Recently in Top Chef Category

Yesterday afternoon, while my friend Jash and I were getting drunk and watching TV, a most curious text message arrived on my phone. It came from my friend Caty, and for whatever reason, I felt the need to read it out loud (not a normal practice).

"This message is from my friend, Caty," I said, as if Jash even cared. "Just met Spike from Top Chef... You know him? He's nice."

Three. Two. One... MUTUAL GASP.

Maybe it was the booze or maybe it was our unhealthy obsession with Top Chef, but this news made Jash and I drop our jaws at the exact same time. (Sort of funny because it's not like the coolest news ever, even though it is pretty cool. I blame the booze). Anyway, I immediately called up Caty and asked her for the story. Turns out she had mixed up her bearded chefs. She had really meant to say "Andrew," who of course is just as awesome in our books. She said he was really cool and friendly and whatnot, but to be honest, the specifics are a little hazy (booze). All I do remember is that I commanded Caty to get a photo posthaste. And that's what she did. What a good friend. And what a cool chef. One more pic after the jump...

With last night's (slightly dull) reunion special, Top Chef: Chicago came to a triumphant end. I was really hoping for more histrionics and drama in the episode — or at the very least, some hostile barking from Lisa — but we really only got a bunch of montages that weren't too great. I did, however, enjoy re-watching some of the big fights, and the Lisa montage was great (if not a bit lacking in some of her finer tantrums).

Still, the reunion could have been much better. Andy Cohen practically ignored Nikki, not to mention practically everyone who was eliminated in the first seven episodes. On the plus side, we did get to see Gail Simmons sleeping at the judges table and the unveiling of this season's t-shirt: "I Have a Culinary Boner." I must admit for the first time ever a) I would buy the t-shirt, and b) the catchphrase is actually funny (unlike CJ's dumb line from last season -- which I don't even remember). Also, what was up with the random Zoi (pronounced "Zoey" not "ZOY") and Jen relationship intrigue. They acted all cagey about their romantic status (translation: broken up) as if the paparazzi were just knocking down their doors at all times. Jen in particular got all red in the face (I assume she was embarrassed, but perhaps she's an alky. HENCE THE BREAKUP -- allegedy).

Anyway, as usual Bravo posted a poor selection of photos on their website; so rather than give you an anemic photocap with only five pics, I decided to also go back and pluck some images from earlier in the season before I started to do the photocaps. Enjoy!

Click to play

Tonight, Bravo airs the Top Chef: Chicago reunion, and what better way to get in the mood than by listening to the music of Padma Lakshmi. No, these aren't original compositions. These are merely a sampling of her favorite tunes, which she shared on Los Angeles NPR outpost, KCRW. To hear the segment, click on the player above. It's worth a listen if only to hear Padma's "Thank you" in the first fifteen seconds (not to mention her description of Robert Palmer's "louche sexiness" later on).

Unsurprising quote of the program: "You know, there was all this marijuana smoke around me!"

• The Music of Padma Lakshmi [Eater LA]
• Guest DJ Project [KCRW]

FUCK YOU, bloggers!

Doing much to dispel her reputation as a pugnacious uber-bitch in search of a simple congratulations, Top Chef's Lisa Fernandes tells the The New York Daily News that "No matter what the blogs say about me not taking into consideration about what the judges tell me, or that I don't respond well to criticism, that's not true." Point taken. In fact, Lisa responds to criticism so well that she also says this:

Oh no, I don't read the blogs – you couldn't pay me to read the blogs. I don't want to know what people who can't even afford to eat in my restaurant, let alone know how to cook have to say about me, and the few comments I did read on Eater.com a few weeks back because my job asked me to read 'em. The best they could come up with was that I was ugly.

So there you have it. Even though the blogs that she DOESN'T read say she doesn't take criticism well, she's proven that everything does in fact roll right off her back. Well done!

Lisa Fernandes is last New Yorker standing on 'Top Chef' [NY Daily News via Serious Eats]

Last night, another sweet and spicy season of Top Chef drew to a close, but not before giving us a tasting menu's worth of anxiety as the producers successfully conned me into believing that Lisa actually had a chance of winning the whole thing. I knew it was just a bunch of misdirection, but stranger things have happened on Top Chef, and after serving a bowl of Tom Kha soup that Gail would NOT. SHUT. UP. about, I thought Lisa might actually get the official congratulations she so desperately sought out.

Thankfully, justice prevailed, and the deserving chef won. All is right with this world again. However, before we turn our attention to the next crop of Bravo competitions (Shear Genius, Project Runway 5), let's look back for one last season 5 photocap, shall we?

Well, hello.

Top Chef wraps up its solid fourth season tonight, which means that by the end of the evening, one of the three remaining "cheftestants" will be walking home with the proverbial gold medal. By most accounts, it's a tight race between the affable Richard (he of the oft-maligned faux-hawk, the dorky puns, and the generally well-executed dishes) and the dark horse Stephanie (really? I keep thinking she got eliminated five weeks ago). However, there's always a chance that the bitter, living incarnation of Cookiepus, Lisa (best known for her perma-scowl, greasy hair, and gruff attitude) will serve as the spoiler yet again. Most people are shocked she's made it this far as it appears there have been a host of other chefs seemingly more deserving of a shot at the finals than she. However, this is Top Chef, a show that hasn't been afraid to knock frontrunners out the competition following one bad pilaf. Remember Sam? How about Tre? Anything goes on Top Chef, and it got me thinking: what have been the most surprising exits in the series' history? Who have been the chefs that we thought had a true shot at the finals, only to come up short?

Well, Top Chef headed down to Puerto Rico last night for part one of its finale, and I have to say, I was none to happy with the results. The outcome was a veritable "FUCK YOU!" to the audience; although, I suppose I can understand the judges' rationale. Truth is that since we can't eat the food, we can't really say with authority who should truly stay or go. All I will say is that certain chefs with bad attitudes and even worse hairstyles have been on the bottom of nearly every competition this season while others with marvelous palettes and affable personalities have won multiple competitions. Is the fix in? Perhaps.

Photocap after the jump.

And by the way, I know you're busy doing whatever you do all day, but a congratulations for posting this would have been a little bit nice...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our Top Chef final four. After a grueling beef-based episode that saw the chefs conquering the famed Chicago steakhouse scene, one unlucky person was unceremoniously chopped from competition like a lonesome ribeye at the butchery. Okay, that was a forced analogy, but on an installment that was all about meat, how could I resist a little steak punnage?

Nevertheless, the outcome of the episode wasn't entirely surprising. Heck, we called it right from the getgo. But the producers did try to fool us (didn't even come close to working), and in the end, while I was sad to see the loser go home, I knew there was no other viable choice for the judges.

Anyway, to the photocap!

When Padma said that Top Chef had thrown "Restaurant Wars" to the wayside to make room for "Wedding Wars," I knew it just couldn't be true. Sure enough, the seasonal tradition was back last night as the remaining six contestants split into two teams and duked it out, culinary style. In one kitchen were the three strongest chefs: Richard, Antonia, and that girl I keep thinking is eliminated but isn't (Stephanie?). In the other kitchen was the trainwreck crew: Dale, Lisa, and Spike. So what happened? Well, the strong chefs excelled, and the trainwreck chefs, well, they created a trainwreck. Thankfully, Spike stayed out of the fray, leaving him safe at the Judges' Table, but the Dale and Lisa rivalry finally came to a head, and one of them was sent packing. Who was it? Well, let's just say his name rhymes with his attitude: STALE.

Anyway, here's the photocap. Request to Bravo: more photos from the tastings and judges' table. Thanks in advance, Andy Cohen!

Wow, the tempers certainly were flaring on last night's Top Chef. Thanks to one of the most colorful bottom threes in recent memory, the assembled panel of Tom, Pad, Ted, and Sam (wtf?) were on the receiving end of many angry, defensive remarks. I guess that's what happens when you have certifiable (but lovable) nut job Andrew squaring off against raging hell-bitch Lisa. As Chef Tom Colicchio loves to say, there certainly was a lot of FINGER POINTING going on.

Overall, it was a thoroughly amusing episode. The only thing that was missing was our old friend Gail. Aside from her absence, we had all the usual fun stuff: Antonia babbling about her family, blue-collar people enjoying fancy food, ghosts sabotaging Lisa's rice, and Richard Blais being AWFUL (this week, he managed to make his dumb haircut look even worse by applying some sort of elastic headband apparatus). Sadly, Bravo's screencaps don't include any shots from the Judges Table, which is too bad because that's where all the fun stuff happens, but we'll just have to make do with the other pics.

Now that Big Brother is over and done, I can focus on other shows to make fun of, and what better choice than Top Chef, the jewel in the culinary genre's crown? Last night's episode eschewed "Restaurant Wars" for "Wedding Wars," resulting in an enjoyably cranky episode full of several dramatic flare ups. The end result was nothing too surprising, but the bickering at panel was worth it. Ultimately, I would have preferred restaurant wars over a wedding competition, but hey, considering that there are about three seasons of Top Chef a year, I'm sure we'll have a restaurant throw-down soon enough.

Still, any episode that features Gail is A-OK with me. Not only is she the most incisive and lovable, but watching her and Padma interact is a wellspring of hilarity. You know, on the one hand you've got Padma, the tall, beautiful model who runs in all the popular circles. On the other hand you have GAIL: plump, brainy, sidekicky. It makes for the perfect dynamic. I always imagine Padma just oozing condescension towards poor Gail. In a perfect world, there'd be a show featuring just these two, and it could be called Pad & Gail. It would be awesome.

And now, the photocap...

It's sort of funny that last night's Top Chef episode featured a taco challenge because I've spent the past week in a veritable taco-haze, eating those little nuggets of Mexican joy with reckless abandon. In fact, I'm in such a taco fever that I did the unthinkable: I tried to make some at home. The results were mixed.

Pictures of this grand culinary adventure, as well as some other Mexican-themed goodness, after the jump...