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Magnificent news from the world of reality TV and robots: CBS head honcho Les Moonves and his wife Julie Chen, our favorite hostess on television, welcomed a baby boy into the world this morning! According to the Hollywood Reporter, the Chenbot gave birth to wee Charlie Moonves at 9:40 AM this morning in what was surely an exciting experience punctuated by very specific rules ("Doctor, if you want me to push, step forward. If you want me to hold, step back. Are we clear on the rules? Then let's begin.") Rumor has it all went smoothly, and Julie was first to extend her hand to Charlie and say "Nice to meet you. Please have a seat," which was then followed by "Nine months, three days, fourteen hours — how does it feel to be out of the Big Brother womb?" Things became weird, however, when she announced her ovaries had taped some goodbye messages to Charlie and that she would resume this conversation tomorrow on the Early Show.

Okay, I don't even know what I'm writing anymore.

Congrats to the Moonves-Chen household!

All summer long, The Wrap journalist Josef Adalian (or Joey 'Dals, as I am wont to call him) has been interviewing Big Brother executive producer Allison Grodner after every eviction. She often provides interesting tidbits about the previous week and little teasers about what's to come. Well, the season is over now; so Mr. Adalian was able to get one last interview with the BB head honcho. The responses range from amusing to interesting, but what intrigued me the most was Grodner's reaction to Natalie's reasoning behind why Jessie didn't vote for her during the finale. For those who haven't been following the post-game interviews, Natalie has claimed that Jessie more or less wanted to DO HER and that she spurned his romantic overtures because she's a taken woman. Natalie then insisted that in her goodbye message to Jessie, she told him off, which surely made him bitter (a state that was only exacerbated by her later engagement, which she claims made Jessie super jealous). If all this sounds fishy, that's because it is. And when Natalie made these wild claims in front of Julie Chen and the finale audience, audible snickers and moans could be heard from the crowd. After all, Natalie spent two months idolizing Jessie. It simply doesn't make sense that she'd suddenly reveal that she'd told him off in her goodbye message (when just moments later she was crying for him at the dinner table and in the diary room). It sounded like another Natalie lie, which gets me back to Allison Grodner, who doesn't necessarily accuse the loathed houseguest of duplicity (after all, she has an obligation to be nice to all of them), but I think we can read between the lines on this one:

Joey 'Dals: Some of the final votes were shockers. Like Jessie voting for Jordan.

Grodner: It was surprising. I never would've thought he'd choose Jordan over Natalie. Natalie claims something in her goodbye message was nasty to Jessie. But nobody here remembers that. I think something happened in the jury house, maybe with Lydia, to change his mind.

"Nobody here remembers that." Translation: SHE'S A LYING IDIOT!!! (My words, not hers)

Anyway, to read the full interview, check it out here.

Here's a shocker: this season of Big Brother, which looked like it was gonna wind up with a miserable outcome, suddenly beat the odds and gave us a fan favorite as the victor. That's right, Jordan brought her A-game to last night's finale, winning not just the final HOH, but the whole damn show. The key for her was dropping Kevin, who surely would have won against her with the jury. Instead, by taking Natalie, Jordan managed to curry favor with her ex-roommates, who seemed equally annoyed with the Tae Kwon Do champion as the rest of America. I will admit that I really wanted to see Kevin win HOH and backstab Natalie, but while we missed out on that moment, we got a taste of it when Jessie, of all people, voted for Jordan to win. Natalie couldn't even hide her disappointment. For the past month, she's been babbling about being loyal to Jessie, and then when she needs him most, he up and screws her over. Hahaha. COSMIC JUSTICE.

Nevertheless, I was most delighted to see Jordan pull out the HOH victory, even if it meant flirting with disaster by having Natalie in the final two. Based on the jury segments, however, I felt fairly confident that Jordan could snag the big win. And speaking of those segments, I absolutely loved the little "roundtable" piece where Jeff pretty much spent the entire time making fun of Jessie and Lydia. It was like he was saying my exact thoughts. I especially liked his comment that it didn't matter what age Natalie was, she acted as if she were twelve. To quote dearest Sheila from season nine, THANK YEW!

Overall, the two hour episode format was a great improvement as it gave the finale the time it always deserved. Gone were the overly rushed segments, and in its place a pretty solid Q&A with the houseguests, courtesy of Julie Chen who moderated the discussion quite well, despite being hampered with what looked like a blue bed sheet that had just fallen on top of her. You know, after a season of cute maternity garb, I don't know why she would opt for something that looked like a glorified smock. But that's why we love Julie. You never know what she'll do next.

As for the jury, I was really hoping they'd grill Natalie about her lies more. Michele touched on it a bit when she slyly called her an eighteen year old, but where was the most obvious question of all: "How can you claim to have been honest and maintained your word when you've lied about your age the entire game." BAM. That would have totally thrown her off guard. But instead, the jury kept it polite, only asking variations of "Why do you deserve to win?" I loved having the final stage of the HOH comp play out in the finale, but alas, the taped jury segments of seasons past were better, if only because they were so much more vitriolic.

Still, the one I was rooting for won; so I really can't complain. And even better, Natalie got stuck with a totally unheralded exit from the house. While the confetti flew for Jordan and everyone hugged her, Natalie quietly moseyed down the catwalk, giving high fives to the one or two people who either noticed or cared. It was so sad yet so perfect.

Sigh. And now the season is over. Pictures after the jump!

Well, we're at the end of the Big Brother season. Tonight marks the two hour finale where hopefully Natalie will be deprived of $500,000 (perhaps even the runner-up $50,000 prize) and be confronted with all her lies and awfulness. Sadly though, this is Big Brother, and such lofty dreams rarely come true. Nevertheless, it was wonderful watching her LOSE part two of the Head of Household competition on Thursday — a competition that made my heart race entirely way more than it should have. I'm hoping that Jordan pulls off the surprise victory tonight, but let's face it — she's still a long shot. Kevin is the odds-on favorite to win. If he takes Natalie, he'll surely take the big prize because the jury seems annoyed at the little Maltese's duplicity. Kevin, at least, has played fairly honestly and has made some big moves. The jury will like that. Still, I want Jordan to win. If she and Kevin head to the final two together, he's still probably going to emerge victoriously, but who knows — Jordan will have Jeff's vote, maybe Michele's, and if Natalie winds up on the jury as a result of Kevin backstabbing her, maybe she'll give her vote to Jordan too. Probably not though. After all, Natalie is AWFUL and would never do anything good like that. Of course, should Kevin backstab Natalie at the last second, I'd be totally fine with him earning the big prize. It would be worth it to see the look on Natalie's stupid face (meanwhile, I can guarantee that the look on Kevin's face would be obscured by his hands firmly placed on his cheeks).

Anyway, there's no use getting into a tizzy about tonight. The results will be here soon enough. In the meantime, photos from the previous two episodes after the jump...

It seems as though every season, Big Brother produces a villain (or three) so vile and loathsome, viewers can't help but be consumed with frustration every time he or she appears on screen. Whether they're spouting hateful language, indulging in self-pity, preening with self-righteousness, engaging in character assassination, or simply being awful, these people are sometimes so intolerable and irritating, it's hard to imagine that they could have any fans at all.

Currently, the Most Terrible Person EVER is Natalie, the irritating pest who has annoyed America with her shrill voice, malicious scheming, and generally humorless presence (not to mention her aversion to such things as showers and general cleanliness). But is she really the worst Big Brother contestant ever? Let's look back at some previous bastards and bitches and see who's truly the bottom of the barrel.

Oh, the cruel fates of Big Brother. Not only did we see the lovable but dense Jeff exit the house last week, but we also had to endure the horrendous reign of Natalie (known alternatively as Gnat or NataLIE) in the house. This meant that for two episodes, we were exposed to her high-pitch, nails-on-a-chalkboard voice squawk humorlessly about who knows what. The girl is awful. Simply awful. And if you have your doubts, look no further than her tenuous HOH win where she first proclaimed that she triumphed by keeping her word (not really — she has no word, considering her entire tenure in the house has been predicated on a lie) and then gave a shout-out to Chima, one of the more loathed contestants in recent years (although, nowhere near the awfulness that is Natalie). If you are the friends you keep, then Natalie's really got some problems in the character department.

Once Natalie ascended to power, she continued her questionable hygiene practices (on the live feeds, she was caught scraping down the bottom of her feet INTO THE HOT TUB) and then opened a second Pandora's Box. The downside for her was great — she couldn't compete in the Veto competition. The upside was that she could spend some time with her boyfriend in a little room. She walked in, and this guy (who must be deaf and lacking olfactory senses) immediately dropped to his knee and PROPOSED to his greasy mosquito. I wish I could say the moment was terribly emotional or at least afforded us a glimpse into perhaps a likable side of Natalie, but no. It was nothing of the sort. She just sort of stood there and said okay. It was as if someone had offered her a sample at Costco. Long story short: she's an idiot, but he's an even bigger idiot for lusting after her.

Okay, I'm not gonna write a whole big thing today about Big Brother except to say that it looks like Jeff's hours are numbered, and Natalie is getting entirely too close to the big prize for it to be cool. The bratty girl has been getting on my every last nerve, and for those of you who don't follow the live feeds, there are plenty of annoying things she does that never make it to air. For instance, yesterday — did you know that she was cutting her nails in bed, and when she was done, she swept her clippings onto the floor and left them there? Or how about this: she's been caught by the cameras (and by Kevin at least once) cheating in pool. She either sticks her hands in the pockets to keep the balls from going in, or when no one's looking, she's been caught removing balls entirely from the table. It's so small and petty, and yet it totally speaks to her awful, awful character. This girl has got to go. And Kevin hopefully will follow right behind her (but unlikely). The kid whines so much, but that's not all. This week he's taken to bleating "I'm scared!!" at seemingly every opportunity he can get. Maybe I'm just cranky from my plague, but I can't deal anymore. Le sigh.

Pictures after the jump....

"We gotta good one for you tonight, America!"

Well, I've been slacking on my Big Brother photocaps (pneumonia and all), but I had a little energy today; so I decided to put one together in between naps. Sadly, one of my favorite players of the season has exited the house. I'm talking of course about Russell. He wasn't my #1, but I always felt he was significantly smarter than he was given credit for; although, this last week showed the limits of his strategy. There were a few ways he could have gone about saving himself once he was put on the block in the Veto Ceremony. First, he could have not yelled and screamed at everyone. I know that was his way of proving to Kevin that he could be a pitbull worth keeping in the house, but really, that strategy was such a long shot, it's a bit puzzling why he even bothered sacrificing his moral character just for some last ditch play that was most certainly doomed.

A better move would have been to have stayed calm and sweet-talked Jordan. He should have acted like it was all no big deal and then maybe float the idea of blindsiding Natalie. The temptation to see Natalie's smug little terrier face go slackjawed may have been enough to turn Jordan, especially if Russell could also plant some seeds of doubt about Natalie's loyalty to J&J. But alas, therein lies Russell's third major error: he failed to keep Jordan and Jeff suspicious of Natalie and Kevin, who are currently forming the whiniest, brattiest alliance in quite some time. They're also playing the game exactly the way they should, which is most frustrating of all.

Ah, but who cares? Kevin and Natalie drive me nuts. For the longest time, Kevin was a non-entity, but lately, he's been bugging me. He just sort of wafts about the house in a mopey state of ennui, hidden in baggy tank tops and cavernous hoodies. At the start of the season, he promised us he'd be some sort of ghetto fabulous force to be reckoned with, but we've yet to see any sparks of that personality, save the one or two times an episode when he suddenly remembers his obligations to his persona and whips off a randomly sassy comment in the Diary Room. Most of the time, however, he merely shuffles about, his hands covering his mouth and his eyes in a state of perpetual dread. It's a bit annoying.

And then there's Natalie. What else needs to be said about her? She barks like a small dog, sounds like a small bird, and acts like a small child. Kevin, while boring and bland, is at least tolerable. If he wound up in the final two, I would be fine. Natalie, however, needs to go home ASAP. She's simply too awful. But in the meantime, we're stuck with her.

After the jump, photos from Thursday's episode.

And so the amazing week that was on Big Brother is over. Chima is gone, her alliance has been decimated, and now we're left with the "good people" in the majority. Hallelujah. So now what? It's the unfortunate paradox of reality TV. If the people you hate stay in power, you're stuck in agony. If the people you love prove to be triumphant, then you're bored. That's why season six was so utterly amazing. The constant swinging of the pendulum — along with Janelle's resiliency — was nothing short of captivating television. Don't get me wrong, I am still mighty high on this season now. I'm just experiencing the first stages of "coming down" off my high.

If you didn't watch last night's episode of Big Brother yet, do yourself a favor. Get off this blog (but come back!!!), march to your DVR (or CBS.com!), and watch the damn thing because it was Excellent with a capital "E." Every season has a defining episode, and this was it. Everything about it was positively riveting — a word I know I've been throwing about a lot recently, but don't let my lack of creativity detract from how awesome the show was. The only thing that sucked about it was that it had to end, and sadly, we all know that nothing will be able to top it the rest of the season.

Amazingly, Chima's ejection from the game was probably the least amusing part of the whole show. Sure, it was great to watch, and I absolutely loved the producers making a case for themselves with a brief history of Chima Simone's greatest hits / bitchy moments. However, the real fun of the show was watching her alliance totally fall into psychological disrepair. It was fantastic. Natalie spent much of the time whining about the situation, spewing hypocritical complaints and acting like the petulant teenager she claims to be. Method acting at its best. And let's please note that Natalie was wearing Jessie's dumb shirt in practically every scene — many of which were recorded over the span of MANY days. It's called a washing machine. USE IT.

Lydia, meanwhile, just got wasted and engaged in horrendous self-pity, which would have been painful to watch on its own, but thankfully the wonderful alliance of Jeff, Jordan, Michele, and Russell were not gonna stand for it. They relentlessly mocked Lydia to no end, and as such, they served as a much-welcomed mouthpiece for the audience. I personally loved when Michele suddenly snapped "Wear your unitard, BITCH!" — perhaps the line of the night had it not been for Jeff's brilliantly offbeat but totally awesome "Take it easy, Mrs. Roper. You look real classy."

Even Jordan got in on the action. When Lydia illogically accused Jordan of being a "ho-puppet" (this despite Lydia's well-documented bedroom trysts with Jessie), Jordan just exasperatedly sighed and asked "Lydia... Seriously?" It was such a simple expression of condescension and from the most unlikely of sources that it proved to be kind of amazing. I'm not gonna lie. I clapped. WE WERE ALL THINKING IT.

Truly, this episode was a gold mine of classic reality moments, and to see Lydia and Natalie receive such horrendous "edits" (as they say) was totally gratifying. I could go on, but truth is that pretty much everything else I have to say can be found in this great rundown of the night's activities on Reality Blurred. Check that out, BUT FIRST a photocap after the jump.

Oh man. Big Brother is headed into overdrive. The show just crossed the line from fun entertainment to riveting television. Everything in the house has gone crazy, and the most bonkers stuff is still to come, but for now we have the calm before Hurricane Chima. In the wake of Jeff using the Coup D'Etat power to send Jessie home, the house has completely turned into a war-zone, and as a result, we have the most hostile split since the hallowed days of season six. In fact, this current cycle is suddenly sharing many similarities to that wonderful summer. Not only do we have a massive divide in the house, but one of the alliances (Natalie, Chima, Lydia, and Kevin) actually believes themselves to be the "good" people — the ones who haven't lied or manipulated or done anything wrong. Never mind that Chima has been hurling about racist terrorist comments for the past ten days. And never mind that Lydia has been totally duplicitous. And never mind that Natalie, well, okay. Natalie hasn't really done THAT much wrong that I can think of. BUT she doesn't shower, and that's truly reprehensible.

Yes, it's like The Friendship all over again, and when Natalie played the pity card, sarcastically thanking America for screwing them over, it was sort of awesome. I immediately had flashbacks of April bawling on the floor of the HOH room, bemoaning the fact that Janelle got a call from evictee Michael and ultimately lashing out at America in the process. Good times. And just like in season six when The Friendship bizarrely put Cappy on a pedestal and anointed him the new king of kings, this new horrible alliance has taken to memorializing Jessie for being a saint of some sort — even though he had pitted all the girls against each other at some time or another. Oh well. There's no accounting for what idiots will say or do. But we do know it makes for good television.

After the jump, the photocap...

Julie Chen continues to win me over every passing day. In the clip above, found via We Love Big Brother, Chenbot talks about all the Chima controversy, and in the process, she sasses it up and says "Oh no she di'int!" It's kind of amazing. I actually haven't even made it past the :22 because I was so excited to hear her say it. And now I pass it along to you.

Yay yay yay! Last night's episode of Big Brother was a thriller for a variety of reasons, and I'm happy to report that I was actually there in the studio live for the eviction. Yes, it just so happened that the one week I got tickets for was the most electric live show of the season. I couldn't have been more excited. The big question mark going into the show was whether or not Jeff would use his game-changing Coup D'Etat power (or the "Wizard Power," as the house guests referred to it). With this special ability, Jeff could remove one or two of the nominees and replace them with whomever he felt deserved to go on the block. Now, I can tell you I'd be more than happy to see Lydia march out the door, but truth be told, I was really hoping he'd take her off (as well as Russell) and replace them with Jessie and Natalie. Did he use the power? And if so, did he use it on Jatalie?

The answer after the jump (to avoid spoilers for all you lazy bums).

Natalie from Big Brother is disgusting. Literally. She doesn't shower. Check out the clip above.

Usually I start my Big Brother photocaps complaining about the lack of screen grabs on the CBS website. Today, however, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I pulled the screencaps myself. Sure, it added an extra twenty or twenty-five minutes to the process, but it had to be done. Of course, now I'm exhausted from the process and can't deal with writing any sort of recap from last night. Maybe Lydia's hipster ennui has infected me. Nevertheless, what's the point of analyzing any of the goings-on when it looks like Jeff is gonna shake things up tomorrow with his "wizard power," a.k.a. the Coup D'Etat, a.k.a. the Coop Deh Tat. Hopefully by this time tomorrow, Jessie (and perhaps Natalie too) will be up on the block, with one of them heading out the door. That, of course, will completely drive Chima nuts, and that's always fun to watch. She'll probably go off on Jeff and then Russell, who in turn will go off on Michele yet again. Side note about Russell and Michele: why can't these idiots stop for a moment and even consider the possibility that they may have heard each other incorrectly or misspoke by accident. They've been fighting for like thirty episodes about semantics. They even know they're fighting about semantics, but neither of them realizes how silly it is. UGH. I like them both. I wish they'd just shut up and get it together. To quote Todd Rundgren, who is coincidentally playing on my iTunes at this very moment, "Let's admit we made a mistake, but can we still be friends???" There's lots to learn from cheesy '70s music, people. LOTS.

Anyway, after the jump, a full-on photocap for your viewing pleasure...

I must continue the tradition of starting my Big Brother photocaps by complaining about the CBS website yet again. Not only does CBS no longer provide screen grabs, and not only are the few photos that go up once a week somewhat limited in their scope, but now users can't even access the HOH photos anymore. They're killing me. Killing me!

That being said, there's plenty more to discuss. I was in Michigan starting on Thursday; so it's really not until now that I can discuss the latest exciting developments in the house. First off, I think we can give three cheers to the house guests for finally getting rid of Ronnie. The kid tried to be a Dr. Will, but instead he came off as mostly Dr. Lame (much like this joke). He was just... awful. And while yes, I would have been equally pleased to have seen Lydia march out those front doors with her hipster hunch 'n' scowl, it was truly Ronnie's time. And boy, did he go out in a blaze of not-glory. He certainly tried to have a memorable goodbye, but it just came off as petty. He pretty much told the whole house that he loved them, and then singled out Michele as being one of the worst people he has ever met in his entire life. Why? Don't really know. I just assumed he wanted to have the sort of crazy adios that gets replayed over and over again. However, during the exit interview, when Julie asked him WTV? (why the vitriol?), he babbled on about how Michele was so duplicitous and such a liar and blah blah blah. Now, I haven't actually read or seen any other interviews, but I hope and pray someone called Ronnie on his shit because last time I checked, it was HE who first a) lied to Michele, b) threw her under the bus, c) forced her into a minority house alliance, and d) betrayed his alliance with her. And that was in the first week! Whatever lying she's done to him has been completely deserved, and furthermore, as a student of Big Brother — as Ronnie claims to be — he should know that all's fair in the BB house. It's that sort of hypocrisy that just makes me want to wring his neck. And it's also that sort of vindictive victimization which has probably led to him living a life as a nerd. In the end it doesn't really matter. Michele may leave this experience with her rep slightly tarnished, but it's Ronnie who people will forever think is an untrustworthy creep.

Shocking news: CBS actually put up some stills from the latest episode of Big Brother. Actually, they're more like professional photos, clearly taken behind the mirrors. Not great, but better than nothing. Most of the pics center around the endurance competition for HOH, which Russell eventually won after striking a deal with Jeff to keep him and Jordan safe for the week. Prior to that pact, however, we were subjected to watching the houseguests twirl around in a circle, occasionally getting beaten by a giant, foam-covered phallus, or as Julie Chen called it, "diploma." In other words, it was awesome. Watching the likes of Chima and Lydia getting tossed around like two pieces of flotsam in the ocean was oddly satisfying. Less satisfying but significantly more disturbing was watching Natalie gag and vomit from on high, surely spraying the backyard with a week's worth of Sunny D and marshmallows and whatever else it is that eighteen year olds consume. CBS thankfully did not show her actually puking, but they were kind enough to provide us with a full aural experience. I was shocked the music supervisor didn't chime in with one of those annoying "Wah wah waaaah" sounds that have been flagrantly over-used this season (what's next? A slide whistle?).

Anyway, as unpleasant as it was to watch Natalie blow chunks on the astroturf, it was perversely amusing to know that seconds later, she dropped from her swing, landing squarely, I'm sure, in a puddle of her own bile. She probably could have avoided it, but she dangled onto her swing for so long that I'm fairly certain her legs dragged through any barf that may have been out there. Poor Jessie seemed displeased with this outcome. For the first time this season, he was actually looking at a week without any power (and later, he was made a Have Not). Unsurprisingly, this brought out the petulant, crabby, and annoying Jessie we know and love from last year. People have been saying that he's more tolerable this season, but I guarantee he'll be a pain in the ass now that he's sleeping on a slab and relegated to a diet of squid and squash (WHICH, by the way, sounds delicious). The good news is that I'm sure we'll soon be receiving some wonderful new Jessie-isms, such as when he declared that he had "built a morale" with the likes of Chima and Natalie. You gotta respect that toe to head.

It's sad that the only way I can seem to do photocaps these days is if I wait for the one time a week when CBS posts pics from the HOH's digital camera. Alas, that's the best we can get; so I guess I'll make the most of it. Actually, there are some amusing trends when it comes to these HOH pics. When Jessie is in power, most of the pictures tend to be of him flexing his muscles or hoisting people over his head. There are, of course, pictures of other people, but they too tend to be making silly poses and/or showing off their guns, which leads me to believe that Jessie must be prompting them from behind the camera. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but I can imagine that Jessie must think its a riot every time he commands a fellow houseguest to flex their glutes (Russell, it would seem, requires no prompting though).

Anyway, pictures be damned, there's a lot to discuss in Big Brother these days. It seems as though the Athletes really are running the show, but that's really only because their opponents don't appear to have any ability to shake up the game with some old fashioned scheming. The single biggest error that contestants or alliances make is that they become complacent and simply assume a certain outcome will follow. There's really no better example than the joint brain trust of Jeff, Jordan, Michele, and Casey, who simply assumed that Ronnie would go up as a replacement nominee during the Veto ceremony. Sure, Jessie may have alluded to that, but in Big Brother, no one's word can be taken at face value. The key is to ensure that the outcome works your way. Had it been me, I would have started several rumors about Ronnie targeting Jessie — enough to make him paranoid and place the rotund videogamer on the chopping block. Casey, who sniffed out that something was afoot and then later discovered that he may be a target, should have instantly brewed up trouble. Instead, he just made a lot of noise in his fake 'hood accent — ultimately accomplishing nothing.

That's sort of the problem with this season, it turns out. After a fiery first week and an interesting second one, I'm starting to fear that these people might not be shrewd enough or crazy enough to deliver the sort of sustained highs and good times we saw last season. True, the show is young, but there is a lacking quality that has emerged. I actually pin it on casting. There's a major lack of crazy mommies (Libra), middle-aged ladies (Sheila), and old coots (Renny, Jerry). Variety in ages makes a huge difference, and while marketing may suggest that a younger cast is better, I think we all know that having a generational mix is the way to go. Still, the game is young, and good cast or bad, we all know it's gonna start ramping up soon.

In the meantime, pictures...

So I go away to the Northwest for five days, and of course all sorts of craziness happens on the Big Brother front. The craziest thing undoubtedly was Julie Chen mentioning me by name on the Internets, but really, that's just crazy to me, and perhaps not the entire BB viewing population as a whole. Perhaps the most bizarre thing by far to the show's viewers was Chima's pointed, bleeped-out speech on live television last Thursday. You know, the one where she called Braden a racist and many other things. She was right — he really is a bigot — but man, I was not expecting her to lash out like that. I guess that's because we've grown used to people turning into wallflowers when it comes to making a final plea for a vote. You know how it goes — most nominees babble away about making friendships and respecting decisions. Boring. Props to Chima for going for the kill.

However, don't take this as an endorsement of Chima by any means. She's simply awful. Between her clown lips and her bitchy attitude, she's darn near impossible to watch. But I guess we need people like that to make this show interesting. Still, I have yet to see any indication that Chima deserves to be in the "brains" clique. Come to think of it — I have yet to see any indication that anyone belongs in the "brains" clique. Ronnie thinks he's brilliant, but he's been playing fast and loose, and it's all gonna bite him in the ass. I didn't really understand why he screwed over Michele (both by leading her astray with the Chima vote and by then blaming her for voting out Braden), but it seemed like a completely unnecessary move. I think he just wants screen time or attention. Let it be known though that whereas someone like Dr. Will can pull off such shenanigans and be likable, Ronnie merely comes off as a snake. The house will catch up to him soon.

True insanity. I just woke up and discovered an inordinately large amount of tweets congratulating me. For what? I had no idea. But then I got to thinking — late last night, a writer from Entertainment Weekly had contacted me, telling me to keep an eye out for Julie Chen's EW blog going up today. Naturally, I immediately headed over to the site, and there it was: Julie Chen mentioning yours truly:

But first (wink), let’s talk about the elephant in the EW blog room…The Chenbot! I was horrified when my best friend from college first told me about my Big Brother nickname. But, there was a side of me that kind of also got it right away. When I played dumb and asked her to explain it...it was exactly what I expected to hear. Then I was kind of embarrassed and yet unsure how to feel or react. (Chenbot was hurt...does this mean the Chenbot has emotions!?!?!). But, when I told my agent to get some sympathy, he made a funny remark in a robot-like voice and said something like...”Oh-yeah-you-did-not-know?” And he e-mailed me a link where someone edited together all my "But firsts…" (You know who you are, Ben Mandelker!) from the live shows and I laughed my head off. I WAS the Chenbot. Each delivery was EXACTLY the same -- different hairdos, different outfits...same damn robotic delivery with precision and zero emotion. That's when I said to myself, "Can I blame em? I AM the Chenbot!" The Beatles' lyrics of "I am the Walrus" went through my head but I substituted in Chenbot.

CRAZINESS!!! I think the fourth wall has officially crumbled. Thanks for the shout-out, Julie!!

To read The Chenbot's full entry, check it out here.

And to follow me on Twitter, check out twitter.com/bsideblog

Well, we're now two episodes deep into Big Brother, and everything seems to be rolling along just fine. Jesse is proving to be more annoying than last season, partly because of a choice by him to amp up his personality perhaps in an effort to court the attention of a WWE casting director (he admitted to wanting to be a professional wrestler. I could think of worse things than seeing him body slammed by the likes of The Miz). Whatever the reason is behind his animated performance, it's safe to say it won't last long. Once he's out of power, Jesse will surely devolve into the grumpy gorilla we all know and don't love.

As for the rest of the gang, personalities still have yet to really surface. Casey still annoys me. So does Lydia. And so does Ronnie, who certainly did not represent us brains well when he singlehandedly screwed up a rather psychedelic backyard challenge. Yes, for those just tuning in, the food competition has been replaced with the more severe (and laboriously titled) Have And Have Not challenge. Now houseguests don't just compete for edible food. They also vie for tolerable living conditions. After all, losers of the HAHN must eat slop, take cold showers, AND live in a monochromatic bedroom reminiscent of a robot rumpus room. It's certainly not pleasant, and Chima was all HELL TO THE NO when she saw the misery she and her fellow Brains would have to endure after clocking in a pitiful HAHN performance. She ultimately wound up on the block, but not because of her hissy fit. No, she went up as a pawn, which is always a ridiculously dangerous and stupid strategy. You see, the brains wanted to forge a secret alliance with the brawn, and by nominating Chima, they were hoping to throw the rest of the house off the scent. But here's the thing about brawn: they don't have brains. And that means they'll probably screw it up by blabbing. Actually, based on Ronnie's lack of sterling gameplay, it's safe to say that he may have no brains either. After all, what genius would enter into a secret arrangement betwixt five or six people? TOO MANY! Secrets cannot last with so many people involved.

How do you know it's summer? Not by the rising temperature, but instead by the sudden influx of racial insensitivity courtesy of dumb Big Brother contestants. And along those lines, we have our first clip of derogatory hate speech, courtesy of Braden who used some choice words to describe Kevin's latino heritage. The only problem? Kevin's half-black, half-Japanese. Minor technicalities.

While this video doesn't possess the same disturbing power of Amber's misguided views on Jews and their crafty ways, it's still fairly reprehensible.

(btw, video contains minor spoilers)

It's baaaaaaack! And I'm not just talking about the clichéd way I just started this post. I'm talking, of course, about Big Brother, which has returned for what looks to be a strong eleventh season. The twist this time around is that the houseguests have been segregated into four distinct cliques: the athletes (a.k.a. jocks), the popular kids (a.k.a. the cool kids), the brains (a.k.a. the nerds), and the "offbeat" (a.k.a. the freaks and gays and everyone else who didn't fit in). The way it works is that players will vote and act and be nominated individually, but if a member of their clique wins HOH, they're all safe. It's a fairly simple twist, but one that could certainly spark some dramatic fireworks. I heartily approve.

But if you thought that was the only twist, think again. There's been a mystery houseguest floating around the Big Brother website, and tonight, we finally learned who that person would be. For weeks, rumors circulated that Big Sheila would be returning (oh how I wish), but no — we got stuck with none other than professional bodybuilder / dumbass, Jesse. That's right. The meathead with poor logic skills got a second chance at the game thanks to a surprisingly engaging twist to the HOH competition. While the house guests dangled up in the air as part of a game called "The Wedgie," we learned that the winning clique would have a former houseguest return to the game that matched their group. Jessica from season eight, for instance, was on deck for the popular clique; Brian was representing brains (although, how brainy is someone who got voted out in week one of last season?); Michael (a.k.a. Cowboy) was there for the Offbeats; and the aforementioned Jesse repped the athletes proudly. No surprise here: the athletes won the first challenge, and Jesse (groan) assumed the role of HOH for the first week. Look, I'm willing to give him a second chance (not really), but I reserve the right to bemoan his presence. Seriously, where was Sheila? And for the brains, why not Eric from season eight? Give him a shot to play as a normal player for once. Oh well.

Lest you forget, Big Brother 11 premieres tonight at 8 PM on CBS. That means that on the East Coast, there's t-minus one hour until you surrender your summer to many wonderful, glorious hours in front of the television, watching lunatics scream and fight and battle it out for half million dollars.

So very excited...

For those who don't watch Big Brother, I assure you — it's worth getting into. The rule of thumb is that you need to watch three episodes before you get hooked. Don't worry: they might seem a bit bland or boring at first, but after three shows, you won't be able to turn away. This I promise you.

Also, for those who wish to discuss the live feeds, feel free to join the conversations in the forums. Registering is easy and free! Who doesn't like that?

Via Jokers Updates

This just in! We finally have footage of the eviction ceremony from press day on Big Brother. Sadly, Rosanna's exit song to the evictee was edited out (rights, I'm sure), but let it be known that it was a beautiful moment (she sang "Fever"). Nevertheless, enjoy this last nugget from press day...

It's that time again! CBS has just announced the new cast for the upcoming season of Big Brother, which means we get to spend a week pondering who might be our early favorites, who might wind up sucking, and who could possibly win the whole shebang. After the jump, I've got a rundown of each contestant, as well as a nifty scale to gauge their potential douchiness or bitchiness. Take a look, and then share your thoughts on the cast too...

Ten days ago, an exciting thing happened: I was invited to spend the day in the Big Brother house along with eleven other members of the media. This was a minor dream come true: I got to taste the Big Brother experience without committing to a summer of national exposure (most of which I'm sure would be extremely embarrassing for me). While in the house, we played a week's worth of the game -- from Head of Household to Veto to eviction. Yes, we did it all, and it was, in short, awesome.

Nevertheless, I've been under a media embargo for the past week and a half -- but as of 6 AM this morning, the blackout has been lifted! The house guests are safely sequestered, which means I can now share not only my experiences but also the neat video that CBS edited together of us in the house. It's all sorts of fun (although, curiously, the eviction ceremony was not included on our DVD). Either way, the videos are highly entertaining, and if they don't get you psyched for the season, I don't know what will.

Also, be sure to check out my very thorough account of Media Day. It's up over at TV Week (and while you're there, be sure to check out a nifty profile of my college classmate Mindy Kaling). For those who don't need to read every single detail of the experience, I'm planning to write an abridged report that I'll have up on this site at some point. Plus, if you have any questions about the house or the experience, feel free to ask them in the forums on a thread conveniently titled "Big Brother House Q & A."

After the jump, parts I, II and III of the Big Brother media day video as well as some screen shots to help give you a sense of the house...

Well lookie at what I have here: footage from press day at the Big Brother house. I just watched it, and I must say — my mind is slightly blown. On the one hand, it was like I was watching a normal episode. But then right there in the middle is ME. Something seems incongruent with that pairing. Anyway, I once again can't divulge really anything about the experience; although, I can share this spoiler: in one of the two Diary Room scenes I'm featured in, I have a raging pit stain that is clearly visible, thanks to some arm flapping by yours truly. Not my proudest moment (and let's not talk about the acne. Oh, the acne... shaking fist at the heavens). I can also say there was a lot from the day that never made it into the video, but fear not, I have detailed the entire experience in what a considerably lengthy article that will first appear on TV Week's website. Chances are I'll post it again here a bit later, but I'm giving them the exclusive because without TV Week, I never would have made it into the house.

Of course, since succinct writing has never been my forte, don't be surprised when I tell you that the article is over 7,000 words long. Yes, it's a tad lengthy, but fear not — it looks like it's going to be chopped up into a multi-part series. Normally I wouldn't write so much, but this is Big Brother we're talking about. I wouldn't be a fan if I didn't relay every minute detail of the house and experience.

As for the video, I'll be hosting it here once the media embargo is lifted. Don't know if it'll appear here in exclusive form or just on my YouTube channel. Either way, check back, and be sure to follow me on Twitter where I'll be posting further updates...

Also — will be answering Q & A's to the best of my ability in my forums. Check it out here.

Hey, girl with fifty-six stars on her face — this news might be perfect for you: I just received a text from Dr. Will, famously of Big Brother and Dr. 90210. He has this news to share:

My Irvine clinic is doing FREE tattoo removal all day today (until 8:00 pm). If you know anyone who needs some ink removed, please call us at: 949-581-5334. www.DrTattoff.com

That's right, ladies. Now you can get that tramp stamp removed without spending a dime! It's only for today though, and only at the Irvine location. Sounds like a deal to me.... (and yes, this service is open to the mens also).

15751 Rockfield Blvd., Suite 120 Irvine CA 92618

The Chenbot's Chelmet clearly suffering from Chenmidity.

You all should remember the date July 9, 2009. That's the day when Big Brother returns to the airwaves!

There are no other details as of yet, but you can be sure I'll be sitting in front of the TV, watching preggers Chenbot ushering the new cast into the house.

More information here.

Phase 2 of Julie Chen's global domination has now been set into motion. Our favorite mechanical hostess has proven that robots can indeed reproduce, thus signaling the death knell for all human civilization. But while Skynet prepares to model an entire predatory series of machines after The Chenbot, we can take this time to congratulate Julie on her pregnancy, which she revealed on this morning's Early Show. I can only wonder how this will affect her work on Big Brother. Will she proudly reveal her bump in a series of slinky, bright orange maternity pantsuits? Or will she attempt to hide it with a variety of pillows, baggy jackets, and shopping bags à la Kelly Rutherford on Gossip Girl. And what role, pray tell, will her raging hormones play? I can already imagine her chucking porcelain mugs at her assistant, snapping, "This isn't what I asked for! Stripey, where the HELL is my Ecto Cooler!?!?!!" (her assistant is named Stripey, lest you forget, because he always wore a striped shirt each time I attended a live taping.)

I also have concern about how the pregnancy might affect Julie's ability to do her patented lean-forward, shake-hands move at the end of every Big Brother interview. Since her due date is October 4th, by the time we hit the later weeks of the BB season, she'll be quite pear-shaped. The lean-forward, shake-hands move will be rather difficult for her. I predict copious amounts of grunting, groaning and the occasional utterance of "My sciatica!" Can't wait!

Thanks to all the readers who gave me a heads up on this story...

US Magazine:Early Show's Julie Chen Expecting First Child

A study in Chenpressionism.

Julie Chen turned up in quite the surprising location today: a New York Times article about self-commissioned celebrity portraits. Our favorite hostess and her husband, CBS bigwig Les Moonves, are profiled as some of the many people who've had artists recreate their visages for the sake of art. I won't get into the various details of the article, but needless to say, all that's really important is that we now have our first officially sanctioned ChenPortrait! Yay!

Next stop? THE LOUVRE. (Just putting it out there)

• Enough About Me. Like My Portrait? [The New York Times]

Thanks to Jash for forwarding me this article.

Sheila Kennedy, one of my favorite Big Brother contestants of all time, popped up on The Doctors recently with a very, very important question. Watch the video to find out what was on her mind. Bonus fun: she ends the clip with her trademark "Thank yew!"

Via Jokers Updates

I've had quite the run of exclusive experiences of late: a meet and greet with Julie Chen, a visit to The Soup, a stroll through the Gossip Girl set, and of course, back to back infiltrations of the Big Brother finale and wrap party. Am I bragging? Indeed. (Somebody's gotta drum up traffic around here). With all this access to the glitteratti, I'm starting to feel like Perez Hilton (except funnier, I hope); so why not add one more event to the list: the Fox Reality Channel "Really" Awards.

Avid readers may remember that I attended the first ever Really Awards two years ago at Les Deux. Back then, it was a smaller, more casual affair. The network was young, the stars didn't know what to expect, and in my studly prime I was able to actually walk the red carpet. Man, those were the days. Cut to this year and holy moly, the Really Awards have gotten big. According to the brass I spoke with, there were about 300 celebrities (or rather, "celebrities") present, which meant my anonymous ass did not get to walk the carpet again, which by the way was totally cool. I completely understood. It was a zoo, and the last thing the organizers needed was me clogging up the carpet. Honestly, I was just happy to get in. This year's ceremony was apparently a hard ticket to get. Rumor amongst the partygoers was that even recent reality stars like Jessie from Big Brother 10 were denied entry. Ouch/haha.

Nevertheless, I may not have dazzled the paps awkwardly this go-around, but I certainly had my fill of reality stars. I took pictures with as many as I could, but honestly, there's only so much one man can do. Pictures and stories after the jump.

In case you haven't seen it, last week at the Big Brother wrap party, I was privileged enough to dance with the one and only Renny, an experience I will treasure and love for many years to come. Intern Nick of TVgasm was there to capture it all (it was he who snapped the photos of me with both my camera and his), and at one point he went so far as to videotape the excitement, for which I am forever indebted. Of course, this is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, the world can share in my special moment, and on the other hand, the world can see how truly horrific of a dancer I am. My only consolation is knowing that I was hamming it up for the cameras, but still, I can't help feeling that this is somehow representative of my dancefloor skillz, despite attempts to be silly on video. It's okay though — I own my goofy hand gestures and dance steps, and I take solace in knowing that I still have those four free dance lessons waiting for me.

Anyway, this video is about Renny and not me, and as such, I think it's great. It's already been posted in the comments section of this blog (among many other places), but I felt it important to give it the showcase that it so truly deserves. Enjoy!

The latest excellent season of Big Brother just came to an end, and what better way to celebrate it than by heading to the wrap party, a tradition I participated in back in the TVgasm days. For three years in a row, I was lucky enough to get into the parties for seasons five, six, and seven (a golden stretch in the series' history), but sadly, I missed the last two soirées because of random trips to Europe of all places (no regrets there). The point is that by the time tonight's wrap party rolled around, I was hankering for some BB hobnobbing. It had been two years since I'd last interacted with Big Brother cast members en masse, and I was ready to have at it tonight.

The party did not disappoint. I got to totally geek out, which meant I spent an unhealthy amount of time walking up to cast members, taking their photos, and then awkwardly gushing about my love for either the show, them, or both. I swear I'm not this ridiculous in normal life, but there's something about the Big Brother wrap party that brings out my inner-idiot. I don't even try to act cool (and for me to not put on even the most perfunctory of airs is a big deal).

Sadly, I was a little bit off my wrap party game tonight. One of the thrills of talking with these cast members is knowing that for them, their reality show experience ended just forty-eight hours ago. Everything is so fresh and so intense for them that they can't help but to dish about each other, and for a fan, that's kind of the best thing ever. It's like conducting your very own diary room session. Unfortunately, I didn't really pry tonight. I didn't ask for gossip or get too much inside scoop. Why? I don't know. I blame the housing crisis and credit crunch. Seems like an easy target, right? Instead, I just got my photos, cheesed over everyone, and oh yes, danced with Renny. Best night ever? COULD BE.

UPDATED: Three new pics of me dancing with Renny, courtesy of Intern Nick!

Apologies for the lame headline. It just had to be said. Nevertheless, by now there are plenty of Big Brother interviews clogging up the internets, and of course, one of my favorites is this one from Midseason Replacements. EdHill asks this season's winner, Dan, about all sorts of things — but of course, all I really cared about were his thoughts on Ollie and April having sex (and why he always shouted in the diary room). I'm a simple man. Check it out for a good read.

• MIDSEASONREPLACEMENTS INTERVIEWS DAN [Midseason Replacements]

And so with a burst of confetti and a rousing standing ovation, this tenth and wonderful season of Big Brother 10 came to a close tonight, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I found my way into the audience. Come hell or high water, there was no way I was gonna miss the chance to see the entire cast assembled in one place — and let's not overlook the chance to hobnob with some of the past alums (don't think that finally meeting Julie Chen fulfilled all my Big Brother stalking needs). In typical fashion, I grabbed my fellow BB enthusiast, Jash, and together we ventured into the San Fernando Valley for one last trip to the Big Brother household.

The experience did not disappoint.

After six years of unbridled adoration, my gentle stalking of Julie Chen has reached a stunning and wonderful milestone. That's right. Tonight, I had the pleasure and joy of meeting the one and only Chenbot, thus filling the void in my Big Brother viewing experience. Julie was like the Holy Grail of Big Brother for me. I'd met all my favorite players, I'd gone to the live show, I'd freakin' tasted slop, but the one thing I had never done was meet Julie Chen, and now I can say that just short of actually going on Big Brother and winning, my BB experience is complete.

All the gory and awkward details after the jump...

Earlier this summer, I managed to find my way into two live shows of Big Brother, and after both trips, I wrote highly detailed accounts of my experiences. Well, since then, I've actually found my way into the audience two more times, but I haven't really written anything because there's been not much else to report. I mean, how many times can I describe the surreal experience of sitting just feet from the Chenbot? Okay, I could probably write about it many, many times. Point is, I thought I had run out of material, but when I went this past Thursday with none other than brilliantmistake of Midseason Replacements, I soon discovered that there's never a dearth of inspiration when you're surrounded by awful, awful people.

Okay, I should amend that. Not everyone around me was awful. Brilliantmistake, for one, was most certainly not awful. And the girl on the other side of me was rather pleasant too. Oh, but the audience. The audience. After having gone four times, I can say without a doubt that this was the dumbest audience I'd experienced all summer. And this isn't me be snotty (yes it is). These people were dumbb with two b's. Why? Well, I think it's because they had a leader; a leader who empowered them to express their dumbness to the fullest degree. And that leader's name was SHELLY.

We're gettin' down to the wire on Big Brother, and with Jerry's Head of Household victory, the rest of the house has fallen into mild turmoil. Memphis has wisely made deals with everyone to get to the final two, which is pretty smart — assuming no one rats him out. Unfortunately for us fans of Renny, it looks like her time might be up today. After Memphis won the Power of Veto and saved Dan, the dynamo from N'Orleans had to go on the block, and given that everyone loves her, she will most likely go home. Keesha tried to play on Memphis's distrust of Dan, but ultimately, she failed to convince him that taking him off the block would be dangerous. Had it been me, I would have blatantly lied. I would have told Memphis that I had an alliance with Dan to get Memphis out. You know, something to really prey on his paranoia. I guarantee it would have worked.

Alas, Renny and Keesha instead just gave Memphis concerned glares, which really didn't do much. If Renny goes home tonight, I'll be sad, but I'll happily put all my goodwill into Dan, my #2 favorite in the house. And speaking of favorites, this week saw my most favorite-est veto comp: the traditional face mash-up. Yes, it's the time when the producers go to town with some photoshop and mix two house guests together into one face. It seemed pretty easy this go around (especially compared to the one season where the house guests had to pick three names, not two), but shockingly, Renny took over twenty minutes to get it done. C'mon now. It shouldn't have lasted more than 90 seconds. Oh well.

Nevertheless, here's the photocap...

Click for larger view / PROOF.

It gives me great honor to announce that B-Side Blog is now the top result for the Google search terms, "big brother sex." That's right: out of over one million possible options, I'm #1 in the ENTIRE WORLD, nay, GALAXY, nay, UNIVERSE! Huzzah! I always knew my blog would become famous for something, and now I know what it is. I suppose I should thank April and Ollie, whose penchant for DOING IT rocketed this site to the top of the charts. Without them, I'd just be another anonymous blogger, snickering at the world. Thank you, Aprollie. Thank you.

Yes, it's a wonderful day here at the B-Side home base, and I plan to celebrate with caviar toasts and a bottle of champagne. Or, barring the availability of those first two options, a bowl of cereal. Probably the latter.

Sunday's episode of Big Brother was fairly tame, especially now that all warring factions of the house have been excised. With just five people left, the remaining house guests seemed intent on only one goal: ousting Jerry. Unfortunately for them, he won Head of Household after physics, karma, and cosmic justice conspired to screw Dan over in a ball-rolling quiz game. I was really hoping that Jerry would be going home this week, but alas, it won't be happening. That's okay though. His victory will keep things interesting as we head into the final chapter of this great season.

That's not to say there weren't plenty of interesting things on Sunday's show. With strategy talk at a low, the producers gave us several "character" segments — those lighthearted sequences that hone in on bizarre antics, such as Keesha's hyena laugh or Jerry's propensity for telling long, boring, old-man stories. I personally was happy to have a fresh dose of new Renny-isms, most obviously with her inability to grasp the finer subtleties of time zone concepts. However, I also loved how earlier in the episode she complained about The Colonel, saying that she had nothing in "COMMON" with him (but of course the "common" was screamed in her dying-crow voice that we adore ever so much). Good times had by all.

To the photocap!

I love slapstick, especially when it involves old people falling over. That's where Jerry from Big Brother 10 comes into play. Earlier today, he fell into the backyard pool when trying to read a banner overhead. Don't worry — he was fine. My pants after I pissed them? Not so much.

(Don't worry, I didn't really piss my pants. OR DID I?)

Nevertheless, enjoy this very funny video (and try, if you can, to imagine him saying "HOOoonnk" as he plummets into the watery depths).

And the award for Best Supporting Actress in a straight-to-DVD horror film goes to... Keesha Smith from Big Brother 10. In this clip, we see Keesha's star-making turn in the gripping feature, FEAR CHAMBER (the caps are mine, not theirs). She doesn't do much beyond scream (clearly not a stretch for her), but she does go topless throughout the duration of her scene. So it should go without saying that this clip is NSFW (nudity, some kind of gross images).

Enjoy (while it's still up)!

As anyone who follows the Big Brother feeds knows, Tuesday's episode was the calm before the storm. Thanks to Dan, who bizarrely tried to create chaos with his Veto Roulette (or whatever he called it), the entire house is now poised for a meltdown. Whether it works in Dan's favor may be another issue. I actually don't know how it'll play out. All I know is that after the ceremony, nearly everyone flipped out for hours. We only saw a taste of it at the end of Tuesday's show, but I'm sure we'll see plenty more tonight (crossing fingers).

And how about that Veto Roulette. It seemed kind of dumb to me, but damn, I enjoyed it. I get the strategy of divide and conquer, but this seemed a bit too blatant, even for Dan. Still, everyone seemed perfectly willing to go along with the game — which wouldn't have been so strange given his ultimatum (say someone's name or you'll be on the block). However, what WAS strange was that when Dan approached everyone beforehand and told them to say a name, they all seemed to agree without any hesitation. The only person to question the whole scheme was Renny, who immediately sniffed out Dan's strategy. However, despite figuring it all out, she still easily fell right into Dan's trap the moment he informed her that Ollie would be saying her name. WELL! Then she would say Ollie's! What was impressive was the way Dan got all these people so angry at each other for saying each other's names when they all seemed to know they were all acting as puppets. It was the epitome of manufactured drama, and they all fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

I will say that the way Dan put Michelle up on the block was fairly obnoxious. He was rather mean and assholish about it, rather than sympathetic. After all, his whole plan was to not get blood on his hands, and the best way to do that would be to play up the fact that he was cornered by the situation. By nominating her in such a harsh way, it's no surprise that he elicited such a reaction from her. That'll probably work to her own demise, but it could come back to bite Dan. In the meantime, we were left with Ollie, who takes the crown of this season's biggest rube. He knew it too — which is why he knocked over that light (among other things). Again, probably not the best strategy to explode like that, but everything could change with Big Brother Fast Forward tonight. So very excited.

As for the rest of the episode, there wasn't much else. Jerry won a sweet phone call from home, and bless his wife's heart, she seems great, but listening to the two of them speaking, I couldn't help but laugh. It was like two pigeons cooing. I was glad that America gave him the call, even though he can be absolutely ridiculous at times. I suppose that's it. On to the photocap!

Here's the photocap from last night. I had to abbreviate it though because I'm at an airport and about to board! Enjoy what I have so far!!

Things ain't looking too good for April and Ollie. Tuesday's veto episode didn't go quite their way (despite April's awkward attempts to buy Dan off with gold bars), and now it looks like our horny platinum blonde OCD sufferer might be headed out the door. I suppose we'll find out soon enough. In the meantime, here's the photocap from Tuesday's show...

Can't get enough Jessie? Well, here he is on The Gregory Mantell Show, an internet based series about bodybuilding, bodybuilders, and the people who love them. This clip is remarkable less for the silly things that Jessie says (we're used to that by now — but they're still hilarious), but more for the way the entire interview feels culled from a long lost Saturday Night Live parody. Needless to say, Jessie is truly in his element, from toe to head.

Via JokersUpdates

It's Sunday night, which means after an interminable two day wait, CBS has blessed us with another episode of Big Brother. There wasn't anything particularly stunning about this latest installment, but it was fun and funny all the same — culminating in two laugh-out-loud segments focusing on first April's "pet" poodle Polly and then on Ollie's strange phobia of birds. The latter scene provided us with another golden nugget from Michelle, who noted that Ollie would have been screwed in the age of "dinosaahhs" as a pterodactyl would have most certainly swooped down and ate him. You know what else would have been terrifying? THE DINOSAURS.

Nevertheless, this first episode of Renny's reign featured all too little frantic screaming from her. In fact, the best we got was some strange wheezing, but I don't feel comfortable really making fun of that as it came in response to her seeing pictures of her deceased parents. Even Keesha kept her shrieking to a minimum, eschewing her weekly meltdown in favor of quiet googly eyes towards Memphis. Speaking of whom, Memphis has quietly positioned himself perfectly with all alliances in the house. Everyone seems to like him, but make no mistake about it: he's still on everyone's radar, especially after he won that car (whose prices seems to escalate every week) back on week one. If April goes this week, look for the target to go back on him (assuming it doesn't land on Renny and Keesha). Also, note the way Michelle has so quickly and deftly distanced herself from Jerry, Ollie, and April. Wasn't it just a week ago that they were all buddy-buddy? She may be crazy/Portuguese (much in the same way that Renny is a Babe/Mom), but she seems to know what she's doing.

Anyway, onto the photocap...

Between CBS.com's slow posting schedule and my random trip to Vegas, I've been a bit behind with the Big Brother photocaps. That's not to say I'm any less entertained with the show. In fact, Big Brother 10 has been on an absolute tear the past few weeks. It's astounding how good this season has been. I'm almost sad that anyone has to even leave the house as the current configuration of characters has led to nothing but outrageous outbursts and nonsensical screaming, usually thanks to some dumb comment that's been misinterpreted ten times over.

Take, for example, the big blowout between Keesha, Libra, April, and Michelle. It all stemmed from a joke that Libra made at a "feast" that the house guests had won. Whether you love Libra or hate her, you can't deny that her joke was nothing more than just that — a joke. However, Michelle interpreted it as an attack on April and Keesha and perhaps the entire country. One thing led to another, and suddenly the lovey-dovey Feast of Dreams turned into an all out cat fight amongst the women. (Incidentally, the CBS show only showed a small portion of the silliness that transpired that night — which included, but was not limited to Michelle throwing pillows around the house and yelling at the top of her lungs.) It's honestly a shame that Libra or Keesha have to leave this week because I fear these brawls will never be the same.

Meanwhile, the ladies weren't the only ones making fools of themselves. Jerry ascended to the ranks of Sanctimonious Fool (an honor which seems to fall on at least one cast member every season). The old coot continued to go on and on about Dan hiding behind his cross, going so far as to call him "Judas" on multiple occasions. I don't think you need me to articulate why this logic is so flawed, but I will anyway. Jerry seems to have forgotten how on week one of the competition, he blatantly broke his word to Brian — so much so that he had to remove all his military garb when doing so. How was this different from Dan's actions. Jerry also noted how Dan vowed to give up his religion before betraying Jessie, but as far as I can tell, that deal was off the instance Jessie tried to get Dan nominated when Keisha was HOH. The point of this is that Jerry needs to shut his mouth (except for when he yells strange things like "BEEP BEEP!" "Hooonnnk!" or "SCREW YOU, PEOPLE!")

Anyway, onto last night's photocap...

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to find myself a primo spot in Julie Chen's live audience for Big Brother. It was an experience that was both massively entertaining and wildly surreal. As soon as it was over, I wanted to go back, but I soon learned that contrary to what the show's staff says and encourages, repeat visits are a no-no with the ticketing company. Well, I wasn't about to let some arbitrary, bureaucratic decision by a third party hinder my Big Brother experience. That's right, my friends and I headed straight back to the CBS Radford studio lot and plopped ourselves back in the BB audience. It wasn't easy though, and the chain of events that led to our seating verged on saga status. But we made it, and we were lucky enough to see one of the most amazingly idiotic exit interviews ever.

The full story — including Jessie's Early Show interview, the story behind that "whoop" during Libra's vote, and how I won a free t-shirt — after the jump...

So we meet again, Chenbot.

Once again, I was able to get into the Big Brother live audience tonight, and what a fantastic night to go. It was great. I came even closer to meeting the Chenbot, but alas it wasn't meant to be. On the upside, I won a free t-shirt. Bet you're really intrigued now!

Like last time, I'm too tired to write up the story tonight. Look for it sometime later today...

For all of you who haven't heard, Julie Chen has been popping up on The Late Late Show every Wednesday to chat with Craig Ferguson and the Big Brother house guests. The first week this happened, it was actually fairly hilarious, but that's because Craig Ferguson was pretty much screwing with house guests the entire time. In the ensuing weeks, he's softened up, and as a result, the segment has suffered for it — just not quite as funny. However, the interaction can still be entertaining, and on last night's episode, we learned three very important things. First, Julie Chen does a mean air-snap. Second, Libra just turned twenty-nine yesterday, despite her official CBS bio indicating that she was thirty-one at the beginning of the game (a medical miracle!!). And third, the majority of the house guests believe the earthquake last week was actually fake — an elaborate hoax made by CBS. Only Michelle, Jessie, Memphis, and Dan think there was actually a seismic event. Hey, I never said they were the smartest group of people, but they sure are entertaining.

Watch CBS Videos Online

In case you missed last night's triumphant, spectacular episode of Big Brother, here's one of the hour's defining moments: Keesha's super awkward birthday celebration, which came right smack dab in the middle of the biggest blow-up of the season. My only regret about the video above is that by starting the clip with the cast singing "Happy Birthday," you really don't get any sense that just minutes prior, they were all yelling. Nevertheless, Libra's so-hostile-it-hurts question, "Anybody want cake?" remains one of the most hilarious moments of the season. And of course, it only took about 3.2 seconds for the imbroglio to start right back up again. Classic.

There are Big Brother episodes and then there are BIG BROTHER episodes, and Tuesday's installment was the latter. Ranking as one of the best ever in the series' ten season history, the latest show featured one of the most ridiculous (yet ridiculously wonderful) fights of all time. It was all so petty, and yet that's what made it so spectacular. Everything stemmed from Libra having a bruised ego over basically nothing at all. When April got nervous that her nominations might not stay the same after the veto comp, Libra took that as a personal attack on her character and ability. Why? Well, she's a bit of drama queen. From there, everything just got out of control. Libra bitched to Keesha, and Keesha, never one to be second-fiddle in the drama department, took the opportunity to go off on April. Soon everyone was yelling at everyone (including Renny, whose "It's INAPPROPRIATE!!" line has become an instant classic), and in one of the most surreal, memorable, and absolutely hilarious interludes in reality TV history, the entire drama came to a total standstill as everyone paused to sing "Happy Birthday" to Keesha. I've never seen anything like it.

This actually constituted the third time I'd seen the big fight, as I'd watched it twice before on Big Brother: After Dark. I gotta say hearing a censored Keesha sort of neutered the fun a bit, but what the telecast lacked in F-Bombs, it more than made up for with the sort of fun editing that made the whole thing feel fresh again. Unfortunately, the editors omitted one of Libra's best lines of the night — a rant about how Jessie's tactics had failed on seasons one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight... AND NINE TOO! (I'll post a video later, perhaps) — and there were some hilarious Renny noises ("WHO? WHO?") that also didn't make the cut, but again, there was so much action in this episode, I understand that the editors couldn't keep everything.

And that's the thing: beyond just the blow-up, there was still so much more. Dan, the affable America's Player, was hilarious in his fifteen second hug with Jessie. And April was amazingly flighty as she first insisted that the nominations stay the same (thus spurring on the night's drama), and then when she had the chance to steal the veto, she passed it up for some cash. So all that fighting was essentially for nothing. Oh, what a sad commentary on humanity Big Brother makes.

Then there was Michelle. Oh Michelle. I did feel bad for her when she got screwed out of her Hawaii prize, but it was worth it to see her go all Montana Moorehead on the producers, bizarrely opting to show only her back to the camera as some strange protest of all things unitard. She claimed she didn't want to be made an ass out of on national television, but I wasn't sure how showing us her backside would resolve that concern. Nevertheless, her rant was worth price of admission alone — a glorious cherry on an already overflowing sundae of an episode.

So without further ado, here's the photocap...

Sunday's episode of Big Brother was entertaining, but truth be told, it was nothing compared to Friday's Big Brother After Dark. Without giving too much away, the entire house pretty much devolved into an insane fight, replete with yelling, screaming, and a random birthday party in the middle. Hopefully it will all be detailed on tonight's Big Brother episode. Unfortunately, the clash will most likely be reduced down to a mere ten or twenty minutes when in actuality, it lasted over two hours. This might be a good thing though, as anyone who watched the raw footage had to contend with Libra declaring "My feelings were HURT!" over and over and over again. Seriously, I'm gonna have to make a montage. (For a good take on the Friday night events, click here)

Nevertheless, while we steel ourselves for tonight's show, let's take a look back at Sunday's calm-before-the-storm activity via a photocap!

"Are you threatened by my deviant wave goodbye?"

As usual, CBS.com dragged their feet when it came to putting up screen caps from last week's live eviction episode. I was just going to skip the whole thing and move onto Sunday's show, but then I saw some of the photos, and as usual, I couldn't resist making fun. Enjoy...

(A photocap of Sunday's episode will be forthcoming.)

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Seriously, what the HELL were the Big Brother 10 houseguests thinking? I'm totally confused, angry, and... well... CONFUSED. This episode completely had me scratching my head. Don't get me wrong — it was a phenomenal episode. From the amazing Jerry fight (above) to Julie's pointed questions, it was all fantastic. And let's not forget the Chenbot-Dan smackdown. That's right: she certainly is married (TO THE HEAD OF THE NETWORK), but "Mrs. Chen" is her mom, DAN.

Apologies for having a late Big Brother photocap. CBS.com has been a bit screwy with the screen caps, and while in the past they've always had the pics up about an hour after the latest episode airs here in the west, this season, they've been a bit unreliable. Plus, after all that waiting, they didn't even put up any good shots from the Memphis-Jerry fight. Speaking of which, I guess Memphis isn't so unemotional after all. Something tells me that Jerry's "womanizer" comment touched a nerve that perhaps informs us a bit about Memphis's absent-during-childhood dad. Hmmm... How very Prince of Tides.

Nevertheless, I would have liked a bit more clarity on that fight. What was this incident that Jerry referred to where Memphis was disrespectful of him? And where did their rivalry come from? I loved the way Jerry handled himself during that clash, even if he was being quite judgmental. Hey, he's an old guy. That's what they do. Memphis probably could've used a chill pill. I enjoyed how after the fight Mems warned, "Call me a womanizer again and see what happens!" I really wish Jerry had said "womanizer" again. Would Memphis have punched him? Because that would have been hilarious — a young guy punching an old man. And while I'm still on this topic, why did Memphis act like the this was the first time he'd heard the "womanizer" comment when clearly he had already learned about it earlier? I mean, Memphis brought it up. He really shouldn't have been so surprised.

Aside from the Battle of MemJer, this episode was remarkable for the desperation of poor Jessie, who gloriously fell into a paranoid haze after being nominated. The idiot tried to convince Keesha to take him off the block by a) saying everything over-dramatically, b) leaning over as if he were doing squats, and c) employing tired cliches and forced metaphors. In other words, it was hilarious. I appreciated his mangling ("toe to head"), his bizarreness ("blow a shockwave through the water") and his general lack of creativity ("I didn't come here to make friends," "It's a dog eat dog world"). Most of all, I welcomed his new signature metaphor: "I'M IN JAIL!!!" Yes, Jessie, you are in jail — a lifetime prisoner at the California Correctional Facility for IDIOTS. Too bad Keesha is too self-involved to really care about his feelings. When she unnecessarily announced to the house that she had given her word to Libra, I couldn't help rolling my eyes. I mean, it feels like every episode Keesha has to gather everyone around and proclaim something VERY important about herself ("I'm loyal!" "Don't talk behind my back!" "I miss my dog!"). ENOUGH.

Anyway, on to the photocap...

MARY! ST. JOSEPH! I couldn't help but to put together this montage of some of Renny and Jerry's more explosive and bizarre sounds. Sure the Big Brother season is young, and sure there'll probably be plenty of good noises to come, but I just simply couldn't wait any longer. I'm just so locked in my ways. MARY! ST. JOSEPH! I'M LOCKED!!!

p.s. if you're not watching Big Brother 10, you should be.

Well, it's time for another Big Brother photocap. Sadly, by press time, CBS still hadn't posted pics from Wednesday's live eviction episode, which means we'll just have to move on to Sunday's show. That's okay though. There was plenty of good stuff to mock in this latest episode — specifically the HI-larious food competition, which proved to be one of the funniest ever, thanks to Renny who released her inner crow yet again. Watching her screaming and stumbling in a haze of confusion was nothing short of glorious. Add some frantic behavior from April (not to mention Michelle's New England accent and Jerry's hoarse screams), and we had a real doozy of a competition. Mind you, it wasn't exciting in the least, but man was it hilarious.

Sadly, CBS didn't really post any pictures of Renny struggling with the socks; so my mockery/love of her will be regrettably limited this week. Oh well.

Aside from the food competition, there were plenty of interesting things this episode. First, Keesha's bizarre nomination process. After spending a whole episode deciding between Libra and Memphis to go on the block she went with... Jessie? Hey, I'm all for it, and I get that maybe the producers wanted to throw us a fast one, but that really came out of left field. Whatever. Hopefully the whiney muscle man will go home — if only for the way he happily volunteered his supposed ally, Dan, to be nominated.

As for April and Ollie (Opril? Allie? Aollie? Aioli?), we learned that Ollie gets scared in relationships and equates the experience to driving headlong into a construction zone on the highway, which is apparently his biggest fear. Granted, he's not afraid of driving off the highway or even crashing. No, he just hates the orange cones. And maybe cement trucks. I don't know. It was a very complicated metaphor.

Nevertheless, photocap after the jump...

Last night, a Big Brother dream nearly came true. I came thiiiiis close to meeting the Chenbot. How? Well, I went to the Big Brother live eviction show, and needless to say, it was amazing. Not only was it super fun, but it was incredibly fascinating too. I can't describe how surreal it was to be right there as the evicted player walked out of the house and into Julie's studio. It was kind of the equivalent of watching any reality competition and having the eliminated contestant step out of the TV and into your living room. I'm telling you, it was a bit of a trip.

And speaking of trips, what a night to see the Chenbot — or should I call her the Tangbot? Julie was aflame in an orange pantsuit that at times made her look like a utility worker and at other times a prisoner. As bright as it might have seemed on TV, it was all the more iridescent in person. And thank God. If Julie had worn one of her classy black gettups, it wouldn't have been nearly as fun.

In a way, Julie's Vitamin-C wardrobe summed up the entire evening: nothing short of eye-popping.

It's been years in the making, and tonight, my dream of meeting the Chenbot came perilously close to fruition. Just how close? Well, that's me in the light blue shirt over her shoulder. That's right, I went to the live eviction show, and let me just say: it was awesome.

I'm a bit pooped now; so I'll write about it tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I just had to post this pic, graciously captured by brilliantmistake of Midseason Replacements. More screencaps and details to come...

I'm starting to feel like a smut peddler. Just days after their last erotic encounter in the Big Brother house, our favorite horny hamsters — Ollie and April — went at it again, this time with a bit more gyration, not to mention dialogue. That's right, about eight and a half minutes into the following video, April makes a very special request, and from the sounds of it, Ollie's only too happy to oblige.

After the jump, all the night vision excitement. And again, while all you see is a throbbing, pulsating duvet cover, this video might not be safe for work.

Via JokersUpdates.com

"Seriously, do I look stupid?"

How things change in the Big Brother house. A week ago I was praising Libra for deftly taking hold of the game and putting herself into a major power position. However, seven days with nothing to eat but slop can sure turn things around. Libra's completely lost her grasp on the game, instead ranting and raving throughout the house about some stupid comment about the old folks. Granted, she did have a point in that it sucked to have two old people on her food comp team, but a) it didn't really matter actually, as it wasn't a particularly physical competition, and b) that's the way the cookie crumbles; so get over it. Nevertheless, you had to admire Jerry, and particularly Renny for taking Libra to task over her comments. Despite all the sturm und drang, Libra couldn't deny the insulting implications of her complaints, and for a moment, it looked like she might have wound up on the chopping block. That would have delighted Keesha, who seems to make it a habit to spend every episode bashing a different member of her alliance. This time, it was Libra who received (behind her back) the brunt of Keesha's "she's such a BITCH!" remarks. For someone who flips out over the slightest comment behind her back, Keesha certainly has no problem badmouthing others...

And getting back to that big blowout, I couldn't help but notice that Keesha seemed complicit in stirring up Jerry's rage, and yet when he later went off on Libra, Keesha just sat there, acting surprised — but not in a strategic, "I planned this all along" way. She's a bit slippery, isn't she? And she's looking more like Daniele Donato with each passing day...

As for Jerry, I know I'm not the only one who had to rewind the Tivo multiple, multiple times when he, as host of the Veto competition, screamed out the words "BEEP! BEEP!" The shear abruptness of the moment along with his complete inability to sound anything like a car proved to be nothing short of hilarious. And let's not forget when he croaked out the word "Honnnnk" a few minutes later. Amazing. Between him and Renny, I've never seen so many glorious senior sound effects captured on one show.

Last, but not least, there's Jessie, who continues to be totally ridiculous. I loved when he said he was "supposedly the youngest player" — as if that were somehow disputable; like maybe he might just be older than Libra. This was only topped by his assertion that he had a girlfriend — a girlfriend who was well aware that he was single. Huh? Not sure how that works. Nevertheless, watching him again lambast Steven for taking twenty-four hours to visit his room, it occurred to me that this was the second time this season that Jessie has felt disrespected over a twenty-four hour time period. After all, he complained that it took Renny twenty-four hours to apologize. I'm starting to think he may just have no concept of time. I can just imagine him waiting five minutes to use the toilet and then later complaining, "You don't realize. I had to wait TWENTY-FOUR HOURS to use the toilet. Do you know how disrespectful that is?"

Anyway, I've talked too much. Photocap after the jump...

Jessie from Big Brother 10 and Chris Kattan's Mr. Peepers from Saturday Night Live. It's not a perfect match, but somehow it works.

Thanks to A Fisher for the pic.

Big Brother powered on last night with a relatively low-key episode. I thought we'd see Libra and Jerry fighting after the food competition, but maybe the producers are merely holding that off for Tuesday's show. In any case, there were still plenty of amusing moments, particularly coming from Jesse, who added new cocky dimensions to his douchiness. The producers must absolutely hate him because it's obvious they're giving him a terrible "edit," as they say, but nevertheless, he really does seem like a jerk. He talks down to people (particularly Angie and Renny), he rolls his eyes, and he says stupid things. All the more fodder for this blog.

Photocap after the jump...

Usually when people have sex in the Big Brother household, it happens late at night under the grainy gaze of infrared cameras. Thanks to Ollie and April, however, that visually-challening tradition has been bucked. Yes, the two lovebirds got it on earlier this morning right in the middle of the spa room, and as you can imagine, the Big Brother cameras caught it all. You can't really see much — just some general gyrations and erotic footsie — but it's all good times nonetheless.

After the break, check out the videos (while they're still up on YouTube). Again, there's nothing X-rated about the visuals, but if animal noises and blanket undulations are a bit much for you, then perhaps you should refrain.

As usual, CBS waited four days after the live eviction episode of Big Brother to post the latest screen caps from the show, which explains why this photocap is so late. Gosh, I hardly even remember what happened on Wednesday. Let's see... Brian was evicted, but not before putting on a funny puppet show; Jesse and Renny bickered on live TV; oh, and Keesha and April fought like two rabid kittens. Unfortunately, CBS highly edited the confrontation, but anyone who watched Big Brother: After Dark Tuesday night saw the whole thing unfold in all its glory. And let me tell you, it was glorious, especially since the entire thing all came down to a misunderstanding over an enema. That's right — the reason why April was so mad at Keesha was because after Keesha chatted privately with Angie, she then approached Jerry about an enema. April, however, assumed that Angie had turned Keesha, and Keesha was now going to report to Jerry that she was now pro-Brian. After all, why wouldn't Keesha come DIRECTLY to Libra and April after talking with Angie? And so the fight was born. I love this show.

Loud language; may be NSFW

This clip from Big Brother is kind of amazing. It starts off slow and mundane, but then halfway through, BAM!! However, (spoiler alert) it WILL tell you who wins the food competition. If you can deal with that, then enjoy...

Part II after the jump... (via Jokers Updates)

I simply cannot believe we're only two episodes into Big Brother 10, and it's already this intense. Has this ever happened? My heart was racing I was so excited with all the twists and turns that took place over this second hour of the season. Renny has quickly jumped to the top of my favorites list — I love her spunk, not to mention the fact that she's not afraid to mouth off to that little punk Jessie. What a douche he's rapidly turning into. Well, we knew he was a bitch after the first episode, but man, between his eye rolling at the fairly relevant (if long winded) King Solomon story and his continued whining about being on the block (not to mention the crotch grabbing and general piss-poor attitude), he's really become quite awful.

The real villain, however, has turned out to be Brian — a snake if there ever was one. Watching him trying to arrogantly mastermind the house has been frustrating at times, but thanks to Libra (also shooting to the top of my list), it looks like his days might (but not necessarily!) be numbered. She's one smart cookie, and watching her kick into game mode was both exhilarating and scary. She whipped April into shape with the sort of stern authority that might bite her in the ass later on. And speaking of April, her burgeoning showmance with Ollie has already proven to be quite the excellent development. No, not because I care about their late night nookie sessions, but because it yielded the first major conflict of the season. Thanks to his conflicted feelings (bros before hos? Hos before bros? What's an Ollie to do?), he wound up ratting out his entire alliance, causing a massive power shift in the game.

In short, this episode was thrilling. The only thing more riveting was the ensuing episode of Big Brother After Dark. I won't give anything away, but let's just say it involved a cat fight, several variations of the phrase "Fuck that fucking barbie-ass bitch!" and an unfortunate enema misunderstanding.

Big Brother is back!

On to the photocap...

"Wait 'til you see these idiots."

Big Brother is back, and based on last night's premiere, I think I can say without over-exaggeration that we've got an awesome cast. While I liked the winter batch, this new clan of house guests are fantastic. CBS hyped up the diversity big time, and so far, it looks like this back-to-basics approach with casting has paid off. In short, I love these characters.

Of course, I could be riding the post-Big-Brother-premiere high, but I really do think this season has tons of potential. We already had great comedy with the clash of Renny, the eclectic hair stylist from N'Orleans, and Jessie, the whiny bodybuilder from Iowa. When he complained that her cackling (which was admittedly ear-piercing) had been keeping him awake, I couldn't help but laugh as Renny simply dismissed it with a blasé "lighten up." It's about time we got a tough old cookie in the household (oh how I would have liked to have seen her face off against Evel Dick).

Then, of course, there's Michelle, who was already my pre-premiere favorite. She might turn out to be deathly annoying, but for now, I can't help but think she's the best, especially after her no-nonsense introduction, "I'M MICHELLE." I hope she lasts a few more weeks, if only so we can see just how salty her personality can get. And let's not forget, she's Portuguese, and apparently that makes her INSANE!!! I don't know why that makes her insane, but maybe she'll tell a whole bunch of off-color Ferdinand Magellan jokes (and let's face it: that would be insane).

If Michelle is my favorite (for now), I'd have to give second place to Jerry (or Renny — I love old people on reality shows). How could you not like Jerry? He's a great-grandpa! And he's jolly! On the flip side, Jesse seems to be the biggest douche so far, and Brian looks to be not too far behind (however, if he proves to be an expert schemer, I could start to like him). Memphis also seems like he's veering towards suckiness, but I'll refrain from passing full judgment on him until the week plays out.

Curiously, I thought I'd hate Ollie, but he actually seemed okay. I liked how he told us, "I don't drink. Alcoholic, that is," — as if we thought he literally didn't consume any liquids whatsoever. HE'S MAGICAL! And Dan, who I'm sure I will hate ultimately, didn't grate me quite as badly as I thought he would have (give him time though). April, meanwhile, seems annoying, but her entertainment potential is through the roof. I liked how she introduced herself by saying, "I'm April, and IIIII know how to handle MEN!" Plus, she has OCD, which is always fun times. As for everyone else, I'm gonna need another day or two to make some definitive opinions. I must admit I was amused by Steven the gay cowboy. He announced to us that he didn't want to share that he was gay just yet; however, during the nomination ceremony, his t-shirt, which featured a "Pure Gravy" logo, folded over in such a way that it actually read "Pure Gay." Nice Mad Magazine hint there.

Anyway, enough talk. Time for the first true photocap of the season!

Click the photo to see the video.

I'm shocked that CBS refuses to embed this video because it's not only amusing, but it features probably one of Julie Chen's funniest intentional moments in ages. You have to wait 'til the end for it, but it's great and makes me love her all over again. Check out the clip here.

CHENBOT '08!

(I don't even know what that means, but I like it)

Watch CBS Videos Online

Oh glorious day! CBS has finally revealed the cast for Big Brother 10, and as expected, it's quite the diverse group. Sure, there are plenty of pretty people and bartenders, er, "mixologists," but we've also got one gay cowboy, one seventy-five year-old great grandpa, a sassy fiftysomething woman, an OCD sufferer, TWO black people (a Big Brother rarity), and a delightful mix of ardent conservatives and unabashed liberals. And best of all, they're all complete strangers. This looks promising. Very, very promising.

So in the grand tradition of making flash impressions on reality shows, I've taken every photo (and parts of their bios) and tried to assign personalities to each cast member, knowing full well that I could be completely wrong. But hey, that's part of the pre-season fun. Pics after the jump...

Can you hear that noise? It's the sound of my heart pounding like crazy as the Big Brother season fast approaches. Word on the Internets is that the cast will be revealed in all its glory tomorrow morning, but in the meantime, we have this teaser commercial, which features three of the new faces we'll either love, loathe, or forget about by the time the summer is over. Enjoy!

Via Jokers Updates

UPDATE: New commercial after the jump!

In less than two weeks, the tenth season of Big Brother will premiere on CBS, and I can't tell you how excited I am. Sure, we just finished season nine a scant eight weeks ago, but Big Brother is a drug like none other, and I don't care if I have to wait two months or two minutes for a new season. I want it NOW.

Of course, there were a lot of people who didn't love last season (unlike the vast majority, I enjoyed Til Death Do You Part quite a bit), but hopefully, plenty of viewers will return this summer and keep this most beloved of guilty pleasures alive and well. If you don't watch Big Brother, it's never too late to start. Why not give it a try this summer? As I like to say, it's not just a show. It's an experience. But be warned: without fail, the first three episodes are always exceedingly bland and boring to newbies. However, after three episodes, Big Brother will most certainly sink its claws into you and never let you go. That's a good thing.

So here's the good news. While the July 12th 13th premiere date is still a few days off, CBS will be revealing the new cast this Wednesday (according to Jokers Updates, which may or may not be wrong). I'll be sure to have a complete analysis right here at bsideblog.com, and of course, there will be photocaps of every show throughout the season. Tell all your friends!

Who wants to start their week off with some light insensitivity? You do? GREAT! Let's take a look at this blog entry from Amy Crews, formerly of Big Brother 3. Now, I've always liked Amy, but this story of hers is just ridiculous. It sort of plunges into awfulness so aggressively that it comes full circle and becomes oddly hilarious (in an awful sort of way). Read for yourself:

(If you don't know who she is, just imagine a Southern Belle yapping this paragraph)

I am having Jose Beltran Gomez-Aguilar deported. I feel VERY patriotic about this - like I am a real American (said like George Bush “rill Mercan”). It is the first time I have had someone deported, and I must admit, living in such a small town, I have been somewhat leery of eating at the Pepper’s Mexican Restaurant since the incident. Jose broke into my house, which is about the only crime that has taken place on this side of the tracks in Port St. Joe in years. He broke into my house after the Taste of the Coast event while Sugar Plum and I were sitting in the living room with all of the lights on, television blaring and dogs barking. He broke into my house not once, but 3 times that evening. Don and I are weapons people, so after we heard him in the kitchen the first time, and after we realized that is was not Little Henry the ghost, we quickly armed ourselves. Since there is no crime in Port St. Joe, the police were here in literally less than a minute. They found Jose with no shoes on out in our dog pin. He had gotten himself in there, and couldn’t figure out how to get out. I went to his first court date, and found out that he can’t speaka da English. His translator entered a plea of “not guilty” which pissed me off royally. Brian from the State’s Attorney’s office called me the next week and told me that he is illegal. Imagine that. So after he serves his 6 months for breaking in my house, he will promptly be deported back to the Mexico where he belongs. I feel good about that. In other news, I had the BEST birthday I have ever had in my life last week...

And with that, the blog entry then goes on about her birthday for another 300 words or so. If that doesn't qualify as an amazing/terrible tonal shift, I don't know what does.

• All They Will Call Him is "Deportee" [MySpace via Jokers Updates]

Video of the year?

When I was away in Europe, Big Brother wrapped up its season, and I just couldn't let it go to the grave without one last photocap. I know a lot of people really detested this latest go-around, but I loved it. And for the first time in four seasons, I actually was happy with the winner. Here's to three months well spent. Can't wait for July...

It'll be a while before CBS posts screen caps from last night's excellent Big Brother episode; so in the meantime, enjoy this hilariously ridiculous eviction — complete with sobs, dramatic statements, technical gaffes, and, of course, Chenbot sympathy. Bonus points for the surprise appearance of Sheila's catch phrase: "Adam didn't really owe me anything...." If Sheila had added "But he kind of does," I would have died. Died inside. DIED!!!

How delighted was I to find Julie Chen greeting us at the beginning of last night's Big Brother? The last thing I expected was to see her smiling face, but there she was. I should have realized that there'd be an eviction, what with the number of remaining guests left in the house. There was no way to maintain a normal schedule by Sunday's finale. Well, this accelerated schedule added an extra whiff of excitement to the show, and my only regret was that we didn't get more jury house action. I'm hoping that tonight's live show gives us a full update (not to mention some background on Sheila's home life. We haven't seen anything about that).

Fun times as always. Here are the pics...

I nearly fainted when I saw that Big Brother had been preempted in New York for forty uninterrupted minutes of the Pope getting on an airplane, but luckily, CBS.com proved to be my friend again. I watched the episode online, and voila, here's the photocap!

It may have been several day ago, but Wednesday's installment of Big Brother was great. We had fights in the house, squirming on the live show, drama on the jury, a tie in the voting, and an HOH competition fraught with conspiracy theories and intrigue (and a tie breaker). I loved every ounce of it. Well, almost every ounce of it. I was truly sad to see Natalie go. I really liked her, even though she did spout off about Jesus every two seconds. She looked absolutely devastated to be going home, and I don't think I've ever felt so bad for an evictee before. I mean, two quote her, she looked D-U-N DUN. It really was one of those soul-crushing moments. When she stood there by the door one last time and had this hopeless, sobbing look on her face, I just felt terrible. Call me a softy (or call me crazy), but that's the way I felt. So sue me!

Then there was that HOH competition. Now, I'm not necessarily a Sharon fan, but when it looked like she might be winning the competition, I got kind of excited. A victory by her would turn everything upside down. Plus, it would be cosmic justice for getting rid of Natalie. However, as we all know, she did not win because on the deciding question, Julie asked if there were still any pre-exististing relationships in the house, and Sharon essentially said no. There was a huge pause, and then Julie said that Ryan was right (as he had said yes -- or "fact"). The pre-existing relationship? The guinea pigs. This was a such a cheap, trick question, and it immediately reeked of producer shenanigans -- almost as if they wanted Ryan to win (or at least push it to a tie-breaker, which is what ultimately happened). Honestly, when you've trapped these people in a house for two months and they've come this far, it's an enormously dick move to have their quest for half a million dollars hinge on such a stupid question. Nevertheless, the resultant tie-breaker led to a Ryan HOH win, which I'm fine with, but it's just not as interesting as if Sharon had won. Oh well.

Here's the photocap...

"Friends forever, right Big Sheila?"

It'll be a while before CBS posts their pics from last night's Big Brother, but in the meantime, here are some photos the house guests took earlier this week. Enjoy...

Big Brother was one hell of a doozy tonight. The drama was pretty much as good as it can ever get. I don't anticipate that CBS will have the screen shots up before Sunday; so it might be a while before there's a photocap. In the meantime, for fans of the show, this clip is a MUST. For over five seasons, we've waited and waited and waited for something truly exciting to happen at the sequester house, and at long last, we finally had fireworks.

As you'll see in the video above, Crazy James once again proves that he's totally incapable of not blaming others for his own mess. He immediately holds Chelsia responsible for his ouster, saying that her parting comments in the house are what did him in. That's right, it wasn't his mopey attitude or angry self-pity or sanctimonious hypocrisy or vulgar tirades or the fact that he went back on his word in a major way to the point where no one could truly ever trust him. No, it was Chelsia's snippy/hilarious/cringe-worthy rant that turned all these people against poor James.

Now I'm no Chelsia fan — despite her VERY modern haircut — but even I felt bad for her as she sat there and listened to the one guy she cared for rail on her for being his downfall. Way to be a gentleman, James. Good to see you're still championing the return of niceness to this world.

Oh, but it gets worse. After making Chelsia feel so shitty that she stomps out of the room in tears, James has the temerity to wander into her room with a big smile and ask "What's wrong?" To paraphrase Sheila, are you frickin kidding me??? You just made the girl who supported you through thick and thin feel like the lowest scum of the Earth, and now you want to play all naive about why she's sad? Awful. But again, IT GETS WORSE.

James then reassures Chelsia that "I was a homeless kid that walked into Big Brother with no money. I'm okay with leaving with no money, but knowing that I fell for a girl." Well, obviously he wasn't okay with leaving with no money; otherwise he wouldn't have bitterly cut down the girl he allegedly cares for. Aren't "nice" people supposed to let bygones be bygones? And furthermore, enough with this homeless junk. Anyone who willingly lives on the streets, especially while maintaining a corporate sponsor (ie. American Apparel), does not deserve to play the homeless card.

Still, once James was able to make Chelsia cry, he seemed to be at peace with the whole situation. But I think it will be a long time before he ever takes any responsibility for his actions. I can't even imagine the sanctimonious questions he'll be asking come jury time. Only ten days away...

The nonstop parade of Sheila-isms continued on last night's Big Brother as the reigning cougar of the house plotted the ouster of Natalie. It's sort of sad watching this once proud alliance cannibalize itself, but it was the inevitable post-James outcome. Either way, the two guys are sitting pretty. All three girls seem determined to go with them to the final three. Strategy-wise, it makes sense for Sheila to target Natalie because she does seem to be an endurance queen, but still, whenever two people are jockeying for a third spot in an alliance, the smartest thing they can do is join forces and turn the tables (Janelle and Erika against Chill Town, anyone?). That probably won't happen though.

Also, all this drama over Natalie is sort of redundant. Sheila's ultimately afraid that Natalie's gonna target her next week (something that's not entirely out of the question), and while no one likes to feel like a target, the truth is that no matter who wins HOH, Sheila will still have to lay it all out for POV. She'll need it to either take herself off the block or keep herself from the block. No matter what, if she loses, she's going up. (Although, technically, I guess if she's not nominated and the HOH wins the veto, there are better odds that she'll stay off the block despite losing). Point is that the girls are putting too much weight into the nomination process. Now, if Natalie were to cast the deciding vote between Sheila and one of the guys, well, then yeah, there might be some problems there...

But until then, the photocap!

If there was ever an episode of Big Brother for Sheila fans, Sunday night's was it. There was so much "SheBot" going on that my TV nearly exploded. It was one glorious moment after another, and oddly enough, some of it was actually quite heartwarming. To be honest, I thought some of the fun of the show might have left when James walked his villainous self out the door, but I'm happy to report that the show is still just as entertaining as ever. Poor Natalie, who I've liked for the past several weeks, is now getting the full antagonist treatment, which is not totally unmerited. She started playing both sides of the house too early and too unscrupulously. Oh well. I don't hate her though.

But enough game talk. Onto the photocap...

As is always the case with the Big Brother live eviction episodes, CBS didn't post the screen caps until Sunday evening, which meant I didn't get around to doing the photocap until today. Complicating matters was that my Sunday afternoon wound up a bit more booze-fueled than usual. Needless to say, if I had tried to cobble this together last night, the captions may have been mildly nonsensical.

So here's the latest photocap. I'm now gonna finish last night's episode. The newest recap will be up later this afternoon. Thanks for your patience!

With the Big Brother season entering its final stretch, I decided to check in with former winner and current Dr. 90210 star Dr. Will Kirby to find out what's been going on in his world. Brief interview after the jump.

Here's the news for those of you who haven't been keeping up with their Big Brother gossip. Nick and Jen from Big Brother 8 have been dating for a little while now. Don't know how it happened, and I don't know why it happened, but I'm sort of glad it DID happen. After all, now Jen's supposedly self-involved theories from her season about Nick liking her and Daniele being jealous might actually be true, which means the Donatos were wrong all along. Heh.

Anyway, I guess Jen stayed in Vanna White's good graces (she was her nanny, in case you forgot) because Jen and Nick popped up in the audience for Wheel of Fortune last night. This is literally a three second clip, but hey, it's infinitely more interesting than anything CBS has aired about "Evel" Dick.

Last night's episode of Big Brother was great for one and only one reason: we got to see Sheila bark, "Yew know wut, Adam? Thank yew, THANK YEW!!" And yes, that was a quote verbatim. I probably watched that line over about three times in a row. As for the rest of the show, well, that was all pretty damn good too.

Photos after the jump...

Adam, Adam, Adam. What were you THINKING? Why is it always at this crucial stage of the game when someone does something absolutely idiotic and totally jeopardizes everything? Hurricane Howie season 6, anybody? Chicken George season 7, anybody? America voting Dustin off season 8, anybody? UGH.

Of course, these are just noms. Nothing is sealed until the veto happens. Actually, it already happened, and I already know the results, but I ain't saying nuthin' until Tuesday night. In the meantime, check out the photocap...

Isn't it great when the pressures of Big Brother cause people to crack? And isn't it even greater when it happens to reality stars you just can't stand?? Oh, what a sublime way to start the week.

CBS dragged its feet on posting the screen shots from Wednesday's eviction show, but at long last, they finally went up, which meant I could do the photocap. I momentarily considered simply skipping the episode and moving onto tonight's drama, but then I realized that I simply could not let Josh's awful exit go uncommented on.

After the jump, the eviction photocap, and while you read that, I'm gonna put together the latest wrap up from Sunday's nomination episode. Enjoy!

Seriously, CBS needs to post its screen caps to Wednesday's Big Brother episode pronto. I know the executives and webmasters have more important things to do like driving around in their B-M-DoubleYews, but the next installment is less than a day away! This could be a disaster!

Yew know wut, CBS? Yew don't owe me a timely resolution on this matter, but ya kinda dew!!!

The latest Big Brother episode was on Wednesday. It's been over two days, and we still don't have official screen caps, which means I can't do a photocap. Don't you understand, CBS? If you don't post the pics, I'm gonna die inside. Die. DIE.

In the meantime, y'all will have to wait a bit. Yew know wut? Yew don't owe me some patience, but ya kinda dew!! Thank yew! THANK YEW!!!

I'm sorry. I can't contain my disgust for James. I know I should be mature and just ignore him, but I simply can't. It's too easy to rant when you have a blog. In this clip, posted today on JokersUpdates, James discusses the origins of his pink mohawk, which comes not from any innate craziness but from the American Apparel marketing department. Apparently the company, which sponsored his bike trip for niceness, suggested that James wear all pink, and never one to turn down free clothes, James went along with it. Nothing wrong with that (unless, of course, you specifically chastise everyone around you for being materialistic... which is what James did).

The good news for James was that his new pink look had an added fringe benefit. To quote him:

"And people always... associate the pink with, like, breast cancer awareness and stuff like that; so they're more willing to give you, like, free shit... I don't say anything. They're like 'You're doing a good thing.' I'm like alright dude, thanks."

Taking advantage of good will and breast cancer sympathy all in the pursuit of free stuff? Not materialistic at all! And so very NICE.

Oh Big Brother. You cruel, cruel mistress. Last night was a classic Big Brother emotional roller coaster. There were highs, there were lows, and there were laughs. Oh so many laughs. Watching Joshuah sob by himself was almost worth the price of admission. Watching Joshuah make Sheilah sob too was even better. However, while there was plenty of wonderful drama and fighting and tears, it simply couldn't mask the profound sense of frustration I felt throughout the episode — an emotion that only grew stronger in me as we approached the one hour mark. This show isn't good for my mental health, people. I'm pulling out my hair, aging five years faster than I should be. And for what? Another awful person to win the whole thing? After last year's Dick Donato fiasco, I don't think I can take another sucky winner, but if this keeps up, that might just be what I'm in for...

And now, photos.

It's Sunday, which means CBS just aired another delightful installment of Big Brother. The nomination episodes are usually the most low key of the week, but that's okay because they give us a chance to enjoy the dumb things our merry captives do to keep themselves busy — you know, like playing hide and seek, stirring up middling whirlpools, staring at photos psychotically. Typical stuff, really.

However, the shortage of activities in the compound doesn't mean there's a dearth of fun pictures from CBS. The latest photocap after the jump...

No one gets in a tizzy more than Big Brother's Sheila, and while some find her histrionics irritating, I think they're hilarious. Here's a brief clip from Wednesday's Big Brother After Dark in which she and Natalie revel in the outcome of that night's HOH contest. It gets funnier the more you watch it.

Thank God we have Sheila this season. Otherwise, I would have died. I would have DIED. DIED!!!

CBS finally put up their screen caps from Wednesday night's episode of Big Brother; so without further ado, here's a look back at the eviction show through the magic of pictures.

BTW, I've decided to start calling these posts "photocaps" because a) I like making new words, and b) it's photos + a recap. Photocap!