Recently in Things That Should Change Category
This weekend, Bravo made several announcements about its new and returning shows, and while all this was very exciting (viz. Gail Simmons), I couldn't help but notice one precious gem missing from the list. I'm talking, of course, about Top Design, the addictive reality competition that pitted interior designers and artists against each other in an effort to achieve the eponymous crown. Now, I'm not gonna lie: season one of this show was miserable. Need I remind you of its deliriously ridiculous send-off line? Maybe I do: "See you later, decorator." Seriously. That's what Jonathan Adler, a giant in interior design, was forced to say every single week.
Not only was the tagline lame, but the challenges were too, often confined to the grim trappings of Los Angeles's Pacific Design Center. This was not compelling TV.
Then came season two, which really came down to two words: India Hicks. The daughter of LORD DAVID HICKS (as she was fond of noting), India was a joy to watch, made even more so by a revamped format and look. Suddenly the crappy third cousin of Top Chef was now kind of awesome. The best change of all? The withering new sendoff that was as harsh as the previous one was silly. Seriously, I don't think there's been a goodbye in reality TV that has been so deflating, so devastating, and so utterly soul-destroying as what India Hicks seethed for several weeks on end. And so in memoriam of this fun show, I present to you the vicious elimination line in all its British glory (click the video above). Godspeed Top Design. Godspeed.
TV By The Numbers: Bravo Expands Unscripted Programming By 20% And Unveils Premiere Dates For Returning Shows
The Los Angeles crew lost a vital member of its community today. And by vital, I mean "stocky, even-keeled, and generally assholish." Yes, I'm talking about the beloved IndianJones, who is currently driving northward to the icy climes of San Francisco where he has taken a job with Internet giant Yahoo! (exclamation theirs, not mine). These will be trying times for our group (formerly called the Lametourage until very recently when we decided that The VC, or Vicious Circle, best describes our badinage and dynamic). Point is, without IndianJones, we lose that certain je ne sais quoi (ironic since he hates the French). Who's gonna be the first one to tell us that a girl is fat? Who's gonna come over and turn off the oven timer FOR NO GOOD REASON WHEN SOMETHING IS BAKING? And who's gonna babble incessantly about the multi-faceted glories of Tom Brady? No one, I tell you. No one.
And so it was with a heavy heart that The VC said its goodbyes to IndianJones last night. Burgers, kir royales, and macaroons were had (followed by awkward hugging — IndianJones doesn't like personal contact). However, just because IndianJones is gone doesn't mean he's forgotten. In honor of his two influential years here in Los Angeles, I've gone back through my archives and dug out the best IndianJones photos I could find (and let me tell you, compared to my iPhoto library, these are just the tip of the iceberg).
Enjoy, if you would, this tribute to the man, the myth, the Masshole.
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For the past few days, I've been bedridden with an intermittent fever, and being the judicious hypochondriac that I am, I decided to get it checked out today. After all, I wouldn't want to come down with the SWINE FLU. Luckily, I don't have that (YET). But I do have pneumonia. I've been ordered to rest in bed for the next week; so I fear this may put a slight damper on my posting schedule / output. Blech.
Luckily I have moral support from Sly, who just wrote me, "I had it while working on an archaeological dig in Cyprus and had to sleep sitting up, it was so bad. On the plus side, i got out of sifting duty, b/c the dust plume would have killed me."
Alas.
I must now repair to the bed. Thank you for your patience.
Nooooooo!!!!
It was all looking so wonderful. I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! had a dream cast in the works: Heidi, Spencer, Sanjaya, Dog The Bounty Hunter, Janice Dickinson, and of course, the biggest piece of the puzzle — the glue, the glory, the hair — Rod Blagojevich. But today, a judge informed the disgraced former governor that he was not allowed to participate in the show because he "wasn't taking his criminal case seriously and because he needs to participate in his own defense." And to that judge, I say STFU! Listen, if this guy wants to screw up his entire defense by going on a reality show this summer, that's his choice. Who cares if he's not taking it seriously? That's his problem, not yours.
I am extremely disappointed in not just these turn of events, but the legal system as a whole. One word: petition.
For more information, check out Joe Adalian's TV Week article here.
I'm really loving this latest season of The Amazing Race, but when it comes to building buzz on the Internet, CBS seems all backward. Absolutely none of the show's videos can be embedded, and that goes for previews of upcoming episodes. What sort of marketing genius thought that up? Wouldn't CBS want previews to be accessible on every site on the Internet? I imagine some myopic supervisor thought that by disabling embedding, it would draw traffic to CBS.com, but if there's anything I learned from my TVgasm days, it's that readers don't like to do anything that's inconvenient. Specifically, if you make content difficult to reach, it simply won't be reached.
It's bad enough that CBS posts only a handful of photos from each Amazing Race episode (usually three to four days after a show airs), but to deprive the blogosphere of usable video? That just seems cruel and unusual. It's especially maddening when compared to how accessible the network makes content for Big Brother. When that show is in season, the webmasters deluge us with images (upwards of a hundred per episode) and video that can be embedded. Why the change of heart for Amazing Race?
Awful.
(For a good recap, click here)
Free Starbucks!
Two weeks ago, I implored all of America to revolt against Starbucks and their straw-destroying lids. I was hoping to generate a crusade or at least a low-grade revolution, but sadly, the cause never really caught on with Digg and whatnot. Still, I got some traction — getting linkage from Eater LA and Serious Eats and some other blogs. Reading the comments on those sites, I was struck by how many people thought it was their fault that they couldn't get their straws through their lids. Fear not, my fellow countrymen. It's not you. It's them. Shame on any corporation who lets the consumer take the blame for their own shortcomings!
Luckily, Starbucks has shown slight remorse. After I complained on their website, a customer representative sent me coupons for two free drinks. This is a step in the right direction. I would like to publicly thank Starbucks for throwing me a minor bone. Of course, while I'm always happy to get free nourishment, but I must face the realization that all I'm going to do is march over to the nearest 'bucks, order a mocha frapuccino, and face the dreaded lid ALL OVER AGAIN. I suppose I could request the alternative domed lid, but honestly, why should I change my habits for their poor plastic choices? I refuse! Vive la resistance!
Nevertheless, I'll keep all updated on the Starbucks front...
Over the past several months, Starbucks Coffee has been revamping its stores and practices, and among the many changes customers have seen, one of the most peevish has to be the new plastic lids used for cold beverages. At first glance, they look like all the other standard lids, but upon further inspection, these plastic disks prove to be nothing more than stubborn coffee cock-blocks. That's right, the plastic tops do little but impede thirsty drinkers on their quest for caffeinated goodness. They are horrendous, awful, and quite possibly forged in the depths of hell. I hate them, and I've decided to start a crusade to get Starbucks to shift manufacturers so that we the people can enjoy our iced lattes and frappucinos with ease once again.
A detailed, step-by-step photographic case against the lids after the jump...
Hold me closer, tiny ice cream.
My heart skipped a beat today when I saw that there'd be a brand new flavor rolling out of the Ben & Jerry's factory this month. Surely I would have to sample this latest batch of frozen paradise. But then I learned a horrid, horrid truth. The new flavor would only be available for one week... and only in VERMONT.
Why, Ben & Jerry's? WHY? Adding insult to injury, the new flavor looks oh-so-good. Titled "Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road" as an ode to Elton John (who'll be playing his first Vermont concert this month), the ice cream features "an outrageous symphony of decadent chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks."
Me == salivating at the mouth.
I can't believe such an affable organization as Ben & Jerry's would deign to tease us with this flavor, knowing that only a small population of the country will have access to it — and only for a limited time at that! It's not right, I tell you. It's not right! Ice cream flavors should last longer than a candle in the wind, if you will. Don't let the sun go down on me, Ben & Jerry's! The circle of life for this ice cream should be longer, more expansive! I want to eat it at the club at the end of the street!!!
Okay, I'll stop.
For more on this unlawful ice cream situation, check out the full article here.
Major non-props to CBS and The CW, who have both apparently pulled their feeds from RedLasso. This means all my clips of Gossip Girl and The Late Show with David Letterman have been yanked. I discovered this just now when I attempted to create a clip of last night's Letterman, which featured Mary-Kate Olsen bashing Spencer Pratt (and Dave in turn calling him a "worm.") Alas, because of this CBS-RedLasso impasse, I find my hands tied. Sure, I know it's probably available on YouTube, but since I'm stickin' it to the man these days, I'm gonna refrain from seeking alternative video sources and let CBS reel from the ANTI-BUZZ. Furthermore, I'm going to post a clip from a rival entertainment source as further punishment.
So... Ha!
Unbelievable as it may be, today marks the four year anniversary of Janet Jackson's notorious nip-slip, a seminal event which ushered in a new (read: ridiculous) movement of media conservatism. Suddenly, practically everything on TV was blurred and bleeped out, evangelical fringe groups were the new taste-makers, and the networks found themselves scrambling to defend benign depictions of teen orgies. (Seriously, they were benign!) On the upside, we did get a nifty new phrase ("wardrobe-malfunction"), and women across the land learned the value of a strategically placed sun ornament on the nipple. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... time flies and radical zealots suck.
Wow, this post certainly turned activisty. I guess that's what happens when I blog on an empty stomach. TO THE KITCHEN I GO!
Before I go any further, I probably should make a disclaimer. I'm not writing this post to be a dick. I am appreciative to all my friends who send me application invites, even if the applications themselves are retarded. It's a very kind gesture, and I'm certainly not intending to piss on people's good will and thoughtfulness. That being said, let's get down to business. Behold, the Facebook applications that should die:
