he had somehow fallen in love with for no real reason. When this plot was introduced in the previous episode, it was groan-worthy. This time around, it just felt tiresome. After all, we were having so much fun everywhere else in the show with its perfect blend of comic snappiness (Blair, Nelly Yuki) and teen soap scandal (Dan and the teacher). Poor Chuck seemed like he was roving though an entirely different TV series.

PhilFrontalâ„¢

It's a shame CBS puts up such crappy Amazing Race photos on its website (they post production stills, not screen grabs of the show). Otherwise, I'd totally photocap the weekly globetrotting adventures of this still-great reality show. Nevertheless, I had to get a shot of Phil in his skivvies because, well, it's PHIL IN HIS SKIVVIES. 'nuff said.

Talk amongst yourselves.

And now the shocking twist to this season of American Idol: judges will be able to save an ousted contestant anytime between now and the final five. But wait! There's a twist on the twist. Judges can only exercise this mercy once! Dunh dunh dunhhhh!!! Who will they use it on? Well, certainly not Jasmine Murray or Jorge Núñez, the cast's resident "J" singers who unceremoniously were sent packing on last night's results show.

Neither elimination was terribly surprising. Jasmine wasn't that bad on Tuesday night, but her performance suffered from being unmemorable (I couldn't even remember the song when I was writing the recap). She completely disregarded the judges advice for the third time in a row, opting to be old fashioned instead of living up to her mini-Brandy / Rihanna / urban pop R&B potential. Oh well. You can only get so many chances.

Meanwhile, Jorge, who appeared to be dressed like a waiter, was slain by a dreary, adult-contemporary performance and received no reprieve from the judges. When asked if the judges would be saving the emotive skeleton (as Gawker calls him), Simon responded with a succinct and beautiful "No". Awesome. I thought the kid would burst into tears, but somehow he kept it together — perhaps wrapping his emotions in a tight metaphorical scarf around his head. Okay, that made no sense. I just wanted to make fun of his scarf one more time.

Did it happen? Did it really happen? Did Jay and Whitney finally break up on The City? I sure hope so because their relationship has constituted one of the most tiresome storylines in the history of the City / Hills / Laguna franchise. Not since Jessica and J-Wahl — or really LC and J-Wahl — have I wanted to shake one of these girls so hard and tell them to snap out of it. He's no good! Jay is particularly annoying because unlike the unabashed (and reportedly reformed) douchebag that was Jason Wahler, Jay is more insidious and greasy. He's also incredibly manipulative. When he sprung the news on Whitney that he was going away for a few months on tour, she was understandably mad. He thought it was because she didn't trust him (not that he's given her any reason to), but the real reason was because he simply had refrained from telling her for so long. Jay tried to turn it around on her, Spencer style, by saying that he knew she'd react like this and blah blah blah, but he was firmly in the wrong, and Whitney knew that. Thank goodness she's not a Heidi pushover (at least for now. Looks like they'll get back together next episode).

Meanwhile, on the Olivia front, the uptown girl got her just desserts when she totally bombed in a major presentation in front of the whole company, including Diane Von Furstenberg herself. Yes, despite oozing with confidence about the task all episode, Olivia was chock full of stutters and stammers, with a few portmanteaus thrown in for good measure ("multipletude"). This was sweet justice after Olivia took credit for Whitney's ideas last week, and once again, their relationship proved to be the most interesting part of the show. Memo to producers: MORE OLIVIA.

Onto the photocap...

"We Run LA" by Ya Boy Ft. Dr. Hollywood.

Reality Blurred: Judges may get a veto on American Idol; two will leave
Gawker: In Memoriam
LAist: Chris Brown Won't Be the Kids' Choice This Year
Socialite Life: Brittany Snow Is Young Lily Van Der Woodsen! — surprisingly perfect casting
Eater LA: Week in Reviews: Salute Gets the Single Star
ESPN: Tomlinson remains with Chargers
New York Times: TELEVISION REVIEW | 'THE CHOPPING BLOCK' — Preparing a Fresh Batch of Chefs
Epicurious: Los Angeles Restaurants: Hot Spots And Holes In The Wall — courtesy of IndianJones

It took a few episodes, but finally Ramona worked her charm and caused a totally awkward — as in painfully awkward — moment on last night's episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. Oddly enough, I'm not sure she deserves full blame for the situation. What basically happened was that while setting up for a charity event at the American Cancer Society's Hope House (I believe that's what it was called), Ramona started giving Bethenny dating advice. Her recommendation: go out with a lot of guys and have fun. This, however, ran counter to what Countess LuAnn De Lesseps believed. The Titled One believed that such activities might make a lady look cheap and wanton — or so she said in so many words. Eventually, Bethenny fell to the wayside and LuAnn and Ramona sparred on the merits of male company, which somehow led to Ramona noting that LuAnn had married a man twice her age. Factually, this was incorrect (Alexandre was 42 when he married the 27 year old LuAnn), but what was more insulting to LuAnn was when she asked Ramona if she thought Alexandre was an old man, and Ramona shrugged "yeah."

OHHHHHHH HEELLLLL TO THE NOOOO.

I'm just putting this out there: I thought last night's Top Thirteen on American Idol was one of the strongest "opening nights" the show has ever had. All in all, there were no colossal failures. Some people may not have been super strong, but even the weak ones sounded decent. For once, I could actually appreciate the new selection process as it did seem to weed out all the nervous nellies, leaving us with a pool of contestants who more or less commanded the stage very well. I honestly don't know who's going home tonight because those who floundered (Anoop, Jorge, Scott) seem to have a strong fan base. Plus, Ryan teased new rules for us (which we'll learn about tonight); so who the hell knows what's going on.

A moment of silence please for the passing of another 24 character. If you haven't seen last night's episode, then do yourself a favor and stop reading. One of this country's finest men gave his life, thus marking the first major slaying of the season (which in turn elicited the Silent Clock of Honor — reserved only for the deaths of such memorable heros as Edgar, Teri Bauer, and Ryan Chappelle). Yes, 24 fans lost a good man; a good man with a fluffy hairdo. I'm speaking, of course, of Bill Buchanan (and if you're mad that I spoiled this, then you're an idiot because I warned you like five sentences ago to turn away). Oh Billy Bill Bill. Your sacrificial ways are honorable — but couldn't you have enlisted the help of someone a bit more expendable? You know, like anyone else in the room? Poor Karen Hayes will be besides herself. Here she finally found a suitable life mate in middle-age, and now he's gone. Where the hell is Karen anyway? And while we're discussing forgotten characters, what about Erin Driscoll? I always liked her (can't say the same for her suicidal daughter though). Speaking of suicide, am I to believe the inference that Martha Logan may have bought the farm also? I'm hoping she's been merely sent back to "Vermont" because I don't think I could cope with the notion that she'll never be back. Anyway, the point is, Bill sacrificed his life to save this country, and I think we owe him a debt of gratitude.

It appears as though another lovelorn couple has fallen off the horse at the metaphorical Hamptons Classic. Kelly Killoren Bensimone, a.k.a. THE SOCIALIZER a.k.a. the boring new cast member of The Real Housewives of New York City has been arrested for punching her ex-fiancé, Nick Stefanov, in the face in what we can only imagine was the most personality-free beating of all time. Nevertheless, we don't know much about the incident except that Stefanov allegedly complained that the injuries he sustained were worse than anything Rihanna had endured. Sounds like a dubious claim at most, but perhaps he's trying to land a spot on Oprah's upcoming domestic violence super bonanza airing this week. As for Kelly, she's denied the allegations, and for all we know, even if she had battered her man, it was probably just her attempt to give him a young-old face to match her own. So really, it was out of love.

• BEAU: I GOT A 'WIFE' BEATING [New York Post]

Saturday Night Live was only okay this past weekend, but one of the highlights was the above clip, which imagines what exactly might happen if President Obama were to lose his cool.

After the jump, another two of my favorite clips — a Celebrity Apprentice bit and a bizarre yet funny pairing of a sportscaster and an alien.

Well, the gig is finally up for Tatiana Del Toro, who certainly brought the crazy for a spectacular flameout on American Idol last night. It was the Wild Card round, in case you hadn't heard, and Tatiana pulled out all the stops — she did her crazy laugh, she squealed with emotion, and she even busted out a brand new Puerto Rican accent à la Jorge to perhaps muster some sympathy or tears from Paula, who notably cried the other night during Mr. Nuñez's emotional moment. Unfortunately for Tatiana, Paula immediately called her out for the new accent, but hey, no problem. Tatiana just blatantly stole Jorge's bit, saying when she gets excited, she too can only think in Spanish. Riiiiight. Hey, I didn't mind. I thought it was hilarious. This girl is desperate for fame, and she'll do anything for it (even give Ryan a fake BJ). Normally I'd find it kind of repulsive, but with Tatiana it's just sort of massively hilarious.

Alas, her fatal flaw was singing "Saving All My Love" by Whitney Houston yet again. This was now the second or third time she'd performed the song (or at least covered Whitney), and unsurprisingly, this lack of variety did not wear well with the judges. To her credit, I actually thought she sounded better than the first time. In fact, I thought she sounded really, really good. If she had chosen a different song, she might have very well have moved forward, but sadly she claimed that one day was simply not enough time to learn a whole new song — or at least one that was as good as the Whitney classic. This elicited doubt and anger from Simon, and it was clear that her unbelievable streak of second and third and fourth chances was going to come to an end. Sure enough, the judges gave her the big "Smell ya later!", causing her to break down in tears and then eventually fall to her knees before the judges as if they were some panel of ancient deities. It was one of the most bizarre Idol moments ever, and for that, we'll never forget you Tatiana. Never...

Scandal alert! Scandal alert! This week's episode of The City introduced Whitney to the bitch-eat-bitch world of fashion, and for the first time, Whit-Whit learned the hard way that you've always got to look out for numero uno. Yes, none other than Olivia Palermo took full credit for pulling Jessica Alba's cover look for Elle, even though it was W-w-w-whitney who was the brains behind the outfit. As you can imagine, this led to all sorts of googly eyes that seemed to pretty much convey one simple sentiment: "That BITCH!" You know, I've defended Olivia quite a bit, but these actions by her are fairly indefensible. That doesn't mean she's any less entertaining though. In fact, Olivia was really in her prime this week as she aggressively chirped over and over again, "That's my outfit!" (or something like that.) Sadly, the presence of Nevan (or BEVAN as Jay so cleverly calls him) was sorely missed as I could have only imagined the haughty discussion he and his cuz had in regards to this whole debacle.

Elsewhere in the wide world of The City, the terminally bored Allie moved into Erin's apartment, which seems to maintain a steady flow of boarders, despite its overabundance of picture frames and walls the color of fresh new tennis balls. Jay, meanwhile, reconnected with his supposed stalker ex, and the two went off into the night for what we can only imagine was some late night koala love. Of course, given that this group of friends is the biggest crew of tattlers on Manhattan, it didn't take long for the news to get back to Whit-Whit, who mournfully looked off into the distance, wiping an errant tear (or perhaps just a crumb) from her cheek. And the answer is no, I did not care.

Onto the photocap...

Horrifying news this week that one of our most beloved reality TV pets, Ashes from The Hills, has gone missing (and no, he hasn't been hiding out on the floor). Apparently Lauren Conrad was bringing the cat into the house when a loud, passing car startled our feline friend. Ashes immediately jumped from the not-so-iron-clutches of LC and ran into the bushes, never to be seen again. Lauren said she looked around for him, but it was all in vain. Ashes had disappeared. Why, Ashes, why??? I'm sure the poor cat was genuinely startled by the asshole car, but part of me thinks it just didn't want to be around Brody's whining anymore. Sweet kitty freedom!!

Those who know cats know that Ashes could very well resurface a few weeks down the line; however, the scuttlebutt is that Lauren and Lo have up and sold their Hollywood casa, which means the likelihood that Ashes will be reunited with the girls is next to none. Luckily, there is a silver lining: I happen to live just a few blocks from Lauren's old place. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for Ashes, and if I find him, you can be sure you'll here about it here first. It's the least I could do after so relentlessly mocking Alessandra Ambrosio's missing pup.

Thanks to reader Nicole for giving me the heads up. To hear Lauren's interview where she spills the beans about Ashes, click here.

I can't say that I was terribly surprised by last night's results show of American Idol. We all knew Lil Rounds would sail on through to the next round, and after the rapturous (and undeserved) reception Scott received, he was a sure lock too. I'm still peeved about this — just because the guy is blind doesn't mean he should get a free pass. Anyone who heard Scott's reprisal of "Mandolin Rain" last night would never believe he was heading to the top twelve. It sounded, to put it lightly, janky. I know, I know — the singers don't try so hard on the results show, but seriously, it was baaaaad.

Nevertheless, after Lil and Scott, the only question mark was the third spot — would it be Felicia? Jorge? Ju'Not? Maybe Kristen? Odds were on Jorge, especially after he all but wept on stage and gushed in Spanish. Sure enough, America chose him to go to the finals, and he again burst at the seams with unbridled emotion. It was annoying. I'm still not quite sure why when Jorge bawls, it's considered endearing, but when Tatiana sheds her tears, people write her off. I guess maybe Jorge has more sincerity, but Tatiana has more comic potential, people! Just take a look at last night's show when she was picked (YES!) for the Wild Card round. The girl could barely speak. At one point I thought she was going to fall to the floor. It was fantastic. We must send her through. We must!

If you, like me, can't get enough of the dual motormouth sensation of Bethenny and Jill from Real Housewives of New York City, take a look at this interview of them on Reality Chat. They don't shed too much new information, but watching them speak a mile a minute is always hilarious. Even the normally loquacious hostesses are rendered somewhat silent next to the Frankel/Zarin alliance, and that's not easy to do.

Well, the final twelve semifinalists finally took the stage of American Idol last night, and the results were — like every week — mixed. Pretty much all the guys were okay at best (mostly forgettable though), but the girls were fairly strong. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to say who will actually move forward tonight. A near shoo-in would have to be show closer Lil Rounds, who we quickly learned had a few lil' rounds of her own in the posterior region. Thanks to a sweeping camera that caught all the angles of all the singers, we discovered quite the bootay on Lil. I'm sure all the butt-men in the audience were quite thrilled (I'm looking at you, Reggie Bush — wherever you are). The good news for Lil was that she could sing, and sing she did. She belted out a Mary J. Blige song expertly in her little bumblebee dress, and the judges absolutely adored her. I believe Simon used the word "Brilliant." I wish I could provide more insight, but alas, amongst my friends Jash and Sly, there was too much snickering going on regarding the aforementioned badunkadunk. Oops.

I think discussion of last night's Real Housewives of New York City begins and ends with Ramona assaulting Governor David Patterson with her own struggles with blindness. It pretty much sums her up to a T: crazy, funny, often inappropriate, and lacking self-awareness. Moments like this are what link this iteration of the franchise to Orange County and Atlanta and at the same time completely differentiate it. After all, Ramona is just as cringe-inducing as Tamra or Kim, but unlike them, she has access to high society circles (somehow) that those other women do not. So what am I trying to say? I don't know. I thought I had a point, but I'm not sure I do.

Nevertheless, last night's episode brought more of the crazy, thanks mostly to Ramona, who when not one-upping the blind governor was lecturing the Countess about boarding school, hissing at Alex and Simon, or talking about her daughter's rheumatoid "something." (Way to stay on top of her medical condition. I suppose that's not one of the memories they share at night in bed.)

LuAnn meanwhile displayed some uncharacteristic rage at the end of the episode when her husband, Count Alexandre, missed their daughter's DISASTROUS horse show. Methinks this was a mere appetizer to what appears to be a De Lesseps meltdown next week, no doubt spurred by her housekeeper's new sassy look. Jealousy will do odd things to women. Speaking of Rosie, it was nice to see her back (even though we caught a glimpse of her two episodes ago in the background). LuAnn gave her a warm welcome before immediately cracking the whip and sending the poor woman down to the basement to deal with all those complicated things like folding up boxes for the trash.

Pics courtesy of Yes More Drama

Anyone who saw last night's scandal-riffic episode of The City witnessed Olivia brazenly take full credit for pulling the outfit that ultimately landed on the cover of Elle Magazine's Spring fashion preview, despite the fact that it was our starlet, Whitney Port, who made the creative decision. Much drama and glaring ensued as Diane Von Furstenburg (fresh from the buffet) and Alixe Boyer (fresh from the fake British accent class) praised Olivia for what they thought were her fashion choices, and as the two women — as well as many others, including Elle bigwig Joe Zee (as seen on Stylista) — boasted about how simply divine Olivia's selections looked on the cover, we the audience naturally assumed the images we saw were what actually went to print. Not so much. Turns out the Elle cover we saw was nothing but lies. A lie cover — fresh from a printing press of LIES!

Thanks to the eagle eyed fashionistas over at Yes More Drama as well as my friend Jash, it turns out that the real Elle cover looked nothing like what we saw on The City. Wow. Big wow. We know there are many elements of these shows that are fabricated and staged, but this really has to be one of the more blatant stunts. I mean, did MTV really think no one would notice? Maybe there's an explanation for this — perhaps the cover was some sort of special edition for Elle Guam — but I can't help feeling like there are plenty of shenanigans flittering about. Someone needs to get Elle reality vet Anne Slowey on the phone and let her know what's going on. Then again, she's probably too busy cracking the whip on her interns and muttering "Shhhtylists... bring me my coffee and a bag for the Hamptonshh." Point is, this was one of those can't-really-deny-it moments, and I'm kind of surprised DVF and AlBoys (a.k.a Alixe Boyer) were willing to cluck away on camera about something totally fake. Color me perplexed.

UPDATE: Huzzah! My faith in MTV is restored. According to commenter Caitlin, one cover is for subscribers, one is for newsstands. There was no printing press of lies — only one of sweet, sweet truth! Carry on...

For the past few seasons, Fox has been airing special two hour episodes (really two episodes smushed together) midway through the 24 run, and overall, they're always exciting installments. Last night's supersized edition was certainly no exception. In fact, it had me on the edge of my seat, squirming with excitement, staving off the urge to update my Twitter with inane comments like "AAHHHHHH!!!" or "I CAN'T DEAL!!!!" To be fair though, I did ultimately announce that I was shaking after the episode, and why not? It was fantastic — probably more thrilling than anything in season six. This is why we love this show — intense, adrenaline-pumping suspense and action. And best of all — all of our favorite characters survived... for now.

Nooooooo!!!!

Apologies for the slight delay in getting my Top Chef finale photocap up. I had a minor bottleneck of work to do, and quite honestly, it's all for the best because I needed that time to mourn the tragic death of Carla's run at the title. I'm not usually one to hate on Top Chef, but this was seriously the most disappointing finale EVER. I knew as soon as Carla got paired with Casey (the self-proclaimed "hot chef" of season three), she'd be in trouble. Casey, if you remember, has a kind of toxic presence in the kitchen. I believe all of her friends went home on her season (hence the feeling that she'd been thrown under the "guilt blanket," whatever that is). To be fair, Carla's big problem has always been a lack of confidence in herself, which has often led her down the wrong path. She ultimately has to be held responsible if she decides to use Casey's HORRIBLE suggestions. Still... why, Casey, WHY??? Since the finale aired, there's actually been some back and forth, mostly from Casey, who has spewed nothing but venom towards Carla and the producers, and while I suppose her ranting was supposed to exonerate her from any wrongdoing, it just makes me kind of hate her.

"I'm a deranged BITCH!"

If anyone watched the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion — and I know most of you did — you surely witnessed some of the more embarrassing female behavior from women over 17 since, well, the last episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Yes, the claws were out as resident mean girls / blondies / deluded wenches Tamra and Vicki faced the wrath of Bravo viewers and their fellow housewives in one long, uncomfortable, and wonderfully entertaining hour.

We heard some updates about Lynne and her kids and Jeana's dating life and whatnot, but let's get to the heart of the matter: those two flaxen bitches sitting on their love seat of ill-repute. Tamra and Vicki were in rare form, being more awful than they normally are (and that's saying a lot). Vicki tried to don a superior, reasonable attitude as she turned her nose up at things like underage drinking (even though, as my friend Jash pointed out, Vicki brought her underage son a case of beer in college). Of course, her refined character pretty much crumbled when she took every opportunity to take swipes at Lynne, complaining to Andy and the audience that our leathery cuff enthusiast was no angel herself. This was proven slightly when Lynne dissed the blondies by likening them to rocket scientists seconds later, a moment that was both glorious and hilarious. Vicki used that as an example of Lynne's sharp tongue, but honestly, when you've just watched yourself get made fun of on TV for weeks on end, I think Lynne's entitled to some verbal bitterness here and there.

I was so excited for American Idol last night, and the results were... eh. I can't say I was particularly blown away by anyone, and I can't say that anyone bombed in a spectacularly memorable fashion. Everyone was just sort of bland and forgettable. That being said, there's still plenty to talk about, starting with the best singer of the evening, Allison Iraheta. I was completely surprised by this wee sixteen year old, especially after her pre-song interview with Ryan proved to be so awkward and painful that I naturally assumed all hope was lost for this nervous, red-headed lhasa apsa. However, butterflies be damned. Allison got up there and sung the hell out of "Alone" by Heart. She hit a few flat notes here and there, but her passion and connection to the song — not to mention her command of the stage — completely made up for it. I was really shocked. I had this girl pegged as "One To Hate," but she proved me wrong. Hopefully she'll be moving on.

Of course, just because you have command of the stage doesn't mean you're awesome. Take, for instance, Adam Lambert...

Coming off the tension-filled, passive-aggressive romp that was The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion special, I thought the latest episode of The Real Housewives of New York City would be a slight letdown. How wrong I was. It was hilarious as ever with Bethenny tearing up the screen with more one-liners than usual. Jill, meanwhile, was up to her typically Jillish antics (being an unabashed yenta), and Alex and Simon continued to make me wince with their staggeringly pale beach bods (not to mention their dramatic concern about how the Hamptons beach might forever traumatize their St. Barts-acclimated children). We had some fun times with The Countess, who after scolding an audience for talking over a charity presenter, then proceeded to completely talk over said charity presenter moments later. In the Ramona department, we caught a glimpse of her in circa-1993 exercise garb, and aside from some overly bronzed legs, she didn't appear too incredibly different. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. And then we had Kelly, who made a brief, boring cameo appearance in the show, which served no real purpose beyond perhaps reminding us that she does exist and that yes, even models are prone to intense facial sunburn.

Amidst all the usual craziness, we also witnessed a rather poignant scene between Bethenny and Jill's mother (who reminds me of about ten or fifteen women in my extended family). The family matriarch gave Bethenny some sage advice and then promised to take the lovelorn natural foods chef under her wing in an effort to be the mother Bethenny never seemed to have. It was surprisingly touching, even if it was a bit heavy conversation for BREAKFAST.

Anyway, I would go on about the episode, but I must be off to get my hair cut. Photocap after the jump...

Ahhhh... At long last. MTV has put screen shots of The City on their site! I don't know when they started, but I think the last time I checked in about two weeks ago, there were none. Now, as some of you have read in the comments section, I absolutely love this show, but because of my other obligations, I really don't have time to write recap it. It kills me because every episode I have so many snarky comments running through my brain. Of course, I could just wing it, and do a general overview (like my 24 recaps), but for some reason, the way the show is shot and edited, it's hard to remember the sequence of events as all the scenes seem sort of to flow in and out of each other in a dreamlike quality. Anyway, the point is, I can finally do photocaps now, and I'm more than thrilled.

For those of you who haven't jumped on The City train, here's what you need to know: it's awesome. I don't know if I'll be able to go back to The Hills with the same love. Whereas the latter show seems to be running out of storylines, The City seems fresh with potential. Also, it's sort of exciting to see a cast that seems by and large a tad bit more sophisticated than what we get on The Hills. Lauren and Lo are fine, but Heidi? Spencer? Brody? Frankie? Audrina? Justin-Bobby? They're all a bit — how do I say it — nouveau riche? It's like comparing the Real Housewives of Orange County with New York City. I'm not saying that Adam, Erin and Jay are the second coming of the Algonquin Table, but there is a slightly less poseurish quality about them. Of course, they're still douchebags — let's get that straight. But at least they don't wear trucker caps.

We must be around the mid-point of the 24 season because everything seemed to wrap up pretty nicely last night... that is until we learned — not unexpectedly — that the worst was yet to come. Yes, it's the classic mid-season story change up where we get a bigger, badder villain, and the vast, white collar conspiracy is revealed. This is really where the show earns its mettle. If not handled carefully, the second of the season can become quite ludicrous. I think we can all remember season four, which started off so brilliantly and then suddenly turned ridiculous as nuclear warheads, EMPs, atomic footballs, and pretty much everything else under the sun got out of hand